Very much the same. I broke it off with my on again, off again ex when I finally had enough of the pull and deactivated. We work together so we have to have a relationship but we're now just friends. I will never put myself in that situation with him again. The trust is just gone from being burned too many times. I think that's inevitable when both FAs aren't actively working on regulating their feelings within a romantic relationship.
It depends how long until your ultimate kitchen reno but I put down those interlocking foam gym mats in my kitchen over 70s linoleum for about a year and they worked well.
I live in the same place OP is talking about. My housing costs are about $200 more a month than the above poster outlined and I've built the same equity over the same time period. Rents are going for $3500/mth for the equivalent.
It's a security and long term stability thing for me. I don't care about owning property per se, actually I don't really want the responsibility, but I was reno-victed a few years ago and it sucked being that powerless. I am worried that rents will keep going up, how will I be able to afford to move if it happens again - hell I can't afford to move now for a new job because housing is too expensive so its not worth it - and long term what about when I'm old, what about retirement (or illness or disability) if I still have to cough up so much in rent each month? And it kind of hurts to pay so much money towards my landlord's mortgage rather than building my own equity.
It's this. My housing costs go DOWN every year I pay off more of my mortgage. I have incentive to put extra towards my mortgage as I will pay it off in 10 years instead of 20. Living nearly housing cost-free (still gotta pay strata fees/property tax/incidental repairs) but my monthly costs would be about $600 meanwhile rents are only going up and that's if you are lucky enough to stay in the same place and not be forced to move every few years. In 10 years I can put all that would-be mortgage money into retirement savings. I can travel more. I can buy a fancier car. It's all a financial leg-up over endless rent payments and yearly increases. A mortgage is financial sacrifice in the short term for long-term housing and financial stability.
I'd probably visit a museum or gallery during the day, wander to a nice park if the sun was out and chill on a park bench with a really good, local coffee. Then hit up some trendy bar in the evening for an expensive glass of wine and order a Chicago deep dish pizza to go and eat the entire thing in the privacy of my hotel room like the rabid raccoon that I really am.
Sorry, but liability does not solely fall on the "attending practitioner." The higher license level always has some responsibility no matter their role in patient care... Which is why employers love split crews: half the pay, all the responsibility.
Samesies. I'd love to try the D mannose to avoid antibiotic over use but I'm so traumatized that I don't want to deviate from what works. Did you ever try it?
Exactly this. You get better at saying no by saying no. It sounds too simple and also scary to just start but it's true. You say no, and then you self reflect that nothing bad happened to you because of it. In fact, you probably avoided bad things and bad people because you said no instead of going along with something you're not comfortable with. That's how you positively reinforce yourself.
I also only just started with press ons as I am super hard on my nails and was looking for a way to protect them from breaking at work. So far I've tried Kiss brush on nail glue (brushed both the nail and the press on) and glamnetic nail glue. Both had my thumbnails popping off in less than 12 hours. Yesterday I did a set with BIAB and these babies feel SOLID. I'm 24+ hours with all nails intact and I've had a shower and opened soda/pop cans (albeit with slightly modified technique). There is zero visible lifting. I still don't believe they will last through one of my workdays but for the average press on user I think this is the way.
If a mac 4 blade works for YOU I would not change it but I'd hesitate to give this advice out as a blanket statement (especially to newer practitioners) given the evidence that a 4 blade results in poorer views and less first pass success compared to a 3.
What I will say is that it takes a lot of courage to live the life that you truly want to live. Since your career/money is an issue right now, work on that first. Life, especially in NYC, is more fun when you have a few dollars to throw around. Also, being financially secure will give you more confidence, I have experienced. I’m in my mid 30s and sometimes grieve the life that I lost in my 20s because so much shit happened to me—things that my family wouldn’t even believe if I told them. I feel like I lost the prime of my life. But life has to go on. Take some time to write down all the things that you dream of experiencing. That is step 1. Then start taking baby steps to accomplish those things. I love to cross off the list of things I am doing and it feels so good to do that. Life is for the living. Stop feeling badly for yourself and take control of what you can. Sending you lots of hugs and positive vibes.
