1. you have to snap out of the mindset of “this is as good as i’ll ever get”. we accept the love we think we deserve, everyone says that but it’s because it’s true. i can relate to you in the sense that my ex was overall very good to me, he was by far the best parter i’ve had yet. very affectionate, always apologized and validated my feelings, bought me flowers, loyal, never fought, incredible connection, almost everything i would want from a partner. any issues we had were just incompatibilities, but at the end of the day if the incompatibilities mean your needs aren’t being met, and they are incapable of meeting them then it’s not going to work long term. additionally, if they are okay with losing you forever, they are not the one for you. we have to understand that just because they weren’t a bad person, it doesn’t mean they’re the best person for us. we need to understand that someone doesn’t have to be an asshole in order for us to leave, or at the very least we should know it’s for the best if they left us.

  2. Thank you. ❤️ My self-esteem has been completely down the shitter ever since this breakup in December, so it's hard for me fully convince myself I deserve more than "as good as it gets."

  3. I understand. Please feel free to message me if you ever want to talk. we broke up in december too i’m in the same timeline as u

  4. That means a lot to me. I've had a good support net from my friends and family, but nobody I know has gone through a recent breakup, so I feel like they don't truly understand.

  5. If there are big globs of unspread mayo it’s an immediate no from me

  6. Globs and too much of any condiment ruins it for me, but mayo especially. Immediately makes me want to vomit.

  7. You have no idea how much I wish you were right, but in my case i don't think it's true.

  8. Honestly I kind of think he’s created something so sprawling and so complicated, he’s written himself out of runway to land this behemoth

  9. His "gardening" approach to writing turned everything into a god damn jungle.

  10. Also I think people's reactions to the way GOTs ended has something to do with it. He gave them the basic outline and told them how it would end. Supposedly it ended the way he planned on it ending and major plot points were from him. People hated it.

  11. At least if you find dates on a regular basis, it's just a numbers game for you at this point and you'll get there again in a reasonable amount of time. For me it can take weeks to find a suitable candidate who i can arrange a date with... makes the process take a lot longer and finding one with a real connection a lot more rare.

  12. True. Although at this point it's hard for me to get even a date because the dating pool is filled with so much trash I can't find someone I'd like to go out with even I guess I misspoke, it's not that easy for me after all. 😔

  13. Even though this seems so impossible and far away, on the good days I like to see it from a different perspective... Naturally with every breakup the idea of your ideal partner, what you want in them and what not, gets molded a little bit more precisely... this also means that the pool of possible candidates also gets smaller. Also your antennas for spotting those people early get more fine tuned. So while the process of finding your perfect partner, or even anyone you want to spend your time with takes longer, the chances of the next one you do pick being more suited for you than the last one are also higher. It's like the things they say and do won't go past you on autopilot anymore, but you actually pick them up and reflect on them. Hope this gives a little bit of hope to stay in it and not give up. Because the effort to benefit ratio has just gotten that much more potent.

  14. That's funny how that works it takes so long for them to come around but they can't seem to acknowledge the depth of the pain you have to go through to become the new person they're now interested in again.

  15. I wonder if it takes so long for them to come around again because during their time post-breakup they go through multiple relationships with other people thinking each one is better than the last...but all of them fail, it gets harder for them to meet/keep new people around, their options dry up, and they start getting so lonely and desperate for companionship they finally consult their little black book hoping at least one of their exes is desperate enough to rekindle a bad relationship. I've had two different guys do that to me. One did it multiple times over the course of 5 years (we'd have a falling out, then a year later he would come out of the woodwork) and another did it *two years* after we hooked up one time. Very odd.

  16. I’m in my early 30’s… nothing changes I swear. Not a single emotion during the breakup (we lived together) and not a word since I moved out. To me, the discarding and unempathetic nature towards my pain hurts more now than actually not being together. I’ve had breakups before, but I have never seen someone so unaffected by it, even the dumper.

  17. Same. My most recent breakup has been so agonizing because while it's a slight possibility that my ex is also hurting emotionally and he just refuses to show it, I have my doubts because he lacks empathy in general. He just seemed so unaffected by our breakup despite his claim that he has been negatively affected by it. I don't believe him. I'm angry and afraid that he's already moved on and never thinks of me at all, while I'm still struggling every day.

  18. People like this don't really see a wife as a relationship but more as a life goal. The purpose of a wife is to have someone to accompany them to work events.

  19. My ex is like this. He's a moderate workaholic, he doesn't work 12+ hour days every day but his self-confidence hinges almost entirely on how successful he feels with his career. We were only together for 9 months but we discussed getting married. After he said it really pissed him off that he had been passed up for a promotion a few years ago because his boss told him the fact he's not married shows a lack of responsibility, I realized he's one of those men who only thinks of marriage as a goal to achieve, another box to check off in the "life script." He claimed he wasn't just using me for that purpose, but I very seriously doubt that (especially after it became apparent he's extremely emotionally unavailable and incapable of unconditional love anyway). Honestly I think it's incredibly shitty for people to think of marriage as being nothing more than a life goal.

  20. Same. The honeymoon phase with my ex lasted like 2 months. He never said or did a lot of really sweet things for me to begin with, but he wasn't nearly as complacent and cold as he became after just a month or two. I wish he had been as obsessed with me as I was with him, even after our relationship started turning to shit I still loved him more.

