Boyfriend wants me to æove with with him but not move in together

  1. You really put my icky feeling about this into words. I really don't think he respects you properly as a person OP, whether he is doing it intentionally or not, he doesn't really understand that you are a person that also needs their own space.

  2. When my boyfriend and i moved in together, my landlord was a bit of a pain in the arse about putting him on the lease.

  3. Wow I’m so happy to hear that, I would do the same. And yeah I really want that security, but also I just think its kind of symbolic if we both are on the lease, it is like “our place” filled with love, and we both have responsibility over the apartment too. Besides, I don’t risk him using “this is my apartment” against me either

  4. OP I was in a relationship where I spent the majority of my time at his flat but he was sure to always let me know it was “his” flat.

  5. Yeeeee, “my place/apartment” I have heard that one a looot from him before. But I just figured he has always been very proud of his independence, he was young when he moved out and he is very mature in a lot of ways because he “is on his own”, far away from family and roots, and have been for a long time. My mom deffo doesn’t like the way he has said that(“my apartment”) at all, but I guess I was so blindly in love that I took it as something I was doing wrong more than him being unfair. She is against us being together, partly due to other issues as well. But I do love him so much and I tend to fight hard (sometimes too much) for the things care for. But my perspective on things has changed in some ways, due to this reddit post.

  6. For a long time I didn’t want to step on his toes and I’ve been walking on eggshells concerning this topic.. I kind of gave up some time ago, and just said okay to the fact that he was the only one on the lease, and then the next place we could both be on it. But he is looking for an apartment with no “expiration” date if that makes sense, like a place he can rent for how ever long he wants, and it just seems like I could end up “waiting” a long time for us to get a shared place - because who would want to move again within the next couple of years? And he has told me he wants us to stay together everyday in the next apartment too, or our relationship will change and not be the same, and probably stop(which I do agree on somewhat) So me living at home/my own place isn’t even an option really

  7. Don't move in with him then. He's not ready for that and has some trust issues. Once he is ready for it to be 50/50, move in with him. The fact that he says it is to protect him in case of a breakup is a sign that he has some doubts about it working out long term.

  8. That’s true, I barely thought about the worst case scenario - a break up. And nor do I even want to. We have talked about being each others everything and wanting to be together forever. So it hit hard that he feels this way.

  9. this is a good take. i don’t see a huge problem with what he’s doing. it just seems like he doesn’t want a disaster for if shit hits the fan. that’s completely fair and understandable especially only being together for a year.

  10. Sounds like he’s keeping his options open, in case he finds someone else. Then he can throw you out and you have no rights

  11. As a guy I see this the other way (aka he has trust issues and expects her to leave him eventually) but I may be projecting.

  12. DO NOT DO IT! Your boyfriend sounds like a controlling nightmare, honestly. But you're supposed to pay for half of everything, and yet it won't even be your place, only his? So many red flags here. And you'd have no security in that situation.

  13. I would refuse to do this. It's an apartment lease, not a house purchase. His expectations put you in a terrible position which is unfair and it speaks poorly of him that he won't recognize this.

  14. I’ve been frustrated that he can’t see it from my perspective/understand… Even if he did go along with it now, it wouldn’t feel right because I don’t want to force him or anything, that’s insincere. It should be natural:/ So this sucks major now

  15. OP… I don’t believe it is in you best interest to move with him. Note: after a year living with him, he “permits” you to have two hole shelves and a little extra storage - roommates typically get more space than that.

  16. He has a one bedroom right now, and that’s why I have little storage. Which I totally understand. What I mean is, I’ve always respected his boundaries and the fact that this apartment now is his place, not ours. But the next one I would like it to be ours.

  17. No way. You're an accessory that he wants on call and only when he deems it necessary. You're either all in or not at all. He can't play house but on his terms. I don't like ultimatums but look, tell him shit or get off the pot.

