You don’t have to be sexual to be bisexual right?

  1. Thank you for your post, if this is a question please check to see if any of the links below answer your question. If none of these links help answer your question and you are not within the LGBT+ community, questioning your identity in any way, or asking in support of either a relative or friend, please ask your question over in

  2. You don’t. Your therapist is just flat-out wrong. Straight people don’t have to be sexual to be straight, so why should any member of the LGBT+ community have to be sexual to be their identities?

  3. Absolutely. When I came out to my friends as bi in high school they tried to convince me that I could only be bi curious since I'd never had sex with anyone of the same gender. But I hadn't had sex with anyone of the opposite gender either🤨🤔

  4. Your therapist is an idiot. Even as a minor, you can be at a point where you find guys and girls to be attractive and would like to ask them out and hold hands and stuff.

  5. Your therapist sounds creepy. I like what another commenter said: sexuality is about attraction, not action.

  6. That is a terrible thing for a therapist to say to a minor. That could so easily be read as “if you want your sexuality to be valid, you need to go and have sex” this is downright dangerous. Therapist is bad

  7. Ah yes. And you have to be sexual to be heterosexual. So I guess all kids are just asexual. Or do you have to be sexual for that too?

  8. That would make zero sense because asexuality means a LACK of sexual attraction. And it’s weird of how I have started knowing about my asexual-ness because my grandma from my dad’s side recognized that I had no interest in sex or had crushes on people growing up. I’ve had come to the realization that I was asexual and aromantic when I was 22 years old. I’ve recently come out as agender.

  9. You're definitely not overthinking this, and if you have the ability to change therapists, I would highly advice you to do so. There are now therapists who specialise in working with LGBTQ+ folk. You need someone who won't second-guess your sexuality just because they don't know how attraction works

  10. Your therapist is wrong. You can go to mall with someone of the same sex. Hang out. Maybe share a drink in the food court. Look at each other and giggle. Still bi. Or, go to the movies with someone of the opposite sex. Sit next to each other, share snacks, maybe hold hands. Look at each other and giggle. And, still be bi.

  11. Your therapist is wrong and in my opinion kinda inappropriate -.- is it possible for you to change therapists? Or even reporting them, they are negating your identity, I’m pretty sure it’s not ethical…? -.- You can even be asexual and bi. 🙄 it only means who you are atracted to, romantically/sexually etc. Ask her if heteroSEXUAL people (including minors) have to be sexually active to claim they are heterosexual, in her opinion?

  12. You don't have to be sexually active to know you're bi or gay or ace or anything like that. You know what you are attracted to, or curious about, and that's fine. A bisexual person's orientation also doesn't change when they are in a relationship that is considered "hetero" or "homo", they are bi if they are attracted to both sexes.

  13. Exactly. I'm currently in a straight passing relationship, my boyfriend was the first person i told that I was bi but I've never had sex with a girl (I only came out 3 months ago, and we've been together 5 years) I still look at girls and think yep, she's hot. You don't need to try every flavour to know what your favourite is.

  14. There's the word "biromantic" which only refers to the romantical attraction. "Bisexual" refers to the sexual attraction (which does not require you to have had a sexual relationship before or to have had arousal before), but people often use the term bisexual to refer to "biromantic + bisexual"

  15. Biromantic and bisexual are different terms, but you dont need to have sex to know which one you are. Most people who identify as bisexual are both through

  16. There is something called bi-romantic. It’s where you are romantically attracted to two or more genders. You can be bi without it being sexual. Asexuals often use it to explain their romantic attraction when they’re aren’t aromantic. It’s possible you could be bi-romantic.

  17. the "sexual" in "bisexual" refers to the partners sex. Or at least that used to be part of a common definition. Sex drive has nothing to do with it. Asexuals were even part of Bi community for the longest time. Your therapist is wrong.

  18. Attraction, not action, is the primary marker of bisexuality. One or the other alone is enough, even if both can sometimes be fun.

  19. Bisexual is based on sexual attraction. Biromantic is based on romantic attraction. You don’t have to exhibit sexual or romantic behavior for the attraction to be there.

  20. Your theurpist shouldn't be sexualizing you period. You can be bisexual and ace yes. I suggest finding a new therupist. This one sounds like they are very bias and need retrained in how to speak to minors.

  21. So all children and virgins are asexual until you make your decision? And once you had sex with two genders, you will be forever bisexual?

  22. People only seem to get weird about minors having sexuality when we’re talking about something other than heterosexuality.

