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  1. I’m sorry that happened, that comment must have been very hurtful. 5 years is amazing! What you do from here is up to you, but at the very least I think you need to have a conversation with your boyfriend about this. I could not be in a relationship with someone who is not supportive of my sobriety- 100% a dealbreaker. I’ve had 3 boyfriends in my sobriety that drank and were still completely supportive of me and never made me uncomfortable with their own drinking habits. It’s a fine line I think.

  2. Thanks everyone for your feedback! I actually talked to my therapist about this person and she agreed that they were not good for me and lots of red flags (others not mentioned in this post-regardless of SLAA stuff) and she seemed actually proud of me for cutting off this person without explanation. She said it was a big step towards me being more assertive too which is something I’ve been working on, as well as validating myself. Thanks again!

  3. Have you been to SLAA meetings before?

  4. I haven’t yet, I have looked up meetings in my area and would like to go as soon as I can. I’m a little intimidated by it, but I think that talking to my therapist and going to meetings is the next step for me.

  5. I think this is probably the best "getting back with the ex" situation (time + therapy).

  6. I guess I just feel like I was the main source of a lot of our issues in the relationship and I have changed a lot.

  7. Yes! I didn’t realize how alcohol was contributing to my anxiety and depression at the time. Now that I’m sober I look back on all the times I was depressed and just miserable in my life. Everything was super overwhelming all the time so I felt I needed alcohol to numb it. But it actually made it worse, thus repeating the cycle. And waking up after drinking feeling like I murdered someone…I don’t miss it. Sometimes I did have things to feel guilty about, other times I didn’t really. Living everyday without debilitating guilt and anxiety has been the biggest relief.

  8. Hey, I just wanted to first say that this is really normal and something I really struggled with when I first stopped and I still struggle with it from time to time. But, the longer you don’t drink the longer those memories become a distant one and it’s like a completely different version of yourself. Therapy really helped because I was able to tell these things I was ashamed of to another person and they responded in such a compassionate way. Saying that this is not the person I am anymore and it just helps to get it out. I’m sure you don’t want to go and scream this to the whole world, but maybe tell someone you trust. Because as ashamed as you are, someone else might hear the story and have something similar or just understand. My therapist didn’t treat me any differently after I told her, of course that’s part of her job but I am convinced she doesn’t see me as a bad person because of these regrettable things I’ve done while drinking.

  9. I’m seconding this. The queen v spray was a godsend but it looks like they discontinued it. Have you found a replacement?

  10. Omg no I haven’t yet! I loved their products (especially the anti-itch and pain spray). I still have some products leftover from them and I haven’t had an outbreak in like 6 months (thanks daily valtrex). But, I saw the Honey Pot brand has an anti-itch spray. Not sure how effective it is for herpes and I’ve never tried it but they similarly have several vaginal health products. Check them out! You can get them at Target or online.

  11. Idk if I straight up dropped friends when I got sober but there’s definitely a handful that faded away. Sounds like that friend is not being cool though and I would definitely distance myself if I were you. It’s normal to be lonely early on, but it gets better with time.

  12. Also- I don’t know if you need to confess to the interviewer that you’re sober right away. That’s not really their business and I sincerely doubt they’re going to encourage you to drink at the interview or on the job (though that isn’t super uncommon in some restaurants). If anything, you being sober (especially while working) should be a positive thing. It means you’re going to have your shit together and not getting drunk and embarrassing everyone on the job. I know some places have wine tastings and such but you can then let them know you don’t drink and ask your coworkers to describe it to you so you’re knowledgeable when guests ask.

  13. Hi! Another sober bartender here. I’ve been bartending sober for about a year and a half. I don’t know how much time you have, but for me it was difficult to be working in the industry for the first 3-6 months in sobriety. After that, it got easier. Some things that helped me were: making fake shots ( instead of having to explain to people who want to take shots with me why I’m not drinking-sometimes that’s just easier!), making fun mocktails for myself, and overall just seeing the way people drink and how they act has made me see that nobody is really better drunk, which helps me stay sober. As far as trying drinks or coming up with a menu- you could try straw tasting but I don’t do that because it’s uncomfortable for me and honestly I wouldn’t recommend it, but that’s just me. How I see it is, even though I’ve been off booze for over a year I know how things taste and what flavors pair well together. I experiment with mocktails often. I don’t really need to try it. If you’re truly concerned, you can ask coworkers or guests to try your creations, most people are excited to do so and can give you feedback. Don’t give yourself an excuse to drink!

  14. I think that my relationships in general changed drastically once I stopped drinking. Things became a lot more clear to me the longer I stayed sober. I could make better decisions as time went on too. So yeah, I think this is natural, not just with romantic relationships. It’s sad so you may need to take time to grieve. Just because you kind of “wake up” after not clouding your judgement, doesn’t mean you never cared about the person. Sorry you’re going through this but I think it’s very natural.

  15. Well said! I used to think that way and most people i know think that way: drinkers, problem drinkers, boring people. A lot of people don’t really get sobriety unless they’re in it.But I’ve also realized now that I’m sober that a lot more people are what I would consider “problem drinkers” or at least have a questionable relationship with alcohol. I know very few people who drink truly in moderation.

  16. Please don’t blame yourself for this. If your partner knew they had it (honestly they might not have known this was herpes- people are pretty uneducated about it) they should have told you. It’s not your responsibility to assume someone has or doesn’t have something. Also, you could have gotten this from anybody with OR without any symptoms. In a lot of ways, herpes is inevitable. It’s a virus, it doesn’t reflect any moral value on you.

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