i think he's one heart break away from giving up on being the nice guy, and i don't wanna be that girl

  1. This guy thinks he is your boyfriend. He's not even close to getting it that he isn't in a relationship with you and never was. I would, at minimum, let your boss and coworkers know about this because he knows where you work.

  2. Reading it again, every time you say something like "I've never been in a relationship" or "I want to take it slow" or "I would like a relationship" he is 100% interpreting this as you saying you are in a relationship with him now. He sees your boundary setting as coy moves within the relationship, not a statement that you're not even fucking in one and don't want to be.

  3. This, I had an interaction very similar with someone like the guy in this post years ago and made the mistake of telling him where I worked and didn’t tell my co workers who ended up thinking we were together while in reality he was just some dude I gave my number to bc he asked and I thought he was cute. Ended up having to quit that job and get a restraining order against that creep as he’d show up every day and claim there was a “problem” with his car. When I called him out he said “he just wanted to visit his sweetheart”. So OP, tell your boss and co workers before you end up needing a new job and a restraining order, and block this creep’s number.

  4. What in the entire fuck?! This guy is kinda scary, OP. The love-bombing, the violent fantasies, and the lack of any sense of boundaries adds up to one big mess. Stay safe.

  5. Seriously!! The love bombing I was like “eh, abandonment issues most likely, maybe more… glad OP called him out.” Definitely a red flag, but she saw and said something. Then the “six feet under” hit and I’m like, RUNNNNN, stop all contact!

  6. This dude is one HUGE red flag. It’s scary that he knows where OP works, And has already shown he’s not willing to respect her boundaries

  7. I know.. the only reason I haven't blocked him yet is because I think he's trying to apply where I work, and I feel like if he wants to show up and see me, he'd text me about it and that would give me a heads-up to prepare myself.

  8. PLEASE TELL YOUR WORK - if he comes in signal your managers, they need to know that he’s not to approach you in store he has made extreme threats of violence, quite frankly he should be barred - please tell managers

  9. Op, I don’t know if you drive or walk home. Please get yourself an escort though. This seems like the kind of person who will wait for your shift to end so he can sing you an apology song.

  10. I was actually genuinely afraid he was going to show up where I work that night with a guitar lol. But yes, we have a rule that coworkers have to leave together, and I've been taking a detour on my way home lately

  11. RUNNNN!!! My ex was like this coming on entirely too strong! This is a man baby. He will infiltrate your life and you will not be able to get rid of him. This unsettlement you feel is your soul warning you!!! Run.

  12. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Page 3! He said she'd be 6 feet under if she ever cheated on him? Threats of violence are...they're beyond red flags! Damn!!

  13. Christ, this guy has more red flags than a communist parade. He comes at her like a bulldozer and will. not. stop. Then when she calls him out he plays the victim “I’m so sorry I didn’t mean it boo-hoo” and then starts right back up again. Get rid of him. Now.

  14. Your title is concerning, you will never be “that girl”, you are not responsible for the fantasy life he built with you, someone he does NOT know, in his head. Alert your co-workers to this dangerous guy stalking you and make sure someone walks you to your car.

  15. I am actually scared for your well being. As someone who works in HR I would advise you tell your managers so they can keep you safe at work. This guy totally sounds like he is going to stalk you. Park close to the door and don’t walk to your car alone in the dark. Seriously - better to be safe than sorry.

  16. Scary 😨 He came on soooooo strong! Like, you actually gave him a chance, let him know exactly where you were feeling uncomfortable, and it still didn't matter. And the fact that he said it always happens the same way...like, he has enough self awareness to know what he's doing wrong, but no self control to actually change. Wth...

  17. I just want to say I'm really impressed with how patient and kind you were with him. And I want you to know none of this was your fault, you didn't lead him on, and anything he does is likewise NOT YOUR FAULT.

  18. These guys turn real nasty fast. Had one in my town start hiding razor blades in stuff and posting messed up stuff about a friend who gave him a chance as he begged. Hes what kicked of my curiosity about their kind. He used a suicide attempt to make her the monster for breaking his heart then tried to force himself on a learning disabled girl.

  19. Please please please please print the threats of violence and keep them nearby. An ex boyfriend said things like that to me and then when I needed them for court and a restraining order, I didn’t have them (my phone had gotten stolen and nothing was backed up). My ex also had physical scars from punching people and things - but I was dumb enough to believe every lie he told that he was a changed man. You’re in a sticky situation and I hope he finds someone else to bother!

  20. whoa, nelly — bro is scary with the love-bombing and the huge lack of boundaries. he’s coming on so damn strong and didn’t take into consideration how it makes you feel, even though you were voicing your discomfort. that’s really frightening. please stay safe. ♥️

  21. You were wayyyyy too kind. He would’ve gotten blocked after “i wanna make you my wife” this dude is unhinged, shouldn’t be on public streets and needs to be locked away in a padded room.

  22. "I love you" "I'd actually prefer to take it slow, just be friends for now." "Slow, yeah, I can do that babe, honey, sweetie... I've never felt like this before... I wrote a song about you and about how great I am at taking it slow. Wanna hear it and then get married?"