  18. Fuck that don’t contribute money to live in a place you have no legal claim to!!! That’s it. Has nothing to do with trust or anything, but if he makes it about that, let him know that if you could trust him this wouldn’t be a big deal

  19. Currently I have a gap year where I work and he is fully educated now in his field. And in gap years it is not uncommon to move out where I am from and move in with partners/friends whatever. But yeah I may rethink things

  20. Girl, don’t do this. You deserve to live in a home…. You do not deserve to pay half the rent just to be reminded all the time that it’s not your place and he can kick you out whenever he wants. He wants all the security at YOUR expense. Let him have his security in his own place while you have you own security in your own place.

  21. Sounds like he's already got one foot out the door. You're both 19 and you'll find other people. If your æ suggests your language - han er ikke det værd!

  22. He isn't ready to live with another person. I know this because I was exactly like this. Terrified of the vulnerability of sharing space 24/7, compromising, parting ways with things, etc.

  23. I couldn't live like this for much longer. It must be hard feeling like you have no home. I would rather rent else where until he decides he wants to be an equal with me, or break up. Which ever sounds better for you.

  24. Thank you for your comment, it would feel like I’m dependent on him for a home, and not like it is a shared home for both of us

  25. Yeah, this is bad. He is basically admitting to want to have power and leverage over you? He doesn't trust you, simple as that. He doesn't respect you either. Otherwise he'd make sure you both have ownership here. I don't know why he doesn't trust you, but often it comes from misogynistic beliefs about women or just a lack of trust in people based on past issues, but regardless, this isn't okay. If you pay, you own too. If he won't back down, I'd consider ending it there. You do not want to get financially involved deeper with someone like this.

  26. He has always been a bit possesive about things in his current apartment, like if I had talked about some glasses or cups I liked, he would say he already had those things, and there’s no need for me to buy them, or like if I’d suggest very small changes, he would argue it is his place and not mine. So he is used to calling the shots a lot.

  27. Don't do it, you'll only be putting yourself in a tricky position if you do break up in the future. Plus if there's any arguments, there's no guarantee the "get out of MY apartment" card could be played.

  28. Thinking back to when I was an immature 20yr man, I can tell you this. Don't agree to his terms. Get your own place or find a roommate.

  29. You’re being treated like an animal, and people love animals apparently…so you’re lower than an animal. I wouldn’t move in, if you don’t want to break up. I would break up with him though

  30. I feel like he’s almost preparing for a breakup. He said he doesn’t want to have to fight for the apartment in the event of a breakup, which I feel kind of cements the idea that he doesn’t seem to be seeing the relationship as a truly long-term commitment and partnership. I personally would not move in with a partner after only a year, but I am also in college and my situation is a little different. I don’t think he’s being very respectful to you, OP. That’s my two cents

  31. Red flag! 🚩 It’s great to have an easy separation if things don’t work out, that part is a plus! But only if each person has another option available at all times! Otherwise you’re completely at their mercy and you assume all the risk! I’ve been wronged by enough “friends” and “loved ones” to know that no matter who you are, you never get 100% reliance (or trust) from me. IF you decide to move in with him under those parameters; have an out planned just in case. Have money saved and ready if you need to get a place of your own in a hurry. Also, not sure where you’re from but most places (I’m in CA, USA) they have a residency clause so you can’t be kicked out and left homeless as long as there’s something (bills, utilities, mail) addressed to you showing you have been living there. In that case anyone would have to go through the eviction process to legally throw you out.

  32. I think it’s okay for him to feel that way especially as you both are so young however he cannot have his cake and eat it too. I don’t think there’s a need to break up, but maybe let him find his own place and you have yours and when he’s ready to commit then have that chat again. Possibly even once the next lease is up it might him some perspective.