  21. I would say paranoia/ trust issues, projection, and giving space to my FP. The overarching theme is when things are going well, I start to freak out that they're going too well & it triggers a fear of abandonment. I'll feel like I'm getting too close and attached to my partner, which makes me afraid of loosing the connection. So I'll then subconsciously do something to sabotage and create distance (just to prove the narrative to myself that everyone will leave). Then I'll freak out that I've caused a rift and am being ignored, so the people pleaser in me goes into overdrive trying to fix the division I caused... Then it's back to the same cycle, over and over, with a little less love coming back each time from the other partner, until they've finally had enough. And of course, all dignity gone out the window for me, because I can't hold back on the text messages in an argument.

  22. yes, it does feel like the worst thing. i also hate when ppl leave me on open/read. it is like a physical bomb on me.

  23. Being left on open/read is a thousand times more painful for me because you have proof they saw your message and chose to ignore it, or they forgot to reply which is also hurtful because it makes me feel like I'm so unimportant to that person I'm that easy to forget. I'm currently being ignored by 4 of my friends who I thought would be supportive of me during this really shitty time I'm going through, and it's killing me.

  24. I'm 32 and definitely relate to this. Empty but emotional all the time is a great way to put it.

  25. One thing I've learned from my most recent ex is that someone can be a decent person platonically, but an absolute piece of shit romantically. I think it's difficult for some people to understand that concept, so it's frustrating trying to explain to them that while this person might not be pure evil they are also definitely not entirely what they seem. My ex is nice to people he knows (albeit socially awkward because he is very stunted) but as a partner he is terrible. He never cheated on me or abused me, but he is completely emotionally unavailable and immature. He neglected my needs, he lied to me, he was selfish and thoughtless and cold, he didn't appreciate me at all, he always acted like he never did anything wrong, he didn't love me as much as I loved him...and he didn't care about any of it. He never wanted to make an effort to be better. Even though he is a decent friend and nice to other people so they see nothing wrong on the surface, my relationship with him proved that ultimately his true colors are someone who is a selfish asshole.

  26. You did the right thing. It was very brave of you to do that. You cut the last remaining tie to her so now you can finally have closure. I gave back to my ex all of the stuff he had given me, and although I haven't deleted our pictures today I did put all of them in a separate folder on my hard drive that I named "Bad - Don't Open." One day I will delete them, but right now I don't have the courage you do, even though I know the relationship is done forever. I think closure is a process.

  27. A lot of them based on my experience. I refuse to see male gynecologists because it honestly weirds me out that a man would choose that specialty out of all the ones they could have gone into.

  28. I appreciated this sub when I was feeling incredibly low a few weeks ago, but I definitely see clearer, feel better, and make more convicted decisions when I'm not on it

  29. Soda isn't like an addictive behavior, it literally is addictive. Addictive as fuck.

  30. Yup, this. I used to drink a small Coke from McDonald's almost every day (something about their Coke in particular is so good, not sure why!) and I didn't notice until a couple years into this bad habit just how much even that amount of Coke every day would make me feel like shit. I would get headaches and really bad indigestion/excess stomach gas, to the point where a few months ago I just quit cold turkey with drinking Coke every day. I finally realized my enjoyment of soda in the moment is really not worth the crappy after effects. I have a Coke maybe once a week now and I feel so much better.

  31. Yep they are weird. I attended a few because of the activities and the activities themselves were fun I always felt uncomfortable around the people there and thought to myself I would’ve enjoyed the events if I just went alone so I deleted meet ups. Not only that but I received private inappropriate messages and had a few people ask to hang out and not in the kind friendly way but the creepy way. I didn’t know this was a dating app for socially awkward people.

  32. Women are used to getting screwed over. They just have to deal with it. It happens to a cis-white-hetero man, and it's literally the worst thing ever, and everybody must pay.

  33. It's funny you say this because I've heard through the central Mass grapevine he actually is engaged to her lol.

  34. If I had a nickel for every man who has told me he's 5'10" or taller, and shows up on a date far shorter than my 5'9" frame - I could quit my day job

  35. A few weeks ago I went out with a guy who said in his profile that his height is 5'10". When we met in person he was actually my height, give or take an inch...I'm 5'3". I was immediately turned off by his dishonesty and haven't talked to him since then.

  36. Yeah, as long as you die instantly, I remember my great-grandma being vegetable for 6 years. She was just lying in bed, unable to form a coherent sentence, She had no personality, no opinions... nothing, now that's what scares me. No one even cried when she finally died. Everyone was just sort of relieved.

  37. I want to know WTF happened to my Salsa Verde Doritos.

  38. I haven't seen them in any store for a few years now...I miss those chips. 😭

  39. My personal view on it is that the world is falling apart. I hate the argument of, "our kids will be the one to fix the world", because let's be realistic, they won't be. I find it selfish to willingly bring a child into this absolute shitshow.

  40. I completely agree with this. I lose some respect for people who have kids simply because I think it's one of the most selfish things a person can do at this point. They're bringing another human into an already overpopulated and dying world. It's very sad imo.

  41. One day at a time my friend. I spend 2 days in bed watching Ted Talks and writing down all the reasons this person was wrong for me. I know one day the heartache will be gone and only good memories will remain.

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