My fiancé won't have sex with me if I get the vaccine

  1. But also, they knew each other for 11 years and started dating 2020/2021. So they have only been dating 2 years! You are not supposed to count that time you just knew the person as "being together".

  2. I couldn't get past the abuse in paragraph six so I didn't read it all. Just leave him. He's dangerous to you; if he doesn't start hitting you before marriage he certainly will afterwards, and the fact that he's willing to leave you isolated and endangered from the world bc of truly idiotic conspiracies means that his bullshit "politics" are more important to him than you. Leave him, get your own place, have your surgery, get your vax, and go to Montreal. Live your life.

  3. You know what I noticed? That this guy feels confident to escalate to this point because OP has time and time again compromised her red lines and stepped back. And she's gaslighted to the point where she is still asking if she is overreacting. 11 years of sacrifice after sacrifice and the dude gives her ultimatums over a serious health concern issue. Absolutely unacceptable.

  4. I tried to read to the end. I really did. But this man is a motherfcking mess and you need to break up with him IMMEDIATELY. For your own health and sanity.

  5. JFC. So, he's a nutjob, sexist, manipulative, lives off you... You wouldn't be jeopardazing anything, you'd setting yourself free. Do you want the rest of your life to be like this?

  6. Pack your bags and go to Montreal, without him. Get your plans made quietly so there is no time to debate or be talked out of it. I’m confident you will heave a giant sigh of relief once you set off.

  7. Came here to say this… My husband is immunocompromised. I have absolutely woken up from nightmares of him dying from Covid wtf is wrong with OPs partner?!?!

  8. If I may quote a famous comedian, there are many characteristics that you can fix in a future spouse, but...

  9. I'm not sure what you're getting out of this relationship or why you would want to stay in it. He's shown you that he is lazy and rejects science and has no interest in supporting you or looking after your needs while you keep supporting him throughout the entire relationship. Walk away before you waste more of your life in a terrible relationship.

  10. It sounds like you've already wasted 11 years on some dude who keeps dragging you down. He wants so you do. What about what you want, does that not matter as long as dude isn't complaining? Just think how happy you could be doing whatever you want, eating whatever you want, living where you want and making your own medical decisions. Is he giving you anything or just taking?

  11. You can tell him that if he won't have sex with you then you can open up the relationship on your end. I, personally, wouldn't of course stay with such partner, he seems to have gone to the darker side of the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories."Should I really jeopardize 11 years"That right there is cost-sunk fallacy. You can ask him why he believes in completely unprovable bonkers stuff. There have been some studies done on why people believe in conspiracy theories and as far as i've read then that's basically a type of people who want to believe whatever. You can also ask him to prove his claims. You can say that "i believe you if you can prove it"

  12. Jeez you've got enough red flags to male a balloon big enough to fly to montreal. Get some self worth and realise you can be so much better without safer without him.

  13. Your fiancé is stupid. Find a new one. Get the vaccine. I’ve had 3 shots, my DNA is just fine.

  14. Dump this person time NOW. “I will withhold sex from you if you make independent decisions (about your own health!) that don’t conform to my beliefs” is about the sleaziest possible form of sexual blackmail. It will be 11 years “wasted” but unfortunately he’s probably a lost cause WRT conspiracy theories. Better to get out now than after you are legally entangled. Best of luck to you!

  15. Does he understand that CoVid19 itself kills people and especially people at high risk? I’m sorry he is being so extreme. It’s his right not to get vaccinated, but he has no right telling you not to. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best!

  16. I'm so sorry he's revealed himself to be this controlling and stubborn. I think you're in the right to insist this gets solved before you're stuck living together again with you taking care of him entirely. I also think your reaction wasn't too much; he's doing nothing but belitting you and not listening to you.

  17. Mate. I LOVE conspiracy theories. And I worried about the vaccine. I still had it but you know what? I wouldn't react like your fiancé and I didn't when my husband willingly had it. Cause it's his body man. (Again, I have been vaccinated also).