  33. I think it would wind up OP spending all her time at his place that way anyway and so he would essentially be getting the arrangement he wants. Unless they were to take a step back in the relationship and spend less time together, going on dates outside the apartments only. Which at that point seems like just bite the bullet and break up

  34. Yes I could pack my bags and leave, just like our situation right now… But I love him and wanted that commitment and we have lived together for a year and I didn’t imagine we would break up. But a lot of what you write makes perfect sense, yes we are very young, and maybe moving in together isn’t the way forward after all

  35. You won’t be equals and he is not showing trust, faith or empathy. He doesn’t believe in your future together so why do you?

  36. He has always talked highly about our future together, living together, getting married etc., but I may start to think that it was nice for him when it was way out in the future and a pretty piture but not actual actions. But this led me to get the picture he was a unicorn, a guy wanting all that with me? I felt very lucky

  37. If he's not ready for the commitment of sharing a space and having it be as much yours as it is his, then he's not ready for you to live with him, period. I would recommend you get your own place where the space is yours and you'll have more than 2 shelves. It doesn't mean you guys have to break up. Nothing wrong with not being ready for these big steps, but taking big steps with his heart being halfway committed is definitely not going to help the relationship and you'll have more to lose than him.

  38. I just hate that he was all talk about us living together long time ago, but that was probably in the honeymoonphase.

  39. Om du ikke kan få han til å skrive samboerkontrakt er det bare å la være. Skulle dere ende opp med å slå opp han få alt, uansett hva dere har kjøpt hver.

  40. Yes he loves to have me around. We have a good time, watch movies, cook and I do chores and stuff like he does! Very homey. But ur right, not so much on me moving in with my things and actually sharing the place

  41. I apologize for not reading. I saw the title then age and decided whatever you're gonna type will not make sense to move in with anyone let alone move away from current situation. I'll finish reading now

  42. why would you pay half of rent or even some rent if you don’t live there? you’re literally just a constant guest like you said. yea girl i would not with this guy.. stop helping him out with rent if he doesn’t want you on the lease it isn’t your responsibility

  43. He can't throw you out "just because" if you receive mail there and have it listed as your residence on your I.D. - think you have to be there for a few months though. It may vary from state to state.

  44. He's got a point, but I agree with others that you should not pay anything except maybe food. There is no upside for you. You've offered to be put on the lease and have responsibility but it's been denied. Save the money you would have spent on a backup plan or tell him if he'll marry you, you'll then have a nice nest egg to put towards a house together.

  45. I wouldn’t move on with him. And also if he gets mad, if your name isn’t on the lease, even if you pay half rent, you won’t have rights as a tenant. Such as if there is a fight, you won’t be able to get your belongings without him there or get let in if he locks you out. There is a lot of stuff that can go wrong.

  46. Okay If he is going to have the lions share of the benefits of the apartment then he should pay for the lions share of the rent, so counter him what you think is fair and then with the money you save , save it up and it will buy you options when you do break up.

  47. Don’t pay rent if he’s not putting you on the lease. It’s an unfair proposal of him and doesn’t show any faith in the relationship.

  48. He’s out of his mind if he expects you to pay half the rent on an apartment you don’t keep your stuff in. However, not being on the lease could work out in your favor if you broke up, which I am not saying is going to happen, but could. All that said, the new landlord is not likely going to be okay with you living there while not on the lease.

  49. He is already saying if you guys break up in the future, that means he doesn't think you are the one or he wouldn't think like that. Leave now. Dont waste your time and energy on someone that there probably won't be a future with.

  50. Moving into his existing apartment initially seems reasonable for where you were at the time, but now that he’s moving and wants you to come with him, it would make sense for you to get a place together. Sounds like he wants an easy out of the relationship should that strike his fancy. I’m in the same position as you except I’m married and live in my husbands house. If and when we move we’ll get one together, but for now the situation is just how it is. Our compromise has been that he let me decorate the whole place (splitting the cost) so it felt like mine too.

  51. He doesn't see you as an equal partner. He wants all the leverage including the ability to remove you from the apartment, limit your space, and be the final deciding factor for what happens in the space because, according the the lease, it's "HIS" space, not a joint shared space.

