My previously loving [19M] fiance beat the everloving shit out of me[18F]

  1. It’s not just alcohol. I’ve had a few episodes of incredible anger when I’m drunk. I have anger issues that make it hard to hide. HOWEVER, I have never purposely put my hands on someone in that manner (only accidental injuries). There was intent there. He was holding this violence back. You can’t put your safety at risk because who knows when the wrong glass of whiskey could mean your end.

  2. If I had been drinking something while reading “just some slapping on the face”, I would have spat it put. OP, would you be ok with your parents “just slapping” each other? Someone “just slapping” your siblings or cousins or friends? This person needs help and maybe he’s young enough to change, but you gotta leave him. He is not the one, you are young and will find someone who loves you for real. Someone who loves you wouldn’t do that.

  3. Also think about your future. Would you want him to lightly slap your children. Would you be happy for them to witness one parent slapping or assaulting another. You seem very young to be engaged. Honestly sounds like a way to trap you at this point

  4. Your relationship is over. It can never be the same now. You’ll never know when he’ll do it again. I hope you’re okay

  5. My ex used to get drunk and slap me and I thought nothing of it cause he’d be upset and I loved him. Over two years he got more violent and would end strangling me and punching me weekly. Until he decided to beat me up one day. I’ve left now and can honestly say I should’ve left after the first slap. These men are abusive and don’t change. It’s not worth staying with them out of love cause the trauma they give you is unimaginable. Leave and don’t look back.

  6. This. leave him now. It took me almost 15 years, and him being violent in front of our toddler for me to leave. Now he’s got half my money, and is trying to get 50/50 custody of our son so he doesn’t have to pay child support. Don’t let it go any farther. I really hope you have a good and happy life.

  7. This! My ex boyfriend got drunk spiked my drink and raped me. It took a while for me to realize that it wasn’t love. He broke my car window, slapped me around, got me in a chokehold and the final straw was when he got so drunk he almost put me in the hospital. He kicked me so hard I had scarring in my uterus from where he kicked me with steel toed boots. I was black and blue for weeks. Get out leave now. Please leave him. You deserve SO much better.

  8. pienso lo mismo que tu, mas haya del que te haya golpeado y maltratado fisicamente, si un hombre/mujer hace eso, sali de ahi en cuanto puedas, porque no vale la pena seguir sufriendo tanto por alguien que en verdad queres y amas, pero el que te lastimen fisicamente o mentalmente no se tiene ni que pensar el que hacer, tenes que actuar de inmediato y irte de ese lugar en cuanto puedas

  9. , and we've never had physical fights apart from some slapping on the face. I always knew he loved me, and I knew I loved him, but now I just don't know anymore. That phrase right there told me all I need to know. He's an abuser and you need to get gone and far far out of his reach. Don't know why you didn't leave him after the first slap. No one has the right to physically abuse you whether drunk or sober. NO ONE! There are no excuses. There are no reasonable explanations. He's not fixable and you can't save him from himself. Go Just Go

  10. He will kill you. End this relationship immediately and don’t tell him that it’s over. Girls and women are most likely to die by their male partner when they are leaving him. I’m not being dramatic. What happened last night is extremely scary and has all the marks of someone who will kill you.

  11. this cannot be overstated enough. If they are willing to do something like that they will not hesitate to kill you. i repeat THEY WILL NOT HESITATE TO KILL YOU! it's not over dramatic. It's not a scare tactic. If your partner is willing to put hands on you, especially something like this, they will not hesitate to escalate. And they always do. It will get progressively worse. The best time to leave is the first time he hits you.

  12. Uh……. He beat you up, he got some mental issue that need to be assessed by a PROFESSIONAL (not you), so pack your stuff and leave or stay and deal with perhaps more physical abuse and others issue…. ( i can make a list but that would be too long )

  13. Ummm… you’ve never had physical fights apart from some face slapping? But he’s not abusive and he loves you? You need to let this relationship go. I’m almost 50, and I’ve literally never been hit by any of my SOs, ever. It’s never a joke, it’s never funny and it’s never okay. That’s how abusers “normalize” abuse with their partners. They start of small by saying they don’t like you wearing certain clothes or hanging out with certain “toxic” friends, or “playful slaps”(oxymoron) and blow it off like no big deal. Another abusive tactic is him coming home all hangdog and sad, now instead of you being rightfully and justifiably angry at him, you feel bad for him because he’s sad. Next time you may not be able to reach a phone in time. I can guarantee there will definitely be a next time. He has no consequences for his actions. You’re staying with him, you didn’t press charges, and you allowed him back in the home after what he did. I worry for your safety. He could’ve seriously injured or killed you. There’s no “reason” or amount of alcohol in the world that would make what he did even remotely okay. Im sorry this happened to you. Please protect yourself and take care of you.