  23. Sexuality labels have to do with the how, when, and who of attraction, it has nothing to do with libido, desire, kinks, repulsion vs favorability toward sex and so on.

  24. You mean sexually active? Not at all. It’s about attraction, who you feel drawn to, just like how straight people aren’t any less straight for being virgins

  25. It's about attraction, not activity. Though it also depends on the type of attraction, romantic attraction is when you wanna be in a romantic relationship, hold hands. Sexual attraction is when you are attracted to someone in a sexual way. Being sexually or romantically active does not affect orientation at all, ever.

  26. Right… because you don’t experience attraction until you become sexually active and then it magically happens….

  27. First of all, the closet exists. And so long as the closet continues to exist (that is to say outed people risk getting assaulted, fired, ostricized or executed by state) your identity doesn't have to match your behavior. So what you identify as is up to you, and if that doesn't quite match how you feel or what you do... eh. Blame the continued necessity of the closet.

  28. No. As a minor you may be discovering that you have an attraction to people assigned either sex at birth. Not everything "-sexual" is about actual sex. If you identify as bisexual, that's how it is. That may change over time and that's OK too.

  29. I figured out I was bisexual at 14 and was not sexually active. That didn't change my sexuality though. To me that's almost like saying "how do you know you're bi if you haven't slept with x gender?" I don't know, it just feels wrong for them to say that to you. If you feel better with biromantic then that's okay too. I wish you well regardless, I'm sorry they said that to you.

  30. It’s possible they are just being pedantic about the nomenclature. If you’re not sexual you may be asexual but still have attraction or romantic feelings therefor being biromantic.

  31. Not wanting to have sex as-is doesn't mean one is asexual. A lack of sexual attraction makes one ace. You can find people "hot" only in a strictly aesthetic attraction way too :)

  32. Bisexual means you’re attracted to females and males, being sexual is a completely separate concept. It can correlate with your sexuality (in the sense of who you’d prefer to be sexual with). But you don’t have to be sexual to validate your sexual identity.

  33. By "sexual" you mean "experience sexual attraction", right? If yes, then what has being a minor have to do with it? Puberty doesn't start at 18.

  34. So, even if you don’t experience sexual attraction you can still be Bi, then it’s just Bi-romantic. So technically you have to be sexual to be Bi-sexual, but not to be Bi-romantic.

  35. So, even if you don’t experience sexual attraction you can still be Bi, then it’s just Bi-romantic. So technically you have to be sexual to be Bi-sexual, but not to be Bi-romantic.

  36. sexualy active? no, though if you arent at all interested in sex may also be bi-romantic, or just not at that stage of your life yet, keep an open mind about both others and your self

  37. Sexual attraction doesn't mean actually having sex, and even then, at a young age it's more about romantic stuffs than anything. You don't have to be sexually active to be straight, gay, bi, ace, or anything else. Just label how you see fit :)

  38. You don’t “have” to be anything. Your therapist should respect you, and part of that is respecting your identity. You can just say bi or biromantic if it is what you prefer.

  39. No, of course not! Bisexuality is just a romantic or sexual attraction to two or more genders! It doesn't mean you have to be sexually active or speak sexually - it's simply just the attraction you feel :) And you can also just say biromantic if you don't want to or don't feel comfortable saying bisexual!

  40. You mean sexual as opposite to asexual right? If so, then he's right you can't be both asexual and bisexual, if anything they are the complete opposites.

  41. I'm bi, and demisexual and demiromantic. Which is why it took me so long to realize I'm attracted to more than the opposite gender. It's possible to not be sexual and fine people attractive, or to even develop feelings after knowing someone, and be bi.

  42. What??? So then your 'therapist' should also say you can't be straight without being sexual. Bisexuality, homosexuality, heterosexuality, etc. are not contingent on consummating the act. I hope you can find a new therapist because yours is flat-out WRONG!

  43. Well your therapist is incorrect. You do not need to be sexual to be bisexual, you can be asexual and bi. Bisexuality is when you are attracted to more than one gender. As long as it feels right for you.

  44. I used to tell people I was bisexual when I was a teen, what I meant was non-binary, or some type of androgyny or asexuality. It's way confusing as a kid especially if you think it might effect you, you gotta decipher your mind using your mind.

  45. That's an inappropriate thing for a therapist to say to a minor, or anyone for that matter. Id look into getting a new one if you can

  46. Well even if you haven’t had a sexual experience yet you can still be bisexual. If you are asexual then you can also be biromantic

  47. you’re 100% right. when i came out as bi when i was in a straight relationship but i didn’t have sex with a woman to realize that.