Grieving a job loss when it has been a large part of your successful identity is tough too. It takes time to re-center and get over that sort of thing. I second making a list of all the possibilities that are now open to you. Not only can it help with a feeling of accomplishment when you start to do those little things but it can help reframe this change into an opportunity rather than a set back. Good luck OP!
Dashing Diva and Lilly and Fox are my go-to. I find Dashing Diva more expensive with lots of ridiculous packaging. Lily and Fox takes longer for shipping (Canada) but the price point is way better and they have a bigger design selection.
When doing online dating I'd personally rather meet up fairly quickly. I guess I'd rather "waste my time" on a date than "waste my time" chatting ad nauseam with someone just to find out a week/weeks later that there's no chemistry.
Exactly. An hour meet up once versus 20 ten minute conversations is much less time wasted. Plus I find I'm much less prone to limerance (another huge mental time waster) if we meet in person quickly.
Not saying that this is the case with your ex but I will add my perspective as someone who used to be a total bitch to friends and boyfriends I took on family vacations:
Finally got to see my therapist today after many months of waiting. I started going to her in the latter half of 2023 to help deal with the passing of my father and to also help with navigating the deteriorating relationship between me and my ex. I’ve had bad luck with therapists in the past and didn’t realize finding the right one was almost similar to finding the right partner haha. Our last session was in early December and at that point me and my ex were still together but very much on our last leg. And while my therapist didn’t outright say “dump her”, conversations politely led to that path. She ended up going on a months long trip after Xmas and double booked some patients when she returned (me included), so waiting until March felt like an eternity.
Pre-nup. Co-habitation agreement. Lots of legal ways around not losing half your stuff. If you avoid potential happiness because you're afraid of potential sadness then you're guaranteeing never being happy. The emotional risk will always be there but there are certainly ways to proactively make yourself feel secure financially.
The gigantic revolutionary idea that we all seem too abused and traumatized to consider: Licensed supervisors can take a fucking assignment until coverage arrives.
My fav is when patients get shipped out 100's of km for temporary staffing shortages... You know how much a medevac costs at night? More than an RN at 3x for a few hours till day shift coverage.... At least the staffing minimums are province-wide and not just for the north.
Lol currently sifting through all of the ghosting posts. I guess my confusion is mostly that it was something I expected from that person. They seemed very emotionally secure and took accountability. I had been seeing this person for 3 months and then a week ago he completely disappeared and has not answered any attempts at contact, so I'm assuming I have now been ghosted
Alright, alright, I have been glib in some of my other replies but my points still stand about where I'm at currently. But I get where YOU'RE at. I had a relationship a few years ago where I was ghosted after we had explicitly had a convo about how rude ghosting was (he was older in his 40s and we had a prior friendly relationship).
Depends. As I said, I'm busy. Dating for multiple months can mean I've actually been on only 3 dates with the person. I'll make time for those that make time for me... And if neither of us have time then the relationship is never going to be a priority for either of us. I think this is the reality of dating over 30.
There are 2 things that have been shown to increase the odds of achieving ROSC. Minimizing interupptions on high quality cpr and defibrillation. Peds are no different than adults. We don't transport adult cardiac arrests without rosc and we shouldn't be transporting pediatric cardiac arrests unless there is a reversible cause identified where the hospital can provide a treatment that we can't. Such as a hypothermic arrest or the ingestion of certain toxins.
I would slightly correct that peds are no different in that the cause is often respiratory, but the point that high quality, consistent ventilations/CPR still stands. Not sure how many people can think/claim that they can get a good mask seal or adequately assess chest rise with an EGD while bumping down the road.
The only way to access the back yard is going through the strata building itself. that's why if I have to care for the back yard I have to drag the lawnmower through the house seems silly...thanks
It might seem silly but sheds are often attractive housing for vermin. Then the strata has to spend money (YOUR money) to get rid of them. Alternatively, a shed can be a lot of things. Maybe you're just thinking of something small to store your lawnmower but your neighbour wants some 15 foot monstrosity that blocks any and all sunlight from entering your yard. The strata is there to protect owners from having to pay for damage to common property and to ensure that owners are all able to enjoy their property the way it is intended.
