I don't and will not resort to it but I totally get it. Women have a habit of bait and switching with relationships and especially marriage. The loving, sweet, fun and sexual woman slowly turns cold, hostile and dismissive. Now, there can certainly be valid reasons why she does but by and large men are what you see is what you get. That doesn't seem to work for most women. They expect their man to grow with them. And not only that, they're not going to make it known what that growth should look like because then they would feel like your mother.
I've always said thank you. Offer to split as well, but when he says "I got it" I will always say thank you. Was recently dating a man for 6 months, he wanted to take care of me and would always pay (I took charge of a few dinners because I wanted to return his kindness and show I care and appreciate) and even then so, 6 months worth of dates and still ended every single one with a thank you and a kiss
You were the backup, kept on the back burner. Now that the situation didn't pan out, she's back to try to fill that space again. I've been in this spot with the same person twice. He wasted 1.5 years of my time like this. If she isn't giving the kind of communication you need, she won't give it in the future either. My best advice would be to continue seeing and dating other girls and be thankful she removed herself from your path. These little red flags we ignore in the beginning, tend to be the very things that bring us down in the end. Best of luck!
i see you put "awake", is it a false positive? like did my heart rate increase in my sleep so it thought I was awake? I do indeed wake up alot & am going to sleep therapy clinic appointment next month hopefully but this is quite strange to me, what do u think it is?
We aren't aware we are awake. I move around a lot in my sleep..I'm technically not fully conscious and fully awake but my heart rate does rise as well with the moving around. We do wake up more than we remember at times so it actually is probably accurate. You can check the duration of time..it usually isn't for very long at a time. Many times yes but not for long stretches of time
Hmm interesting... being awake multiple times is really really bad tho no? it means i get little to no long continuous periods of deep/REM right? isnt that horrible for me? or is that not an important factor (being interrupted)? what does your average chart look like if you dont mind me asking?
Cut him off. He's not giving you what you want. This early on seeing these signs is a clear sign this isn't for you. If he can't be consistent with you, even if it's just a text conversation then you need to think about whether or not you're ok with this. Because if you continue to entertain him - this exact behavior will continue from him because you're showing him it's "ok"
Just ghost him. He knows exactly what he's doing. I've called guys out on behavior like this and it changes absolutely nothing, don't give him any more of your time. BLOCK & DELETE!
You should be clear. It gets messy when people assume you're looking for something different. My advice would be upfront about what you want and what you're looking for so that no one has a different expectation from you
Don't put all of your eggs in one basket. Date more than one person and don't cut anyone off (unless you really don't click) until you develop a strong enough connection with one person and vice versa. Trouble with the apps is many options always readily available. So like the other two commenters said, multi-date!
If you already know he just wants FWB, I think you have your answer. It seems like maybe you want more out of this than just that - even if you're not seeing it. You should probably talk to him if you want more than just a casual situation. If you're worried he might run, but just stick around because you like hanging out with him, you'll end up getting hurt in the long run.
Nope! I dated someone for 6 years. He had an injury as well where he had surgery and had a scar similar to what you're explaining. Never thought anything of it at all!
I'd say the best way is to honestly just not think about it, close your eyes and be in the moment. I had no practice making out either (first partner ever wasn't very affectionate that way, pecks a lot as well) and I met someone and was like you. Nervous. But on a super cute romantic date he leaned in to kiss and I just went with it. We made out for over an hour and it was amazing! You just have to get out of your thoughts! Your body will guide you :)
In my personal opinion (straight female here) I don't. To me it's somewhat intimidating. I wouldn't knock him down before getting to know him but 100% I would feel slightly intimidated. I think it's all about personal preference, every one is different. Some might hate gigaChad. Others might be obsessed. And another portion might be indifferent.
Thank you for giving us some hope! Had been starting to feel like maybe I missed the boat on the good guy convention and there were no more available. Thanks for sharing this!
