You’re framing this, and even titling it as your daughter is “lying.” Technically sure, but that’s not really the problem. It would be more accurate to say daughter is “mediating” and poorly so. She has one parent telling her one thing, another parent asking for another. She doesn’t want to say the wrong thing/provoke the wrong reactions. So she leaves things out, lies, trying to twist things etc.
The wording in our divorce settlement and custody agreement specifically says we shouldn't use our daughter as a go-between. I agree with this completely. I don't feel like me asking my daughter what she's got going on over the summer is "prying." It's a conversation. I've asked her friends the same questions.
And that good for you, but I’m not sure how relevant it is to the point I was trying for to get across. What I’m saying is, approaching this as “how do I get my daughter to stop lying” is not going to give a usable solution. Because if your daughter does tell the truth, then she will probably get “you told your mother that? I told you not to tell her that” regardless of whatever your settlement says. This signals to her that she did the “wrong” thing even though she told the truth.
What a wild comment thread this is, where the idea that we can't draw specific, clear-cut conclusions from three sentences from a secondhand source is an alien concept. Good grief... I will never understand how people will look at a sentence like "boy jumps overboard" and immediately think "abuse is the only explanation." Like what is this???
Many parents that are abusive are so because they have no impulse control. The child does something they don’t like, so they immediately hit or scream at the child. They do not stop and think “it’s in public I shouldn’t do this here.” There is no thinking involved with their actions, it’s just impulsive. And even if they did recognize that, they do not have the self control to hold back
I think you can still talk to your children about “prince charming” without having to add “or princess charming!” They won’t think gay parents are strange if at some other point you are acknowledging that other types of parings exist. If they do show interest in the opposite sex you can change course easily
I think you misread my comment. I’m saying if you show them different parings (gay and straight) they won’t think it’s strange. So just doing that is sufficient as opposite to telling the child they themselves might marry either gender
Honestly. He’s in an almost impossible position. The undercity is essentially lawless and there’s no way for enforcers to actually…enforce their power. Teaming up with Silco was probably the best he could do in maintaining some sort of peace.
I went to one last year that had a rule that crafts had to be handmade or at least altered by the seller in some way. Some people showed up and started unboxing stuff that was still in plastic packaging from China probably and they got kicked out.
Huh. Sounds kinda like my kid. I remember looking at her and thinking, huh I got a weird one. But I was never embarrassed. If anything I found it kind of endearing. Years later when she was an adult we found she had adhd so, might be a factor.
No I have an 11 year old and this is putting them in situations where something could happen they aren’t ready to be handle, School wants them to learn to dance, give dance and social behavior classes, not throwing them out on their own.
It’s a school dance. They’ll be supervised the whole time by teachers. It’s fine. I also don’t know why you think things like crushes are exclusive to this generation only.
A lot of high masking autistic women are misdiagnosed as adhd, bipolar, etc. May be worth talking to a professional who understands that making eye contact doesn't mean someone is not autistic and also knows what having both adhd and autism combined looks like. Often, adhd hides autism
So for me no. I never even went to college. However I had a friend who was involved in a black sorority and he is very close with all the members. He is pushing for his son to enter too. It’s one of the big ones and apparently he has a lot do good connections
My girls go to their grandma’s house and make eggs with their cousins. They fill the eggs with confetti. Then on Easter they run around cranking the eggs over each other’s heads
Whenever I make a wish (birthday candle/fountain) I quickly look back and see my kids and then pretend to be annoyed. “Ah it didn’t work, you’re all still here.”
As a native I’d love for indigenous mythology to gain more representation. And I mean actual respectful representation. Most time it’s just “according to this old Native American legend…the monster comes out on a full moon!” type crap in horror movies
Because I didn’t think to add it. It’s not something I have to tell them to do they just…do it naturally. As I said only rule I give them is, be working or in school. And I haven’t had any problems
You’re framing this, and even titling it as your daughter is “lying.” Technically sure, but that’s not really the problem. It would be more accurate to say daughter is “mediating” and poorly so. She has one parent telling her one thing, another parent asking for another. She doesn’t want to say the wrong thing/provoke the wrong reactions. So she leaves things out, lies, trying to twist things etc.
The wording in our divorce settlement and custody agreement specifically says we shouldn't use our daughter as a go-between. I agree with this completely. I don't feel like me asking my daughter what she's got going on over the summer is "prying." It's a conversation. I've asked her friends the same questions.
And that good for you, but I’m not sure how relevant it is to the point I was trying for to get across. What I’m saying is, approaching this as “how do I get my daughter to stop lying” is not going to give a usable solution. Because if your daughter does tell the truth, then she will probably get “you told your mother that? I told you not to tell her that” regardless of whatever your settlement says. This signals to her that she did the “wrong” thing even though she told the truth.
