Suggest me a book to become a better husband.

  1. I came to recommend Fair Play. Too many people completely overlook the effect that unequal mental and physical loads take on their marriage.

  2. I came in to recommend Fair Play. That Darn Chat on Instagram is a facilitator for the system if you need more real life examples of where these issues come up (well beyond time management) and advice for putting it into practice.

  3. Came here to suggest this book. It’s the single most recommended book to my husband and I when we got married. A great one.

  4. A different angle - I would suggest doing work on yourself and healing from childhood traumas to break patterns that may lead to severed relationships. Therapy and mens work are way better than books, but books like {{How to Do the Work}} {{The Body Keeps the Score}} can be helpful to become “better” when facing a relationship crisis. The end result will likely be a paradigm shift where the question is no longer “how can I get her back” and has become “how can I learn to love myself more”

  5. I would be careful with this book, at least assuming that OPs wife isn’t already firmly in the grasp of a patriarchal religion. For me it had an overly simplistic message, and an implementation that was obviously based in old-school evangelical christianity. At some points it even becomes openly misogynistic. In one story a couple comes to the author for counselling. The relationship had completely deteriorated to a very toxic state. The author then proceeds to recommend that for the next six months, the wife should regularly offer herself sexually to her husband. WTF. According to the author the husband then became happy and therefore did all the things that made the wife happy and they lived happily ever after. You see, the husband’s love language was physical touch, so if the wife stopped having sex it was basically her fault the relationship soured. Makes me want to barf. To me it sounds more like the husband got the church’s help to gaslight his wife.

  6. This can be a helpful framework but anytime someone terms laundry or vacuuming as an act of service, I want to run for the hills. If it's someone you'd have to do if you lived alone (e.g. dishes, child rearing), it ain't a gift, my man. It's adulting.

  7. "fair play"? There is a book about sharing household responsibilities, especially mental load of planning and decision making but i think i meant a different one and i can't find the title

  8. Therapy in conjunction with many of these books would be ideal, to help process the meaning behind them and how it applies to your life

  9. I can recommend this in combination with an EFT therapy where you work through the book. My husband and I went through an 8 week program. Reading a chapter as homework every week and working through the assignments with a trained professional has so far been the most successful therapy we've tried together. Difficult, but 8 weeks well spent.

  10. Fighting for your Marriage by Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg. This one is all about communication. You won't find any flashy novel concepts like what a love language is or what planet various genders remind the authors of, but for me it was much more practical. The concepts of Dialogue and Relationship Enrichment go beyond the bounds of marriage and have improved all of my relationships, with friends, relatives, and my children. I thought I was a "good listener" and "direct" in communication, but until I learned how to listen reflectively and speak in "I" language instead of "You" language I was just spinning wheels, frustrating myself and others. This book did not save my marriage, there were profound differences in values that were not compromisable, but my life on the whole as been improved by working these techniques. I can also say that I am happily maintaining a friendship with the other parent of my children, and Dialogue is a wonderful part of that relationship. Best wishes on your journey together, wherever it takes you, and I whole heartedly agree with those who have recommended couples therapy. It changed my life for the better, and I know my separation and following friendship would not be the same without it and an an honest effort on both sides.

  11. Read anything. Self help books may help, but it’s not very likely. If you want somebody to love you, make yourself somebody that somebody else wants to love. Read for pleasure, exercise, do the right things because they are right, instead of whatever is easier. Be in it both for your wife, but also for YOU.

  12. Idk. Maybe listening to your wife, instead of looking to everyone else to listen to, could help. She may be able to tell you exactly what problems she has with what's going on, so you can look for ways to work on those instead of trying to generalize your own issues with some random authors idea of what problems could occur commonly in marriage. Food for thought.

  13. Eh. This isn’t necessarily bad advice, but it’s not always that easy. Depends on what his wife is like. I’m a recently divorced guy who put myself through hell trying to figure out how to save my marriage. Thing is, she was incapable of articulating what was wrong, so expecting her to offer solutions was a pipe-dream.

  14. I don’t have a book rec, but I just wanted to wish you the best. (I will check my list later…) Your post brought me to tears… I hope you two can work it out. 💙

  15. Everyone seems to have really good suggestions for things aimed at marriage and relationships. The only suggestions I can give lean more towards working on yourself and your own mind because being a healed and whole person is the basis for loving others. Some of these books changed me so strongly in a way I didn’t believe myself capable of. Good luck friend. You’ve got a good chance ya know…. turning to acquired wisdom of men.

