Well, Dick, here's the deal: I'm the best there is, plain and simple. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. You know, nobody can hang with my stuff. I'm just a--just a big, hairy, American winning machine. If you ain't first, you're last! You know? You know what I mean?
They say there's no two people on Earth exactly the same. No two faces. No two sets of fingerprints. But do they know that for sure? Because they would have to get everybody together in one huge space and obviously that’s not possible, even with computers. And not only that, they’d have to get all the people who've ever lived, not just the ones now. So they got no proof. They got nothing. Mrs. Soprano may have passed but who’s to say there isn’t another Mrs. Soprano just like her, or will be? Maybe not with the same fears and paranoia but the same. What I’m saying is…
“we all have a 33 and a 3rd % chance of winnin, but I, have a 66 and 2/3s% of winning, because kurt angle KNOWS he can’t beat me, so he’s not even going to try! So Samoa Joe you take your 33 and a 3rd % chance minus my 25% chance, and you got an 8 and a 1/3% chance of winnin, at sacrifice. But when you take my 75% of winnin if we was to go ONE ON ONE, and then add 66 and 2/3 chanc-percents, I got 141 and 2/3rds chance of winning at sacrifice. SEE JOE, THE NUMBERS DONT LIE, AND THEY SPELL DISASTER FOR YOU AT SACRIFICE.”
Some day, I suppose its possible for someone to be a better no limit hold'em player than me. I doubt it, but it could happen. But, I swear to you, I don't see how anyone could ever play shithead better than me.
“What are you going to do with all the money” “Well I owe some people some money so start by paying them back” “What about the rest of it” “They will just have to wait”
There's no one that can match me. My table image is impetuous, my C-bets are impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!
Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? I AM!
What is this from. I have forgotten
This is the only answer.
DAMMIT RIGHT!
love it
Man I didn't expect to see this on
PEE DEE DOUBLE-U
Omg I wasn't expecting that 😂😂😂
Zip it up and zip it out.
Uh, all right. Zippity-doo-dah, bye bye!
Honey, where's the roast beef sandwich?
Then eat it like an animal
Or "honey he called with a q 10 can you believe it?!"
I'm rich biiiitch
I bought this baby, straight cash!
honk honk
Hookers and cocaine
This guy gets it
And you're conveniently in Vegas
Who would have thought gin rummy would be so easy.
Maximum tilt value. Hahah
I'd like to thank all the shitty people in my life that supported my degen lifestyle.
“I’m pretty tired. I think I’ll go home now.” I just saw Forest Gump again.
[удалено]
GAMBOL!
Well, Dick, here's the deal: I'm the best there is, plain and simple. I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence. You know, nobody can hang with my stuff. I'm just a--just a big, hairy, American winning machine. If you ain't first, you're last! You know? You know what I mean?
Shake and Bake!
Still not buying a poker go subscription
Ultimate dig. So funny
You like that you fucking retard?!
Are you fucking sorry?
😭
Love the obscure reference to some random Reddit thread re bad dirty sex talk…
Honey he called me with 8 9 off. I’ve been trapping these guys all days they play so bad honey.
They say there's no two people on Earth exactly the same. No two faces. No two sets of fingerprints. But do they know that for sure? Because they would have to get everybody together in one huge space and obviously that’s not possible, even with computers. And not only that, they’d have to get all the people who've ever lived, not just the ones now. So they got no proof. They got nothing. Mrs. Soprano may have passed but who’s to say there isn’t another Mrs. Soprano just like her, or will be? Maybe not with the same fears and paranoia but the same. What I’m saying is…
At my mudda’s wake….
IM GOIN TO DISNEYWORLD
I knew someone would beat me to it
GAMBOL!
Thank god that shit is over!
BOATS AND HOS.
I’d pull a Nate Diaz style: I’m not surprised, motherfuckers.
George bush doesn’t care about black people
“Today’s poker win is sponsored by Coinflex…”
Thats pokah baby!
The villains call was overplay
First I would like to thank RTA.
You know they say that all men are created equal, but you look at me and you look at Smoa Joe and you can see that statement is not true.
“we all have a 33 and a 3rd % chance of winnin, but I, have a 66 and 2/3s% of winning, because kurt angle KNOWS he can’t beat me, so he’s not even going to try! So Samoa Joe you take your 33 and a 3rd % chance minus my 25% chance, and you got an 8 and a 1/3% chance of winnin, at sacrifice. But when you take my 75% of winnin if we was to go ONE ON ONE, and then add 66 and 2/3 chanc-percents, I got 141 and 2/3rds chance of winning at sacrifice. SEE JOE, THE NUMBERS DONT LIE, AND THEY SPELL DISASTER FOR YOU AT SACRIFICE.”
Genetic FREAK
FOLD PRE!!!
Epstein didn’t kill himself.
dammit I came here to post this, knew I would see someone beat me to it
BIRDS ARENT REAL
this is the way
That guy didn't know when to fold em
Stare straight into the camera,
WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN THAT
"Honey, if there weren't luck involved, I'd lose every time."
On your bike!
9/11 was an inside job.
Epstein didn’t kill himself
Check your privilege!
Best Russian accent I could do… “Give this man his money”
YES
Honey he called me with QT
Come after me IM a man I'm 40!