  14. Leave before it happens again… and it absolutely will happen again. He could kill you. Accidentally or not. A slap in the face is abuse and you need to get out of this situation pronto. Life goes on and you will meet someone who would never harm you. Then you’ll see what a true loser this guy really is. Don’t drag this relationship on any longer

  15. It absolutely 100% will happen again. I know this is difficult and your heart is broken. I’ve been there. I was married seven years to a man who sounds like yours. Please please believe me when I say it will happen again and get worse. He needs help. You cannot fix this. Make a plan now, take your cat and leave. Do not go back. I know it feels like a bad dream, but this man is not well. Real men do NOT act like that and being drunk is not an excuse. I left and came back several times because I was scared to go…and all it did was drag out the process. The end was the same result. Looking back I’d wish I’d left sooner. Once you are on the other side of this and meet a man who would never dream of hurting you, raising his voice to you or intimidating you, you will realize how damaged your boyfriend is.

  16. You must leave him and never look back. This was a warning. A very clear warning of what your future will hold. You must protect yourself. You and your cat must leave him immediately. Would you some day want your child to see this or endure this? No. This is a hard NO. Next time will be worse. It escalates. I'm sorry. This fairy tale has come to an end.

  17. Not a warning. There must have been warnings, but the actual abuse started with the slapping and this is actual violence.

  18. Exactly. When you have a child together and you’re both sleep deprived, his worst will come out again and this is how he’ll behave

  19. You cannot trust a man like this to not hurt you, himself, your cat or future kids. All it took for him was a few drinks. Walk away. Even if he needs help and time to change, you also need the time to heal and gain perspective.

  20. Why are you getting engaged at 18? Give yourself 5-10 years to mature before taking such a step with someone you’ve had the time to thoroughly know inside and out.

  21. OP, you have to realize the danger and severity behind this situation. The relationship is virtually over. You can say that he’s never done this before, that it only happened when he was drunk.

  22. He did it once, he’ll do it again. My ex did too, and it escalated the second time. Don’t give him the chance to do it again op.

  23. My ex husband was as violent as that towards me and even raped me a number of times too, sadly violent partners like that (usually) never change and it can get much worse, as in, it can result in the victim being murdered.

  24. It's not like he accidentally bonked you while rolling over in his sleep. He beat your ass in a drunken stuper. Put that man in jail and move in. Y'all are still children, no need to stick around that.

  25. Run, dont press charges, dont tell him anything just leave thats the safest and best thing, its never a one time thing i promise you and you need to get out before it happens again, cut sll contact. But thats my opinion, you need to make the choice on your own

  26. Press charges absolutely! I regret not pressing charges when I was where she is! It just got worse and my children saw.

  27. This man is not the love of our life. You are only 18, you haven’t them yet. The love of your life should be gentle, loving, compassionate and treasure you wholeheartedly. Not be a violent drunk who could have killed you. Do not waste one more minute of your life with someone who isn’t good enough and will only bring you more misery and pain. He has it in him to really hurt you, he crossed a line that good, ordinary people do not cross.

  28. Being drunk does not turn you violent. It removes inhibitions that would normally block the violence but it's still in there. You can get decent people piss ass drunk and they won't get violent like that no matter what. It's simply something you have in your heart or not. Get out now.

  29. I agree, what’s done is done and the trust is broken. Whether he was having a mental breakdown which is why he turned violent or he’s always had this anger in him, it is just not safe for you anymore. Any form of physical violence in a relationship is just not compatible, if he’s slapped you before as well it will only escalate and you’re lucky you weren’t seriously hurt this time.

  30. Get away while you can. I'm a firm believer that alcohol just brings out peoples natural thoughts. If he was that violent and unhinged that he beat you that bad, it wasn't just the alcohol talking.

