Monogamous with newly Poly Partner

  1. Lots of people in long term mono relationships suddenly want poly when they get a crush on someone else. It is easier to say "I am poly, this is my identity, let me pursue my crushes" than doing the right thing and break up with a long term partner in this situation.

  2. Yes! I feel like the idea that there are multiple people he's interested in is a smokescreen and the one person that OP is familiar with is the crush.

  3. I think there are some red flags here. The fact that he wasn't interested in the idea of being poly until he met someone (multiple people?) he specifically wanted to pursue would be an issue for me.

  4. Afaik, there's at least two ways primary and secondary are used when relating to partners. A) Primary and secondary in importance and/or emotional entanglements, B) Primary and secondary in how much your day to day lives are intertwined. For some, being a secondary in either sense would mean playing second fiddle and for some the latter one is just a matter of practicality and they'd still feel "equal", just differently enmeshed.

  5. [OP] Alternatively - any suggestions for different ways of thinking about this or trying to get into it/over the feelings of fear and insecurity.

  6. First of, if you are not into it, you're not into it, and that is perfectly fine. If you want monogamy, then seek that - you are still young.

  7. I'm not in the exact same shoes but I did find that I had gotten myself in far deeper than I was comfortable with a little over a month ago. I've been working on facing my own anxieties and insecurities as though they would exist with or without my wife's involvement. I used her love as a patch for so many insecurities about myself and I've realized them through the fears of losing someone that claims they can love two people.

  8. Poly can seem really great when considered logically, but yeah, emotions don’t care about logic. You need to look at this — and any relationship — through both the logical and the emotional lens.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Author: admin