Serious relationship advice with long distance

  1. You owe it to yourself and her to end the relationship. Stringing her along is not the answer. You are just wasting her time and playing with her emotions.

  2. You are not attracted to her bro,imo you should not let her suffer more and tell her the truth.Imagine you tell her this down the line after years or in marriage,that would be devastating for her

  3. you're 22 and have only been together 5 months, you don't like her and aren't invested. why would you try and fix the sinking ship? do you want to marry her? are you going to try and force yourself to like someone when you've only been together for a short period of time and you're very young? you're basically just asking for permission to break up with her, and that's the right thing to do for both of you. she deserves someone better and you deserve someone you actually like, I don't see any reason why you should try and fix it

  4. OP doesn't even have a ship. OP has basically been going through the motions and leading this poor girl on saying things that are untrue but that she wants to hear. Basically you have wasted enough of her time and likely damaged her trust. While most normal people will get over this with no problem some people have a lot more trouble with having their hopes and dreams cultivated and then yanked out from under them. While OP hasn't done this to intentionally hurt her he hasn't by any means minimized the smoking crater that is about to be formed. I would buy her something really, really nice and take her for a nice lunch/dinner with lots of time after to talk and let her go.

  5. if you have to post this, just let her go. if i found out my bf posted this, even if he got over it and we were together, i'd be heartbroken.

  6. Your honesty and comprehension of the situation is emotionally mature and you have broke it down quite clearly as you have noticed that your goals and expectations do not align. If you want to maximize the outcome for both you and her you have to break it off and work on your personal issues before going back on the dating scene or you communicate these things to her if you believe she is open to change and you are willing to wait it out. I was in your situation and the longer you go without communication or bailing the pain just increases on both sides.

  7. You should break it off, you’re doing neither of you a favour. It might be hard and she might be surprised, but she’ll understand in hindsight.

  8. There are better subreddits to answer your question, but to put it simply, lack of attraction and long distance sounds like you've been out of the relationship already.

  9. I was in an eerily similar situation myself over most of the last year. Like, right down to the ages, personal goals, her initiating the relationship, me not having a recent relationship, long distance, relationship duration, fields of study, and even regrettably some of the actions I took and way I felt throughout. I can only go by the info you provided, but it all matches the spot I was in almost exactly.

  10. This is fatal for a relationship -- when one person wants it more than the other. Regarding the pain you will cause her, I offer you this story. I grew up in So. Cal, where as kids many of us had "flexys." ' Basically, these were sleds on wheels. It had been many years since I'd been on one, when I found one in the garage of a friend. His garage opened onto an alley with a long steep hill leading away from it. I hopped on the flexy for a ride. I was sitting upright, steering with my feet. And as it picked up speed, it started shaking. It was still a long way from the bottom of the hill, so I knew I would eventually lose it. I couldn't put my feet down, because they were bare. I was wearing swimming shorts and a tee shirt. I figured that the longer I waited, the more damage I was going to do. I needed to end it now, and on my terms. So I just ripped the flexy from beneath me and took it on my butt. The asphalt wore through the swim trunks in the first 2 feet, and I rode along for 10 more. For a week I'd come home from school and sit in the tub to soak the underwear off my raw ass. But never did I question my decision. Act now, because the longer you wait, the worse it will be.

  11. If academics was the only thing about her you were clinging to, then you wanted a co-worker/study buddy, not a partner. Expecting someone, *anyone*, to not change over time is a ridiculous sentiment, especially during an age when people are still discovering things about themselves. If you want to be in a relationship, then the minimum is supporting each other's goals and wanting to be a part of each other's journey. Seems you want neither, have been dishonest with yourself, and have been a liar to her if you're just "saying what she wants to hear."

  12. Sounds like you already know the path forward and you are looking for validation. If you care about her, be honest and mature and talk to her about it.

  13. Be honest with her, tell her how you feel now. Don’t string her along, you’re not doing any favours for either of you. Time to move on.

  14. It seems to me, that when you have said—- I have never felt the emotions that I have said because she wanted to hear them etc, like I love you and such. This seems very narcissistic, and even psychopathic to say the least because you know that is what she is wanting to hear, and you know that isn’t how you feel but you are saying it for a reason, I think that reason may be because you do want to keep her invested in you because she gives you a sense of pride but you don’t want to set her free because she will find someone she actually deserves

  15. Don't be a dick and throw some kind of diagnosis. Yeah, it's kind of messed up, but odds are OP is just too agreeable. Saying what people want to hear is literally people pleasing, not narcissism necessarily lol.

