Couples with huge age gaps don't creep me out

  1. I was the same way. When I was in my 20s both older and younger women were attractive to me. Now that I'm in my 50s I have little or no interest in women older than me. Me being in a relationship with a woman say 20 years older than me does indeed creep me out but a woman 20 years younger sounds very desirable. Nothing I am saying is unusual but I still feel it is unpopular to express this these days.

  2. As someone who’s dad dated and got engaged to someone only 2 years older than me, who even looked a bit like me, it’s still pretty fucking bad.

  3. Such an extreme to compare your opinion too. Hilarious thing to say. “I don’t care when parents ignore their baby crying, at least they’re not locking them in the basement for days on end” Like yes…sure…I guess?

  4. The older you get the less a bigger age difference makes. 45 and 35 is very different then 35 and 25 then 25 and 15.

  5. Depends on the person and what life stage they're in. I'm 34 and I feel I have more in common with 25 year olds than 45 year olds(ironically I just went on a date with a 46 year old and I'm very attracted to her).

  6. I think it depends more on maturity difference than age. You can hardly find 18 yo person with maturity and experience similar to 35 yo, but you can find 35 with experience the same as 50.

  7. Yeah people creating a hard line at 18 is a red flag honestly. Age is just a that correlates with maturity. Like a "huge" age gap where the younger party is 18 is not less weird than a "huge" age gap where the younger party is 17, just because one is legal and one is illegal- laws are not morals.

  8. An 18yo is still pretty much a kid. Most people don't mentally mature to adulthood I would say till they are in there early twenties in some cases late twenties, or never. I know some grown adults that act like children every day.

  9. Wow that is an unpopular opinion. Especially on Reddit where if you're under the age of 25 then your stupid, young and too immature to realise your being manipulated.

  10. I remember that one. I think I got into an argument with someone on that thread. The reason people were freaking out wasn't just the age difference, it was how old she was when they first started dating. Based on the length of their relationship given by OP, it would put their ages at 17 and 24.

  11. People gave me shit when my gf and I started dating at 27 and 22, but she was out of college and was 6 months into a full time career on her own in a new city when we met. It’s not even like I was dating someone less mature. This was an adult with her own place, bills, and responsibilities and people on the internet were like “ew that’s weird” because we were on opposite sides of the mid 20s. It’s insane how in the last decade society has shifted to thinking if you’re not with someone from your own graduating class that you’re a freak, and if you’re a man it means you’re automatically a predator.

  12. I'm 38 and currently dating a 25 year old. I had reservations about it initially because of the age gap, but honestly shes super mature and her bubbliness brings out a lot of the youth in me. She asked me out after some initial flirtation, so I didnt have to feel like I was being the old creepy dude hitting on a younger girl. Lol.

  13. This very much depends, was the younger one a minor when they met, was the older one in a position of power or influence to the younger one when they were a minor and then suddenly romantic when they turned 18, these could be predatory situations.

  14. I’m 33 and my ex is 26. I never saw a problem with our relationship and nobody ever batted an eye either. Age gab relationships after 21 is pretty stupid because she was the mature one and I was the more silly one.

  15. My dad is 46 im his oldest daughter and im 20. I'll be 21 in September. Recently, my dad dated a girl who was a year older than me. It creeped me the heck out. Like if they had kept dating and got married.... id has a stepmom that was the same age as me. That's weird. My dad has always had a thing for younger girls. When I was 6 he left my mom for n 18-year-old who was 17 at the time that he started cheating on her. He also almost got married to one of my old babysitters who was like 16 when she watched me.

  16. The whole surge in this conversation lately has made me a little uncomfortable. I met my husband when I was 20 and he was 36. I had a photo on my desk of me and my 5 year old little brother, whom he thought was my son, so he thought I was older than 20. He looked late 20’s/early 30’s at best, and I never even asked how old he was! We had been dating 6 months before I saw his birthday on his ID. I was pretty shaken, and it took a while to get used to the age gap. I’ve always dated guys older than me, and of course I realized if the tables had been turned, I’d never even consider dating someone that much younger than me. The age difference between my brother and I is the same as the difference between my husband and I… (16 years). Now that my brother is 20, and I’m almost 36, I do see him still as a child. However I’ve never seen my husband as a groomer in the least. We’ve had a wonderful 15 years together and he’s been an amazing husband.