Thank you for finally posting about a relationship that I recognize. I am finally embracing that I am happy in these relationships instead of making myself crazy by forcing anxiety-inducing long-term relationships. My FWB have been 12, 11 and 8 years long. Like, nothing actually short-term and they are very much like you describe. They get paused for serious relationships with no hard feelings and they've only ended when the spark has just kind of faded. I'm annoyed at your friend for being a judgy-pants and making you doubt a relationship that makes you happy just because she doesn't understand it.
When I was going through a hard time it helped when someone acknowledged my pain and suffering. Life is hard. What happened to you is hard. It's okay to feel broken, sad, scared, or whatever other negative emotions you may feel... But that also means you need to be gentle with yourself because you're healing. You can't continue to mentally beat yourself up while you're struggling. You do what you can, when you can and you honour your body and spirit for putting forth whatever effort it can muster. I talked to myself like I would a scared child or a young puppy venturing out into the world. "It's okay, you just have to try it. We'll stop if it's too much and I'll still be proud of you." And then I praised the fuck out of myself for any little accomplishment because I deserved it for what I was going through.
This may or may not work, but maybe worth a shot: have you tried setting a timer for the length of time he specifies? Like say "sure 5 mins" and then walk to the stove and put a timer on for 5 mins. Set a timer on your phone and leave it in the same room. Then no bugging him about it for the 5 mins. At least you will get peace for that length of time and then it's the timeframe that HE specified that does the reminding for you. I mean, no guarantees that he doesn't start whining for another 5 minutes like some 4 year old at bedtime but (I would hope) after a while the same alarm always going off would be annoying AF and he'll realize that he should just do the thing when asked instead of being disrupted by his own stupid delays.
I'm FA who also almost always leans anxious in romantic relationships because I usually go for avoidants. I lean avoidant with my family/friends.
Very much the same. I broke it off with my on again, off again ex when I finally had enough of the pull and deactivated. We work together so we have to have a relationship but we're now just friends. I will never put myself in that situation with him again. The trust is just gone from being burned too many times. I think that's inevitable when both FAs aren't actively working on regulating their feelings within a romantic relationship.
It depends how long until your ultimate kitchen reno but I put down those interlocking foam gym mats in my kitchen over 70s linoleum for about a year and they worked well.
Where do you live? Here in California, it costs way more to own a home!
I live in the same place OP is talking about. My housing costs are about $200 more a month than the above poster outlined and I've built the same equity over the same time period. Rents are going for $3500/mth for the equivalent.
It's a security and long term stability thing for me. I don't care about owning property per se, actually I don't really want the responsibility, but I was reno-victed a few years ago and it sucked being that powerless. I am worried that rents will keep going up, how will I be able to afford to move if it happens again - hell I can't afford to move now for a new job because housing is too expensive so its not worth it - and long term what about when I'm old, what about retirement (or illness or disability) if I still have to cough up so much in rent each month? And it kind of hurts to pay so much money towards my landlord's mortgage rather than building my own equity.
It's this. My housing costs go DOWN every year I pay off more of my mortgage. I have incentive to put extra towards my mortgage as I will pay it off in 10 years instead of 20. Living nearly housing cost-free (still gotta pay strata fees/property tax/incidental repairs) but my monthly costs would be about $600 meanwhile rents are only going up and that's if you are lucky enough to stay in the same place and not be forced to move every few years. In 10 years I can put all that would-be mortgage money into retirement savings. I can travel more. I can buy a fancier car. It's all a financial leg-up over endless rent payments and yearly increases. A mortgage is financial sacrifice in the short term for long-term housing and financial stability.
Awww sorry to hear about Basil. Glad you were there for him. I'll be sure to cheers my next espresso martini in Big Basil's memory!
Turning 33 soon and I’ve booked myself a solo trip to Chicago. Never been there before.
I'd probably visit a museum or gallery during the day, wander to a nice park if the sun was out and chill on a park bench with a really good, local coffee. Then hit up some trendy bar in the evening for an expensive glass of wine and order a Chicago deep dish pizza to go and eat the entire thing in the privacy of my hotel room like the rabid raccoon that I really am.
The more diplomatic way of approaching it is saying this:
Sorry, but liability does not solely fall on the "attending practitioner." The higher license level always has some responsibility no matter their role in patient care... Which is why employers love split crews: half the pay, all the responsibility.
