meirl

  1. What we have here is a misunderstanding. When people like myself say "I hate small talk", it's just a polite way of saying "I really don't give a fuck about anything about you and I have no desire to go through the exhausting act of pretending otherwise. I don't care about you, I don't care what your job is or what kind of day you're having, I don't want to see photos of your gremlin child/grandchild or discuss meteorological issues with you, i will never see or speak to you again and this exchange is utterly meaningless. I just want to stand here in line before exchanging money for a coffee, then drive home to avoid face-to-face interaction with my coworkers by working remotely"

  2. Free will may or may not exist, but it’s probably not an important question to answer. We live as if we have free will and our actions usually assume that we are responsible for our actions.

  3. "Small talk" with people you love is funny cause you can be ironic and they will understand it and have as many innapropriate jokes as you want. Even make funny stories about small talk with other people

  4. Small talk can lead to big talk, though. I've had some really interesting conversations with strangers, but we couldn't have had them without that foundation of 'how are you, wasn't it windy yesterday?'

  5. I only hate small talk when all the other person is trying to do is fill the silence, like, if you don’t have anything to say, don’t say anything! The silence isn’t dangerous

  6. I come from a family where silence means your parents are mad at you and plotting how to make life hell, so silence genuinely feels dangerous to me. I’ve gotten better about it since my boyfriend is a quiet person, but those first few years were agonizing. Now that I’m used to it, whenever I visit my parents and get quiet for a bit, they think I’m mad lol full circle

  7. Took me forever to realize my problem with silence comes down to being a people pleaser (which, if you caught that, yes that is counter-intuitive.) It's the feeling that the silence might be making them uncomfortable, and the idea of their discomfort makes me way more uncomfortable, so I strive to fill the silence so they don't feel like they have to. Even though I'm just actively projecting discomfort on them.

  8. I feel like its a great sign in a relationship when you can genuinely be comfortable with silence in the room between you and another person. You don’t need to say anything, you just genuinely enjoy being with that person.

  9. If I'm making small talk I'm usually fishing for an interesting topic and dropping hints about things to ask me about. Small talk stays small when people don't put the effort in.

  10. This is what I consider small talk to be, not repetitive conversations or questions. Talking about the weather is only small talk if you’re mentioning it because you don’t have anything to say. Same with asking how you are or how your day was. It’s small talk if the person asking doesn’t care or is doing it out of politeness, it’s just talking if you want the answer.

  11. You explained this perfectly for me. My mom seems hates silence & literally says whatever just so there can be some noise.

  12. yea and usually when I'm talking to people in a relationship ether friends or family, i got sth to say. its not always logical but usually say stuff to entertain, where as small talk with Randoms is usually so boring cos you don't get each other.

  13. I've spent the last 3 days trying to explain to my very outgoing very loud friend that we don't need to spend every waking moment filling the silence.

  14. You marry someone else who hates small talk and you spend your days in each others company enjoying just that, their company. 10 years in and has worked great for us.

  15. Yes! Companionable silence is my love language. I’m comfortable sitting next to my wife while I game on something or work and she “watches” trash like 90 day fiancé but really is on her phone next to me. Being able to enjoy doing what you want NEXT to someone doing something they want instead doing something WITH someone that only one of you wants is more often than not the best option.

  16. This is my dream. A lot of people think I don’t want to be with them because I never really interact when I’m with them, but really I just enjoy being in the company of the people I love, I don’t need more than that

  17. This exactly. My husband might have a sliver more patience for small talk than I do, but both of us dislike it pretty strongly. Also the hypothetical situation in the post is absolutely the kind of shit we might find ourselves saying to each other, lol. I blurt out random existential ponderings all the time, no build-up needed, though occasionally I'll share my thought process leading to it for entertainment. (ADHD thought-tracks are a special sort, so if my brain makes me go "WTF brain?!" I like to share.)

  18. Same here. I would hate my fucking life if I regularly did small talk with my wife. How do you marry someone you feel the need to small talk to??

  19. It's very comforting to hear that. I'm still young, and sometimes my despair grows as I feel pressure to be small talk-ish. I suppose that taking my time to choose carefully is very important. I like silence, or not talking. Playing music. I don't know. I just enjoy those little things. I feel trapped into the expectations of my parents, of society, of my peers.

  20. I remember after high school for 2 or 3 years me and 3 other dudes just sat in a garage after work and listened to music. We talked sometimes but there was a whole lot of spacing out in silence for hours on end.

  21. I actually like learning what people do for work. There's usually something interesting you can learn. I've also been told I have a tendency to "interview" people, so maybe I ask too specific of questions.