  31. I also want to point out that he's been abusive in the past to you, so it's already an indicator of who he is, his true self came out full force in his drunkenness. Take pictures of your injuries, get a restraining order and file charges. His whole family deserves to know what kind of "man" he is so that they can warn the next girl. If you stay in this relationship you a4e doing a disservice to yourself, you do not deserve to be treated this way. Nothing can justify what he has done to you, NOTHING.

  32. I understand you love him and it’s going to be devastating but you shouldn’t stay with him. It happened, it’ll very likely happen again and it’ll only get harder to leave once you’re married, then kids, and please don’t let them be part of this even hearing it. You leaving might be the reality check he needs, be a friend and encourage him to find help to get to the root of the problem. Most importantly your split might hopefully for the next woman teach him deeply (in that state in which he lost it) that this is unacceptable where as if you stay he will internally (in that state he lost it) consider it acceptable. Sometimes people we love have to be let go and it HURTS but it’s all we can do.

  33. “Just some slapping on the face” - that alone isn’t okay, healthy or normal. This relationship has been abusive since the slapping started, and progressed to life threatening when he drank so much he beat you. Don’t just consider breaking up, do it. You don’t want to marry someone who has the capacity to hurt you like that. That’s how domestic abuse victims die.

  34. Reach out to a domestic violence center that can help you deal with all of your conflicting emotions. There will be women there that have been through similar situations. ☮️🕊

  35. Just leave. The slaps in the face he used to give you were the warnings: any man that gets physical with a partner, no matter how small it may seem, never stops there. He could one day end up killing you because he just wanted to kick you in the face 7 times until you stopped talking. Run and never look back!

  36. Please leave. Being drunk is not an excuse for abuse. What if he broke your neck and you died? Do you think your parents would forgive him just because he was drunk? I know it feels like he is the love of your life, but you are cherished by other people too. Please leave. Abuse only gets worse with time. The moment your start forgiving, they take it up a notch. Even if he gets therapy and fixes his issues, you still do not need to be a part of his life. Imagine any of the people in your shoes, and how would you feel if any of them just forgave an incident like this? Sometimes we take ourselves for granted. Please, you deserve better. My heart is aching for you. Please don't go back. Don't even live by yourself after you break up.

  37. i know it’s hard and you love him and there have been amazing times together, but deep down you know this isn’t the life you want. you’re so young, don’t settle for this

  38. This is just so sad, but you know that a piece of you will never trust him again. And relationships are built on trust. So I'm very very very sorry, but being beaten once, you know that there is a good chance he'll do it again. He obviously has a trigger that runs very, very deep.

  39. For crying out loud, get out of this relationship! "we've never had physical fights apart from some slapping on the face" Well, it's certainly escalated beyond that now, drunk or not. You need to leave, this isn't going to get better. I don't care how black out drunk your BF was, the fact that he had NO issue beating you multiple times throughout this entire endeavor and didn't calm down at ALL until HE was hurt. Op, leave.

  40. He could have easily killed you. I don’t care if he was drunk, even so drunk he doesn’t remember making these decisions. Honestly, if you had let him in and he had found out you were on the phone, it could have been a trigger to cause your death.

  41. Please, for the love of yourself, get the hell out of there. And please get some therapy. Thinking slapping on the face isn’t abuse or a sign of what is to come makes me worry about how you normalize violence in your relationships.

  42. “And we’ve never had physical fights apart from some slapping on the face”. Apart from this very obvious and unforgivable red flag, If either of you are slapping each other that is more than enough reason for this relationship to fucking end. End it now before you become another statistic.

  43. Run, don’t walk. Drunk? Maybe. Sounds like he took something else to be honest. That, or serious mental, anger issues. Well above your pay grade. He needs help.

  44. The poor cat please take care of the cat. He has some anger problems deep Inside and alcohol brings it out because it let's his facade down, do you really know this man ?

  45. You guys were slapping each other on the face. I’m sorry, but that’s not good. Your relationship sounds toxic and I think you deserve better.

  46. Wait.. you said there’s been some slapping on the face in the past? That’s not normal! Neither of you should be slapping each other and that’s definitely abusive behavior.