  17. Same age gap between my partner and myself. We even met at the same ages. We've been together for 44 years will be 45 in November. He still looks younger than his years and we never really have had a problem with having things in common any more and probably less than other couples.

  18. Don't let reddit change your views on your husband. You've had a great 15 year relationship and as some of the comments say there's a huge difference between sticking with a relationship that has a huge age gap and breaking up with someone because they're "too old now"

  19. I agree. Is it a bit out of the ordinary? Maybe. Is it unusual? No. Why is it wrong for people to like someone younger (legal age) than them and younger to want someone older? I think it’s one of those things everyone says they are appalled at yet do it themselves.

  20. Right. Also if someone can signup to go to war they can choose who they want to fuck. I hate the rhetoric that Everyone who has an age gap their has to be someone getting taken advantage of. Some cases yes but it seems overblown.

  21. I am 53 and my wife is 68. We met way back in 2003 on AOL's AIM chat. We'll be having our 18th wedding anniversary in September. I don't know what she sees in me, but I'm glad she sees something she likes!

  22. This is great to hear, ten years ago I met my wife - I was only 22(M) and she was already 37.. we got the same age gap but it has never been noticed! We have past life connections and just knew it was meant to be.

  23. I’ve always found it odd when someone complains about a woman being more than a few years younger than the man in a couple. Even calling her “just a girl”. How old does a female have to be before she is considered a woman? Or respected for the decisions she makes on her own behalf? Do you not believe in woman’s suffrage? Do you want the legal age of adulthood for females increased to age 30?

  24. I think there's like a limit, but for me it's like anyone over 23 is a full on adult and able to make their own decisions.

  25. Yeah I’m with you. Lots of things bother me but consenting adults with age gaps is not one of them. I’d rather have a good marriage with an age gap than lots of divorce.

  26. It depends. Gap relationships don’t bother me when both ppl are over 21. I understand the concern with 18-20 yr olds, but I can’t stand people making a big deal over a relationship like 24 and 30. That shit doesn’t make any sense to me, and at that point I just assume that person is projecting trauma.

  27. What two or more consenting adults do in the privacy of their own lives is none of my business, as long as it doesn't directly affect me.

  28. Agreed. My husband is 17 years older than me. We met when I was 33. I’ve never been happier. I think as long as both are adults there should be no issues. Love is love.

  29. My partner of 5 years is 25 years older than me. We’re happy and our relationship is way more stable, equal, and loving than some of our friend’s more “traditional” relationships.

  30. Sweet. I'm 34, gf just turned 59. Her kids are my age. I'm a pseudo grandpa. Things are cool. And we get it on.

  31. A 90 year old woman was recently married to an 18 year old male and was asked how the sex was. She replied 'If he dies, he dies'.

  32. What are gross are power gaps. Financial ones are common and obvious, but you can bridge those with respect for reciprocal roles and by setting up equal access to funds once you're committed. I struggle to see how a power gap where one party is near the age of consent and another is decades older can be bridged. Individual cases are individual cases but a strong majority of these situations, yeah, creepy.

  33. 30-60 is unusual but in no way creepy to me. At 30 you are a very grown up adult person who can choose to do whatever they want. They are not being taken advantage of because of their age if they are normally mentally functional.

  34. I dated older guys from a young age (and still do lol). There’s a reason some 30-40-50-60 year old men go after girls who are 18-25, and it’s usually because they 1) cannot get a woman their own age because there’s something wrong with them (the guy), 2) want someone more easily impressed and controlled, 3) are exceedingly shallow about looks and are proooobably cheating on someone (“my divorce is almost finalized, promise!!”). I know I’ll probably get skewered for saying this stuff out loud but it’s based on a few years of experience dating much older men. Younger women are often naive to a lot of the gross manipulation older men (and women, everyone is capable of being manipulative lol, but I speak primarily from the perspective of a young woman) have learned how to do. They are unaware of the signs that they are being taken advantage of. Obviously this is a generalization and there are (RARE) cases of something different going on, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard an older guy tell me, “well I would date women my own age but they’re so JADED I’m not attracted to JADED women”. Nah bro they’re not jaded, they’re just experienced enough to call you out on your bullshit. To be clear, (legal) age gaps don’t creep me out, I’d be a hypocrite if they did, but I laugh at the people who think an 18 and a 50 year old are in a “healthy relationship” just because it’s legal lol.