  52. You should be able to enjoy your home, have all your things and equal say in everything. He's a control freak and not a good human. This is ridiculous. Don't settle for this. This is YOUR life.

  53. You suggest that you might talk to him like two adults, in the case of a breakup, when he isn’t acting or thinking like an adult now. Why oh why won’t you stand up for yourself?

  54. He isn’t being fair to you. You would be the one thrown out and left on your ear. Very difficult but you could both get studios in same building, or more independently, get your own place. You are a big girl and are expected to work, so there is no reason why you have to be a second class citizen in this relationship. He’s already worrying about splitting up, so don’t put your eggs in one basket. Try to afford your own place or share with others on an equal footing.

  55. Red flag darling! It’s similar if he owned a house. He could kick you out. Don’t be silly. He is looking out for number 1. He could kick you out and you have no protection. Get your own place. You are very young. Don’t rush!! And don’t move in with him!

  56. As someone who had this arrangement (with a friend, not boyfriend), I can’t overstate how badly it sucks. You will feel like you have no real home. You won’t feel respected, you literally won’t have equal rights, you’ll feel like (and basically be) a subordinate to a boss.

  57. Naw, greasy. If you both live together there should be equilibrium in one way or another, but definitely be on the lease unless you trust that he won't leave you homeless if something goes down. Be smart.

  58. At the start, I didn’t even think of the risk of him kicking me out, that’s something my mother commeted on. I wanted to be on the lease because this should be our place, our home, our beginning of a shared home. And I wanted to pay half of the deposit and be proud of what we had achieved together. I wanted it because of the love is symbolizes, but my mother and the reddit comments is eye opening

  59. Girllllll no…. You’re setting yourself up for your demise don’t do it RUN. A relationship is supposed to be a team thing and this right here does not look like team work at all… you’re name should be on the lease of you guys are living together… what kind of relationship is that???!?? I wouldn’t pay crap since it’s his he can pay for it lol maybe I’m just petty.

  60. So it's not okay for him to have an insecure home despite his name on lease with yours, but it's perfectly fine for you to have an insecure home? Nah.

  61. 🚩 This is absolutely the hill to die on. Sounds like he wants to have you as a subordinate in his apartment until he's financially comfortable enough to break up. It's unfortunate, but if this is his stance, then he isn't really serious about your relationship. Partners should want to build things together , not secure things for one party and leave the other flopping in the wind.

  62. Throw the whole man away. He wants it be his bachelor pad still and NOT invaded by his gf (to me it just feels like he’s using you for his plaything Instead of gf) he shouldn’t be this insecure

  63. I admit he loved faster in the begining, but I probably fell harder as time passed by. Only now I feel the consequences of that

  64. Ngl, I can see his side of the break up. It’s a big commitment to make especially when you are putting your names on a legal document. My counter would be to draw up or have a lawyer draw up a contract with youre desires and wants and have him sign it. That way you’re entitled to some things and decision in the house without being on the lease.

  65. I really don’t like the idea of it just being his cause then if something happens you will have nowhere to live. And if he wanted to her could hold having the place under his name above you do not let this slide you should be clear when you tell him it’s under both names or it’s no deal.

  66. As other comms said, his apartment, his bills. You either share everything or you don’t. I think you must be ready to live with your family in case he doesn’t want you not to pay.

  67. Get your own place. He's not bending to your requests, He's already told you what to expect. And DON'T you dare pay rent just for being there. He's already shown who who he is and how he will behave why sweat it?

  68. Where I live most of the landlords won't even let you stay there unless you're also on the lease. He might not even get to have his way depending on where u guys decide to live.

  69. Don't most landlords require all tenants to be on the lease? I don't think I've never rented anywhere that didn't have an "extended guest" policy. Two full-time tenants, two names on the lease.