  47. Unfortunately, people who behave this way often do it more than once. Whether it was the alcohol, or a sleepwalking incident of some kind, you have to ask yourself: will you be okay spending every day for the rest of your life knowing that he could do that to you again?

  48. Listen, if you love him and you are willing to let this slide and this has really never happened before, then make him agree to seek counseling and stop drinking. If he agrees move forward. If not then the relationship is over.

  49. The slapping shoulda been a sign long ago……the fact that your even thinking about working things out is an insanely poor decision. This should be a wake up call to leave immediately and sever all ties. The next time might be worse and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself for allowing this to exist in your life. You deserve better than this and all the good qualities he may have isn’t enough to justify this kinda behavior.

  50. The slapping is already a huge red flag, and along with how he was you’re never gonna be safe in your home if you stay with him. Imagine if you guys have kids and he does the same to them. Please leave, it’s probably gonna save your life if you do

  51. If you stay with him, there will be dozens, maybe hundreds of nights where you'll have the thought, "Is tonight the night he kills me."

  52. You declined pressing charges because it would complicate things? Ummm out of everything that happened, pressing charges would have clarified things for me.

  53. Leave him. Now. As a survivor of domestic abuse don’t even go back into that flat alone. That line has been crossed and will be again. Do not let that happen. Leave him and leave him now and do not be in his company without someone else with you

  54. This time you walked away alive, you never know how bad it will be next time. Leave now please OP, you have your whole life ahead of you! You shouldn’t spend it with someone who treats you like this

  55. Please leave for your own safety. Don’t question it, just end it and move forward. Listen to the hundreds of people here urging you to take care of yourself. It will happen again and you cannot allow yourself to be around next time.

  56. Good grief this man is dangerous, yes he was drunk so there's that and we all are imperfect, but you realize he could have killed you right?

  57. My ex was like this and I stayed too long. I remember calling a doctor one time as he was choking on his own vomit after falling asleep on his back after getting so drunk. Stayed pretty much unconscious til the doctor was checking his heart and for whatever reason, he woke up and started strangling her. Had to kneel on his chest that night and repeatedly slap him around the face to get him to let go as he kept squeezing tighter.

  58. As others said, leave. Not only because this was bad, but because it's impossible to make the relationship good if you stay.

  59. "considering breaking up with him"? Consider pressing charges so the next woman he does this to can use it to put him behind bars; or the family of the woman he kills.

  60. “Aside from some slapping on the face” WHAT? He’s been physically violent before?? This isn’t normal. It’s not ok to slap your partners. Especially what he did now is terrible. You need to leave him to protect yourself. Do you really wanna be around someone who’s capable of hurting you?

  61. Leave him. This isn't just a thing that happened, it will keep happening. The puppy dog look is 100% so you'll forgive him. Get out now. You may be thinking that you know him and that he would never do something like that. He just showed you who he is, believe him.

  62. If he’s hit you once, he will hit you again. You’re a teenager and you can afford to move on and find someone who doesn’t feel entitled to injure you for self-expression.

  63. Should have left him when he slapped You. Or he should have left you when you slapped Him. It’s over. Don’t become a statistic.

  64. (M66). I drank alcohol for 44 years. I was getting like that in my drinking days. (Been sober now for 6 years.)

  65. He’s done it before/ It’s not normal. A relationship is not great if there is slapping in the face previously. That’s not love. He’s beat the shit out of you in a blackout state, you are lucky he didn’t kill you. Press charges and be done. It will get worse, too bad he didn’t bleed out.

  66. Drunken words ( and actions) are sober thoughts. He thinks about this aggression towards you when he’s sober and gets the courage to act on it when he’s drunk

  67. Sorry to say this but that is a huge red flag. I get rid of him if I were you. He definitely has some underlying issues within himself. Getting drunk and taking out on you violently is only the beginning. This guy is going to really hurt you one day and it’s not going to be pretty.

  68. Youre both young and i dare to assume youre eachothers first love? When i was your age i thought the same; that this was the love of my life and that it would never be the same again. Thats not true. You move on, find someone else and get to have new happy memories with them.

  69. Get out of this relationship ASAP. This is just a snapshot of what's to come i you stick around, You are too smart to stand for the booze bs. Get out and don't look back. I did and I've never regretted it.