  35. My experience is different, but, I am in the gay guy scene. I started dating at 23 and dated someone in 50s or 60s. I personally cannot say why they did it. But, I will say from my own perspective.

  36. It's so damn weird that you can wait for the day a kid turns 18, then legally have sex with them. If you're pining for a minor and salivating til their legal, something is seriously wrong with you.

  37. This is why dating 18 year olds as a whole established adult is predatory. 18 year old has not moved out, has no independence, next to no work experience. For all intents and purposes, they are still a child. It's just that now they have the legal right to separate themselves from their parents and learn the way of the world.

  38. I started dating my husband when I was 22 and he was 42. We are still together (I’m now 39 and he is 59). While no relationship is perfect, I think ours is pretty darn good and I couldn’t be happier. The age gap has never been an issue, other than me worrying about planning for my end of life care, also because I have not (and will not) have children (my choice).

  39. it grosses me out and i wont go for anything more than 7-8 years, but honestly i dont give a fuck if youre 30 with a 70 year old. not my problem

  40. Age isn’t the only thing that creates a dichotomy in a relationship. Just because someone is 18 doesn’t mean they have the independence, life experience, and understanding that puts them on an equal level as someone much older then them. There’s still the difference in financial independence, overall life experience, and ability to rationally think about the entire situation. An 18 year old isn’t even fully finished biologically developing.

  41. My wife is 10 years younger than I am. Met at 25/35. We were both at a point in our life where we wanted the same things. I think the older you are the less the age gap matters. 95/85 nonissue. 27/17 issue.

  42. Whatever I consider gross or not is pretty much irrelevant, if a young woman in her early 20s wants to spend her younger years with some middle age dude, is her damn business. I have no say in that person life unless that person is financially dependent on me.

  43. It’s really case by case my guy. It absolutely is weird though in a lot of instances. As a 28f I now see how weird it was that 25+ year olds were trying to talk to me at 18-19. I can not relate to young ppl. Why would you be in an intimate relationship with someone you more often than not can’t relate to. Seems a little suspect.

  44. that argument gets brought up here a lot. but it completely dismisses the idea that someone might intentionally date someone younger/older than them specifically because they aren't like them.

  45. As someone who is in an AGR thank you. It's refreshing to see this. Even though my fiance and I are 11 years apart, people still freak out.

  46. I agree. I've known some couples whose age different by as much as 40 years (25, 65). They seemed genuinely in love. They understood they were at very different life stages and took that into account in terms of having parts of their lives that were separate, etc.

  47. I don’t give a shit as long as they are consenting adults do I think a 38 year old and a 22 year old will last not a chance but I think they should be allowed to do what they want as long as they are not hurting other people

  48. I think at some point, there needs to be boundaries. I know a 24 year old who is married to a 62 year old. I think that is the most extreme example that I can think of, but something like 34 to 52 may be a little different.

  49. I agree. If someone’s an adult they can make their own decisions. This whole “well they’re 20 and they’re 40” outrage is nonsense. Be creeped out if you want, but don’t pretend that by the age of 20 you don’t realize how to be a person and make decisions for yourself. Cmon now.

  50. The problem comes when they are 18/20 and the man is 30/35 with no income, life prospects, house or home and the young party is too naive to see it...

  51. I got hate because I'm 27 and my bf is 20, I feel like this callout cancel culture online has lead people to say the most stupid things for attention.

  52. I'm 25 and my husband is 47. We met when I was 20. Due to great genetics (not to mention a different star wars t shirt each day) on his part and a lot of fucking trauma on mine, we thought each other were drastically different ages than we actually were. He thought I was 28 and I thought he was in his late 20s, early 30s.

  53. 18 is the LEGAL age, not the moral one. the day y’all stop basing your morals off laws and start thinking for yourselves is the day pigs fly💀age gap relationships can still be predatory and in most cases are

  54. Ffs, thank you! I also forget how many minors with no life experience comment on this shit thinking they know everything. I know, I used to be one of them.

  55. When i was 18- mid 20s i just found older guys 30-45ish really attractive. I didn't have any issues. I just like daddies. I shagged around allot and i found older guys to be kinder and easier to get along with as well. It's not weird, people just love to judge others, especially their relationship and an age difference gives people a "moral" platform to do it on when it's all utter b/s.

  56. Just turned 40. The positive female attention I get from women in their early twenties is very real. Turns out maturity and confidence is attractive. Go figure.

