Tell me your parent is a narc without telling me your parent is a narc:

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  2. “I didn’t say that” even better when it is followed by “I SAID, inserts something very similar but twists it, so it sounds innocent/softer”

  3. I HATED that one! She LOVED to use that one on me all the time. She made me feel insane, always calling my memories of the awful things she did to us "false memories" and that memories were unreliable amd often false. Yet SHE used to gloat that her memory was SO AMAZING that she could remember things she did at 3 years old with perfect clarity. But god forbid I repeat that crap back at her. Then she would scream at me "HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY MEMORY!!! HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME FEEL CRAZY!!!!" She was a complete Narsehole. She HATED it when I stood up for myself.

  4. GD... "I guess I'm just a piece of shit/the biggest asshole/the worst person in the world" was my exs favourite thing to say whenever I brought up any minor issue I had in our relationship

  5. When I told her I was feeling suicidal: "Don't be silly, you can't be." I never made the mistake again of telling her my deep feelings.

  6. My mom was also very dismissive of me when I told her about my suicidal feelings in middle school. And whenever the topic of me ending my life/something generally happening to me came up she always made it about the effort she put into raising me, not about my life.

  7. I’ve had the hardest year of my life for many reasons, and was having very real suicidal thoughts for the first and only time. With tears streaming down my face, I told my Narc dad that I was having suicidal thoughts. His response, “you just really enjoy trying to pull me, your mom, and everyone into your dark cloud, but that’s why we’ve separated ourselves from caring about you. Because if every time you tried to get attention, we cared, it would make us all want to kill ourselves”. We were in the driveway at this point, so he then opens his truck door, gets out, walks inside, and has proceeded to act like nothing ever happened for 6 months.

  8. I read this and flashed back to telling my mom that I was suicidal in 6th grade. Her response was, "I was too at your age."

  9. My mother would fire back with "Why do you want to kill yourself?! I'm the one that should kill myself! No one appreciates me. No one loves me!"

  10. When my step mother heard from my mom that I had almost OD'd (not on purpose I was just taking tylenol and my skeletal system is shit) they drove all the way to my apartment and when I opened the door she grabbed me by my hair and drug me out the door and proceeded to scream at me in front of the whole wide neighborhood.

  11. I feel this in my heart. When I told her that I had been having suicidal thoughts, she replied, "You don't know what it's like to have a hard time." And she kept drinking like it was nothing, then she threw it in my face that I was crying because we were in public.

  12. She always used whatever I told her against me. And she wonders why I never tell her anything or let her in.

  13. Fuck me, there was nothing worse than coming home from school and helping my sisters and myself with homework only to be told the dishes needed to be done and I should have read her mind and assumed she wasn’t feeling good enough to do it.

  14. Damn that first one hits me! My mom’s take was always “If you cared you wouldn’t have to ask what needs to be done, you’d already know and be doing it”🙃 If that seems confusing, that’s because it is lol

  15. Ha! I started saying back “if the shoe fits”. And then watch her (NMom) have a meltdown while I just watch in silence. That was always her go to when I said something about how someone was calling me names/being bullied.

  16. “So I’m a terrible mom right” “I’m the worst mom ever” “You’re so sensitive” “I never said that” “You’re ugly” she told me that one when I was 7 years old when I was 20 I brought up how that hurt me. She first denied it then said that’s not how she meant it.

  17. Ugh. I was at school picture makeup day because I didn’t make it to school on picture day-in 6th grade, wasn’t really under my control. She stood behind the photographer and told me not to smile because she didn’t want to see my ugly ass teeth.

  18. Yo that's the one, cause they always have "real" things to be sad about and if only "we knew what it was like for them growing up"

  19. I did that once to my son, then I realised I wasn't actually teaching him anything. It was the Xbox controller, I put it back in his hands, pulled him into my lap and then showed him how to play Minecraft by putting my hands over his and playing it with him. Within half an hour he was playing it at the same level I play and he's now better at it than I am until we're playing on PC. (He's not really interested in playing on the PC.)

  20. Same here! Then he'd get mad because I hadn't done it yet, so I'd try to do the thing he wanted, and then he'd get mad it was wrong. Then get snooty telling me what was wrong with it, but never tell me how to fix it

  21. Oh, I was also blamed for my brother's death (sending hope that your brother is still alive). The doctors and my parents missed the symptoms but my 10 year old self should have picked up on something, apparently.