  70. My advice is RUNNNN DON'T WALK. Dude is a total jerk and has severe anger issue + psychologically unwell. You said that he used to slap you before that. Then it means that dude is capable of being so violent to you after this. Walk away you have the whole life ahead of you you should not spend you life w this dude. And please press charge too 😒 you don't deserve this.

  71. You are in a very abusive relationship. A slap to the face is still a slap to the face. And normal men in loving relationships would never raise a hand to their loved ones.

  72. He showed you his true colours. Please get out. My heart sank for you reading this. I was in a relationship like this and it only gets worse.

  73. I notice you posted that you still think about ur ex and that you’ve only been with the abuser for a year. Not long enough to get married or stay with him after this. Pls run dear. Run back to your ex if he’s not a bad guy too. Sorry that happened. 🥹😞

  74. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and have had this traumatizing experience given to you by someone who is supposed to love & care about you. Think about a time you were as drunk as him, and decide if you would, even in that state of mind, ever lay a finger on him or anyone you love. He will do this again one day if you stay with him. I know this is hard but your future self will thank you for ending things

  75. " This hurts because up until that point our relationship has been great, and we've never had physical fights apart from some slapping on the face"

  76. So, he's slapped you when he's sober? That's abuse. My husband had never slapped or yelled at me, during a fight or otherwise. For your fiance to get that drunk and keep hurting you, it's not a good sign.

  77. I’ve never been slapped by my fiancée aside from some accidental hits bc I’m shorter than him and all those times he is completely apologetic

  78. it will happen again. i know it hurts because everything was perfect up until now, and you love him with all your heart. but he will do it again.

  79. Even after he beat you you were still concerned about tending his wounds and the sad look on his face. Notice how he on the other hand obviously didn't give a shit about the pain and fear that he was directly putting you through?

  80. You're thinking the relationship over? You admit it's not healthy, apart from some slapping on the face? No, I am going to judge him. The fact that you're excusing his behavior makes it even worse. There should be nothing left to think over. I'm sorry, but, you need a wake up call. He will do much worse to you if you continue to stay with him. Your family doesn't need to get a call from the Medical Examiner's office saying your family has to identify you bc he hurt you to the point of death.

  81. He did it once he WILL do it again. You may not be so lucky the next time, though, so run while you still can. You're still extremely young so you shouldn't throw away your life for someone who is going to physically abuse you.

  82. F22, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship so the circumstances aren’t exactly the same, but they are very similar.

  83. Run!!! He's dangerous. Don't trust him. Break up with him, it's not worth it, I'd press charges if I were you but most important thing is to get away from him before he hurts you more

  84. That scared puppy look was him realizing he’s really fucked up and might have to deal with some real consequences. He very obviously can be triggered. His mental health is fucked up and he needs psychological help. He is in no state to be in a relationship because he is a danger to himself and others. Stay with him if you’re a fucking moron.

  85. Yes its not easy for people to break up/ leave an abuser. So i guess i get why shes being defensive over him but abuse is abuse. No one gives a shit about his sob story/excuse as to why he is this way. Because regardless, he still fucking beat you.

  86. I'm a little angry that you're not leaving immediately. If you do stay with him and have kids and they have to witness and see that then you're a terrible person. I'm sorry but ive witnessed it and would rather have not been born. Its nothing to do with alcohol. He has it in him. This is your warning. Leave now

  87. I stopped reading after the caption, idk what makes y’all think you’re ready to be engaged at 18 and 19 anyway????

  88. you have to leave him. all the good memories are just your idea of the man you want him to be, not who he actually is. i hope you listen to everyone on this thread and make the right choice. you also called your parents- so, even if you were to continue the relationship, your family will never look at him the same which will cause a strain in your relationship with them. he hit, humiliated, and traumatized you. its not about him anymore, make yourself the priority. that puppy eye look has probably got him through some pretty dark days from his past. do not fall for it again.

  89. He is an abuser. He needs professional help to change. You cannot change him. He will do it again. Do NOT marry this person. You MUST break up with him. It WILL happen again if you don’t.

  90. Love him but break up with him you can forgive him but love yourself more, that fact that you still have enough empathy to feel for his discomfort means you are way above his league Baby Girl ,because there is no honor in what that man did to you GET OUT!!!

