randomgirl1991

I would totally have a sit down conversation with her basically stating if this arrangement is going to be able to continue. You can get a better paying job and not have to deal with the pettiness.

I’m in San Diego. Most jobs I’ve had in the past were $25/hour (I’ve had a few that were $20/hour.) One was as high as $35, but it was a special needs job. I have a BS, MA and 24 ECE units and 8 years of teaching/tutoring experience. I think LA pays better than SD so hopefully you’ll have more luck!

Don’t tell her how she’s getting a good deal. I guarantee that won’t go over well. But I would try to get guaranteed hours written down in agreement somewhere. I take it you don’t have a contract?

Thanks for the input!

You’ll be fine lolol. I have mild hearing loss in my left ear (same situation as you), and have been hospitalized six times for schizoaffective disorder. It’s all on my medical exam sheet for nursing school. I’m currently in my second semester of my ADN program and just started at my dream BSN school. The BON doesn’t do physicals, they just want a clean-ish background check, your transcript, and the licensing fee

I have schizoaffective disorder too and have been hospitalized countless times over the years. I’ve been stable for the last 2.5 years though, thankfully. Do you feel that you’re able to handle the stress of nursing school with your diagnosis?

Absolutely! Except for one hiccup when I had to switch antipsychotics (uggggghhhhhh), the stress and my illness have actually been quite manageable. Thanks to years of therapy and building a massive arsenal of DBT skills, I feel like I was actually better prepared for the stress of school than my peers.

That’s so encouraging to hear! You give me hope. Thanks for sharing 😀

[удалено]

I don’t remember much of what they ask…I believe it’s mostly about how your disability affects your work (e.g. what accommodations you need from your employer). My first review was about a year after I got my benefits because I started earning 1100 gross a few months after getting on SSDI.

I have a schizoaffective disorder too. I have earned 1100/month gross and haven't had any issues so far with receiving SSDI. I'm being reviewed right now. When you start working, it will trigger a work review. I passed mine though. I've been working on a semi skilled position (manager) for basically all of the time I've been on disability.

I think you can keep it vague and just say you had health issues that led to you needing to leave your program. Once you get to know a potential partner better and have established trust, then you can go into more specifics. Discerning when to open up about your illness is challenging though and should not be taken lightly.

300 sounds very reasonable.

Sweet! Thanks for the input

[удалено]

What?! That’s amazing. I guess I really gotta revise my shopping list.

I work part-time. It's challenging at times but my employer knows about my illness and is super understanding when I need to take time off because of an episode.

Only you can decide if this is the right path for you. I'm working part-time as a nanny while completing a Master's degree, so that's always an option for you too if you do grad school part-time. I get the stigma of being a nanny though. My parents paid for my bachelor's and I think they feel like they wasted their money since I'm not actually using my degree. But the truth is, my degree gets me higher pay as a nanny and allows me to work with better families. Don't worry about what people will think. Do what's right for you.

I just started working with a new family about 2 weeks ago. My 4m has autism and doesn’t always warm up to people quickly but he ran up to me when I came in yesterday and gave me a big hug. MB said we must have bonded because he doesn’t give hugs to just anyone. It warmed my heart 🥰

It's entirely possible to be Christian and have confused, immoral views in certain topics at the same time. It might not be thought through or well informed but it doesn't invalidate you being Christian, broadly speaking.

Absolutely. The fact that some people make political stances in America synonymous with being a true Christian just shows how much we struggle with idolatry. I’m conflicted on this particular issue because I see good points on both sides, but just because I haven’t take a solid stand yet on side or the other doesn’t mean I’m not a Christian. Christians need to practice tolerance toward each other and not be so quick to draw lines in the sand.

Christianity does not have an answer for this however there was a time in American history where this was the norm. Its called Bundling.

Fascinating. Thanks!

[удалено]

Was this meant facetiously or seriously?

I'm a 30F American and live with my parents. Though my parents are from Europe, I wouldn't say that it's a cultural thing as much as it is a pragmatic decision: I'm finishing my master's degree and want to save on rent. My parents and I have a great relationship, they respect my privacy, and I save tons on rent, as I live in an expensive city. I do chores, cook my own meals, come and leave as I please, pay my own bills, and contribute towards rent so I would say I'm pretty independent. I am so grateful that I can live with my family and save up towards a down payment on a house. While I know some men will judge me immediately when they learn about my living situation, the right one will appreciate how responsible it is. With that said, I don't think it's a red flag that he lives at home. But his gaslighting of you and defensiveness is a red flag. I would be hesitant because of that, but that only.