I wouldn't consider it unreasonable to ask that the door stay open for a stay-at-home movie date.
Yeah, it’s really just about politeness if anything. I don’t have sex in other people’s homes if there’s the possibility of them hearing me lol
Do you not have sex when your daughter is home either?
I’m not havin it in the middle of the day when the whole house is awake and movin. Which is really the main thing.
Best thing to do is use clothes with breathable material like linen or Cotten.
My thoughts exactly.
You dont know. You literally know nothing about what happened before this or anything about this child and his family.
What a wild comment thread this is, where the idea that we can't draw specific, clear-cut conclusions from three sentences from a secondhand source is an alien concept. Good grief... I will never understand how people will look at a sentence like "boy jumps overboard" and immediately think "abuse is the only explanation." Like what is this???
It’s insane. Imagine your child dies in front of you and everyone comes up with wild conspiracy theories of child abuse
Many parents that are abusive are so because they have no impulse control. The child does something they don’t like, so they immediately hit or scream at the child. They do not stop and think “it’s in public I shouldn’t do this here.” There is no thinking involved with their actions, it’s just impulsive. And even if they did recognize that, they do not have the self control to hold back
This brightened my day!
I think you can still talk to your children about “prince charming” without having to add “or princess charming!” They won’t think gay parents are strange if at some other point you are acknowledging that other types of parings exist. If they do show interest in the opposite sex you can change course easily
I think you misread my comment. I’m saying if you show them different parings (gay and straight) they won’t think it’s strange. So just doing that is sufficient as opposite to telling the child they themselves might marry either gender
Honestly. He’s in an almost impossible position. The undercity is essentially lawless and there’s no way for enforcers to actually…enforce their power. Teaming up with Silco was probably the best he could do in maintaining some sort of peace.
I don’t see how an ID would solve that. Just showing a family photo would be more effective
Haha Thank you! We found out yesterday its a girl
Congrats man. You will gain a new best buddy……and loose the ability to say no lol.
Try the queens country farm museum powwow
I went to one last year that had a rule that crafts had to be handmade or at least altered by the seller in some way. Some people showed up and started unboxing stuff that was still in plastic packaging from China probably and they got kicked out.
That’s good to hear!
For sure. The more cheap crap is available, the less reason there is to make and sell quality things.
You are correct. Quite depressing.
Huh. Sounds kinda like my kid. I remember looking at her and thinking, huh I got a weird one. But I was never embarrassed. If anything I found it kind of endearing. Years later when she was an adult we found she had adhd so, might be a factor.
No I have an 11 year old and this is putting them in situations where something could happen they aren’t ready to be handle, School wants them to learn to dance, give dance and social behavior classes, not throwing them out on their own.
Lol. School dances aren’t for learning to dance. They’re just mini parties for kids.
It’s a school dance. They’ll be supervised the whole time by teachers. It’s fine. I also don’t know why you think things like crushes are exclusive to this generation only.
A lot of high masking autistic women are misdiagnosed as adhd, bipolar, etc. May be worth talking to a professional who understands that making eye contact doesn't mean someone is not autistic and also knows what having both adhd and autism combined looks like. Often, adhd hides autism
She is definitely bipolar. She took SSRIs which caused hypomania
So sorry to hear this!
Thank you. I will say that she’s a tough cookie and we’re working through it.
So for me no. I never even went to college. However I had a friend who was involved in a black sorority and he is very close with all the members. He is pushing for his son to enter too. It’s one of the big ones and apparently he has a lot do good connections
We just had so much hope in the late 80s. Back then, it just felt like things were only going up.
My girls go to their grandma’s house and make eggs with their cousins. They fill the eggs with confetti. Then on Easter they run around cranking the eggs over each other’s heads
Whenever I make a wish (birthday candle/fountain) I quickly look back and see my kids and then pretend to be annoyed. “Ah it didn’t work, you’re all still here.”
Percy Jackson series?
Try Daedalus and Icarus. Classic story with a clear message
As a native I’d love for indigenous mythology to gain more representation. And I mean actual respectful representation. Most time it’s just “according to this old Native American legend…the monster comes out on a full moon!” type crap in horror movies
No helping around the house or anything?
I mean, they already know to do that. Since they’ve been doing chores since they were small
Your comment doesn't say that though, hence why I asked.
Because I didn’t think to add it. It’s not something I have to tell them to do they just…do it naturally. As I said only rule I give them is, be working or in school. And I haven’t had any problems
Fair enough