  18. With as much gentleness as I can muster, good Lord. The only thing worse than wasting 11 years of your life with this idiot would be to waste even one more day. Listen to your own story. If a friend came to you and said her man was deep into conspiracy theories, verbally and physically abusive, had a drinking problem, blew up plans that were months in the making to move and improve her life for no freaking reason, and couldn't even financially support himself, how long would it take for you to tell her to run hard and far away? Be that friend for yourself. Make the move to Montreal without him and don't look back.

  19. Outside of the vaccine thing, he sounds like a loser. You should not marry this man or even be in a relationship with him. Get out while you can.

  20. You need a new boyfriend. Your boyfriend listens to fakes like Alex Jones over an accomplished person like Dr. Fauci?

  21. No way I'm reading this novel, especially after the horseshit in the first paragraph. Engaged for eleven years, to a guy who believes in nutjob conspiracy theories? wtf this has got to be some creative writing exercise.

  22. I'm hoping you posted this because you need to hear the validation that he is unreasonable and you deserve better. So he is unreasonable and you deserve better.

  23. You are not crazy, it sounds like you are being emotionally abused. Even if your fiancé isn't "as bad" as his family members, he knows you are doing EVERYTHING for him, and he cannot even do basic things. This has nothing to do with disability, and everything to do with him doing whatever he wants while expecting you to take care of him and home. There is nothing fair about this situation for you, and at his age he is not going to change. Breaking up with him is the best thing you can do for both of you; so long as you stay together, you will always find yourself in this position. He certainly does not mind you living in discomfort or even fear around him; someone with that kind of entitlement and lack of empathy is not going to change, there are no come to Jesus moments to fix this. So long as you are together, he will always use you to stay as he is, which is someone selfish who will keep doing the least while being the most.

  24. The one and only thing I can say to you, and I say it with the utmost urgency. You need to run, and you need to run FAST.

  25. OP, about two weeks ago a woman posted on reddit about her Qanon following father, and how the night before, her father snapped and shot and killed her mother, then shot her other sister and the family dog. He fell deep into the rabbit hole of qanon and conspiracies, and in the end it destroyed an entire family. He’s by no means an isolated case: there have been several murders of family members by qanon followers who believe they’re saving or protecting their loved ones.

  26. That's a whole lot of words to tell people you're dating a retard. Can you really maintain a relationship with such a disparity in critical thinking ability?

  27. Don’t marry a science denying MAGA nut. They don’t support equality in relationships, and what’s going to happen if you have kids?

  28. Okay, I don’t even finished reading cause d*mn… you can’t be this dumb. He is an idiot that is putting YOU at RISK! Every single day! He is a nut job & honestly, you deserve better.

  29. Ma'm, this guy is using sex as a weapon to control you. We call that coercive control which constitutes abuse. And that doesn't even go into all the other awful stuff in this post. MOVE TO MONTREAL. Leave him. You've wasted 11 years already, DON'T waste another minute. The time has come to step away and help yourself.

  30. Lady, he can be replaced. The line to do so starts at the door. Goes around the corner. And they will *love* that you actually got your shots.

