It was awesome. The most awesome Deus Ex Machina I've ever seen. They set that B plot up in the first minutes of the episode and it culminated in the most out of left field conclusion imaginable.
That episode prompted little me to try drinking 100 cups of coffee to see what would happen. I got to 10 and felt like absolute shite and was like nope nevermind 👋😅
I worked with a guy once who would drip brew a triple strong batch of coffee, pour himself a cup, then proceed to scoop instant coffee crystals into the triple brew. I’m not sure how he was alive.
I knew a guy at work who would eat spoonfuls of instant coffee instead of drinking it. Just remembering how he just crunched down on it alone makes me want to gag. Said it worked faster and better. At that point just admit it's time for drugs bro.
add something with niacin in it too to really get the scalp and face tingles from the niacin flush haha. had some starburst flavored C4 energy drink from a gas station a while back and didn't realize it was slam packed with caffeine and niacin, I enjoyed it.
I hear these descriptions and I don't understand. If I have too much caffeine I just get anxious and clammy. My heart races, but that's about the only sensation I share with OP. Sometimes when I have too much it almost makes me feel more tired or something.
Same. And I like it. Getting in to anything to this extent (coffee, wine, whiskey) sounds stressful as fuck to me. I like all those things, and I know when I like a glass/cup and when I don't. But that's enough for me.
Unmeasured- same here! Provides variety in the experience. Too much or too little I never know. Plus the huge benefit of a drip machine of setting it up the night before and waking up to coffee all ready to pour and go.
If you like it like that I recommend continuing on that way. Coffee gets very expensive, very fast. And when you get into it too far you become so picky, everything tastes inferior. It's a double edged sword for sure.
I recommend at least using filtered water (like from a Brita pitcher). It makes coffee like 2x better. Using a scale for proper weight too will get you 90% of the way there imo.
You beast, how dare you. I only use beans regurgitated from Japanese hot spring monkeys. Each bean is individually roasted over open flame of endangered eucalyptus trees. Then ground with hand carved stones from Mount Etna. Water is minerally and acid balanced. Come on get with the program. :)
I just watched the movie Over the Hedge last night, based on the comic strip. It's nothing spectacular, but it was fun. Hammy is already a hyperactive squirrel with superhero speed (think Dash from The Incredibles), but at the end, he drinks a 6x energy drink of some kind. Time stops. He wanders leisurely through a backyard. You can see lasers turn on and the light slowly cross the yard while he casually wanders away, happy as can be.
I mean it is true, pretty much everyone close to me in my life has ADHD and this is how they react to caffeine. I have to consume caffeine just to get on their normal level lol. My baby sis is unofficially barred from having Starbucks when she comes over because she drinks almost exclusively frappes (16 yo white girl, what do you expect?) And the caffeine mellows her a little but the sugar turns her into a goddamn Energizer bunny right around the time her meds wear off... I swear she speaks at speed unachievable by humans and I usually talk quite fast.
This is a great tale. My favorite part is that you are such a coffee nerd you buy a machine with water quality test strips, but actually not a coffee nerd at all because you didn’t even look into the ratios you were using for your drip coffee. Lolol.
See, I knew of the world of brew ratios, but I didn't bother getting seriously into it until I upgraded my gear, as I presumed that no amount of precise measuring would get the best results on my weak drip machine. The weak-ass brew I was accidentally making was fine, until now
Not necessarily. Hoffman’s attitude allows him to quite enjoy suboptimal coffee. He recently did a bracket of supermarket brand coffee, and while he dissed some of them, he noted that quite a few of them were decent. He’ll drink bad coffee and look for the good parts of it. He makes every effort to appreciate coffee regardless of how it was made.
He was in a recent Wired video where he answers questions from twitter. Midway through the video he busted out a coffee siphon and thought that was absurd.... so I added it to my wishlist, ugh.
I bought a bripe for the sheer lunacy of it. It's... Pretty bad. The filter doesn't do a good job keeping grinds out of your mouth, so I hope you like eating coffee.
I looked up what 300ml looks like (because I'm American), this person is drinking 2-3 biggish mugs per day. There was a time where I was soloing a pot or more per day. DuckDuckGo says that's about 1700 ml. Dude's a lightweight.