I'm on a prophylactic antibiotic that I take post sex. I'm extremely prone to utis and this fixed it forever
Samesies. I'd love to try the D mannose to avoid antibiotic over use but I'm so traumatized that I don't want to deviate from what works. Did you ever try it?
D mannose didn't work for me...
Rats. Thanks for the info, guess I'll just stick to the status quo!
[удалено]
Exactly this. You get better at saying no by saying no. It sounds too simple and also scary to just start but it's true. You say no, and then you self reflect that nothing bad happened to you because of it. In fact, you probably avoided bad things and bad people because you said no instead of going along with something you're not comfortable with. That's how you positively reinforce yourself.
I also only just started with press ons as I am super hard on my nails and was looking for a way to protect them from breaking at work. So far I've tried Kiss brush on nail glue (brushed both the nail and the press on) and glamnetic nail glue. Both had my thumbnails popping off in less than 12 hours. Yesterday I did a set with BIAB and these babies feel SOLID. I'm 24+ hours with all nails intact and I've had a shower and opened soda/pop cans (albeit with slightly modified technique). There is zero visible lifting. I still don't believe they will last through one of my workdays but for the average press on user I think this is the way.
If a mac 4 blade works for YOU I would not change it but I'd hesitate to give this advice out as a blanket statement (especially to newer practitioners) given the evidence that a 4 blade results in poorer views and less first pass success compared to a 3.
What I will say is that it takes a lot of courage to live the life that you truly want to live. Since your career/money is an issue right now, work on that first. Life, especially in NYC, is more fun when you have a few dollars to throw around. Also, being financially secure will give you more confidence, I have experienced. I’m in my mid 30s and sometimes grieve the life that I lost in my 20s because so much shit happened to me—things that my family wouldn’t even believe if I told them. I feel like I lost the prime of my life. But life has to go on. Take some time to write down all the things that you dream of experiencing. That is step 1. Then start taking baby steps to accomplish those things. I love to cross off the list of things I am doing and it feels so good to do that. Life is for the living. Stop feeling badly for yourself and take control of what you can. Sending you lots of hugs and positive vibes.
Grieving a job loss when it has been a large part of your successful identity is tough too. It takes time to re-center and get over that sort of thing. I second making a list of all the possibilities that are now open to you. Not only can it help with a feeling of accomplishment when you start to do those little things but it can help reframe this change into an opportunity rather than a set back. Good luck OP!
Those cuticles! 😍
Nothing Compares 2 U - Sinéad O'Connor
Bulk package of googly eyes and transpore tape.
Dashing Diva and Lilly and Fox are my go-to. I find Dashing Diva more expensive with lots of ridiculous packaging. Lily and Fox takes longer for shipping (Canada) but the price point is way better and they have a bigger design selection.
When doing online dating I'd personally rather meet up fairly quickly. I guess I'd rather "waste my time" on a date than "waste my time" chatting ad nauseam with someone just to find out a week/weeks later that there's no chemistry.
Exactly. An hour meet up once versus 20 ten minute conversations is much less time wasted. Plus I find I'm much less prone to limerance (another huge mental time waster) if we meet in person quickly.
Just came back from the worst vacation of my life with my off/on again relationship.
Not saying that this is the case with your ex but I will add my perspective as someone who used to be a total bitch to friends and boyfriends I took on family vacations:
Finally got to see my therapist today after many months of waiting. I started going to her in the latter half of 2023 to help deal with the passing of my father and to also help with navigating the deteriorating relationship between me and my ex. I’ve had bad luck with therapists in the past and didn’t realize finding the right one was almost similar to finding the right partner haha. Our last session was in early December and at that point me and my ex were still together but very much on our last leg. And while my therapist didn’t outright say “dump her”, conversations politely led to that path. She ended up going on a months long trip after Xmas and double booked some patients when she returned (me included), so waiting until March felt like an eternity.
Pre-nup. Co-habitation agreement. Lots of legal ways around not losing half your stuff. If you avoid potential happiness because you're afraid of potential sadness then you're guaranteeing never being happy. The emotional risk will always be there but there are certainly ways to proactively make yourself feel secure financially.