  57. If you don't care about huge age gaps (though huge needs defining) then you haven't been involved on the younger end. I got involved with a 34 year old when I was 17.

  58. on the other hand, I have a friend who dated her teacher, right after she graduated school. she was 17, he was in his late 30's. and they literally waited for the first real date to be after it so it would be legal (and they were in relationship for a small number of years).

  59. I’m talking to someone who is 11 years older than me. They are not old enough to be my dad. Honestly he’s the most mature person I have dated. There’s no bullshit 🤷🏻‍♀️

  60. I think it depends on the couple’s ages. 18 and 40? Massively creepy and I would side-eye the hell out of that. 30 and 50? A little unusual, maybe, but ultimately not a big deal. I definitely wouldn’t automatically think anything negative about it.

  61. The sweetest, most perfectly-matched couple I know has a nearly 30 yr age difference. My friend married a man in his early 60’s when she was in her mid-30’s. I was skeptical, but seeing them together made me a true believer. Some people really do find their soulmates. (It didn’t hurt that my friend is basically an elderly woman in a young woman’s body.) His daughter from his first marriage is less than 10 years younger than my friend. She said in her wedding speech she had never expected to see her dad so happy again. It was just meant to be.

  62. They don’t creep me out either maybe because I’m in one and I have older parents. We’re 25 years apart but my dad is still 13 years older than my bf - so usually when people tell me he’s old enough to be my dad … he’s actually not

  63. I don't understand Reddit's weird obsession with assuming any age gap is "creepy" or "grooming". Yes I know it happens but it's not good to say that about a happy relationship because "omg he's older, so weird". It's their relationship so it's no one else's business what they do. If anything it just looks weird that some people care about legal, happy relationships so much

  64. I think it depends. I saw a lot of people with huge age gap (mostly older man with a younger woman). The problem that I see is that the older men always sees the younger one to be immature, even if that said woman is almost 40.

  65. I get/got shit all the time when I was 19 because I had met my 25 year old (at the time boyfriend) I'm 24 now. He's 31 soon, and married. I still get shit for a 6 and 1/2 year age difference. My personal preference when I was 19 was no less then 3 years age difference. No more than 8 years.

  66. Thanks for this. My parents raised 3 successful adults even though there was a 37 year age difference between them. We were a family and they made it work. Ideal - maybe not but there are a lot of differences in a marriage that go deeper than age.

  67. Me neither. It's strange too, when I was in my teens and early 20's I was attracted to women 10 years older than me. Now at age 36 I am attracted to women 10 years younger. It's very strange of a shift to me but I don't find it creepy at all. Attraction is attraction, can't do much about it

  68. I like older men.. When I was 26 I dated a 41yr old. I kinda have an old soul & we had things to talk about. However, he was way more childish & immature than I was. It didn't last very long & definitely a very bad relationship.

  69. I'm 22 dating a 62 year old and this man is the absolute sweetest, funniest, most loving man I could ask for. I don't care who's creeped out. I just enjoy my life and my relationship. I'm a happy, healthy person and I'm treated very well. That's all that matters to me.

  70. My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years, together for 8, and have one wonderful son together. We started dating when I was 19 and he was 28. Don't even notice the age difference now, or much back then if I'm being honest. His friends and my friends are apart of the same circle (small town vibes) and the age difference never really mattered to us or our friends/family.

  71. Sometimes when I talk about my parents people freak out about their ages when they met and had me, but my mother was already widowed with 2 kids by the time she met my father(she was 27 and my dad was like 40)

  72. oh no a 70 year old guy is dating a 35 year old women whatever am i going to do, absolutely nothing because they are both legal adults and i dont fucking care.

  73. I've always just thought it'd be so hard to bond on relatable things with such a big age difference. Put aside the obvious attractions like physical or money, your just at such different places in your life, mentally, emotionally, career wise. I dunno. Never been in a relationship with a huge age gap, but I'm early 30's, I think I'd get emotionally drained by an early 20 something, and get pretty bored with most people over 45+. I don't have a real moral problem with the age gap (ya know within reason) I just think it'd be a hard.

  74. I agree, I feel like it's a mild version of moral panic. I believe a lot more people would have age gap relationships if it was legalised.

  75. Totally agree with you. As long as the younger one is at least 18 yo, I don't care if there is 20 or 30 years between them. That's their business, not mine.