Some day, I suppose its possible for someone to be a better no limit hold'em player than me. I doubt it, but it could happen. But, I swear to you, I don't see how anyone could ever play shithead better than me.
Where’s the roulette table?
Max value
Suck it everyone
Hey Joe Rogan, I'm a world champ, I'll bring the cigars
What time is it? I don’t wanna be late for work again…
GG shit heads
Its been fun. You'll never see me again!
He should have folded Pre.
“I’d like to take this opportunity to introduce you to an exciting investment called CoinFlex.”
I have a dozen friends and family watching me right now on the same PokerGO account
“What are you going to do with all the money” “Well I owe some people some money so start by paying them back” “What about the rest of it” “They will just have to wait”
Who knew Chino Rheem would get Norm to write jokes.
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo!
You gotta remember everything you do at the poker table conveys information. You can't be all loosey goosey eating a sandwich
"Hey boss, I quit!"
Bazinga!
I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!!!
“Finally! I’m a break even poker player” 🥺
“Ya I just remembered to fold pre and the rest took care of itself”
Pokers fun. Hi mom!
TOODLE-DOO MATHAFAKAS
GET ON YOUR BIKE
Underrated
I’d like to thank the folks at Reddit for teaching me how to tip the dealer and fold pre.
I heard it’s scary on the moon
It's good to be black on the moon.
Lamar Jackson is the best QB in the NFL.
Funny and true.
*Begins snarling and barking
Stare deeply into the camera.
You have to say SUPER quietly too.
There are two genders and one new poker champion.
“Did I dooooooo thhhhaaaatttt?!” - Eurkle
FUCK HER IN THE PUSSY
Hurray!
Hey boss I quit now give me my moneyyyy
My hat is like a shark fin
I am feel, I am very feel
Cawl cawl cawl
everything’s priced in
Sweet!
Dude!
zooweemama
Bingo Bango Bongo, Bish Bash Bosh
These hands are Rated E for Everyone!
“I play for keeps!”
If you’re not first you’re last, roll tide
I did this all for Harambe!
Lol overplay
Honey, he called with (x , x) !!
I’m gonna eat some McDonald’s… easy extra 5 mil in my pocket
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT MY ONE LINER IS!
“I bet Lon miscalled the hand”
Sign up to CoinFlex with my promo code: YouWontSeeACent
I.AM.NEVER.WORKING.AGAIN!
I can dodge bullets baby
I was owed this money
Check your privilege.
make eye contact with the camera and in a deadpan monotone say "with this money I will learn...who was phone"
I'd like to thank 43s which if I hadn't 6bet jammed all in from UTG on the very first hand I would have never won.
There's no one that can match me. My table image is impetuous, my C-bets are impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!
YOU CALL ITS ALL OVER BABY
I wont million
First of all, through god, all things are possible. So, uh, jot that down.
Sports cards.
I think I'll go get a steak and a blunt now.
Of Course I lied it’s poker Phil
#1 "hows that felt feel?" Idk i have a thing for alliteration
I would put sunglasses and say "I will be back!"
HE SHOULD’VE FOLDED PRE!
“Do you folks ever have any tournaments with challenging opponents or are they all easy like this one?
Poggers
Gentleman, a short view back to the past…
I'm just you you, I put my pants on one leg at a time. Except when my pants are on, I win poker tournaments!
I’m here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I’m all out of ass.
"Winning is everything. The only ones who remember you when you come second are your wife and your dog."
“He called with queen ten honey”
"Y'all are a bunch a donks"
i put them on AK
"He called and it was all over, baby."
Keep your stupid comments in your pocket.
Anything is possible. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLEEEEEEE!
Since I just rewatched Silicon Valley I would have to go with "This guy fucks!" maybe with double thumbs pointing at myself.
"See baby, I can dodge bullets!"
A simple FUCK YES!
"Cards are sick. Poker is a sick game with sick cards. Brutal cards are sick, too."
I don't do handshakes people
And that, gentleman, is how we do that.
It's Morbin time
Two chicks at the same time.. wait, what was the question?
Doug Polk is a hack!
Cocaine and hookers.....I’m sorry what was the question?
"I knew before the cards were turned over..."
He called with Q10 honey!
I'm pretty tired....I'd like to go home now...
“Honey he went all in with” XX
God damn right
“Phew, I broke even for this trip!”
Kinda sad I haven't seen a "Belle fishe" comment yet
DAAAAAAAAAAAA!
So, what are you doing after this?
Epstein didn't killed himself
Birds aren't real
Ladies drinks on me. Clothing optional.
Cash, if you please. Large denominations. And it's getting late.
Poker? Yeah, and then I punched her in the face!
Can someone call my work and tell them I quit. What’s the next tee time at Shadow Creek?
Pass the sugar to PAPA...
Check out my socials im the HASHTAG KING
I did it for Poker Bunny
Don't fuck with me! I've got the power of God and Anime on my side! Rawaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhj
Just ask them on every street if they've qualified and refuse to show my hand until the river.
So when do we play poker?
My cock is THROBBING
And that’s the waaaaaaay the news goes.
Oops.
His name was Seth Rich
This win is dedicated to the memory of Harambe
Whhhelp,… that’s my momma!
Baba boey
Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...
“EVERYBODY’S STIFFED!”