The gigantic revolutionary idea that we all seem too abused and traumatized to consider: Licensed supervisors can take a fucking assignment until coverage arrives.
My fav is when patients get shipped out 100's of km for temporary staffing shortages... You know how much a medevac costs at night? More than an RN at 3x for a few hours till day shift coverage.... At least the staffing minimums are province-wide and not just for the north.
Lol currently sifting through all of the ghosting posts. I guess my confusion is mostly that it was something I expected from that person. They seemed very emotionally secure and took accountability. I had been seeing this person for 3 months and then a week ago he completely disappeared and has not answered any attempts at contact, so I'm assuming I have now been ghosted
Alright, alright, I have been glib in some of my other replies but my points still stand about where I'm at currently. But I get where YOU'RE at. I had a relationship a few years ago where I was ghosted after we had explicitly had a convo about how rude ghosting was (he was older in his 40s and we had a prior friendly relationship).
Even when you were in a relationship with them and dated for multiple months?
Depends. As I said, I'm busy. Dating for multiple months can mean I've actually been on only 3 dates with the person. I'll make time for those that make time for me... And if neither of us have time then the relationship is never going to be a priority for either of us. I think this is the reality of dating over 30.
There are 2 things that have been shown to increase the odds of achieving ROSC. Minimizing interupptions on high quality cpr and defibrillation. Peds are no different than adults. We don't transport adult cardiac arrests without rosc and we shouldn't be transporting pediatric cardiac arrests unless there is a reversible cause identified where the hospital can provide a treatment that we can't. Such as a hypothermic arrest or the ingestion of certain toxins.
I would slightly correct that peds are no different in that the cause is often respiratory, but the point that high quality, consistent ventilations/CPR still stands. Not sure how many people can think/claim that they can get a good mask seal or adequately assess chest rise with an EGD while bumping down the road.
The only way to access the back yard is going through the strata building itself. that's why if I have to care for the back yard I have to drag the lawnmower through the house seems silly...thanks
It might seem silly but sheds are often attractive housing for vermin. Then the strata has to spend money (YOUR money) to get rid of them. Alternatively, a shed can be a lot of things. Maybe you're just thinking of something small to store your lawnmower but your neighbour wants some 15 foot monstrosity that blocks any and all sunlight from entering your yard. The strata is there to protect owners from having to pay for damage to common property and to ensure that owners are all able to enjoy their property the way it is intended.
Thank you for finally posting about a relationship that I recognize. I am finally embracing that I am happy in these relationships instead of making myself crazy by forcing anxiety-inducing long-term relationships. My FWB have been 12, 11 and 8 years long. Like, nothing actually short-term and they are very much like you describe. They get paused for serious relationships with no hard feelings and they've only ended when the spark has just kind of faded. I'm annoyed at your friend for being a judgy-pants and making you doubt a relationship that makes you happy just because she doesn't understand it.
I watch FF to fall asleep lol
But with your doors and windows all double locked, right?! 😳
When I was going through a hard time it helped when someone acknowledged my pain and suffering. Life is hard. What happened to you is hard. It's okay to feel broken, sad, scared, or whatever other negative emotions you may feel... But that also means you need to be gentle with yourself because you're healing. You can't continue to mentally beat yourself up while you're struggling. You do what you can, when you can and you honour your body and spirit for putting forth whatever effort it can muster. I talked to myself like I would a scared child or a young puppy venturing out into the world. "It's okay, you just have to try it. We'll stop if it's too much and I'll still be proud of you." And then I praised the fuck out of myself for any little accomplishment because I deserved it for what I was going through.
This may or may not work, but maybe worth a shot: have you tried setting a timer for the length of time he specifies? Like say "sure 5 mins" and then walk to the stove and put a timer on for 5 mins. Set a timer on your phone and leave it in the same room. Then no bugging him about it for the 5 mins. At least you will get peace for that length of time and then it's the timeframe that HE specified that does the reminding for you. I mean, no guarantees that he doesn't start whining for another 5 minutes like some 4 year old at bedtime but (I would hope) after a while the same alarm always going off would be annoying AF and he'll realize that he should just do the thing when asked instead of being disrupted by his own stupid delays.