Yeah I scrolled way too long to see if anyone else mentioned this. I was honestly thinking it was gonna be a several thousand euros/pounds/dollars coffee machine.
I came into the thread to see some $10,000 machine linked. We bought a $1200 bean-to-cup machine because we drink a lot of coffee and we're normal people.
So sorry to hear about your sweet cat. Life is so hard sometimes. I sure hope you feel better soon. Glad this post made you laugh. It did me too! Esp the paragraph starting with the fly in slow motion! OP needs to write more.
I once ate a protein bar then went swimming. It had a lot of caffeine in it, felt like I dead drank a litre of vodka after a few laps. Locked myself in the changing room and lay on the bench wrapped in my towel for an hour.
I had the same thought — damn, that coffee must be strong, because it seems they skipped right past jitters and straight to a lite version of Fry's 100 cups.
Been there my friend. You're going to have a really bad headache tomorrow. Drink lots of water, eat bananas and bread to soak up the caffeine. Then gradually adjust to your new baseline.
I don't drink caffeine at all. I went for a run and consumed one of those gels beforeb starting out. I had got it as a freebie at a race. I didn't realize it had caffeine in it. I felt like the fucking Flash. Everything seemed moving in slow motion around me.
I once was training a friend at an old job for an overnight shift, she brought coffee for us to drink, it was Death Wish brand. We measured out the proper amount of coffee, and there wasn't enough for even a 1/4 pot after so we just added it, mind you, we were brewing in an industrial coffee machine so it was a massive pot. Biggest mistake ever.
James Hoffman has a lot to answer for. I find myself captivated by his videos and the sheer detail he goes into when making a coffee. I switched from regular plain ol' instant to grinding my own beans and brewing it properly. Only then to realise instant coffee served a purpose in the mornings getting up with the kids. And I'll be dammed if I can justify spending an hour grinding, brewing, performing sacrificial rituals and harvesting the blood of first newborn of the Pentecost just for a cup of coffee
It is a ritual for Puerto rican girls to give this experience to each of their partners. Puerto rican coffee is on another level to begin with and we brew it strong, like our ancestors. When we take a new love home to our kitchen it is customary to make them a cafecito and laugh as they vibrate all the shit right out of themselves an hour later.
If you’re a serious coffee nerd, you should focus your money into a quality burr grinder. I prefer French press but a good grinder will make you coffee ten times better than any brewing method. Getting a good burr grinder will cause your taste buds to say holy shit.
I got the Sage Precision Brewer, on Hoffmann's recommendation. I would not have bought it for full price, but Black Friday deals meant I got nearly £100 off so I couldn't refuse. It really does change everything
My wife loves coffee. Like, an ungodly amount of coffee. I don't drink caffeine anymore, heart palpitations n shit, but when I did...oh boy. I didn't know what Nitro Cold Brew was or is. I saw a plastic sealed cup of coffee in the fridge, I've got a longish day and dinner with my parents later, so I poured myself about 3/4 pint glass and a dash of cashew milk. I drink it while getting ready for dinner. I notice it's super bitter, maybe just a bit old? No mold, so I drank the rest.
In college, I had a classmate who would drink and entire bottle of Stok cold brew (the big ones they sell at the grocery store) in one morning. Even after that he'd still have a resting heart rate of around 60 bpms. Idk how it's possible but he was kinda an intense kid. I drink my one latte every morning and even that I don't usually finish. It's more about the ritual of holding the warm mug when it's cold and the little bit of caffeine to help with my headaches. Even just 8 occasional ounces of cold brew has me damn near seeing the Time Knife lol.
I'm finding it hard to believe that this isn't an ad for a coffee maker. The one pictured at the top, linked at the bottom, and described in depth despite not being relevant beyond coming with an instruction book.
i remember when once, after pulling an all-nighter, i did triple my normal dose of caffeine. i was shaking all day, and my heart was quite literally palpitating. we all experience this once, but damn i have never seen it expressed so well.
