Finnish recipes: R Y E

  1. As an ashkenazi jew ill say they forgot the "reuse all of your leftover matza from passover, put it in everything" You git matzaballs, matza omllete, matza cake, don't even get me started on the bread made of crushed matza

  2. After a certain point you start to suspect that the matzah isn’t left over from passover and people are actually making matzah just to turn it into matzah ball soup.

  3. as a kid I would eat matzah with nutella for breakfast as a treat. year-round, not only after passover! Just a piece of matzah with nutella on it, 10/10.

  4. Reminds me of this recipe book I have that is a compilation of recipes gathered from moms and grandmas. So many of the measurements include phrases like "a bit," "a square,' or "a generous amount."

  5. So much this. When my mom passed, we went through her recipes and it was like "2 eggs, some water, sugar to taste, enough flour until the right texture". No units, no oven temperature, no baking time, many had ingredients missing.

  6. Tell me nothing. Leave me a recipe book on your death bed not written in Spanish or English but some kind of hieroglyphs. Then your ghost floats around the kitchen telling me to stop making a mess of your kitchen.

  7. Brazilian recipes: no matter what, add rice and beans. Spaghetti? Here's some rice and beans on the side. Soup? Not without rice and beans. Cake? Don't forget the rice and beans. Some toast you say? Yeah, and rice and beans, right?

  8. Oh god. I just realised that I'm that person. Because I have a notebook where I write down all the recipes that I have tried (from online and cookbooks), except that I usually only write down the ingredients, not the measurements or what to do with the ingredients (unless it's super vital to the success of the recipe).

  9. When my grandma passed, my side of the family inherited her “recipe” book. Unfortunately for us though, literally every recipe uses completely arbitrary measurements and often abbreviated every single ingredient so much that it’s pretty much impossible to tell what she actually meant.

  10. Sumac, cumin, cinnamon and saffron. My ex-MIL hides a few ounces of saffron in her luggage and gives it to her daughters when she visits the US. I think she thinks it's smuggling. Idc, I benefit from this arrangement and make amazing rice with it.

  11. North east recipes: if you think you don’t have enough fish, you’re right. More clams. More potatoes. More fish. More mussel. More steamers.

  12. Don't forget salt! You must have a healthy amount of both for a proper dish (otherwise your Southern Nana will rise from the grave to shake her head in disappointment at your unseasoned abomination)

  13. West Coast recipes: unholy hybrid of Mexican and Asian cuisine that somehow works. Doesn't matter if you fuck up any of it, because if you're white, then you're racist for cooking anything that isn't a burger

  14. Did you wash your rice? no .you fucked up. How do you know how much water to put in for your rice. measuring cup? you fucked up. you measure with your knuckle

  15. My dad's Australian recipes: Catch the seafood yourself, start drinking when you are cleaning the boat. Start prepping seafood, most importantly keep drinking.

  16. Reminds me of the Russell Cought episode where he goes fishing with his mate but the mate in question is just aggressively smashing tinnies and passes out after an hour or so and poor Russ is super bummed.

  17. If you live inland you can replace the seafood with Aussie-style sausages. Burn the outside, leave the inside raw, and drop in the sand for extra texture.

  18. Japanese cuisine: every ingredient has a best version that can only be obtained from one very specific area, and if any one of the ones you used came from the wrong region, everyone will know and judge you

  19. Germans: Just add either beer or bread from this catalogue with 20.000 entries but I dare you to choose the right one

  20. Germans: We have 6 or 7 distinct regional cuisines with dozens of unique, beloved traditional dishes. All of them are combinations of pork, potatoes and cabbage

  21. Also Germans: we had no idea what ingredients could be used for cooking, but we just tried stuff out and now we have pretzels made with lye and fermented cabbage and silly making grain juice, oh and don’t forget the squishy potato balls.

  22. Filipino recipes: ay putang ina you need to measure with the middle finger put your finger in the rice and when the water hits the line youre good sos maryosep anong ginagawa mo

  23. Kiwi recipes online: If you're looking at this, you don't ave an edmonds cook book. Buy one. Pass it down through your family until all the pages are glued together with wet flour.

  24. You can identify the best recipes because they're on the pages that are stuck together with splatter. Basically the same rule as for porn mags.

  25. also onions. Who ever thought it was good to basically smash a bunch of cucumber slices and onions in mayo and call it good? ... And then I look it up and it turns out my "german" parents have been serving a bastardized version of "german cucumber salad" and I am over it.

  26. Same. Spices on Mexican food are an instinct, a gift, you have or you don't and no matter how many instructions you follow, you won't get it. My mom adds 2 chiles to the salsa, it hurts you just right; my wife adds 10 and it's barely a step above ketchup.

  27. Lol. I’m an American with a pathetic spice tolerance, but even I have frozen cubes of chipotle in adobo in my freezer to add to pretty much anything.

  28. Middle Eastern Recipes: you need more rice…I said MORE rice…still not enough rice ya hiwaaan! wheres the lamb?! throw that in there too…also pick between serving this with the green, red, or yellow soup—might need cauliflower depending on which color you choose! Ya zift, I thought I told you MORE RICE, where’s the Maq’luuba pot ya Ahmaar!?