  23. "You're leaving me I know it! 😭💔 Aaanyway are you going to work today? I'd love to stalk... I-I mean, meet... You there 😏"

  24. I would like to apologise in a song? Is that real? He wrote a song about you not being comfortable with how overwhelming he is?

  25. Jesus, you're a fucking angel! I cannot believe you kept being polite, and even gave him like 20 second chances! I would've noped the fuck out of there IMMEDIATELY after the "six feet under" comment. That's actually terrifying....

  26. As soon as he said he loved you, that should’ve been it. That’s bananas. How did he think that it was appropriate in any way to say that he loved you and start calling you babe. Dude people are seriously nuts anymore.

  27. Wow you handled that very maturely! Even asked him nicely not to visit if he doesn’t need to. Best of luck dealing with this dude in case he doesn’t get the hint!

  28. You did absolutely nothing wrong, it isn’t your fault if you are ‘that girl’, he needs to learn the hard way that you can’t just obsess over someone that quickly and then expect them to feel the same way. He’s obviously way too full on and clingy and he needs to learn to take a fuckin hint. Well done for handling it so well OP.

  29. This is scary. Idk if you work with people but you may want to ask him to not come in when you’re working, or have other people help him when he does come in. Although he doesn’t respect any of your boundaries so that probably wouldn’t even work

  30. I could see this guy turning into a stalker. Be safe OP, do whatever you have to do to protect yourself from him if he doesn’t leave you alone.

  31. These guys don't respect boundaries because taking the action of respecting boundaries requires walking away and giving up on the hope of having a relationship with the boundary setter. They feel people only set boundaries as a way to tell them they don't like them and are not into them.

  32. I would not be at all surprised if he knows where you live. This guy is scary. I would report this to your employer if not to the police. I would carry mace on your person and have a friend walk with you out to your car. I would casually mention next time you see him that your store has security cameras in the parking lot (even if it doesn't). I would be verrrrrry cautious around this guy. He's a whole bag of red flags.

  33. I just went through this EXACT situation… When I finally put my foot down (i tried being nice about it first) and said “I don’t want anything to do with you, you don’t respect my boundaries and are being very obsessive.”

  34. My ex love bombed me and the ghosted me a month later. It was my first relationship too and it left me confused and so unsure of myself. Love bombing is now a major red flag in my book. People who love bomb are bad news

  35. Run away! This is the kind of guy who chains you up in a remote cabin so he can love you to death.

  36. Yikes, this is triggering me a bit. OP, I'm so glad you know yourself and your boundaries well enough. This is how things started with my ex, but I was too dumb and insecure to see the red flags (inexperience didn't help, but yeah, my fault for being dumb).

  37. I'm so sorry my post triggered you, I didn't mean for it to make anyone uncomfortable! I honestly just needed some advice for how to deal with this because I'm also very inexperienced and have never been in this kind of situation

  38. I’ve been love bombed before and I just push them away by telling them I’d rather play video games. Works for me

  39. I ran into a similar situation, except I wasn't at work, but it was out in public in a store. He asked for my number and seemed nice enough, but he was calling me before I even got home from shopping. He already had my number because one of us texted the other. He was just incessantly texting and trying to call. Came on SO STRONG. I ended up having to block his number. I wonder how long it took him to stop 🤣

  40. Lmao have we talked to the same guy 🤣🤣 met one just like this. Had to block him because he wasn’t taking no for an answer.

  41. You handled this fantastically, but be careful OP. I knew a guy like this once. He became a stalker real fast after rejection. Sadly we worked together, so I couldn’t avoid he all of the time. Thankfully he didn’t drive, so was never able to find out where I live.

  42. Its like a car crash and a train derailing having a child. This turns everything inside me upside down and wants me to just stop reading, but at the same time, its so fascinating that a person like that exists. Absolutely full of himself, directly jumping to love confessions and pet names, even though it was just a day, threathening with violence to not just you, but literally anybody that might talk to you and he categorizes as a threat (so basically, even your granny probably), directly going to guilt tripping for not tolerating his bullshit and on top of that, thinking singing someone a song will somehow fix things. Also lol at "Did I make your night" after you told him multiple times to not come visit, if hes just there to interupt your work. Without knowing this guy, I think its safe to assume that he will hurt someone at some point, this dude feels like a ticking time bomb tbh. Stay safe!

  43. It's not often you see someone on this sub who actually had a serious chance before destroying it all. Dude was a 1 minute walk from his destination and decided to torpedo to the center of the earth instead.

  44. Please tell someone you work with to be cautious and aware of this guy. He knows where you work and he doesn’t respect your bondaries. This is no joke. Stay safe.

  45. This guy is unstable and dangerous. I know she was trying to deal with him a certain gentle way but he’s not stable and I wish she cut it off early on when he got creepy. He doesn’t want a partner he wants an object. Edit: actually I think she handled it right now that I think about it some more. Better to not anger him too much. Tho I’d cut off contact and if he keeps showing up or waits in parking lot of where she works, she should get a restraining order. This guy has serious issues.