  70. I admit talking about this has made me more aware of what I would go into, and I am so happy there are some people that understands me! I am alone right now, which may have an impact of my answers, I soften up when he comes home, for sure. But I am glad that I have gained more perspective now

  71. I asked a girl to do this and now see how stupid it sounded to do. Move 300 miles for me but live in separate homes. I was young like him as well.

  72. This is a relationship learning moment for you, OP. He wants you to give him money for rent, but still have it be his place with his stuff and his rules. What does that tell you about him, as a person and about your relationship as a whole? Not good stuff, huh?

  73. He does like rules, he grew up in a rather strict household with strong consequenses if rules weren’t followed.

  74. Anyone’s place to live should be their sanctuary from the outside world. If you feel like you’re walking on eggshells at home, then separate yourself from the situation.

  75. Listen, this is simple. All you really need to do is discuss all the possible scenarios and create a contract/"prenup" agreement for all the different scenarios. e.g. if you break up - you both agree to do this. This is how rent/utilities will be paid. The living/storage spaces will be split up this way (this is where you get more than 2 shelves). If there are any disagreements here, you can negotiate - if I get less storage space, I pay x less rent. etc. As a baseline, if there's ANYTHING that deviates from an absolute equal split, he'll have to compromise by paying more for it or provide some other compromise. e.g. if you're not on the lease, then you pay less or you get 2 months to find a new place.

  76. Either move with him as this is. See if he’ll reconsider or move somewhere on your own. No one can tell you what to do he but he definitely doesn’t sound all in.

  77. I was roommates with a guy who was insanely possessive of the apartment. When I first moved in that was somewhat understandable, he had put the deposit down, was the first to live there and the rest of us moved in later. The problems started when we moved to another place in the same building because it had a better set up. In his mind it was still HIS apartment and not ours.

  78. Does sound similar yes. He comments often on my things laying around but it’s different when it is his, right? Because it is his place. He even took the key to the bathroom away because he didn’t like the fact that I could lock myself in, if I needed space or smthng.

  79. Op, you guys are pretty young. I would suggest separate spaces so you both can maintain your personal freedoms, while learning and growing together. If a situation isn't for you and makes you uncomfortable and your voice your opinions you don't have to accept the short end of the stick. Personally, if you're going to live together, then live together. If not, then don't.

  80. You've gotten a lot of good advice on here, but I wanted to add that you should check out the housing laws in your area surrounding eviction. Depending on where you live, there may be laws protecting you from getting kicked out without notice even if you aren't on the lease.

  81. He is withdrawing and treating y’all’s relationship more like a situationship with extra steps. He is probably unsure of the longevity of the relationship as it stands and wants to have the option of a clean breakup regarding the living arrangement.

  82. Here's an idea don't move in with him get your own spot that way your s*** can dominate your apartment he's already looking as if you and him are not going to be together in the future that's why he wants the apartment to be 100% his so you and him don't have to fight about it in the future you don't have to live with him you can live in your own apartment

  83. My advice would be to tell him if he doesn't want you on the lease you will get your own apartment with your own lease and you guys can divide your time between the two. If he is not ready to share "his space," don't.

  84. He's planned it this way specifically so he can kick you out if he wants and has told you that's the reason. Do not move into a situation like that, ever.