  16. I would recommend Gretchen Rubin’s Better Than before. It’s about habits, behavior and thoughts change. You might also enjoy her “Four Tendencies” to help understand what motivates you, your partner and other people.

  17. Since you mention depression, and I am sure there is much more to your story than what you have written, I recommend

  18. Miracle Morning Miracle Morning for Couples 5 Love Languages The 4 Agreements Permission to Feel Conversations worth Having

  19. I’m telling you from experience that this book has worked wonders for me and my relationship. “The Way of the Superior Man”

  20. Non-violent communication. You can find books, videos, websites, etc. I don’t know what personal stuff got between you two, but if it’s mental health or addiction related, look into Dialectical Behavior Therapy.

  21. Getting the Love You Want: How to Find an Ideal Relationship (Getting the love you want, love, guide for couples, relationship, marriage, long term relationship, dating advice)

  22. You don’t need a book. You need therapy. Get therapy for yourself and couples counselling, or just let her go. Separated for 2 years? Jfc.

  23. Definitely All the others recommended for series stuff, but I really liked the romance Ever after Always about a married couple that lost their way and have to work on their marriage to find their way back to one another.

  24. Anything by Don Miguel Ruiz. All of them will help you be better to yourself and in turn fully show up for the people in your life. Good luck!!

  25. As a former Muslim, I highly recommend the Bible. Focus on the words of Christ and memorize them. I’m an Egyptian married to an American and the reason I have been succeeding is because I pray to be another little Christ to her. Please give the Bible a try and write me anytime you want to.

  26. So…it’s not a book, but both my partner and I read/listened to a lot of Dan Savage growing up. We’ve both credited his advice column with being a great resource of pragmatic case studies about how to lay down boundaries, communicate sexual and emotional needs, and be good to our partners as well as ourselves. Plus it takes the pressure off thinking just about YOUR relationship and broadens it to rules for relationships in general.

  27. War and peace. 🤷‍♀️ I wouldn't know though, I've never read it. Edit: I'm sorry you're going through a hard time, and I do hope you both get back on the same page

  28. John Gottman books, he has done a lot of work of marriage and why they succeed and fail. The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships

  29. As a former psychologist, I’m not sure a book is going to give you the personalized answer you need. Self help books generally are good for mild marital issues or relationships that are good and the couple wants it to be even better.

  30. Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle. It’s not a “help” book for marriage, but reading it as a woman in a marriage it was like cracking me open. I suggest it because it shows a marriage from the inside of the wife. It may give you some ideas of what many, many, many wives feel like. Even if your wife wouldn’t identify with all of it, she most likely would a fair bit.

  31. I learned a lot from Tender Warrior by Stu Weber. Read it years ago and have been going through it again recently. He's old school but makes a lot of good points for guys.

  32. Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk. It's a Christian book which may or may not be your thing but there is also a whole lot of valuable and practical stuff about marriage, communication, etc. I'd highly recommend it.

  33. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Don't strive to become a better husband, strive to become a better human being

  34. “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A #@%!” by Mark Hanson (9 average length chapters) “You’re Not Listening, What You’re Missing and Why It Matters” by Kate Murphy. (17 short-ish chapters)

  35. Blink - Malcolm Gladwell: I read this book right before I became a husband. It instills confidence in your decision making and I'm 10 years married, two kids, so happy. I think this book had so much influence at a critical moment.

  36. That’s right at the end of a 1000 page book. Definitely not worth it for OP’s situation. And I say this from the perspective of a die-hard LotR fan.

  37. I was going to suggest Outlander but from experience I have found that no one takes advice. Still, reading a good book is better than crying alone.

  38. Bible,it helps with all relationships if you apply it's teachings to your life. No matter if you believe it or not it makes you a better person by applying it's teaching to your life.

  39. Yes 🙌 Gods word has all the answers. You just have to read it to understand how much love and guidance it holds. Truly a blessing! 🙏

  40. Taking marriage advice from the book recommending women are married off to their rapists sounds like a great idea /s

  41. Don’t know the your specifics however I would recommend the Bible before any book and I will start with Proverbs. My wife and I got separated back in 2007 and got back in 2013 and it was nothing short of a miracle , only God and faith pull me out of my depression and kept the demons at bay , one thing from that experience is that God show me how to love myself first and then my wife starting to fall for me again those years were painful , lots of tears and prayers. God bless you and I hope God still have a plan for you and her.

  42. TMS is definitely not a first stop for depression. It also isn’t anywhere near a guaranteed cure, but can help somewhere around half of people who aren’t helped by regular treatments. It most definitely doesn’t change the size of any part of your brain, but stimulates neurons with magnetic pulses.

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