meirl

  1. My wife and I are the exact opposites of this paradigm. I'm the anxious failure and she's an awesome lawyer.

  2. Also when you do one little mistake, it is the worst thing ever and everybody talks about it. It sticks out. And your parents make sure you never forget about it, while other kids are doing way worse things than you ever did daily, but are praised when they do one thing right, like they cured cancer, especially by your parents...

  3. Wow. This was really relatable to read. I have recently been trying to forgive myself and be more cognitive about the way I spiral into thinking I'm worthless after any mistake I make. It's honestly exhausting

  4. Yeah, I think it is mostly because gifted childs are pushed heavily to become better and better with their studies, so when they are finally adult and all that pressure from parents goes away, they try to relive their childhood because playing is supposed to be children's job, not endless studying

  5. That plus your entire self worth is based on being smart, right, and at the top. So if you ever make a mistake you are worthless.

  6. I think many coast though early education, never picking up any real study habits or discipline, which causes whiplash as they enter higher education.

  7. I was the opposite. I always did well without any effort, and then university was a wake up call. I failed out of engineering (I skipped my tutorials and bombed my second semester exams). I ended up with a BA, but my study and work skills were still piss poor (almost every one of my final papers were written in the night before they were due). It's taken my entire adulthood to learn how to study and start planning for final projects (I finished my professional qualification for teaching and am now enrolled in post grad).

  8. Nailed it. Was raised in a cult and put in gifted classes. My only goal in life is to find a way to not have to work so I can play with my dogs and read books. Fuck being a responsible adult I want the childhood freedom I was robbed of.

  9. There are a number of difficulties gifted kids face whether their parents are a part of that or not. "Academically gifted" isn't the term, it's "gifted" which really stands for "smart and weird".

  10. Now add the fact that 99% of "academically gifted children" are not really gifted (schools just say that so parents are happy in spite of the sad state of the education system), but just normal kids. And now you're putting extreme pressure and unrealistic expectations on top of the huge pile of hormonal and psychological issues (which is a natural part of growth) most teenagers go through.

  11. For me it’s because when I would succeed at something the response was “of course you did, you’re gifted. However you didn’t have to work as hard as someone else who succeeded” and if I failed (aka having a b+ on my report card) it was “this is an insult, everyone else has to work harder for that grade than you do for an a+, you obviously just don’t care at all.” Now when I succeed at something I feel like it’s the bare minimum expectation for me, and when I fail it’s because I’m a total piece of shit

  12. Actually, a lot of it is internal, in how we're wired. Society often exacerbates that. Not all gifted kids grow up being pushed by others but naturally hold themselves to highly critical standards.

  13. I’d say it’s also because we were good at a thing as a kid, and our parents told us we were amazing and could do anything we wanted because we naturally excelled at science and math. Now as adults, we learned that being good at science and math isn’t actually useful for every thing we want to do. And because we never had to teach ourselves to be better in school, we aren’t very good at coping when something doesn’t come naturally to us.

  14. I really hope you’ll see this. DON’T put all of her self-worth on being smart. What this looks like in practice is not complimenting her too much on being smart. Compliment her on other things that she brings to the table, so that she knows she isn’t solely valuable as a human because she can solve problems easily. Also, don’t compensate for her in other areas of life with being smart. If she sucks at XYZ, don’t say,”well yeah, but you’re really smart!” To cheer her up. This will again go back to her putting all of her eggs in the “im smarter than you” basket. Instead positively help her work toward getting better at XYZ. This will also build work ethic, which she likely won’t get from school.

  15. Praise the work, not just the result. I got so used to getting praise from the straight A's, but not really from the work that went into it, or from the work that went into lower grades that I got occasionally. Praise projects/efforts that aren't at 100% either. The phrase "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right" killed me because if I wasn't absolutely sure it was going to be right I just wouldn't do things.

  16. Praise her efforts, not her results. Make sure she knows how to study even if she doesn’t need to early on.

  17. Push her to do and try things that are difficult for her. I think my biggest struggle has been learning to fail and pursue things that require effort. As a kid everything came easy to me in school. I put very minimal effort in and got A's and graduated with over a 4.0. When I went to college and had to do it on my own with less structure... I dropped out after a year.

  18. For me it began with missing the deadline for political science at university. So I went „oh shit gotta do someting“ and went to law instead.

  19. Take her to therapy so she doesn't have any problems interacting with her peers or understanding herself. She'll be very emotionally intelligent in addition to academically gifted. She'll have to many feelings to be a lawyer lol 😂

  20. Spend time with her. It seems like my parents thought me being gifted meant I could just be left to my own devices. I've felt alone my whole life, turns out it's because I was actually supposed to have a relationship with my parents beyond them being happy with my grades and me going back to my playstation for the rest of the day

  21. My friend from high school was gifted, accepted a scholarship to MIT, worked the private sector for a while, then one day runs off to Florida on his Harley and started a ministry for bikers. He’s happier than I’ve ever seen him.