  85. In my opinion it kinda sounds to me like he is just a BALLBAG...if you've been living together at his apartment for a year and now he wants to move and keep the same arrangement he isn't treating you like a partner and it's doesn't seem like he wants to treat you like a partner and it's honestly not fair he is trying to keep the power balanced in his favor and that's bullshit.. I just went through this exact same situation and the only real solution that will actually change things is you need to sit down and talk with him tell him exactly how this makes you feel and I understand that it's not an easy thing to do but you need to basically give him an ultimatum he either puts you on the lease and respects you as his partner and you two put this in the past or he can continue to act like an ass but he can do so without you in his life ... I understand how hard this can be with someone you love but if you don't put your foot down and get treated with the respect you deserve as his partner your current situation will just continue like it is and then it's only going to cause anger and resentment down the road .speaking from experience if the current situation continues your resentment is just going to grow and grow until it's eating away at you and your relationship will crumble a little more each day until there is nothing left .. your mental health is important you need to take care of yourself so talk with him and tell him that if he wants you to move with him your going to move together as partners into your and his new home and not into his new place where you might get a 3rd shelf and possibly a drawer... YOU MOVE IN TOGETHER AS PARTNERS OR HE CAN MOVE INTO A NEW APARTMENT WITHOUT YOU I apologize for such a long reply but I just went through the exact same situation so I have alot of input on this topic. I'M SENDING YOU NOTHING BUT GOOD VIBES AND WISHING YOU THE BEST OF LUCK!!! 🐺🐾 Cameron 🐾🐺

  86. Thank you so much for your answer, I love to hear from people who may have experienced something like this. It means a lot!

  87. You keep saying it's fine when it's obviously NOT fine. I would give an ultimatum. I'll move with you if it's in both our names so you have security and feel welcome. If he cannot respect you say bye ....

  88. He’s totally failed the cohabitation stage of the relationship. He’s stringing you along. Either your name is on the lease….or you get your own place without him. Honestly, get a place without him. You deserve way better than some guy who just wants to play house.

  89. Girl... no... run. He wants financial control where he is thinking "if/when" you break up he can kick you out. If a partner won't put you on the lease they are your landlord. It's a power trip. Why is your security in housing HIS choice. No sweetheart. Get your own place and tell him, bye.

  90. Hey OP, He does not seem ready for the commitment, and OP, please consider that anyone can say words or make big promises, but actions show a lot more of the thoughts of a person than words mostly do. Hope for the Best for you. You also keep saying you're okay with that little space but please consider: do you want to live your life or be a guest in someone else's?

  91. May get downvoted for this but honestly you're both so young and it sounds like he's doing what is best for him. Im also 20 and been with my boyfriend for a year, and basically Live together. However I would not feel comfortable putting him on the same lease as me because of the what ifs, we both had the opportunity to move in together this year but decided it's best not to because it's a relatively new relationship, we are both young and don't want to cause any issues if the worst case scenario happened (break up) Yeah it sucks, and I understand it can feel like hes not taking you into account, but you're both 19 and 20, it can feel Like you're both fully secure in the relationship but at that age you never know what can happen, wait until you're a lot older to move in officially together on the same lease, get you're own place, and let him have his. I think that's the best protection for both of you

  92. It’s too early for y’all to go 50/50 like that. You’re only 1 year into the relationship. Imagine how difficult it would be to split up…. Not so easy to walk out when half of the apartment is your own stuff. You don’t want to feel obligated to stay in the relationship based on this.

  93. Basically yes, I didn’t want to at first, like eat with him all the time and stuff, every evening, but he convinced me. It was a no brainer in the end, because why would I not want to be with him after work? And he loved having me around

  94. He doesn’t see you as a longterm relationship , but a temporary convenience. He wants you to conveniently fit into his life rather then create a life with you. Look at his actions and ignore his ‘words’.

  95. If this is something important for you, then I completely understand that. In my experience, I told my bf the same thing yours told you. My bf has a steady family and has lived in his home since he was a baby. My family and I are pretty broken and everyone lives separately. I’ve told my bf that once we get OUR apartment (we live together with his family), everything will be in my name and we’ll split costs however we see fit but evenly. And I promised to never throw it at him, kick him out, not let him personalize it how he wants. I explained that he has a childhood/family home to go back to if it doesn’t work out, I don’t. He was okay with that and understood. A house is a totally different story though. I do get where both of you are coming from, but you should definitely speak on your feelings because they are completely valid. If he can’t compromise then I’d advise getting your own place. Or at least telling him you’re gonna get your own place to see if he compromises.

