Why the "L" Comes First, in 10 parts. CW for discussion of AIDS and bigotry

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When you follow your heart, love is the answer

  1. I was invited to one of the Queen’s garden parties at Buckingham Palace and attended Trooping the Colour in the same year.

  2. My daughter was born the day before the first lockdown was announced. Because of this we spent the first 5 weeks of her life living at my in-law’s house with two extra adults who couldn’t work and another working remotely. It meant that during those 5 weeks we were able to focus all our attention on looking after our first child while they looked after us.

  3. The girl is 16 years old. Something tells me she went on a family vacation that she had very little say in. In fact, her own mother had this to say about it:

  4. Not to mention the fact that this is a grown woman and experienced journalist who laughed at and mocked a 16 year old girl for something that was outside of her control.

  5. Surely it makes more sense to let someone out first?

  6. Yes, this is always the way. Possible exception if the person going in is on a steep hill. Unless this garage door is at the bottom of a narrow drive which meant the person going out had more space then the person going in should give way.

  7. Everyone with a house or a child should have a Will, it doesn’t matter if you’re young, fit and healthy because you never know what will happen. Good on you for making sure that is set up.

  8. Public toilets are a serious issue in the UK but disproportionately worse for women. Lots of places around London have public urinals but no public toilets, so a man in your situation might not have to look so far.

  9. I moved out at 25, approximately one month before being admitted to the bar. My SO and I were initially renting a two bedroom unit that was cold and full of mould. Rent was 66% of my take home pay but luckily my SO was earning a little more than me at that stage.

  10. I’m a lawyer so stuff ups in my job have the potential to be much bigger than $1,000 of tyres. Whenever someone makes a mistake one of the first questions asked by my boss is how much will the mistake cost. I don’t actually think there has ever been a time when her response to the answer hasn’t been “we’ll mistakes happen and in the grand scheme of things it could have been worse”.

  11. You should not continue a relationship when your only reason for not breaking up is that you don’t want to hurt the other person. Staying with someone who is anything less than a positive influence on your life means that you are choosing your partner’s short term happiness over your own long term happiness. If you don’t think that he is going to change then things are never going to improve for you. It’s better to be hurt now and move on than stay together, eventually move in, marry and have kids, all while being unhappy. Not breaking up if he’s harming your mental well-being denies both of you the chance of finding someone better suited, you both deserve to be loved.

  12. I’m not sure how home buying works where you are but in NZ you have no idea who is buying your house other than what is written on the sale and purchase agreement when they make an offer. When my partner and I bought our house we only put my name on the sale and purchase agreement and then I nominated us as joint purchasers before settlement. The only reason we did that though was the housing market was wild at the time so offers had to be in ASAP (literally the day of listing in our case and unconditional in 5 working days). I was at work (conveniently a few desks away from our property lawyer) and she had gone to a private viewing to see if we should buy it. If we had both signed then it would have been much slower making the offer and counteroffers.

  13. She said it was because they couldn’t see you and only you in the role. Idk, that’s just what she said.

  14. That’s still not a bad thing, it means that they are still considering as opposed to having outright decided.

  15. My partner and I both had this, we are both women and similar size to you. The worst occasion I can remember is when we were in our early twenties and went to see a show in a complex that had a casino. The area outside the theatre looked down on the gambling floor so anyone under 12 had to be supervised. A security guard felt the need to check with us that we were in fact over 12. It always frustrated the hell out of me when people would tell me I looked too young to have the qualifications I did. It didn’t come across as a compliment, it came across as invalidating my expertise because of my looks and it wasn’t just comments, clients sometimes didn’t believe what I said even though they were literally paying for my advice.

  16. You could be me, right down to the ADHD and messy room. Even as a young adult still living at home my NM would always tell me that whatever chore I had done had been done wrong and re-do it but also bitterly complain about how no one helps.

  17. The martyr narcissists who want to be long suffering so people will give them attention are very frustrating. My NM loves any kind of attention. When my aunt died she kept intercepting anyone at the funeral offering me condolences because obviously she was the most important person there - not my grandparents, not my dad or uncle, not my cousins who were still only children, not their dad. Obviously a SIL who barely knew or liked my aunt was the most affected by her passing.

  18. I see this so strongly in one side of my family. I sometimes wonder if it’s still the trauma from the workhouse in London being passed down generation to generation. I’m working hard to break the chain for my daughter but it’s already too late for some of the kids in her generation.

  19. When we rise is a great miniseries which covers (among other things) this part of LGBT history.

  20. That’s really rough and I can understand why you’ve been caught off guard by this sudden change of heart.

  21. I remember that excitement when my partner told me there test was positive three years ago. I was about to go to a doctors appointment and they wondered why my blood pressure was suddenly so high until I explained how excited I was about that news. The nurse was lovely and immediately got out the due date calculator and asked when her last period was even though I knew the exact date of the iui.