  22. Only reason I was really considered gifted was because I understood the math material and did my homework 5 minutes after the teacher passed it out

  23. Society expects u to start doing most complex main stream shit, rather than letting u do what we want, like man just lemme work on my arc reactor c'mon

  24. Yea, just leave me in peace while I work on this big fucking ass mass-destruction-to-the-point-of-no-return-inator. Completely normal, am I right, guys? Guys??

  25. Facts. I don't have a viable alternative to the school system, so i keep my criticism limited, but when i go back and read some of the stories i wrote back when i was primary school age, some of that shit showed potential. I had creativity coming out my ears. I don't have that anymore and i'm fairly certain it was beaten out of me by the mainstream nature of school. It's just frustrating, man

  26. I'm a former gifted kid who got on medication for the bipolar mania, went to trade school, has kickass pets and a kickass partner and a kickass job.

  27. I was academically gifted and never had to study. Then I got into higher education and sucked at everything. Managed to get into uni. Passed barely. Got some crap jobs. Ended up with a great job and now have an awesome life.

  28. Those types of people don't realize that part of being intelligent is working hard. Plenty of people have the ability to be in the top percentage of intelligence, but only a few of them actually work to achieve it.

  29. If you are gifted and good with numbers you become a engineer or a banker/acc, if you have good maths and good human intuition you become a doctor and if you don't have any of these you become a lawyer

  30. Yep, anxiety, feelings of being overwhelmed, fixation on new interests followed by forgetting they exist - all classic symptoms of ADHD in adults.

  31. I’m a lawyer with 1000s of abandoned hobbies who spirals into self hate when I make basic mistakes, and yes, I have ADHD. 😂😂😂

  32. Or they are anxious teenagers who have thousands of abandoned hobbies and spiral into self-hate whenever they make basic mistakes and regret being gifted.

  33. Academically gifted people who are properly challenged become mathematicians or scientists. If they aren't they likely become as listed.

  34. The Dunning Kruger effect would posit otherwise. People who know little often overestimate how well they will do on a task and someone who is an expert is likely to underestimate performance. Pair that with the better-than-average effect and most people think they are more special, knowledgeable, and capable than they actually are. The issue, I think, is folks who are gifted see themselves in a more negative light than they should, while their peers have an over inflated sense of self-efficacy. This may be due to higher expectations and strict upbringing leading to impossible expectations for gifted students. That schema becomes increasingly maladaptive in adulthood and leads to spirals of anxiety and obsessive tendencies.

  35. I was gifted, but I rather kept my grades on strict B level and read through comics during school hours. Nobody cared. I saw the A+ kids having extra afternoon curriculum, often not for them but as a proxy to pimp status of their mostly mediocre parents. Those with real chops left school for real challenges.

  36. I was an A kid. Glad that in the 1970s/1980s, we just had A, B, etc on report cards instead of A+/A- and/ or numerical grades reported. I worked just hard enough to get a 93 or so. Didn't have a want or need for the 99 or 100, but didn't want a B either.

  37. I am not gifted at all or good at anything and I have never been and yet I'm fucked up. So I would love to be academically fucked up.

  38. This is the truth. It turns out I have ADHD and was diagnosed at 38. I’m am on a better path now and doing much better in my career. I have also not picked up any new hobbies lately. I am sticking to the ones I have and getting better at them.

  39. Nope, I grew up academically gifted, I have little anxiety, and haven't really taken up any new hobbies in 20 years. I'm also not a lawyer.

  40. 36 with a stable career, gaming, series or movies as hobbies. Always something to do, rarely bored as i keep my mind busy all the time.

  41. Some did. Also, many kids who weren’t academically gifted are now anxious adults who have thousands of abandoned hobbies and spiral into self hate whenever they make basic mistakes.

  42. third option: they never learned any methods for efficient studying or getting better at something they aren’t talented at already are because they were so used to passing easily, and now they’re slackers and underachievers accomplishing very little in life.

  43. i used to see these posts and make fun of them but now that im an adult who was a prior "gifted kid" its so true. i feel like i was left behind because i was just "smart" and expected to know things and learn quickly. which i did, don't get me wrong, but because of that i have no desire to learn things without pressure, i want to fix it but i feel so stupid and i'm too ashamed to ask.

  44. We were never “academically gifted”. We just read at an advanced grade level and excelled at only the subjects we liked.

  45. Me, feeling like inwent from genius to entry level marketing job at 29! So much coulda woulda shoulda. Boy if I had a time machine and could go back to 7th grade...

  46. I grew up in SAIL programs (student accelerated in learning) and being foisted the notion of taking advanced classes in high school. (Even tested into and was suggested to take a junior level trigonometry class in my first semester in college; which I'd never learned any of before) Everyone told me how great I'd become. And I didn't want to be a lawyer.

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