Your real friends care about you, the fake ones care if you don’t drink. Don’t stress about it. I just backed out of my friends bachelor party

  1. It's amazing how the upheaval in the last year or so has shown me that in my own life. Silly me, taking the CDC seriously and NOT wanting to go to bars or out to eat multiple times a week. How quickly some "friends" stopped wanting to even talk to me anymore. I guess if we're not drinking together we have nothing to talk about?

  2. On the opposite side. I am having my bachelor party in two weeks. My friends have gone out of their way to be creative for me. They knew that with me being sober, strippers and partying wasn’t really an option. We got a room at a casino a couple hours away and nice dinner reservations. The real ones will do whatever they have to, to make you feel comfortable.

  3. I equate drinking to eat meat. Both are socially acceptable behaviours that are so commonplace, it's odd if you don't do those things. Drinking is a part of this country's culture. So, being outside of the that is always going to be seen as "different". However, if you really give a shit about what someone drinks or eats, you are the problem. Live and let live.

  4. My close friends wouldn’t give me a drink if I asked them for one. That’s the way it should be. If someone doesn’t get it… then unfortunately you just have to move on.

  5. When I quit I kept thinking about how I would tell two of my friends that live in Scotland. Meanwhile I live in the US!!!! Seriously I was worried about the reaction of people I see every two years. The first one said good for you and she even took a solid break for a while and the other said “you know what’s best for you”. These are two of my best lifelong friends. Of course they were going to support me. I suppose we want that support from the people we care most about. So it’s scary to think we’ll have to justify it to them. But you shouldn’t have to justify making healthy choices for yourself to people that care about your well-being. Iwndwyt

  6. It's true but I will also say this, hard drinkers often have friends that are hard drinkers and often in denial themselves. In my 30s I've noticed a pattern where privately we all talk about quitting and being down about getting drunk and acting badly or just physically hurting. They may not guilt trip you, they may say no alcohol will be involved but they're just bullshitting themselves and now you're stuck there too.

  7. Thanks for sharing and big congrats for knowing you have a friend who cares about you! IWNDWYT

  8. When I stopped drinking, the majority of my family and friends were supportive, comforting, and encouraging. My best friend for over a decade was kinda ambivalent, even a bit dismissive. When I reached over 90 days and happily told him how well I'd done, he told me it was 90-something days more than he thought I would ever be capable of.

  9. Thank you so much! This group as well as you kind words keep me going. I’m actually excited about what more is to come.

  10. Went through something very similar a couple months ago. I committed to the party in December. I was in rehab in January. Party happened in July. I wasn’t going to go to the bachelor party at all but then my brother who was also invited got sober after seeing me get sober. So we decided we could do it together. It was 12 hours away from home and we took the mentality of “if we decide we can’t be around it, we’ll leave the party early and find something fun to do on the drive home and maybe find a meeting”. A “sober road trip”.

  11. That’s awesome man! That is some self control. Congrats on being strong enough to not indulge. I’ll get there soon, just gotta tread lightly now

  12. What a beautiful pal. You could call the bar they’re going to to see if you can buy a round or facetime them for a bit if either of those things you would be comfortable with. IWNDWYT.

  13. Well brotha, people who don’t stick around through the tough times don’t deserve you in the good times. Good riddance!

  14. Early in my sobriety I stressed over telling a college buddy who’s a fraternity alumni brother of mine about my decision. This stress was unfounded and stupid because said brother had seen me get two dwis in our 20s so needless to say he was very supportive.

  15. Well said. After I stopped drinking 8 years ago I found that I had two types of people in my circle - friends and drinking buddies. Fortunately the friends outnumbered the drinking buddies.

  16. I’m so glad to read this. I’ve been invited to a “wine night” with my friends tomorrow and I just don’t want to go, because I know they’ll either think I’m hungover and too ill to go, or, if I open up and tell them the truth they’ll laugh and say I’m being over dramatic and feeling sorry for myself.

  17. You got this. I had to tell my buddy how much I actually drank. When I did that he was shocked I could function and got it

  18. Good call. I went to a friend's b-party earlier this year and regretted it. I didn't drink but it was fucking horrible hanging out with a bunch of drunks.

  19. Nice! your friend’s reaction is commendable. I went to a bachelor party a few weeks ago and didn’t drink. Thankfully it was at the beach in New England so I could focus on sun, golf, and eating lobster rolls. It didn’t help that I was the only person not enjoying rare IPA beers I used to love. Oh well the pros of no alcohol for me greatly outweigh the cons.

  20. I thought about it. But no chance I’m flying to Miami, going to pool parties and concerts with 15 people and be the ONLY one not drinking. I’m not there yet.

  21. My heart is warmed by this. I recently told a long time friend that I’m alcohol free. I too stressed about it but they were happy for me! And they even shared that they think drinking and drinking culture is “overrated” 😂 I’m so happy we have friends like this in our lives OP. And IWNDWYT!

  22. All my friends were proud of me when I quit but kept going to the bar with them. I feel lucky to have them. However I'm currently not even day 1ing it. I'll get back to it soon with everyone here's help.

  23. Thanks for sharing this my friend, we are one in the same. I recently moved in with my gf and she has a full bar in the house. Guess how long it took her to notice her bottles start to lower significantly? I’m 32 and reminded myself of my 18 year old self raiding the liquor cabinet and adding water back into my parents bottle so “they wouldn’t know”. My uncle has been sober for almost 15 years now and he was the first one I called after I had a bad night out and decided to drive. Luckily I didn’t wreck my car, but I sure could have. My uncle told me no one will ever quit until THEY decide it’s time. It sounds like this may be where you are at. Maybe not, only you know that. For me, my time is done. I’ve drank enough over the past year to probably combine all my friends drinking. I too started to drink at work. Wake up and have a coffee and a tall boy, and the “fun” would begin.

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