  22. Silence is awesome, just being able to be comfortable in silence with another person, while you both do different things. People who aren't comfortable with silence are quite annoying.

  23. People who aren't comfortable with silence often have a health condition, though. I'm socially anxious and my brain has learnt silence= people don't like me. Even though logically, I know that's not true, anxiety makes your doubts feel very real.

  24. Yeah there is a huge difference when asking “how is your day” when you expect “today x, y, and z happened!” vs “good”

  25. When you know the person, updating on your day isn't small talk. Small talk is when you have to make some kind of surface level conversation with someone you don't know.

  26. Free will IS a myth. Religion IS a joke. However I’m not sure that we are controlled by something greater. That’s just looking for an explanation where there is none. Reality is “just one damned thing after another.”

  27. Honestly. I read this post as “How do autistic people expect to develop and maintain romantic relationships?” It’s uh… pretty hard

  28. I don't consider that small talk tho. Small talk to me is like "How's the weather?" or "How was your weekend?" with someone who doesn't really care about it. Talking about stuff you are both genuinely interested in is just having a conversation.

  29. This person just doesn't know what small talk is. Small talk is not just any conversation that isn't deep. It's pointless blather like with coworkers or strangers in an elevator or in the break room. Usually about the weather or what stupid shows you watched over the weekend to fill the void in your life. Small talk is also marked by one or both parties no actually caring about the conversation. You can talk about the weather with someone you love without it being small talk, it might have actually impacted your day somehow.

  30. I'm actually really into weather, so weather isn't actually small talk to me. But unfortunately it is to other people, and apparently they don't care to hear about updrafts and convection currents. So no, I don't actually have any meaningful relationships in my life. Thanks for asking.

  31. It's a bid odd she assumes that you can't have a meaningful relationship without small talk...if anything most small-talk relationships I've had were at church, with people who were fake and couldn't care less about my life or interests.

  32. I dislike small talk when talking to people I don’t know. When it’s someone I am comfortable being with then I could accidentally ramble on about something they don’t give a crap about.

  33. I don't hate small talk, I hate small talk with random strangers or co-workers who I don't care about.

  34. There's complete difference between forced small talk at work, or intrusions by strangers, and small talk with people you love. Also, it's totally possible to find someone you love, and you're both comfortable in silence.

  35. Oh wow. Well, there are people who enjoy being silent together. Who is doing ‚small talk‘ to his partner anyway?

  36. There are plenty of things that aren't obnoxious when it comes to those you care about. Small talk with strangers vs small talk with someone you enjoy interacting with feel and are insanely different.

  37. Easy answer. We won't and don't want to. I see people out in public every day bickering at each other over nothing.

  38. Small talk is a verbal handshake and also you’re basically asking „do you want to talk to me?“ if the reply is very short like „yes.“ or something they don’t want to talk, if they answer „yes. It’s a wonderful day. Perfect for climbing.“ you know they want to talk.

  39. I hate small talk as in mundane formulaic chat that neither of us particularly invested in, like talking about the bad weather with a stranger in the dentist waiting room

  40. It’s not small talk if it’s with the right person. It’s only small talk at the grocery store, at the bus stop or at work.

  41. Perhaps they mean that they hate conversations that are limited to small talk by the participants lack of depth and inability to engage in meaningful dialogue. Small talk isn’t so much a conversation that starts with exchanging basic pleasantries and discussing mundane things such as the weather, but rather, never being able to shift the dialogue past that.

  42. There is a difference between a relationship and talking to someone. It's not like introverts are introvert in front of their mama's lol.

  43. My bet is that a person from that Tweet would be surprised to learn that there's world outside of the state she is living in, and they are, in fact, quite different to the ones she knows.

  44. Studies indicate that small talk does not improve closeness in a relationship. Small talk fills awkward silences, and in a relationship you should be comfortable in silence together. Shouldn’t need small talk.

  45. I don’t think it’s really small talk anymore if it’s with your SO? Do you ask your wife what she does for a living? Or how she likes living in this city?

  46. Small talk is the worst. Small talk in relationships is even worse. If you have nothing interesting to say, either take a nap or go do something.

  47. I mean if someone hate small talk wouldn’t it make sense that the person they’d be compatible with also hates small talk? 🤔

  48. The same way you deal with the fact that you don’t know what you’re talking about (aka: you don’t know that “most” people hate small talk).

  49. Sometimes I feel like I've got some kind of anxiety/attachment problem, because I actually love small talk and shit like first dates. I like anything where there's an extremely clear script, and I'm not emotionally involved so I don't care if you like me. Deep talks about life and the universe are good too, don't get me wrong; I prefer those with friends and family. But, like, there's literally zero stakes with a random schmuck talking to me in the grocery line, joking about how all the bread's gone for the third time in two months, you know?