Hahahahahaha. My parents make the worst coffee on earth. Like, the coffee at AA meetings & funerals taste like a perfect mug of Blue Mountain medium roast coffee in comparison. Shit looks and feels like an oil spill & tastes like artificial espresso extract mixed with battery acid. We’ve tried everything, everything, and no matter what they do it’s always like that. So I drank green tea growing up for “caffeine” and soda was rare. When I started working as a barista my freshman year of college, I was shocked to discover that coffee is actually delicious. Since I opened every morning (had to be to work by 5:45am) I drank an astonishing amount of coffee. Then I learned I have IBS!!! And not only does coffee fuck me up, but so does caffeine, which I rarely drank enough of before to notice. My apologies that you had to learn about coffee shits the hard way. On the bright side, you’ll never need X-Lax again.
“I can hear the passage of time,” is so good. It reminds me of when I went through something similar with too much caffeine and I said, “I can hear the air.”
I too am a follower of the Hoff, who has lead me to spend absurd amounts of money on a ridiculously priced espresso machine and grinder which I love dearly. I came here to inform you that while you are upgrading your life, I highly reccomend your next (and immediate) upgrade be a bidet. My $35 bidet from Amazon has been as life changing as my incredible morning Americanos. Nothing like a nice, clean, refreshing pressurewash after performing your morning post coffee offering to the Porcelain God. I'm sure James Hoffman would agree.
Hope the best for ya OP but your sacrifice has started a chain reaction of curiosity- Im now on a mission to acquire this coffee; I also want my tastebuds to feel a Columbian coffee bean farmer.
I can’t remember the last time I laughed this hard. That last paragraph, the first sentence had me cackling so hard I stopped reading, only to die laughing even harder with each subsequent sentence. Thank you for this.
"I'm used to drinking four 8oz whiskey and cokes when I cut loose on a Friday night. My friend convinced me that drinking whiskey without the mixer is way better, so I bought a bottle and took the plunge. I just finished my fourth 8oz pour of straight whiskey and suddenly I feel like I'm going to throw up..."
Did you see the time knife?
The dot broke me
Listen up, my little chili babies.
Wow! It's a time knife!
Everyone’s seen it!
I mean, we've all seen the Time Knife!
suddenlythegoodplace
I think I saw this episode of futurama before.
It was awesome. The most awesome Deus Ex Machina I've ever seen. They set that B plot up in the first minutes of the episode and it culminated in the most out of left field conclusion imaginable.
The biggest question is was OP drinking Yemeni or Sulawesi coffee.
One of my favorite sequences in that show.
He decides to buy 100 cups of $1 coffee cup with the $100 note he found... He turns himself into Quicksilver when he reaches the 100th cup.
Or Brooklyn 99.
This isn't Yemeni, it's Sulawesi!
No you didn't; whale biologist.
That episode prompted little me to try drinking 100 cups of coffee to see what would happen. I got to 10 and felt like absolute shite and was like nope nevermind 👋😅
There's a vid of Dave Grohl "documenting" his caffeine journey with a similar feel.
Funnily enough, around 300 cups of coffee is the lethal dose 50%. So you either die or you become superhuman.
Reminded me more frighteningly of this
One time I was out of coffee at home, and decided to brew a pot using instant coffee instead of regular grounds.
I worked with a guy once who would drip brew a triple strong batch of coffee, pour himself a cup, then proceed to scoop instant coffee crystals into the triple brew. I’m not sure how he was alive.
Wait why cus it's gross or what? Too much caffiene?
But instant coffee just needs hot water in a mug to prepare.
I knew a guy at work who would eat spoonfuls of instant coffee instead of drinking it. Just remembering how he just crunched down on it alone makes me want to gag. Said it worked faster and better. At that point just admit it's time for drugs bro.
Prepare to feel your scalp, VIVIDLY, for the next few hours.
add something with niacin in it too to really get the scalp and face tingles from the niacin flush haha. had some starburst flavored C4 energy drink from a gas station a while back and didn't realize it was slam packed with caffeine and niacin, I enjoyed it.
Also prepare for your vision to go in and out of focus in sync with your heartbeat.
What
Used to get that taking ephedrine back in the day. Full on head tingles when you ran your fingers through your hair.
Seriously? Are you guys toddlers? Do you drink a coke and explode?