  96. what landlord would agree to this? every lease ive ever signed had clauses about guests not being allowed to stay more than a certain number of nights per week or month. if someone was living with me fulltime, they had to officially be on the lease as a tenant. i guess maybe there are some landlords who are lax on this but I wouldnt live somewhere—and i definitely wouldn’t pay half the rent (if he wants the place to be 100% his then there should be a trade off where he either pays a slightly higher percentage or picks up the utilities himself. He cant have his cake and eat it too)—if i wasn’t protected by a lease. it sounds like he just wants a pseudo roommate that he can fuck and toss out without the hassle of breaking their lease

  97. This is really simple. Get your own place. You need security in the roof over your head. Move in with friends or move in on your own but don't move in with him. He's not ready to make that commitment properly. And that's okay aside from trying to have it his way. Just make the situation easy and take the option away until he Is ready. Living together is overrated for the most part anyway. Having your own space is a luxury you shouldn't give up till you can't bare a day without eachother.

  98. Check the tenancy laws in your area. If you are living in the apartment he probably can't throw you out on a moment's notice anyway, go over the law with him.

  99. I think this is grounds for breaking up. It is understandable that he wants his own place, but then you shouldn’t be paying a red cent towards it and have your own place. This could have been a big step in your relationship, but he has let his mask slip and his selfishness out.

  100. So you have lived together your entire relationship and you are only 20? I feel like you are both too young to be playing house and that living together after such a short time can put a lot of pressure on a relationship. It might be best if you had your own space and him his. I know its nice to play house and be around each other all the time but at this stage your education and personal growth should be more important. Becoming independent and moving towards your career goals so that you can feel secure in yourself and he can see you all your value.

  101. He is being controlling and unfair. He likes a power imbalance in this relationship. If you choose to continue dating him, DO NOT move in with him under those conditions. Just tell him that you prefer to have equal footing with your housemates independent of romantic relationships so you will be seeking other accommodations.

  102. I’m sure the thought crosses peoples minds consistently, but isn’t the train of thought that “if we break up in the future, I don’t wanna deal with ___” a very bad look into the way he views your relationship?

  103. Yes that’s what I try to tell him. I don’t want to think of a potential break up, everyone has that then. I look at all the good times, getting to continue to live together but growing a shared home and place for us.

  104. I'd dump his ass. He sounds toxic AF with no intention of progressing your relationship. You had me at you get 2 shelves and some storage currently. What a narcissist.

  105. Noo it’s a one bedroom, not a lot of room. He has four shelvs himself for clothes. It was more that I respect it is his apartment now, and Im not intruding it in any way with my stuff.

  106. I mean, maybe a different answer than you'll get but a year really isn't that long to have known someone. I've known people for longer that have completely betrayed my trust and turned out to be completely different.

  107. He wants to keep his options open and not have legal/lease ties. Which isn’t good considering a lease isn’t that long. If he were buying a house, I could understand.

  108. He's not serious about you. You are temporary to him, and he's already planning your breakup. If you enjoy his company and are fine with a short term relationship, great. If you're looking for a life partner, he's not it.

  109. He’s young, usually guys that age have a hard time committing to a girl and it’s showing by him not wanting you on the lease. I personally wouldn’t pay half the rent for an apartment that wasn’t mine.

  110. Don’t do it, especially because his reasoning is because he wants to be able to kick you out if things ever go south. Major red flag 🚩 Hes having doubts about your future together and wants you as a placeholder, pay half the rent, probably do housework and buy groceries, then when someone better comes along he can kick you out with no hassle, no trouble, and no say from you.