  31. 🚩 unsafe 🚩 compromise the future health of 🚩 5g towers caused covid 🚩 biden may be a clone 🚩 rockafellas🚩 Qanon 🚩 mad at me for not believing in the same things he does🚩 despite me telling him 🚩constantly throws my worries back in my face🚩 calling everyone "sheep" 🚩 telling me to "wake up"🚩 he would feel unsafe having sex with me if I were vaccinated🚩he tells me we can't move 🚩 he vetoed the move 🚩 humiliated and shamed for 🚩 causes your DNA to alter 🚩 We have been arguing 🚩 I am wondering if we should even move in together again. 🤪🚩 he has anger problems 🚩🚩 he is drinking 🚩🚩 he started down the vaccine rabbit hole 🚩 because I don't agree with him even 🚩🚩 yells like a maniac 🚩🚩 won't listen to anything I try to say or 🚩🚩🚩 leads to me feeling like a caged animal 🚩 I yell back🚩 mean things🚩🚩 I said men who scream at women are weak 💯🚩 his brother and father 🚩🚩 are abusive to their partners🚩🚩live with his oldest brother 🚩🚩 living with in laws is terrible🚩🚩🚩 his anger has progressively gotten worse 🚩 mimick these men 💀💀 say and yell awful things ⚠️🚩💀🪦believe in "putting a woman in their place". 🚩💀🪦 father "put his mother in her place"🤡

  32. My friend, you’ve been compromising your own growth and success for a man who believes that POTUS is a clone. “Wake up” he says…Seems like you finally have!! Leave this dumbass and don’t look back!!

  33. Do not bet the next 11 years on the last 11 years. You deserve so much better than how you are being treated.

  34. So, just an fyi OP, you really didn't need to make the post as long as you did. Enough was said in the first paragraph you didn't need the other 10.

  35. So he has some pretty severe mental health issues and he is also abusive. He is paranoid, delusional, and experiencing panic attacks. We are all going to tell you to cut your losses and run, but I get that it is not always that simple when you care for someone. But you cannot live like this forever. Your mental health will continue to decline and it will continue to spill over into your physical health. Please try to convince him to get some professional mental health care ASAP. This is a very dangerous situation for you. You are living with someone who is not all there mentally, who was raised by an abusive father who instilled his sick values regarding women into him. You deserve better!!! If you have any means to leave him, please take the opportunity to consider breaking free. Stay with your mom like you mentioned, or another relative, whatever you need to do. And if the vaccine is what is best for your health, get the vaccine. Don't even tell him about it as it could make him more abusive to you. Just do what you need to do, and plot your escape. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Leaving him will be stressful and you will have a lot of conflicting emotions, but once you get away and get settled, you will be much, much happier.

  36. The main thing I've noticed is the people that get riled up about not getting vaccinated seem to think literally presenting shit behavior, bad attitude, and can't have a conversation without getting triggered is okay. This is just hilarious because if you go and ask a lawyer what's lawful they are fed up with stupid people bitching about this situation and the people who have gone to court and gotten lawyers haven't been charged. Specifically related to covid fines. LOOK it up since you think you know so much. KARENs This is the thing with the people who are acting like Nazis without realizing it, lawyers will not even support your unorthodox claims . Try it out

  37. The guys a walking red flag, you really need to learn that you deserve better, he's literally using you up, is insane, brings nothing to the relationship, and is obvious in some far right, like you know loving and respecting you is the bare minimum of any relationship, it's not the deciding factor that the relationship was good, just the bare basic minimum that acts as the the foundation. 11 years is nothing compared to a lifetime of what your gonna deal with. I pray you have the ability to leave.

  38. I beg you to come to your senses and realize that you’re married to a very dumb person with no common sense. Additionally he is literally putting your life at risk. Being with him puts you at a higher risk of dying. Can you fathom that? After 11 years I suppose its is really really hard to accept these facts but I hope you will eventually.

  39. Channeling my inner Whoopi Goldberg here: YOU IN DANGER, GIRL. Get the hell out of that relationship like YESTERDAY. And go get your vaccine! If it was that unsafe, they wouldn't give it to the masses!

  40. Can you even name one positive thing about this guy? I mean seriously he doesn’t have a single redeeming quality. he’s an abuser, deadbeat, unemployed, in a cult, doesn’t even like you let alone love you, refuses to have sex with you, YOU BOUGHT YOUR OWN ENGAGEMENT RING….. dare I go on. like is this genuinely a question for you? find someone who makes you actually happy. someone will love you way more than this literal nut job

  41. Well after reading this I suggest you leave his ass and get vaccinated, better yet; Call his bluff, get vaccinated and see what happens! If he folds then you "win", then leave his ass regardless, lol.