I hear these descriptions and I don't understand. If I have too much caffeine I just get anxious and clammy. My heart races, but that's about the only sensation I share with OP. Sometimes when I have too much it almost makes me feel more tired or something.
Tell us about your ascent to the throne.
Nearly turned myself inside out on the can and had to wipe for four minutes straight. Overall, I'd recommend the experience.
I imagine the trumpets will sound and the gates of Olympus will open, ready for the decent.
Followed by an ascent off the throne
Followed by a terrible scent from the throne
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This is what I love about Reddit. Get right into the gross stuff. Lol
I thought it was going end like a Dyson Hoover story and it was like a fisher price one !!
...and here I am just randomly dumping unmeasured coffee grounds in a $14 drip machine using water straight from the tap...
Same. And I like it. Getting in to anything to this extent (coffee, wine, whiskey) sounds stressful as fuck to me. I like all those things, and I know when I like a glass/cup and when I don't. But that's enough for me.
Unmeasured- same here! Provides variety in the experience. Too much or too little I never know. Plus the huge benefit of a drip machine of setting it up the night before and waking up to coffee all ready to pour and go.
If you like it like that I recommend continuing on that way. Coffee gets very expensive, very fast. And when you get into it too far you become so picky, everything tastes inferior. It's a double edged sword for sure.
It’s honestly worth it to at least grind and measure.
I recommend at least using filtered water (like from a Brita pitcher). It makes coffee like 2x better. Using a scale for proper weight too will get you 90% of the way there imo.
You beast, how dare you. I only use beans regurgitated from Japanese hot spring monkeys. Each bean is individually roasted over open flame of endangered eucalyptus trees. Then ground with hand carved stones from Mount Etna. Water is minerally and acid balanced. Come on get with the program. :)
I just watched the movie Over the Hedge last night, based on the comic strip. It's nothing spectacular, but it was fun. Hammy is already a hyperactive squirrel with superhero speed (think Dash from The Incredibles), but at the end, he drinks a 6x energy drink of some kind. Time stops. He wanders leisurely through a backyard. You can see lasers turn on and the light slowly cross the yard while he casually wanders away, happy as can be.
I mean it is true, pretty much everyone close to me in my life has ADHD and this is how they react to caffeine. I have to consume caffeine just to get on their normal level lol. My baby sis is unofficially barred from having Starbucks when she comes over because she drinks almost exclusively frappes (16 yo white girl, what do you expect?) And the caffeine mellows her a little but the sugar turns her into a goddamn Energizer bunny right around the time her meds wear off... I swear she speaks at speed unachievable by humans and I usually talk quite fast.
For anyone who wants to watch:
Nothing spectacular? I beg to differ I watched that like a 1000 times when it came out on DVD in like 2008!
There was a comic? TIL.
Isn't this like exactly what happens in hoodwinked too?
I like the cookie...
My mind went to the coffee scene in Brooklyn 99
This is a great tale. My favorite part is that you are such a coffee nerd you buy a machine with water quality test strips, but actually not a coffee nerd at all because you didn’t even look into the ratios you were using for your drip coffee. Lolol.
See, I knew of the world of brew ratios, but I didn't bother getting seriously into it until I upgraded my gear, as I presumed that no amount of precise measuring would get the best results on my weak drip machine. The weak-ass brew I was accidentally making was fine, until now
By switching to weak ass-coffee, you too can save 66%!
I think we were saved by a mysterious orange blur.
this is a level of story telling I have missed in my life.
How I enjoyed this story. I kept thinking about the Gary Larson strip- how nervous little dogs prepare for the day.
The heart turning from beating to vibrating killed me.
That's what v-fib is actually. Your pulse will go through the roof and your ventricles will then just quiver instead of beat.
Literally.
Not necessarily. Hoffman’s attitude allows him to quite enjoy suboptimal coffee. He recently did a bracket of supermarket brand coffee, and while he dissed some of them, he noted that quite a few of them were decent. He’ll drink bad coffee and look for the good parts of it. He makes every effort to appreciate coffee regardless of how it was made.
Hames Joffmann is what leads to madness.