  29. My entire knowledge of Brazilian cuisine is a deep fried ravioli noodle the size of an i-pad, and a can of pop made from some sort of fruit that looks like a cluster of eyes staring at me. It was pretty great.

  30. Hungarians: Paprika, sour cream, pork. Some form of vegetable I guess. Langos and a pickle. The fanciest dessert you can think of.

  31. Hungarians put sour cream in EVERYTHING. Yet the first time my Hungarian wife made omelets, I put a dollop of sour cream on it. She reacted as if I shit on the plate.

  32. Also prepare your meats in such a way that you wash off the fishy, porky, meat flavor before you cook it in your dish. Don't let meats taste like meats.

  33. I miss Finnish food so much. I’ve tried and tried to replicate some good Finnish rye bread but it just never works out the way I want… 😔

  34. Frankly, as a Latin American person the thing that offends me the most is how every example is of a country's cuisine (French, Italian, Chinese, English, etc) but they talk of "Latinx" food (okay I do hate that word). We're like 33 countries with millions of inhabitants. Speaking of Latin American food is as meaningless as speaking of European food, or African food, or Asian food. Mexican cuisine is very different from Argentinian cuisine, from Colombian cuisine, from Peruvian cuisine.

  35. As someone who is a non-binary Latino I freaking hate "latinx". Latino is already gender neutral ;-; It just sucks when people want to claim to be inclusive or whatever but don't know the syntax of Spanish. They see feminine and masculine nouns and wanna put a gender on it when that's just not how Spanish works

  36. Also, it makes no sense since there isn't even such thing as "latina recipe". Why would you need to refer to an object gender neutrally?

  37. Just opened the image to read the whole thing and I can see the Sam gif, I can tell that's gonna be Irish

  38. Serbian cuisine: pound a litre of rakja, Chase with a pot of caffeinated mud, give your baba a pig. Dont eat the Bay leaf.

  39. So if you can never make it as good as your abuela or southern grandma (Tennessee, no one can compare), does that mean that food is always steadily getting worse??

  40. No, because everyone else who eats it loves it but it's worse to you since it doesn't taste like how grandma used to make it.

  41. People not from Texas making chili : "REAL Texas chili has to have beef, and no beans, because it's not traditional, and use toasted cumin, and..."

  42. brazillian recipes: ok so look around your kitchen, grab the 3 closeat spices you have, stick them in there, and then slap a whole rotisserie chicken on top of the final product.

  43. I'm loving the implication that Brazilian food is just an unseasoned chicken sitting on top of a plate of spices.

  44. Mexican recipes: there’s 2 kind of dish, the ones that only need salt, lime and CHILLY, and the ones that need as much sugar as you can possibly put into the dish before it gives you a cardiac arrest

  45. My Polish dad - we need to make everything ourselves, the guests are coming - hold my naleweczka and watch! Me - but dad, only grandma and grandpa are coming! Dad - do not worry my child, we need to be strong! And he starts to make everything from scratch - bread, pasta, pasztet, hams. After the dinner I am going back to my flat with 3 bags of everything...

  46. Yep. Says “latinx” and then says “abuela” in the same sentence: the very whitest of white. If you’re gonna go with Latinx, follow through.Say “abuelx” too. Commit to inclusiveness if that’s really what you’re trying to do.

  47. Swedish recipes: put oats in the meatballs then smoke the meatballs, why? Tradition. Who’s tradition exactly? Idk but it’s yours now. How am I supposed to smoke meatballs? Idk figure it out or ask grandma

  48. Southern recipes: if from here you haven’t created something that you can deep fry in lard and serve with a 64 oz coke then you have severely messed up

  49. The Polish one is 100% correct. You know when pierogi dough is done by the texture and there’s no way to explain it, you just have to learn it by doing it.

  50. American recipies arent just "put things in the pot. Congrats you cooked" its "use everybody else's recipes to create an affront to nature, the culinary professions, and god/the universe in an attempt to create a taste nobody should ever have, for it is a taste which can dethrone the divine." Why do you think we go overboard with our food so often? We are searching for that flavor.

  51. Please don't use Lantinx, it's not only stupid and we hate it it's not even used correctly most of the time

  52. I think my Italian American mother is Chinese according to this chart--- that "feel it in your heart" mentality to cooking.

  53. Disappointed with the French one. Coulda been something like "pick a random small animal. butter. done" bc that's real French cuisine. where'd they get the Paris thing

  54. Sometimes my brain wants to overcorrect and use the Spanish gender matching the noun. So latina recipe because recipe=receta(f) and then I think "What the fuck am I doing?"

  55. It doesn't even make sense to use in this context. Just say latin food, latin american food or even hispanic food if you have to.

  56. Russian recipes: take the vegetables and boil them all at once. Put bay leaf in there. If it doesn't have bay leaf, it's worthless. Your seasoning consists of three things: Salt, black pepper, and bay leaves. How do you measure anything? Consult the eldritch gods for a random amount of potatoes, carrots, meat, salt, pepper, and bay leaves for your dish.

  57. Dutch recipes: uhhhh, just take whatever veggies you have, either make it a soup or if you have potatoes smash em together.

  58. The one about Chinese recipes is legit. I was looking up a recipe for a sauce I had the pleasure of tasting in Tianjin. There were, like, eight or nine ingredients and none of them had any amount specified. They just said 适量 -- "appropriate amounts of"

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