  111. Literally he said it himself - he doesnt want to fight for the apartment when you break up. Meaning, when you do, he will kick you out with ease. If he isnt putting your name on the lease, he isnt taking any risk but instead wants you to take allllll of the risk. You wont have any right to the apartment and when things get bad, its the first thing he will throw in your face. Without sacrificing half of the lease, he allows himself to be safe while you are in an incredibly vulnerable position. The fact that he doesnt want to share kind of seems like he is projecting how he would act after a break up onto you. The exact reason why he doesnt want to share is the exact reason he should understand why you would want to. Security.

  112. You and him both are to young to be settling down anyways. If you wanna be with him and move why don't you just get your own place and let him have his. That way it ends all this nonsense and if things don't work out with him then you still have your own security and a place to lay your head. That's what I would do. The in the future if you guys move forward and take that step when you do live together again it's gonna be for the real deal. Your young. I'd advise you to cherish these years. Have fun. Be care free. Because 10 years down the road when you have kids and a family your gonna miss this time in your life. Enjoy it while it's still here.

  113. Some guys treat women as objects instead of equal partners. When you break up, he will probably dispose of you like an object as well, because its ~ HiS ApaRtMeNt~

  114. He wants u there for company and housework but he wants it to be easy to put u out if need be (which it wont be bc im sure u get mail sent there) id understand if this is ur first time living together n he isnt sure how it would work out but its not. Yall have gotten into a rhythm of things already it shouldnt be a problem tbh

  115. I wouldn't move in with him right now until he's ready to do ot for real. If you have your own bills, don't pay any of his rent, but if u wanted to pitch in for food if you're eating his food and it's not reciprocal. But I wouldn't give up your own place without any security. This arrangement is not beneficial or secure for you.

  116. If he is worried about his protection of assets and living place you can sign a cohabitation agreement that outlines what happens and how you will both deal with every eventuality that can occur. Maybe this type of signed, notarized agreement would make him more comfortable being on equal footing with you.

  117. Absolutely not, it’s your place together as a couple. You should be able to have half. As other people have mentioned, it seems like inexperience and ignorance. Please think this through, u should not have to deal with that.

  118. You should not move with him and you shouldn't have accepted his treatment of you for the last year, either. Find your own place. It doesn't matter whether he's the only one on the lease or that you moved in with him. It's now YOUR HOME, TOO. You should feel at home in your home. But he's not treating you like it's also your home, he's treating you like a visitor that he could ask to leave at any time, and that's not a great thing.

  119. Disregarding your relationship status, you must be able to show documentation with regards to a place of residence. You also cannot be expected to share the liability (rent) without any documentation to prove that you have shared in that liability. Otherwise, that's money down the drain since it can never be proven that you did in fact pay rent.

  120. In most states, it is illegal for him to have a guest over for more than two weeks. You would have to be on the lease to legally live with him.

  121. Breakups are a part of life, you do not know how it will go down. If he cheats on you, do you want to continue living with him? I think you should welcome the flexibility at this juncture. One year from now, when it’s time to renew the lease, have a conversation.

  122. I would reconsider if this relationship is even worth it honestly. For all the reasons people have said already, but also if you're having this issue right now, expect him to pull more of this bullshit later down the line. If you both end up signing a lease together, he'd probably just find another way to have control over what you do in your living space. Controlling partners are a nightmare to deal with, it might be just cut your losses now and find someone who respects your right to equal rights

  123. I get that you love him and he says he loves you… but take a step back for a moment… He is saying that his reason for wanting only his name on the lease is because he doesn’t want you to take the place if you break up… It means that he wants you to take all the risks in the relationship, and that he’s not willing to take any. If your name isn’t on the lease, then it still won’t feel like home to you. You will not feel secure because you will feel temporary. Replaceable… You will have no say and no control because it is not your home. But he can feel 100% comfortable because, no matter what happens between you, it’s still his home… So where is the compromise? Where is the risk that he is taking for your relationship? Is he willing to have your stuff furnishing the place so that if you guys split up, he gets the home but he has to refurnish?… It doesn’t seem right that he is unwilling to take any risks in the relationship, but expects you to… That isn’t a good relationship…

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