He was in a recent Wired video where he answers questions from twitter. Midway through the video he busted out a coffee siphon and thought that was absurd.... so I added it to my wishlist, ugh.
I bought a bripe for the sheer lunacy of it. It's... Pretty bad. The filter doesn't do a good job keeping grinds out of your mouth, so I hope you like eating coffee.
Did you see his recent video where he deep fried coffee beans and then made coffee out of them? fucking wacked
Those are rookie numbers, we got people drinking a gallon of coffee a day out here with eyes twitching
As long as they stay under 400mg caffeine per day it's still considered within healthy range.
At the coffee shop I work at we get people coming in with visible shakes every now and then.
I was gonna say...since when is three cups of coffee a day "a lot" I usually drain a pot before I even go to work
I looked up what 300ml looks like (because I'm American), this person is drinking 2-3 biggish mugs per day. There was a time where I was soloing a pot or more per day. DuckDuckGo says that's about 1700 ml. Dude's a lightweight.
Here I am drinking 4 shots of espresso from my crappy Breville every morning.
Man, I love my little Bambino.
OPs machine is a Breville also. The picture says something different but I have a Breville precision brewer and it looks identical
"crappy Breville" I brew mine in a $100 machine lol. When I look into an upgrade it'd $600+ X_X.
Lol yeah the second he said "drip coffee" I knew where this was going. I down a 12cup moka every single day.
Breville is the same as Sage that OP listed. Sage is sold in Europe, Breville everywhere else.
Breville makes good espresso. 870xl has cranked out thousands of shots.
here I am drinking multiple cups of unfiltered coffee and still feeling tired
I thought you were going to link to something like a $1200 machine. This is nothing for something you enjoy every day of your life.
Yeah I scrolled way too long to see if anyone else mentioned this. I was honestly thinking it was gonna be a several thousand euros/pounds/dollars coffee machine.
Same. I was expecting at least $600.
I came into the thread to see some $10,000 machine linked. We bought a $1200 bean-to-cup machine because we drink a lot of coffee and we're normal people.
It's a $200 Amazon special.
My brother just bought a $4000 espresso machine and a $1000 grinder
My beloved cat passed away yesterday, and this is the first thing that made me laugh and smile, good job!
My condolences 💐
So sorry to hear about your sweet cat. Life is so hard sometimes. I sure hope you feel better soon. Glad this post made you laugh. It did me too! Esp the paragraph starting with the fly in slow motion! OP needs to write more.
Sorry to hear about the kitty.
You should let everyone see your beautiful fur baby.
So sorry for your loss.
I'm sorry for your loss. I just recently got my first cat ever, so I can't imagine the pain you're going through.
I once ate a protein bar then went swimming. It had a lot of caffeine in it, felt like I dead drank a litre of vodka after a few laps. Locked myself in the changing room and lay on the bench wrapped in my towel for an hour.
I took my adderall one morning, worked for a few hours, then because I was visiting LA, went to hike Griffith park with some friends.
100 cups and time will stop completely.
I had the same thought — damn, that coffee must be strong, because it seems they skipped right past jitters and straight to a lite version of Fry's 100 cups.
Been there my friend. You're going to have a really bad headache tomorrow. Drink lots of water, eat bananas and bread to soak up the caffeine. Then gradually adjust to your new baseline.
This was a beautiful read hehe
That description of coffee now makes me want to try that out but I'll have to control myself as I'm not used to such strong brewed coffee either.
But then you can get into the bean side of it.
Hahah “I can hear the passage of time” god I love that line!
The bad news is that you will quickly get used to new strong brew.
Is this Gale? Gustavo said to get back to work.
LOOK AT ME HECTOR
That last paragraph had me rolling lol. Thanks for sharing your wonderful story with us haha.
I laughed so hard at this! Thank you. What is the colour of distance?
The real TIFU is that you spent that kind of money on a drip machine.
I don't drink caffeine at all. I went for a run and consumed one of those gels beforeb starting out. I had got it as a freebie at a race. I didn't realize it had caffeine in it. I felt like the fucking Flash. Everything seemed moving in slow motion around me.