He's not respecting your boundaries. That's not ok. I'm not sure if this is your boyfriend or casual situation, friends with benefits etc. But irregardless, this isn't acceptable behavior. If you said you didn't want any "sexual" undertone he should respect that.
In these situations, sometimes people (both men and women are guilty of this) like to test the waters again, just to see if they can still reach you. You know what I mean? They don't really want you but like to know you're not far out of their reach. Kind of like a "I still got it." It's a messed up way to be, but I've found this to be very very common these days. People do a lot of random things to satisfy their own motives and objectives.
It seems very nonchalant. Just like being considerate to let her know she text'd the wrong person. And he left it at that. Didn't go into details or anything about you're broken up blah blah whatever. Just "not her/wrong number" nothing in there makes it seem like he's still interested in you
No. Especially if meeting this person from an app. I don't feel safe. Not knowing much about them and who they are, big no no. I would probably reject going out if I was asked our to hang at his place for a first date, automatically looks like all he wants is sex
If he runs, you dodged a bullet. You're most likely than not just a bootycall. It sucks when your feelings are involved. The low effort in not getting out together much, is camouflaged by spending sweet time in together. I know it's sucks, so I'd suggest you find out sooner or later. Ask him, that way you can move on if that's what you choose.
You are right, it would be best to just ask, know what the situation is and take it from there. If I'm honest I'm okay with FWB if I know that's the boundary. I guess that's why they say communication is key!
I'm with you. Sucks big time. And everyone is so desensitized, you talk about this and all you get is "that's how guys are these days" "that's how dating is" like fuck - why is that? It like we can't feel this way because "that's how it is" such bullshit.
Hello
And it stopped now again
We'll investigate and I'll return back to you
Thank you
Exactly!!!
If it starts working magically for you, can you let me know? Please
Apparently they started working overnight cuz I had notifications when I woke up this morning
Mine just started showing up too, thanks for letting me know!
Key phrase is “seemingly good long term relationships”
Absolutely, we really don't know what's actually happening on the inside while we're standing out here looking in..thank you!
I don't and will not resort to it but I totally get it. Women have a habit of bait and switching with relationships and especially marriage. The loving, sweet, fun and sexual woman slowly turns cold, hostile and dismissive. Now, there can certainly be valid reasons why she does but by and large men are what you see is what you get. That doesn't seem to work for most women. They expect their man to grow with them. And not only that, they're not going to make it known what that growth should look like because then they would feel like your mother.
Makes complete sense, thank you for your input
Feel free to send a DM if you need someone to talk to, going through the same. Sending well wishes!
I've always said thank you. Offer to split as well, but when he says "I got it" I will always say thank you. Was recently dating a man for 6 months, he wanted to take care of me and would always pay (I took charge of a few dinners because I wanted to return his kindness and show I care and appreciate) and even then so, 6 months worth of dates and still ended every single one with a thank you and a kiss
Absolutely. Every single day I wonder how they've made it thus far in life...
You were the backup, kept on the back burner. Now that the situation didn't pan out, she's back to try to fill that space again. I've been in this spot with the same person twice. He wasted 1.5 years of my time like this. If she isn't giving the kind of communication you need, she won't give it in the future either. My best advice would be to continue seeing and dating other girls and be thankful she removed herself from your path. These little red flags we ignore in the beginning, tend to be the very things that bring us down in the end. Best of luck!
Every. Single. Day.
i see you put "awake", is it a false positive? like did my heart rate increase in my sleep so it thought I was awake? I do indeed wake up alot & am going to sleep therapy clinic appointment next month hopefully but this is quite strange to me, what do u think it is?
We aren't aware we are awake. I move around a lot in my sleep..I'm technically not fully conscious and fully awake but my heart rate does rise as well with the moving around. We do wake up more than we remember at times so it actually is probably accurate. You can check the duration of time..it usually isn't for very long at a time. Many times yes but not for long stretches of time
Hmm interesting... being awake multiple times is really really bad tho no? it means i get little to no long continuous periods of deep/REM right? isnt that horrible for me? or is that not an important factor (being interrupted)? what does your average chart look like if you dont mind me asking?