  46. Oh my fucking god! Usually I tune out of these posts if it’s more than a few pages but this was something else.

  47. This is…. This is bad. Sing you his love??? Girl there are so many things wrong with this weirdo, as you know

  48. This gives me such a feeling of dread. I would be nauseas with anxiety in your situation. Please stay safe and try and get away from this person, this concerns me.

  49. Shit like this is what makes me want to be an "anger translator" like Luther on Key & Peele. I'd love to be a translator for people who have to deal with these dudes. Doesn't have to be anger. Could be a reality translator.

  50. Jesus Nelly with a rubber belly, you have got the patience of a Saint, my friend! How the hell did you stay so polite and restrained?

  51. Thank you. I'm not very good at being mean or confrontational, it makes me uncomfortable with myself and for the other person. And I know I'd prefer to be let down easy with a clear explanation on why than just being told no, then thinking up my own reasons for why I wasn't good enough.

  52. I’m sure you mean well but she doesn’t owe him kindness and neither does the “next gal” that he love bombs.

  53. As a guy, posts like these make me thank whatever deity for all the partying I did and the company I was around (men who did well with women, not a humble brag it was what it was). Might’ve made me a little cold in some ways, but I learned very quickly that you do NOT put yourself out there like this.

  54. Had a situation like this happen to a girl I knew a few years ago. The guy was a friend of a friend, didn’t really know him that well. She finally told/showed us the shit he would sent her and it’s crazy how similar it is. It’s weird how in hindsight how unsurprising it is when you start connecting dots, Like when she would hang out with us she message one of us directly instead of the group chat. Wish I had known sooner, but thankfully nothing bad ever happened

  55. I had an ex like this. We met for the first time after talking online and he changed his status to in a relationship and moved in immediately. We were only together for three months, I cite being off my meds and poor decision making lol.

  56. I think he’s someone who’s incredibly lonely and or probably needs counselling. I have a “friend” like that. Platitudes, admissions of love and pet names, yeah no thanks. Unfortunately boundaries are something that keep having to be reiterated. Sigh.

  57. Wow this guy's a fucking nutjob to say the least, but I am definitely stealing the "I would like to apoligize in song" line

  58. Dear lord. I have no idea how you had this much patience for this OP. After the phone call about killing you for cheating and beating up random people I would have blocked immediately. Psycho.

  59. You need to let your management team know about him so they can alert security and make sure you're always escorted in the parking lot and within sight inside. This type of guy tends to escalate once they get fixated on someone, and unfortunately he seems to have fixated on you. If you have photos of him share them with your management team, and you may also want to show them this exchange.

  60. I've never been in a relationship and this is obviously one giant red flag, it's not about being nice anymore this is the "Escape before something even worse happens" 💀

  61. That was.....just sad. Guy needs some serious help with learning how to read a situation and to cut back on the love bombing nonsense.

  62. OP, I'm finding his threat to put you 6 feet under if you cheat extremely alarming. You are not in a relationship with him but he doesn't seem to see it that way, so I'm concerned there's a chance here that he could come down with a case of "If I can't have you, nobody can", with lethal implications.

  63. After I told him that comment unsettled me, he tried to say that he didn't say me, he said the guy I cheat on him with would be six feet under. But I don't know if I really misheard him or not. I just left that part out because his texts were so long I couldn't fit them in a single screenshot.

  64. This is hilarious to read online but I hope you know that it’s also genuinely scary. Please tell your store manager about this guy. Block his number and if he continues to try to engage in person or via other communication platforms, it’s time to get a restraining order. Please be careful, OP.

  65. So this is quite concerning. In his mind, the two of you are already in a committed relationship. When you put down your boundaries, he did not accept them. Truth of the matter is when he made the comment to you that he'd put you six feet under if you cheated, it was already too late. He has attached to you emotionally. This is going nowhere good. You are already that girl. You can't stay in a relationship just because you dont want to swnd him over the edge. I would suggest that you find a way to distance yourself - and soon.

  66. OP you need to distance yourself from this dude. He seems highly unstable and isn't shy about being violent. Tell somebody at your work about him/this interaction in case shit hits the fan. Good luck.

  67. Please be careful. The lack of respect for boundaries paired with the fantasies about violence are alarming. Your instincts were right, this is not a guy you want to indulge any farther. If he continues to press things at work, tell your boss.

  68. Hey OP, while I was crying laughing at his messages, in all seriousness this is really dangerous behavior. The fact that he’s coming on this strong this early AND acts like your in a relationship is scary. That six feet under comment rattled me. This can quickly escalate to stalking behavior and/or worse. I don’t mean to sound extreme but I’ve seen this before and it’s quite terrifying. You did do a great job at setting boundaries though! Keep being affirmative about them. I hope you stay safe and well friend! <3

  69. Good LORD, this dude is unhinged. Please please tell your boss and co-workers, OP. I feel like this could get escalated to a dangerous situation really fast.

  70. This is terrifying and a huge red flag. He knows where you work and already believes you to be in a relationship. This screams potential problem so get ahead of it. Tell your boss and coworkers and even the local police and block his number. People like this can be utterly frightening and even murderous. "If I can't have you no one will" scenario. Be safe OP

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