  16. It’s ok not to be attracted to someone. You explored things and came to realize it’s not going to work for you on multiple levels. Break up with her, I’m sure deep down she can feel you’re just not as into her.

  17. you're a nice person and don't want to let her down, but you know where this is going. The sooner you cut her loose the more time she has to seek out the right person.. kindest thing you can do bud.

  18. You don't seem to share the same values or goals. That plus being long distance doesn't seem to be a sign that the relationship will thrive.

  19. If you’re not attracted to her, it’s going to lead to lack of emotional connection, you clearly have different paths in life.

  20. Breaking her off is obviously the answer but let's be real, nobody fully loves another person they've only been dating 5 months, if you do, you probably love the idea of them you have in your head more than the actual person

  21. You’re thinking about it waaaaay too much, you’re not a bad guy. You started dating someone you thought you could grow to like, and you didn’t end up liking her very much. And her likening of you has deepened which will be a bit of a pickle but not an insurmountable obstacle, just be honest with her. You’re stringing her along and it’s not good for either of you. Just tell her that after some time apart, you’re not sure where you are with her emotionally, or in general, since you say you don’t mind being single. Just be honest, and you’ll both move on. You might hurt her in the short run, but it’s not the end of the world. Maybe she’s not your cup of tea but she could be someone else’s. Which to be honest, if this was a story, I would prefer the ending where she finds a guy that truly loves her instead of someone who stays with her out of guilt.

  22. If you’re not into her it’s just gonna be worse for both of you to try to stay together. She deserves to be with someone who’s into her, and you’ll be happier not acting like you are. Break up with her

  23. I had a pretty long relationship with I girl when I was in France (2years I think) but I moved to Canada (just for 1year of school initially but I. Knew I would stay longer and stay in Canada) I felt almost the same as you. She was very fragile and kind but the fact she won't join me or didn't had any career made the spark disappear. So I thought a lot about what was the best option, and the conclusion was, the more I give hope but with the feeling of a deteriorating relationship, the harder it will be for her. Of course there's no easy way to end this but it's easier to recover after a short relationship than a long one

  24. I have been in a LDR for over 5 years now. My fiancé (32-M) lives in the UK and I (32-F) in Canada. We get to see one another maybe once a year, and that is likely not to change until we get married and deal with immigration.

  25. IMO, don’t linger, Ik damn well that girls get emotionally invested to shit and stuff and its sometimes our fault. However we always manage to pull through and carry on w our lives. Just be honest to yourself and to her aswell.

  26. Hey, so I went through a similar thing when me and my now wife were first dating. We were long distance (Calgary to Vancouver, I bought cheap airline tickets once a month to see her), I was more physically active than her (she was/is still attractive to me, however) and I first said “I love you to her” because she struggled saying it (but I actually felt it and meant it). I would say keep the relationship alive given that we are now married, but pay attention to what I wrote in my parentheses: If you are unsure or simply want her to pull more weight, then talk to her about it. There are some things that people can change. But there are some things that spell a failed relationship from the start: If you don’t see a future with her, then pull the bandaid off. Long distance only works when both parties work hard to communicate and maintain a relationship with each other.

  27. I don't think you're a psychopathic asshole at all. I think people naturally gravitate towards being liked, and it sounds like you tried to be respectful by being a good boyfriend at least outwardly. It just does not sound like a good fit, and you both deserve to be genuinely happy in your lives.

  28. You sound like a self absorbed asshole. If you are not attracted to her and think you are Bette then her, break it off now. She doesn’t need a narcissistic asshole as a begrudgingly insincere partner.

  29. You said it yourself chief- you definitely need to bail. There are more compatible people out there for both you and her.

  30. Bro I made it half-way through your post…Break up with her homie. Simulating emotions is a dead giveaway you don’t want to be with her.

  31. I was in a similar situation last year, although I will say I was in grade 12 and she was in first year of uni. It was only long distance for 2/6 months, which were the last two.

  32. Sever ties, man. Your values don't align and I've never understood the long distance relationship thing, to be honest.

  33. The exercise/workout/fitness thing is a big gap and it only gets worse as you get older. Most female fitness girls are a little crazy but it doesn’t get annoying until they are >=48. On the other hand non fitness girls get annoying by about 35 as their metabolism slows and don’t do anything to get fit after kids.

  34. Bro just focus on school and focus on your goals. When you get an amazing job with an amazing degree and you make your parents proud then you can start thinking about a relationship. Also, every girl will be lining up to marry you then.

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