Relevant
Relevant
I once was training a friend at an old job for an overnight shift, she brought coffee for us to drink, it was Death Wish brand. We measured out the proper amount of coffee, and there wasn't enough for even a 1/4 pot after so we just added it, mind you, we were brewing in an industrial coffee machine so it was a massive pot. Biggest mistake ever.
Wait until yout realize that you have unlocked a new skill. Congrats you are now easily "agitated"
As a Colombian myself, I appreciate you not buthchering my country's name =)
James Hoffman has a lot to answer for. I find myself captivated by his videos and the sheer detail he goes into when making a coffee. I switched from regular plain ol' instant to grinding my own beans and brewing it properly. Only then to realise instant coffee served a purpose in the mornings getting up with the kids. And I'll be dammed if I can justify spending an hour grinding, brewing, performing sacrificial rituals and harvesting the blood of first newborn of the Pentecost just for a cup of coffee
It is a ritual for Puerto rican girls to give this experience to each of their partners. Puerto rican coffee is on another level to begin with and we brew it strong, like our ancestors. When we take a new love home to our kitchen it is customary to make them a cafecito and laugh as they vibrate all the shit right out of themselves an hour later.
You'll get used to it.
Sounds delicious. What does Colombian farmer taste like?
A little salty. Depends on how you season them though.
If you’re a serious coffee nerd, you should focus your money into a quality burr grinder. I prefer French press but a good grinder will make you coffee ten times better than any brewing method. Getting a good burr grinder will cause your taste buds to say holy shit.
I know the coffee is good when I can feel my hair.
Wait till your blood pressure hits a new high and you think you're going to stroke out from the migraine.
This reads like an advertisement
This is literally an ad
Which device?
I got the Sage Precision Brewer, on Hoffmann's recommendation. I would not have bought it for full price, but Black Friday deals meant I got nearly £100 off so I couldn't refuse. It really does change everything
Tell me about your machine!
My niche arrives friday! I’m so excited! Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee
For additional fun, tomorrow take a couple sudafed (real sudafed) along with it.
Tomorrow, go and try the old drip machine with the right amount of coffee, and then weep at the money you've just wasted.
$330 on Amazon and not sold out, time to smell colors boys!
My wife loves coffee. Like, an ungodly amount of coffee. I don't drink caffeine anymore, heart palpitations n shit, but when I did...oh boy. I didn't know what Nitro Cold Brew was or is. I saw a plastic sealed cup of coffee in the fridge, I've got a longish day and dinner with my parents later, so I poured myself about 3/4 pint glass and a dash of cashew milk. I drink it while getting ready for dinner. I notice it's super bitter, maybe just a bit old? No mold, so I drank the rest.
Make that with Death Wish Coffee, and like me you might get to work before you realize you left the car at home.
Try brewing the right amount on your old coffee maker and let us know how the taste compares to the new one
I'm curious how the 60g/L brew compares if made by your old machine?
Thank you for one of the funniest reddit posts in a very long time.
This sure seems like viral marketing to me.
In college, I had a classmate who would drink and entire bottle of Stok cold brew (the big ones they sell at the grocery store) in one morning. Even after that he'd still have a resting heart rate of around 60 bpms. Idk how it's possible but he was kinda an intense kid. I drink my one latte every morning and even that I don't usually finish. It's more about the ritual of holding the warm mug when it's cold and the little bit of caffeine to help with my headaches. Even just 8 occasional ounces of cold brew has me damn near seeing the Time Knife lol.
Wow blatant click baiting and astroturfing.
"TIFU by drinking some really good coffee"
I'm finding it hard to believe that this isn't an ad for a coffee maker. The one pictured at the top, linked at the bottom, and described in depth despite not being relevant beyond coming with an instruction book.
Pff Im not falling for this AD
[удалено]
His or her life is over. Total TIFU material.
26k upvotes for "I drank strong coffee"?
If you're heart is vibrating you need immediate cpr and a defibrillator.
I use a Moka pot, which basically cranks out espresso grade coffee.
i remember when once, after pulling an all-nighter, i did triple my normal dose of caffeine. i was shaking all day, and my heart was quite literally palpitating. we all experience this once, but damn i have never seen it expressed so well.