  42. I think you really need to sit down and really consider the future of this relationship. If you two decided to have children in the future, then would you also be okay with his backwards mentality negatively impacting both their health and future decisions?

  43. u can still catch covid with the vaccine and u can still pass it on. i think people like u who are a health risk should get it 100% but he don't have to cox tbh it wouldn't make a difference he could still pass it on and catch it so if he did get it you'd still be at risk

  44. You need to leave him. And first thing after that you need to go to therapy. You need to work on your self worth and confidence. Because no one who had any self respect would have put up with what you did for 11 years. Do not give him any of your time. I can promise you once you find love again you will understand what you went through for 11 years was never ever love!

  45. On top of this I used to be a severe manipulative alcoholic that blamed everyone else but myself cause what right was anyone to tell me that I was the problem? Why should I say I'm sorry or listen to others when nothing I was doing was wrong and everyone deserved however I acted..... Yeah my ex that dumped me for this is in a much happier and healthier relationship now and I sobered up enough to realize alcohol and my attitude of entitlement was messed up. He'll either sink or swim on his own. If he swims, he'll did his heels in If he sinks it'll all be your fault not his.

  46. Oh poor girl, you’re in a sunk cost fallacy (look it up if you don’t know what it is). If you’re afraid of starting over at 32, don’t be. Get your surgery, get your vaccine, and meet someone who’s going to be your PARTNER in a relationship. You are not responsible for taking care of your boyfriend/fiancé. Do not let him stay in your family’s house for free. He needs to be an adult and learn to live by himself. You will be so much happier being alone for a short term than being miserable in that relationship. I’m just happy you hit the straw that broke the camels back. Leave, as fast as possible. Stop wasting your time, money, and youth on this person. They don’t change. I had the same problem, I thought my ex would be the man he was when we met. It was all an act, and I couldn’t reconcile the lies in the beginning with the actual person he was when he showed his true colors. I hate reading about more people just like me because now I see how bad it was, but I can tell you it’s so much better without him.

  47. I am afraid he needs professional help, he is clearly unwell. On top of that he is manipulative, incredibly childish, selfish and susceptible to conspiracy theories. He is literally putting your health at risk. I am sorry to tell you that this is not an equal relationship. This is your journey and you need to make your own decisions, I am sure on some deep level you already know what you need to do, and if you don't perhaps get some therapy to really figure out how you feel.

  48. Don’t waste another 11 years with an anti-vax crypto bro please. You’ll look back at this point and regret not leaving him now

  49. It might be hard now but you need to think logically. 11 years is a long time but so is the rest of your life. Do you want it spent with someone who has shown tendencies to become abusive when he doesn’t get his way. A partnership is thinking through decisions logically. He is spending too much time on the internet, becoming obsessed over conspiracies and misinformation. Then enforcing his beliefs on you and if you don’t agree becomes manipulative.

  50. You misspelled ex fiance. When people show you who they are, believe them. He is dumber than a box of rocks and so gullible he's a perfect target for scammers and grifters!

  51. 11 years in you've discovered that you're BF is unhinged. Do you think this will get better? If you wait 5 years, you'll have been with him for 16 years. You got together young, and people change.

  52. this is so long for no reason. who cares how long you’ve been with him? do you like yourself more or do you like him more? do you care about you more or do you care about him more? choose you. he’s choosing himself over you, so why shouldn’t you do the same thing? why do you have to sacrifice your well-being for this relationship when he’s not sacrificing anything?

  53. Tbh this guy is loopy , even if the vaccine kills us all , the world will collapse and not be worth living in , if you alone die from Covid the world including him will move on. You can’t tie yourself with people who have an abstract reality , not worth it.

