F(32) Seeking advice about a complicated situation with M(28) & M(39)

  1. You may not have cheated physically but you definitely have emotionally and if you think I'm wrong about that, why not show your husband this post and see how he feels about it.

  2. He isn't my husband, and I told him I thought I was getting feelings for my friend and he said he doesn't care as long as I don't act on it.

  3. You are in no position to be in a relationship with either if you just keep dropping them for another that gives you more attention. It doesn't sound like you really like either of these guys. Sounds like you are in love with attention, marriage, and you don't care who it's from as long as you are getting it. Thing is, right now, you are not marriage material. It's a partnership not, putting you on a pedestal and worshipping you. I think you need to walk away from the 2 you are stringing along and using for your selfish wants. Take a timeout from dating and figure out why you are ok manipulating people to fill your needs. I don't think you love these two men at all.

  4. I have not dropped them, I felt like to move forward with my boyfriend if its what I want I had to stop all contact with my friend. My boyfriend has been distant and not providing me with the emotional needs that I need for over a year but I have stayed with him as I love him. My friend was providing me with the emotional needs I have, sure I like attention but I do not manipulate anyone. If I was really manipulating then I would still be talking to my friend.

  5. If you were in your 20's I may consider it being unrealistic expectations. But you're mature enough to know thats not it. Make a list. Needs,wants,desires. Othersideor column. Realities, retirement, family plans, we all make sacrifices in our lives. Some for the right reasons some not so right. Talk to your partner now. Upfront, Honesty, They will appreciate the honesty and integrity. 10 times than dishonest and unaddressed concerns and expectations. Wants and needs are 2 different things. But to deny 1 over the other. Will cause regrets and often animosity towards a significant other. We don't know one another. But I went through this around your age. I didn't address it like I should have. 2 failed marriages. Unanswered questions. Years of denial. Has taken its toll both mentally and physically. If I had just been Upfront and Honest? May been different today

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  7. Do what you desire. What do you want? Then do it. Talk to them both. Explain your desires. There isn't a manual or text book about you. You only live once. WHAT IF HE IS THE ONE? MAYBE he isn't.

  8. The thing holding me back, is our mutual friend said that the guy is just manipulating me to sleep with me. So I am wondering if I fell for a fallacy and made it all up in my head and it wasn't real.

  9. I think you’re correct in the opinion that staying in your current relationship would be a mistake. You could try to be totally honest and start a new relationship with your bf, but then you’d also have to reconcile the emotional affair with him and obviously his opinions/feelings could change drastically when given the full picture. That is probably not going to lead to a mutually satisfying longterm relationship and/or partnership. So your best path is likely to admit your affair as part of a breakup/separation process, then address the work guy you blocked. If you feel like dating him once you’re single, why not? It might not work, it’s not a great sign if he knew you were in a relationship and was still trying to get with you romantically. Still, that would be s much better decision to make after you’ve officially ended the relationship you ended secretly by starting down the affair path. Physically cheating obviously sucks, but the emotional side can be (often is) just as damaging to the potential for a relationship healing. Reconciliation does happen, but I think more often when couples have a lot of tangible reasons to stay together and keep trying. I’m also not sure how often reconciliation leads to truly loving and trusting partnerships. Which is what I personally would be looking for in a LTR.

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