  50. No, just "hi honey I'm home", period. The point of disliking small talk isn't that you want to be all philosophical, it's that you are able to appreciate the refined pleasure of shutting your trap.

  51. Small talk is inherently filler. It isn't meaningful. Sure for most folks there is the implications that "this person is talking with me because they like my company."

  52. Why don’t people understand the glory of amenable silence? Like seriously some people just enjoy being around someone and not having to keep up the “I’m a social human being” mask

  53. We need to learn this, to plug in the small talk in between the deep talks. Sometimes we get caught up in discussions that never end. We have stayed up talking whole night and still the time feels short. When we are so into deep talk that we even forget about necessary small talks that are required for survivial like "what you'll like for dinner" or "who's even cooking dinner".

  54. Well, the difference is that you do actually care about your family's day and mood. I cannot be happy without them being happy, so I need to check them out and provide hugs or light swearing if necessary.

  55. Small talk is the filler bullshit you talk about with colleagues, random people at social gatherings etc that leads nowhere and nobody actually cares about. With a person you are attracted to (initially) and in a relationship (as things go on), or with real friends/close family, it's useful and meaningful to create or mantain a bond. Now of course i still don't like listening to my dude talk nostop about random sport bullshit or my girlfriend re-enacting her whole work day when she comes home, but it's bearable because it's people i like and have a relationship with

  56. Wife and I have been together going on over a decade. We both hate small talk (probably the key there) we tell each other about our days, talk about anything interesting that going through our mind at that time, and then just stay in each others presence just doing our own things. Then maybe we do some things together and tall about that. Same for going out on dates, we talk about the situation and what's happening but we've talked about nearly everything to death with how long we've been together, there is no more "small talk" because we don't interact with the world in that way to gain "small talk" topics.

  57. Silence. Silence is what they do. Even if you say something, they might not feel like they need to respond. If you're not the same way, it can be stressful.

  58. People who "hate small talk" should take charge in adding meaning to their conversations. Sometimes I think people claim to hate small talk but really they are just masking their antisocial behavior.

  59. Me trying to convince my wife that psychoactive therapy would be a good idea trying to explain why ego dissolution isn’t actually scary 99% of the time

  60. Me who loves laughing: yes please talk to me, strangers too! Because if we talk, we have a higher possibility of making eachother laugh than when we don't talk.

  61. If it's with someone you want to spend time with, it's not small talk. It's spending time with someone you want to spend time with.

  62. “It’s just a bunch of chemical compounds and electrical impulses driving our thought patterns, to the point companies use AI to help predict what people want to buy and when they will do so. Also nice weather we’re having today isn’t it?”

  63. What I mean when I say this is I hate small talk with people at work, I'll shoot the shit with friends, partner etc all day long

  64. I hate small talk as in the only reason we spoke in the last 4 months was to debate wethet the weather was shit or mildly bad

  65. Interesting. This must explain why I have such an aversion to sustained meaningful relationships

  66. All of my friends always ask how I have so many friends and acquaintances. The answer is I am good at and love small talk. I don’t know how people hate it, am I just curious about everyone around me 😭

  67. As an introvert who hates small talk that is married to an Introvert who hates small talk, and has been together for 20+ years. Silence…it is golden. You don’t feel a need to talk, you say hi, ask about what’s important for the relationship, family, plans, etc, but there isn’t an need to fill silence with talking. There are things we forget to tell each other, but that seems like any relationship. Honestly at dinner, i feel more of a need to talk due to outside judgment.

  68. imagine having to resort to small talk like "hey honey smooch nice weather today, anyways i'm off to work, send me the shopping list by 6, see ya" when you could instead be planning your next holiday, even just your weekend or chat about family and shit or about an actual common interest (does that even exist with most people?)

  69. I only hate small talk with people who don’t know how to have a conversation. If we can’t have a back and forth based on my first subject, or second, then I’m gonna stop trying.

  70. Okay but what if you hate small talk with a passion? I honestly don’t care to acknowledge your existence. I don’t care about you and your typical life. I literally won’t say anything or I’ll vaguely/barely respond. I think it’s an American thing to enjoy the stupid small talk conversations.

  71. You know, my lack of social skills like small talking is one if the reasons why the thought of relationships is intimidating me, and why I don't actively want to try seeking them out.

  72. Extroverts being the most annoying fuckwads again when someone doesn't want to entertain their nonstop bullshit dribble leaving their mouth for three hours straight.

  73. People who "hate small talk" mean that they hate having the same repeated boring interactions with strangers and acquaintances, of course I'm gonna talk like a normal person with people I like talking to

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