  22. I got blamed for my dads heart attack because I “stress him out”. It’s not like the bad diet or past smoking habits had anything to do with it 🙄

  23. “Nobody loves you. Nobody will ever love you. Rayn doesn’t love you. She’s going to leave just like everyone else has, just like your dad left.”

  24. Oof. I was on serious thin mental threads after being swindled and dumped by a boyfriend. My mother had one of her fits and told me it served me right because I was stupid and unloveable and that’s why he had the sense to dump me.

  25. Wow, thank you for all of the upvotes and comments. Thankfully, this was many years ago (when I was a teenager). I now live 3,000 miles away from my abusers and have been no contact for 2.5 years :)

  26. That's heavy. I've gotten "go die in a plane crash so I don't have to have you for the holidays" before, so I understand what it's like to hear that from a loved one.

  27. That was my day-to-day experience with my narc ex-best-friend from 2018 to 2020 when I finally went NC. After I had bought into his nice persona the 16 years before (yes, red flags were there but I was all 'friends forgive one another' *sigh*) and then couldn't belive that he had changed so suddenly. So it must be that I got things wrong, misunderstood or didn't explain myself enough, right?

  28. My mom also did that on New Year’s Eve she kept yelling she was gonna shoot herself in the head. That one really traumatized me as a kid. She was my only parent so I thought I was gonna be an orphan. What a way to bring in the new year.

  29. My violent narc ex-boyfriend pulled that on my when I was about struggling free of his influence. Until I answered "Well, then do it."*

  30. I’ve heard a few people say that when someone makes threats like that, you should call someone to come to their house for a well check. If it was just a ploy to manipulate you, they’re more likely to reconsider using that tactic again. And if they ARE truly suicidal, it’s out of your hands and they can get proper help from someone trained in that area.

  31. Ugh, that one I also got from my narc ex-best-friend during the (what I now know as the) discard phase. When I was nearly cutting him out of my life and he then said he would try to make it right and I held him to his promise. Then suddenly I 'demanded too much' of him. Like ... saying 'I'm sorry, I messed up' and meaning it. Or like keeping his promises and not overstepping the boundaries I've set.

  32. Yep got big time gas lighted one year because I was upset that they ate the 5 dollar coffee cake that I picked as my birthday cake with out me.

  33. Oh man.... when I turned 12, I wanted to have an experience for my birthday, like going with my family to a museum, or roller skating. I've always been less into material things.

  34. Holy fuck. Thats me w birthdays too. "Do you really need anything this year? You never know what you want anyway..."

  35. For my hs graduation dinner, I got to hear about how someone else's kid graduated wItH hOnOrS after pulling up my GPA a full point in one year while working 30 hour weeks to save for whatever my scholarship wouldn't cover.

  36. I had been at university for three years before NM asked what I was studying. She had been caught out when someone had asked what I was studying.

  37. High school years: my mother had some of my art from class hanging on the back door. She and I argued about something (I don’t remember specifics because we fought ALOT). She ripped all my pictures up and threw them in the garbage. Then later when she was done having her toddler tantrum she taped the ones she could salvage back together.

  38. My dad always had three sayings he liked to use regularly: "You're an idiot", "wanna bet?" and "jackass..." Until very recently, I thought I was stupid and was often told I was overreacting. I only started believing I wasn't stupid about 5 or 10 years ago and I'm only now just starting to be convinced. I'm 6 years into a PhD in experimental nuclear physics and I'm still just on the edge of being convinced. I turned 40 three weeks ago.

  39. Dude...this really made me sad reading this...happy belated birthday tho! Enjoy some cake, birthday boy. (っ◔◡◔)っ🎂

  40. ❤ My mum would say this too. It's shit to have to parent yourself so young. Sorry you're going through this

  41. Lol every time I have a therapist who doesn’t agree with my parents they immediately think the therapist is terrible and start shitting on them 24/7

  42. ‘ I wish evil on your unborn child and hope you have a terrible labour’ (because I wouldn’t let her stay in the house from just before my due date, as she was too tight to buy a last minute train ticket for when I eventually had my baby)

  43. *Anytime she forgot to do something : "How could YOU LET ME forget!?" (She never took responsibility for her own mistakes, it was always somehow mine or someone else's fault)

  44. "I am your father: I can say whatever I want and I can do whatever I want with you. What you have to say does not matter"

  45. Oh!! I almost forgot. Did anyone else's parents ask you guys if you're going to take care of them or change their diapers when they get old? My dad would randomly ask me that when I was younger, or after he cooled down after giving me a spanking. It churns my stomach whenever those memories cross my mind.