I'll send you a private message, no worries
Cut him off. He's not giving you what you want. This early on seeing these signs is a clear sign this isn't for you. If he can't be consistent with you, even if it's just a text conversation then you need to think about whether or not you're ok with this. Because if you continue to entertain him - this exact behavior will continue from him because you're showing him it's "ok"
I agree but should I ghost him or call him out on this behavior and cut him off?
Just ghost him. He knows exactly what he's doing. I've called guys out on behavior like this and it changes absolutely nothing, don't give him any more of your time. BLOCK & DELETE!
You should be clear. It gets messy when people assume you're looking for something different. My advice would be upfront about what you want and what you're looking for so that no one has a different expectation from you
Don't put all of your eggs in one basket. Date more than one person and don't cut anyone off (unless you really don't click) until you develop a strong enough connection with one person and vice versa. Trouble with the apps is many options always readily available. So like the other two commenters said, multi-date!
If you already know he just wants FWB, I think you have your answer. It seems like maybe you want more out of this than just that - even if you're not seeing it. You should probably talk to him if you want more than just a casual situation. If you're worried he might run, but just stick around because you like hanging out with him, you'll end up getting hurt in the long run.
Nope! I dated someone for 6 years. He had an injury as well where he had surgery and had a scar similar to what you're explaining. Never thought anything of it at all!
I'd say the best way is to honestly just not think about it, close your eyes and be in the moment. I had no practice making out either (first partner ever wasn't very affectionate that way, pecks a lot as well) and I met someone and was like you. Nervous. But on a super cute romantic date he leaned in to kiss and I just went with it. We made out for over an hour and it was amazing! You just have to get out of your thoughts! Your body will guide you :)
He is the fucking red flag. Run away
THIS.
In my personal opinion (straight female here) I don't. To me it's somewhat intimidating. I wouldn't knock him down before getting to know him but 100% I would feel slightly intimidated. I think it's all about personal preference, every one is different. Some might hate gigaChad. Others might be obsessed. And another portion might be indifferent.
Thank you for giving us some hope! Had been starting to feel like maybe I missed the boat on the good guy convention and there were no more available. Thanks for sharing this!
He's not respecting your boundaries. That's not ok. I'm not sure if this is your boyfriend or casual situation, friends with benefits etc. But irregardless, this isn't acceptable behavior. If you said you didn't want any "sexual" undertone he should respect that.
In these situations, sometimes people (both men and women are guilty of this) like to test the waters again, just to see if they can still reach you. You know what I mean? They don't really want you but like to know you're not far out of their reach. Kind of like a "I still got it." It's a messed up way to be, but I've found this to be very very common these days. People do a lot of random things to satisfy their own motives and objectives.
It seems very nonchalant. Just like being considerate to let her know she text'd the wrong person. And he left it at that. Didn't go into details or anything about you're broken up blah blah whatever. Just "not her/wrong number" nothing in there makes it seem like he's still interested in you
Yes it's a blow off, he's moved on
Before/ after a new partner is always good as a staple. Then if with the same person, if it's a casual situation every 3 months is generally good.
No. Especially if meeting this person from an app. I don't feel safe. Not knowing much about them and who they are, big no no. I would probably reject going out if I was asked our to hang at his place for a first date, automatically looks like all he wants is sex
If he runs, you dodged a bullet. You're most likely than not just a bootycall. It sucks when your feelings are involved. The low effort in not getting out together much, is camouflaged by spending sweet time in together. I know it's sucks, so I'd suggest you find out sooner or later. Ask him, that way you can move on if that's what you choose.
You are right, it would be best to just ask, know what the situation is and take it from there. If I'm honest I'm okay with FWB if I know that's the boundary. I guess that's why they say communication is key!
Good luck with it :)
I'm with you. Sucks big time. And everyone is so desensitized, you talk about this and all you get is "that's how guys are these days" "that's how dating is" like fuck - why is that? It like we can't feel this way because "that's how it is" such bullshit.