I love how freeing it is to not wear makeup anymore. I used to wear makeup everyday and it became a compulsion. I didn’t feel whole, attractive, or put together without it. For the last year or so, I’ve stopped wearing makeup and only wear it for special occasions. I notice that wearing makeup only sometimes makes it feel that much more special. I also feel like it makes me feel more grounded and down to earth. I notice that I rely less on my looks and more on my personality when I’m not wearing makeup and that’s a great feeling.

Would you mind sharing what you specialized in? Also, do many UCSD cogsci undergrads find work within its field?

I specialized in neuroscience, thinking I’d get a PhD and do research. After graduating, I worked part time in a lab and doing therapy with children with autism for a year and a half. Then I decided science and therapy wasn’t for me and went down a completely different path. I think you’d need to get a MS or PhD ultimately. Outside of UX, there’s not a whole lot you can do with just a bachelors in cogsci.

I went to UCSD and pursued cogsci. Although I’m in an unrelated field after graduating (I’m doing a master’s in theology and working as a pastor), I would say Cogsci looks better on a resume than psych. The cogsci department at UCSD is small and intimate. Profs really care for their students.

I'm 29 and still living with my parents! There would have been no way I could afford rent right now, given that I work in a field that doesn't pay well and given that I'm paying for a master's degree. A few years ago, I was ashamed to live with my parents. I felt like it was a reflection of my success, proof that I was a failure or a loser. But I've come to see in recent years that it's something to be grateful for. I get to save up money, while I would be struggling to survive if I lived in an apartment. I get to spend quality time with my family, when many of my friends barely get to see their families. I also get more time to relax, study, and pursue hobbies and passions as I only need to work part-time since I'm not paying for rent. As so many have said, try not to compare. And I would encourage you to think about what good things are coming from you being at home. Are you able to get quality time with your family? Are you able to save up or avoid getting into debt? Do you have more free time to look for quality jobs because you're not hustling and working long hours doing low pay and low skill work? There is definitely much to be said about taking your time and relying on family in your 20s. I'm ultimately so grateful to be where I am and I'm so glad my family has been willing for me to stay with them. And the truth is, most people aren't judging. Your peers don't care that you're living at home. Many of them might even be envious of you. And if they do judge you, they're likely immature. Keep at it! Things will look up for you!

Tldr: It depends on so many factors. If you like him and it's not a hard no for you, get to know him better. Just be on the look out for red flags.

Thanks so much for taking time to respond thoughtfully. I appreciate your insights, as one who knows this condition well. I'll need to think more about what you said and might reach out if I have more questions. Overall, I can say that he is very self-aware, compassionate and seems, in basically all regards, like a great guy. I can't imagine him ever acting on his feelings. It does scare me a bit though...just because I've never known anyone with this condition and I do agree that people with that desires are vilified in the media. I'll have to think more about it.

It's not that I wait a certain amount of time per se. I just know pretty quickly if I'm interested in someone and usually can tell if there's a potential for connection pretty quickly. I don't waste more than a few exchanges on someone who can't do more than give one word replies. And given that my OLD profile has a bunch of (what I think are) stimulating topics that could help start a conversation (in addition to being written in poem form lol), if a man who messages me can't talk about something interesting within the first few exchanges, I lose interest and figure there wouldn't be much of a connection. I think the key is having an interesting profile which properly highlights your personality and hobbies. If you make your profile interesting, it's much easier for people to find something to talk about that isn't small talk.

True! My profiles are probably honestly too long lol. I try to give people more than enough to work with, both there and in our convos, so I guess there really isn't much excuse/explanation for a boring conversation other than incompatibility.

Mine was long too. I'd rather lay it all out on the table than not give enough information and have guys fill in a lot of the gaps with their idealistic notions of what I'm like. The more information the better (up to a point of course)!

I'm in agreement with what others have said about waiting until the 2nd or 3rd date. But with that said, maybe you could be open to sharing whenever it feels right. If you feel really connected to him and he seems open -minded and safe, there would be no problem telling him before the 2nd date. I struggle with depression and have found that as I get bolder and less ashamed of my mental health issues, people tend to be receptive and accepting.

For me (29f), the hardest part is finding someone who I actually feel emotionally connected to. It takes a lot for me to connect deeply with someone. I've met a lot of great guys but not many I really connected with. It's tough.