  76. It depends really, like 25 and 18, that's fine and the probably met in college... Now if the had been dating for 5 years, it would be weird and predatory. It depends on:

  77. My Girlfriend is 8 years older than me, shes European, eats healthy, and exercises so she looks a lot younger than her age. The only shock people get are "wow you look amazing for your age!". It makes her day when she gets compliments like that.

  78. I've never understood why people feel they have the right to dictate who anyone dates. As long as they are consenting adults then the gender, age, race, religion, nationality, or income status should not be the concern of anyone except the people in the relationship. Arguably there are potential pitfalls whenever there is any kind of difference between two people in a relationship; one could argue a white person dating a black person could never truly understand the struggles a POC has gone through and a power imbalance could result. People talk about how great freedom is but don't really like other people exercising their freedom much of the time.

  79. I’m (f)54, and get a lot of interest from guys 20+ years younger for some reason. I’m often told I look a lot younger than I am (from late 30’s to mid 40’s). Not sure I could date a guy that young though.

  80. I feel like as long as they didn’t meet when the younger person was underage. It’s fine. If you met when one was underage, it creeps the hell out of me out. Because there’s always going to be questions if there was grooming involved. And to be honest why would anyone want that over their head?

  81. Meh... consenting adults are free to do as they wish. Assuming an adult doesn't have the wherewithal to knowingly and willingly enter into a relationship of their choice is pretty demeaning

  82. A large age gap is strange in the sense of being rare, but it doesn't creep me out either. As long as both are in it because they want it, I'm cool with it.

  83. My girlfriend (32) is 10 years younger than me (42). She acts older than me. I look and act young for my age. No one even bats an eyelash about our age difference.

  84. Yeah, I guess it depends. I was 20 when I met my husband who was 31. I’m 34 now, he’s 45, and thinking back it seems a bit weird to me because at the age of 20 I was very sheltered, immature, and still sort of “baby-ish.” So I can see where it creeps people out. But I think it’s weird AF when at 40 year old gets with a 19-year-old or something bc what can they possibly have in common? What can a 40 year old and a teenager talk about together? And my husband and I argued a lot early on because it was a very young, immature girl with a fully grown well established man trying to connect with each other. Now we get along so much better because we are are in similar places in life. Generally speaking I think large age gaps are difficult.

  85. My 40 year old aunt married a man who was almost 80. He was older than her parents and her younger than all his children, but they truly loved each other. It still seems a little weird to me but like they didn't know each other when they were any younger so it was not creepy to me. Though if they had gotten together at 18 and 45ish, I think that would be creepy.

  86. Well I’ve been with my partner for 9 years and he’s 30 years older than me, glad not everyone seems weirded out by a legal and consensual relationships

  87. My husband and I have 14 years difference. Sometimes it's hard for him because I have to go through some life stuff he already did, but he doesn't mind helping me realize some stuff. But besides, I only have friends 30+ being as I own my own business, run a household and have children. I don't know any 26 year old that I've gotten along with or been able to relate to. I just don't have the same mindset or focus.

  88. When people ask what do I, a 28 year old man have in common with an 18 year old woman, my response is always: we can both have children for the next 20 years.

  89. I went to law school late in life, my SO was in my law school class. She pursued me for some reason. I thought it was kind of weird at first myself, but I got over it.

  90. If someone dumps their same age partner for someone young enough to be their kid, it's probably going to gross me out a little.

  91. I once stated in another sub that I was a 23 year old dating a 33 year old and people lost their minds and thought it was creepy... Until I pointed out that I was a man, and she was a woman, then it was suddenly fine

  92. No like I really don’t get it because like, that’s LITERALLY what the age of consent is there for. If you think it’s creepy that a 50 year old likes an 18 year old then you should support making the age of consent higher

  93. In the UK the age of consent is 16, what about that? I think really it's for late teens to shag each other, as indeed I did, not for 50 year olds to shag 16 year olds.

  94. The age gap police are the weird ones let's be real. It's just immature as hell and shows a lack of understanding of basic concepts they only recently stumbled on like power dynamics.

  95. I mean you can be 18 and still in high school or 19/20 and have always lived at home. And if they're dating someone even a few years older there could be a huge gap in maturity. Not to say it should be illegal there's some 18-20 year olds that act like the adults they legally are. But sometimes there's a very clear power imbalance

  96. How old are you? Because I thought that too when I was younger. Now that I’m in my older 20’s, I don’t look at teenagers or 18 year olds and find them attractive.

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