  91. Aw you sweet thing. None of this is ok. I know you’re probably thinking we’re judging him based on one incident. And we don’t know him like you do. But that’s not the case. Alcohol doesn’t change people, it brings out the worst of them. What happened was an assault on you, completely unprovoked. No promise he makes can fix this. You need to move on and put yourself first. He needs to take a hard look at himself and his actions and do some serious work. But he can not expect you to stay with him in hopes he can succeed. You would not be helping him or yourself if you stay. I am so sorry this happened to you but you’re young, get out while you can. It won’t get better if you stay. I promise you that. I hope you have support from your mom and friends and you’re able to get all the help you need to heal from this awful wake-up call.

  92. For Christ sake, you are 18 years old. Do not saddle yourself with this abusive arsehole. He has previously slapped you and you let him get away with it. Now he has beaten you, and somehow you feel sorry for him because he managed to cut his leg due to his own stupidity.

  93. Just because you love him now does not mean he is the love of your life. You are so very young and you will find someone who would never DREAM of doing this to you, drunk or not. This person is very dangerous and you've got to make a clean break. It won't be easy but it's necessary! Don't put yourself through years of abuse like I did at your age (mine was mental/emotional) because you cannot get those years back! I spent the years from the ages 17-22 just absolutely tortured because he was "the love of my life." (Spoiler alert: he was not...)

  94. Leave. do not marry this man. He will do it again. “Slapping on the face” is a HUGE red flag and NOT normal at all. LEAVE HIM NOW.

  95. You compare him to a puppy, but there is no innocence. You can’t trust him again. This will cause you trauma and you will be on high alert constantly.

  96. The second you brought up slapping immediately let me know that you need to get out of this relationship now. This is who he is. He will kill you. He is capable of killing you if he is capable of this much destruction. Run. Press charges, block him on everything and do not look back.

  97. Do not go back! If there's anything left in that place you want, have someone else get it or go with a group of people. DO NOT be alone with him again. Break up with him, because this is likely to continue.

  98. Get out while you can. I know it’s not easy. You are still so young and you don’t deserve it. What if next time he doesn’t stop and you end up dead? Please please get out.

  99. Growing up, my dad always told me that if a man EVER hits you (even slapping), you need to leave him. There are some things that men can grow out of with age. Hitting women is not one of them. That’s a defect that runs through his blood, and it will never change. One of two things will happen with you if you stay with him: 1.) he will continue to beat you with intention whenever he feels like it because you’ll slowly tolerate more and more abuse or 2.) he’ll lose control again and kill you. Whether this was “intentional” or not doesn’t matter.

  100. NOPE. JUST NO FUCKING WAY. End this relationship. If you think it won't happen again, you are WRONG, and it'll only be worse. You should go to the police and report him. What he did is seriously not ok. Seriously. Leave. Get the cat, and leave. Never speak to him again except to tell him to stay away or you will definitely be going to the police.

  101. What do you mean “iDk If I wANa cOnTiNue tHe rElaTionShIp” fucking leave him. I’m a woman and I’m tired of seeing y’all gives these men second chances after doing the most VILE shit. Don’t be fucking stupid, and leave him. This shouldn’t even be a discussion, whether he was drunk or not.

  102. He's defective and will never change. 30 years from now, he'll either be beating/murdering you and your kids, or beating/murdering someone else. Don't let it be you.

  103. You said you used to have fights where slapping on face was normal. I don't know how much it happens for you to consider it normal and not include it in physical fights.

  104. I’m so sorry to hear this, it must have been an awful experience. My advice is to press charges and leave immediately. Please don’t fall into the trap of making excuses for his behaviour. I’m sure you have lots of good memories together - but that isn’t relevant.

  105. It will happen again. I was 16 when I had my first serious relationship and he beat the shit out of me 3 months in. I stayed with him for 22 months until I cannot anymore. It came to a point when I was going home late with a bruised face and inflamed lip. Break up with him, file a restraining order, and press charges. You don't want to marry someone like this. If he can do it to you, he will do it again, and you probably do not want to raise children in an environment like that.

  106. You need time. What happened was traumatic, the after match isn't gonna settle in one day. Don't focus on the comments that says "get out, it's over". That's for you to decide, and only you. In due time you will know the answer, just make sure you aren't being persuaded by him.

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