Less of a fuck up, more of a infomercial for over-doing stimulants. Thumbs up Sir, changing lives
Thse posts of coffee people that uptake their usual dose of caffeine always make me chuckle, yall cowards don't even smoke crack.
I wish stuff affected me half as much people claim it does to them.
Try Adderall next.
Enjoy the cleanse.
Hahahahahaha. My parents make the worst coffee on earth. Like, the coffee at AA meetings & funerals taste like a perfect mug of Blue Mountain medium roast coffee in comparison. Shit looks and feels like an oil spill & tastes like artificial espresso extract mixed with battery acid. We’ve tried everything, everything, and no matter what they do it’s always like that. So I drank green tea growing up for “caffeine” and soda was rare. When I started working as a barista my freshman year of college, I was shocked to discover that coffee is actually delicious. Since I opened every morning (had to be to work by 5:45am) I drank an astonishing amount of coffee. Then I learned I have IBS!!! And not only does coffee fuck me up, but so does caffeine, which I rarely drank enough of before to notice. My apologies that you had to learn about coffee shits the hard way. On the bright side, you’ll never need X-Lax again.
This is TILU: Today I leveled up
This is honestly the best advertisement for a coffee machine I've ever seen in my life.
“I can hear the passage of time,” is so good. It reminds me of when I went through something similar with too much caffeine and I said, “I can hear the air.”
Rest in peace sweet prince
you know your way around words my friend. It has been long since reading about someone drinking too much coffee was so enjoyable for me :)
This looks precisely like the Breville precision brewer I have?
I was expecting pants to be shat. I feel let down.
I too am a follower of the Hoff, who has lead me to spend absurd amounts of money on a ridiculously priced espresso machine and grinder which I love dearly. I came here to inform you that while you are upgrading your life, I highly reccomend your next (and immediate) upgrade be a bidet. My $35 bidet from Amazon has been as life changing as my incredible morning Americanos. Nothing like a nice, clean, refreshing pressurewash after performing your morning post coffee offering to the Porcelain God. I'm sure James Hoffman would agree.
This was a great read. 10/10
It’s cute that you think three cups of coffee makes you a heavy coffee drinker. My coworker goes thru at least two pots a day.
Reminds me of the guy who tried to make his own pre workout and misread the label. He added 1000times the lethal dose of caffee to it and died lol
Same energy
OP is fry after 100 cups of coffee.
Hope the best for ya OP but your sacrifice has started a chain reaction of curiosity- Im now on a mission to acquire this coffee; I also want my tastebuds to feel a Columbian coffee bean farmer.
I heard this in an American voice. It was awesome. Thank you.
Haha, my dad had a similar story when he visited my place and drank his usual 32 oz (<1 L) travel mug's worth.
@op you were drinking canoe sex coffee before because it was fucking close to water
As someone in the specialty coffee industry, I have been there lots of times.
Next week, try white coffee if you want to smell time and hear the the echoes of the big bang
I can’t remember the last time I laughed this hard. That last paragraph, the first sentence had me cackling so hard I stopped reading, only to die laughing even harder with each subsequent sentence. Thank you for this.
Ad for a coffee machine
People are WAY into coffee, like way into it .
I'm on a Diet Coke's worth of caffeine right now and I feel anxious and jittery. I can't imagine what would happen if I did the same as you. God speed
"I'm used to drinking four 8oz whiskey and cokes when I cut loose on a Friday night. My friend convinced me that drinking whiskey without the mixer is way better, so I bought a bottle and took the plunge. I just finished my fourth 8oz pour of straight whiskey and suddenly I feel like I'm going to throw up..."
OP, go back to 20g per and put a teaspoon of coffee liqueur in your cup. Mo betta. Booming flavor. No wicked buzz. No roto rooter.
$200 I was expecting like $3000....
I'm picturing Fry from Futurama when he drank 100 cups of coffee.
After you whole explanation I thought the product was like $1000. It’s barely 200!
Here are the solutions for 99% of the world's coffee preparation issues.
Cringe
Thank you for the belly laugh.
I will be honest. I was expecting expensive to be $400us or higher. That seems not to bad for a thermal carafe brewer of quality.
I expected way, way more expensive from your description
Who is James Hoffman? I only know of Hames Joffman!