  46. "you could do so much better" I was never enough, and I've never felt enough until recently working a recovery program

  47. And she said "continue acting like this.If you get married with this attitude, your husband will beat the crap out of you ,give you scars and throw you out"

  48. "Taking a bunch of pills is the pussy way out, next time I'll show you how to actually kill yourself."

  49. Man, my mother told me how to kill myself properly when I was 14, going into great detail about using a scalpel, which way to slice through the artery, etc. I truly believe she's wanted me to do it for decades.

  50. Ariyenne, thanks for posting this. I had no idea that I could remember so many of these things, and it's helping me. Big thanks.

  51. My father had always implied his treatment as a kid was terrible but had never given examples. Finally in a furious tirade he told me how he ‘Wasn’t allowed to listen to his favourite radio program the day his granny died’. Over 70 years ago and he’s still angry.

  52. Yes. The number of times she said "I hope you have kids just like you." Um. I was a quiet bookworm who got good grades and was not really a hard kid to deal with at all?

  53. Laughs at the "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out" joke on Bill Cosby's 'Himself.'

  54. When I tried to explain that I need to limit my contact with people because it drains my energy so much: "But we aren't a drain!!"

  55. "You are just like me/you get it honest" (Id sooner jump off the Golden Gate Bridge with bricks strapped to my back than be like either of my parents)

  56. After finishing my Master’s Degree after battling years and years of physical limitations including doing most of undergrad in a crazy back brace, my NMom said “One day I’ll have mine too!” … from the woman who was 60 at the time hasn’t taken a single class since high school.

  57. “You think you’re pretty? That people like you? You’re nothing without me. And trying to kill yourself like every other pathetic kid? I’ll give you something to want to die from” …wow reading these back to myself makes me question if I should post or not because wtf 😬 sorry if it bothers/triggers anyone reading it!

  58. "I give and I give and I give. It's time I do things for myself." This woman walked out on her entire family 6 years ago and have had nothing to do with us idek.

  59. She got upset with me for getting my meal before feeding my cats once. I don’t know why, since that’s what I do everyday?? “So self centered, you can’t even feed your cats first”

  60. My dad would always tell everyone anything bad that I did. And when I would question it, he would say “it’s not my job to hide for you”.

  61. I always thought it was their attempt to shift blame. Because they were very young parents and deemed not fit to be parents by many older people.

  62. feeling relieved I know what's going on with me after being diagnosed with depression "wow, you're awfully happy for a depressed person!"

  63. Not my mom (she's dead anyway) but my friend's mom. I knew from the start she was crazy abusive, but that doesn't mean she's an N. However my mind was changed pretty quickly when I found out...

  64. I moved to another country and I have kept low contact with my mom since then. One day I was watching Tangled with my daughter and all my repressed memories came out crashing like a tsunami when Rapunzel stepmom told her "mother knows best".

  65. “You see that rotten pumpkin? I’d rather try to replant that than try anymore with you. you’re so fucked you’re not even worth fixing. I got two out of three right, I’m not investing anymore into you, you’re to stubborn to take my help anyways”.

  66. Parent was obsessed with her appearance, constantly complaining about her weight and wrinkles, and plucking gray hairs and then complaining about thinning hair. It culminated when she followed me around the house as I tried to get away with a pair of tweezers, trying to get me to pluck my eyebrows. It really helped with my self-esteem, let me tell ya! Oh, and I was 15 or 16.

  67. My nmom told my 15 year old sister she had lung cancer and was "going to die." Of course, sister spent days distraught thinking her mother was going to die. Then when she prodded nmom for more info, nmom was like "oh the doctor didn't specifically it's say cancer, he just saw spots on the xray." Spoiler- not cancer. Totally lost any trust she had with my sister.

  68. How about 2 months of the silent treatment. 2 months of living in the same house and refusing to talk to me.

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