  54. The thing is, i know what it's like to be in a relationship for close to 10 years and i think a LOT of the comments are filled with people that haven't had a real relationship for longer than a few years. I'm sure there is a statistic we could do where most the people chiming in really don't understand that type of commitment.(on and off again doesn't count and neither does long distance until you move in together and the timer doesn't start then). And even though you both aren't married yet, you might as well be right? it feels like you're both just ingrained in each other's lives.

  55. After reading your post, it really just seems like all you’re doing is enabling his behaviors. You are not his mom, it’s time for him to grow up. If he doesn’t want to, then you at least deserve someone that will match your effort. He sounds like a big man-child forreal.

  56. Please leave him, it's pretty clear you are incompatible in your beliefs and he's also just bumming off of you and keeping you from what actually makes you happy, e.g. family, moving to Montreal...etc over something that's actually his paranoia. You can respect his beliefs, and you've tried to communicate, but ultimately you need to accept that if you stay with him you're actually the only who is compromising and none of this is healthy for you, and you will be much happier by yourself, and eventually someone who will appreciate you for who YOU are.

  57. you have a decision to make. this is your life and maybe future children's life. do you decide to continue this path knowing it is only going to get worse. or are you going to make the choice of a better life and walk away.

  58. Girl, this was so hard to read. This man is an ignorant, abusive mooch who has been living off your money and your hard work while traveling down a rabbit hole of delusion. Instead of trying to get a job and do better for him and you he just spends all his time on 4Chan while you sacrifice everything that you love for what? A dude who won't propose after 11(!) years to the point where you had to buy your own ring and now won't have sex with you based on bunk science BS???

  59. The amount of red flags in this post is really concerning. And you're overlooking them all because you're currently buying into the sunk-cost fallacy - the idea that it's better to keep trudging along in a horrible relationship because otherwise you'd have "wasted" all those years.

  60. Break up and move to Canada to be with your family. He is definitely a conspiracy nutjob... and I even hold some beliefs too, like there's a good chance the JFK assassination involved government officials. But he's too far gone if he can't accept he could even be wrong.

  61. I'd let him try his hand at the single life. whatever seems irreplaceable about him, it's not worth supporting a bully who is sending you the message that you aren't even worth touching. imagine all the money you'll be able to save and spend how you want. I can already imagine who'll take him next and how unstable those relationships will be, then he'll be trying to reach out with a much different tone once you're profoundly offended and turned off. am going through something very similar, complete with 5G and vaccine conspiracies while I'm vaccinated. it's not that he doesn't love you, he is totally sure he won't lose you.

  62. You've gone through a lot and you wrote a lot, but the conclusion is very short and simple . you need to break up with him.

  63. Did you pay any attention to what you just wrote? Do you think any of his behavior is "normal" or acceptable? He's a paranoid who's deathly afraid of his shadow. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life babying and catering to some ignorant dude who has all these wild ideas about everyone being out to get him without any...ANY...proof or desire to seek out any info that doesn't reinforce his paranoid delusions? Oh, and as an added bonus, he's chronically unemployed and you bring home the bacon? At this point, you're doing this to yourself. Stop it, take him up on his offer (no sex) and move on with your life. He's an anchor around your neck.

  64. Why are you still with this loser? You sound miserable. He sounds nuts and you deserve better. He is mean, belittles you, ‘puts you in your place,’ tries to gaslight you so you’ll go along with his beliefs and is chronically unemployed. He never finishes anything he starts - college, work, etc. Please do not even consider having kids with this man.

  65. Sounds like you have been with this guy for 11 years and he is all you know about relationships but, dear lady, he is absolutely toxic and unhealthy for you. Perhaps you feel like you’ve invested all this time into this relationship so it’s hard to let go. Perhaps it’s scary to be out there again in the dating world. I don’t know what you’re fears are.