  22. Anyone - A-N-Y-O-N-E - promising to teach you the secrets of becoming wealthy at a free seminar.

  23. I used to work at a theatre that would be booked for a free wealth seminar a couple of times a year. On stage was all loud music, charismatic men in suits talking about how great they are and how you can be just like them but other people in your life are holding you back from greatness. They’d do this whole big thing about mentally cutting ties with someone who is holding you back, like a guided meditation. Then they’d start going on about their millionaire’s club who go on helicopter holidays and stay in fancy resorts while continuing to learn about building wealth. One person (in over 2,000 and who may have been a plant) won a place on one of their paid seminars but everyone else got a 20% discount if they sign up today (we never do this, these courses book out, hurry!).

  24. I was surprised by how expensive Broadway is compared to West End back in 2018. They often have the same shows running, same sets and, if anything, Broadway audiences are probably larger. With some shows the difference in ticket prices was huge and it did seem to be linked to demand (DEH and Hamilton in particular seemed to be priced on what people would pay rather than any reflection on costs and profit margins).

  25. I’m mixed Nuerodevelopment disorder (dyspraxia, dyslexia, ADHD and some ASD traits)

  26. Not a parent, but a teacher. Modern learning environments are awful for education. There is no research actually backing them up. They are awful in particular for students with additional learning needs like dyslexia, ADHD or Autism. But they are also detrimental to students who get distracted easily, who need one to one teacher support, who need quiet to focus. I have noticed a real decline, actually measurable in testing, in students' listening abilities when they arrive in Year 9 since the primary schools went to MLE style.

  27. You’ve just confirmed one of my biggest concerns about these classrooms. I have dyslexia, dyspraxia and ADHD but I’ve been successful in school, university and my career. I know that having my learning disabilities identified in primary school was really important to that success. It meant that I received the right sort of support in areas I struggled and that I was extended in areas where I excelled.

  28. I'm still not over the fact that governments think they can mandate sex in order for a relationship to be valid. First of all, it's a fucked up thing to demand from people. Second of all, there's no way to know if a couple is having sex (except by spying on them in very privacy-invading ways). And third, it's impossible to regulate. How much sex would be required in order for a relationship to be considered "real"? Would one instance of sex be enough to cover it? Would a couple be expected to continually have sex over time? How often? Weekly? Monthly? What if they have sex but only want it infrequently? People have different rhythms! And what would qualify as "sex"? People have sex in lots of different ways, it's not always piv. What if a couple's definition of sex is different from the government's? Will they then tell that couple HOW to have sex?

  29. This is probably the exact reason for the particular wording. It avoids the need for the partner to prove that they were having sex and removes the relevance of any evidence relating to how often they had sex, the type of sex they were having, or whether they may have been having sex in the past but had since stopped having sex. The wording is great for asexual relationships and it’s wonderful to see it used that way but it has a much wider application too. Imagine if this question came up in the breakdown of a relationship and one party claimed the other wasn’t entitled to be treated as a partner because they weren’t having sex enough to count or simply because the other partner couldn’t prove that they had been having sex.

  30. I wouldn't say the wording is "great". It still holds sex as the standard for relationships, I would love to see that changed in the future. That being said, yes it is great that they have a wording that does or at least can recognize QPRs, even if the wording is suboptimal and therefore allows for this ruling.

  31. True, what I meant but didn’t manage to express at all is that it is great that the court has interpreted and applied the wording in a way that recognises the validity of asexual relationships.

  32. On that note, addressing young boys as "he" or girls as "she" is, gasp, using pronouns and teaching them "gender idealogy".

  33. Just what I came to say! I’ve seen so many people recently complaining about how pronouns didn’t exist in their day.

  34. I’m surprised you say this only started recently and when you were diagnosed, your PCOS isn’t new so what else has changed for this to suddenly become a problem? Did you start taking a medication for your PCOS when you were diagnosed? Maybe that’s causing it, you could discuss with your doctor. It may also be related to other events, did you have covid around that time? Or get a concussion? Lots of people have noticed issues with focus since the pandemic started because we’ve just been in our own company more.

  35. My grandparents are both MDs (long retired now since they are in their late 80s). I get so mad on my Grandma’s behalf when I see their mail addresses “Dr & Mrs last name”. My Grandma is a bad-ass who qualified as a doctor, specialised, worked and raised 3 kids on home cooked meals in a time when women were still expected to leave the workforce as soon as their first child was born.

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