  66. That’s too much text for me to read but judging by title he is an idiot and if you marry him you will be too.

  67. Anti vax and forced vax people are insane. You are under no obligation to stay with someone like that.

  68. I stopped reading after a couple paragraphs but do not marry this crazy motherfucker. Some of the things he believes will put you and your children at risk if you try and start a family

  69. I for one think the COVID vaccine was a sham and did not get it. And I got COVID. Then again, so did my entire family that had gotten vaccinated. I wasn't any worse for wear than they were.

  70. If he’s not already rich from crypto, it’s too late. That ship has sailed for the foreseeable future.

  71. This man has ZERO redeeming qualities. ZERO. He is indifferent, you have begged him to just care about you, he sits around and does nothing to contribute to anything, gets sucked into inane conspiracies that only the most low intelligence high idiot people actually believe, he's putting you at risk every single day because he is too stupid to understand vaccines, you can't even eat food you like any more, and now he thinks he is going to control you by refusing sex. Lol. Get yourself to Montreal and leave him.

  72. Try re-reading what you wrote and making a pro-con list for his merits as a partner. I think you'll find the ratio of bad to good staggeringly unbalanced.

  73. I read all of that. And out of many unforgivable things on there the thing that makes me the saddest is you saying you have to beg for his love. No you don't. No one should ever have to do that of their partner! You can do way better OP You've wasted 11 years already Please break free and get a man that loves and appreciates you Not this leech who's just using you and not stepping up to even be half a decent partner. Leave and don't offer to help set him up elsewhere. Let him stand on his own 2 feet for once and don't listen when he comes crawling back suddenly saying he loves you either!!

  74. I couldn't get past the third paragraph... I've always read about people like this exist but first time reading here. Save yourself , he's crazy

  75. Oh god I’m not even going to read this ridiculously long post. I’ve got the jist in the first paragraph. You’re married to an alcoholic idiot. Do you want to be married to an alcoholic idiot?

  76. Yeah it kinda sucks to end a relationship of 11 years, but I lost track of all the red flags here. It's way worse to continue a bad relationship because you think you need to because of the time you've invested.

  77. 4 billion people have been vaccinated No one has to know when you are added to the list unless you tell them

  78. girl holy fuck. from your tone it seems like you already have some (a lot of) resentment built up towards him. also he is insanely stupid. also you need to break up with him. he’s leaning towards abusiveness, not even including the fact you lowkey need the vaccine bc you’re already predisposed to complications if u got covid. idk how this is even a question but if your views differ this greatly to the point you’ve been fighting about it for over a year and no progress has been made, you guys will not succeed in a healthy relationship. get out while the getting is good.

  79. Yikes. I know 11 years together must feel like a lot to throw away but... you gotta take out the trash. Leave him. Move to Montreal on your own. Start a new life for yourself. Soo many red flags with him that will only get worse and possibly to the point of abuse. You seem like a very smart, considerate, and level headed person. I hope you get away from this relationship and create a wonderful life for yourself, you deserve it.

  80. I'm gonna be honest and say that I didn't even read this whole thing, just the first few paragraphs. Sounds EXACTLY like my mom.

  81. you’re immunocompromised with a partner who cares more about his conspiracy theories than your health, happiness, and quality of life. if an emergency lands you in the hospital and for whatever reason he’s in charge of making the decision to consent to/deny life saving treatment- do you think he’d refuse treatment because of whatever conspiracy theories he’s buying into?

  82. Yes, jeopardize 11 years!! Get out now before you're married and it's even worse as hard as that is to imagine. He is unhinged and has been taking advantage of you for years.

  83. Well he's absolutely right about taking that injection, especially if you're a woman you're compromising your bodys health not to mention reproductive organs.

  84. Lol just dump this moron, he's literally fucked in the head. You are still young, Montreal is full of smart educated people and like 95% vaccinated.

  85. Your fiance is doing you a favor by not copulating with you. This way you will not have to procreate with a nut job. Can you imagine trying to coparent with this Yahoo? Run while you can.

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