  48. I felt attraction to a guy for the first time when I was like 7-8 and had a crush on another boy in my class. I suppressed the hell out of it, but I would have done anything to get him to notice me. Years down the road, it was obvious there was sexual attraction there, but at that age??? I had no clue what sexual attraction was. Feelings aren’t limited to physical reactions even though society often wants you to think otherwise

  49. no you don’t! i still experience sexual attraction like oh someone’s hot, but so user myself a bi asexual person. bisexual because it’s not just romantic, and asexual because i don’t really wish to act on that attraction.

  50. I don’t know what you mean by sexual like the activity or feeling the actual want to do it. If you do not feel like you want, then maybe you are biromatic and asexual. I don’t want to say someone’s sexuality I’d I’m wrong so pls correct me anyone.

  51. Sexual orientations are about sexual attraction not sexual activity (see the whole "some aces folks have sex" thing). If multiple genders get your teenage horniness going, you definitely fit the description. You don’t need to lose your virginity (or have had multiple past partners) to know what you like.

  52. Your therapist is being really fucking weird. You don’t have to be sexual at all for your sexuality to be real at ANY age. The idea that you need to “prove” your sexuality with experience is dumb. Straight people don’t have to, and neither do you.

  53. what? That's not true. There are such things as Biromantic, Bisexual, you don't have to be sexually active to be bi.

  54. Your therapist literally does not know what they're talking about. Do you ID as bi? Congrats! You're bi! Nothing more complicated than that.

  55. Excuse them?!?!?! Wtf. That is 100% not okay in any situation for a therapist to say something like that ever! Get another therapist if you can because damn!

  56. Biromantic is such a word and means you're romantically attracted to two genders. Bisexual just means you're sexually attracted to two genders.

  57. By that logic people who never had done anything sexual are ace, which in some cases may be true, but in general is not. Sexuality is about attraction and not action. Plus if you know that you're bisexual, then you're bisexual, no one can tell you otherwise.

  58. I guess? I mean, there's biromantic which means you are romantically attracted to genders the same and different from your own.

  59. The people talking about biromantic vs bisexual are totally missing the point. The shift from bisexual = attraction to both sexes to bisexual = sexual attraction is really recent.

  60. That’s a really harmful stereotype that I’ve seen all the time, even in lgbtq+ spaces. Trust me, it’s really not true, and like a lot of people already said a little creepy to assert to a minor.

  61. You can feel sexual attraction without having sex. And besides, bisexual also often means biromantic. So it's not really about having sex or not, it's about your identity.

  62. Being bisexual is no more sexual than being straight, gay, pan, etc. I knew I was bisexual as a teen, even though I didn’t have sex for a few more years. You can be bi and ace. You can be bi and not have sex. Your therapist sounds ignorant.

  63. there’s a difference between sexual and romantic attraction. your therapist can’t invalidate your romantic feelings because you don’t have sexual feelings, especially if you’re a kid. that completely undermines the existence of ace spectrum people.

  64. Well, if you mean do you have to sex, then no, you're still bisexual. However, if you don't want sex at all, then you are most likely from what I could tell is asexual biromantic. Hope this helps.

  65. I guess it could technically make you biromantic without any sexual experience but that's incredibly nitpicky. Your therapist wouldn't be splitting those kinds of hairs if you just said you were heterosexual but lack any experience with the opposite sex. And besides, as long as the intent is there, the "I would" even if you haven't yet, then yeah that's bisexual.

  66. Bisexual and demisexual/on the asexual spectrum here. They're 100% wrong. I identified as bisexual long before I came to the conclusion that my 'meh' feelings toward sex put me on in the ace spectrum. I still consider myself to be "more bi than demi," even though I haven't been sexually active in years.

  67. Uhm… well u can be biromantic as well but no u don’t need to be sexual to be bisexual. Attraction, not action.

  68. As someone currently studying in the field of psychology and sexology for the purpose of therapy and counseling; no you do not need to be engaged in sexual activity in order to recognize your attraction to others (male, female, or other).

  69. Sexual experience and sexual preference/orientation are not the same. We dont call 40 year old male virgins who lust after porn and waifus “asexual” just because they’ve never had sex

  70. If you think you're bi then you're bi, everyone is unique and no one perfectly matches any group description, as long as you believe that you suit that label enough then so be it.

  71. As a bisexual who was sexual, do not please. I thought I had to prove something which I did not ever have to.”, and it made my dysphoria worse. It’s not a road I hope for anyone

  72. Nope nope nope. My roomate is a pan/asexual. He can feel romantic attraction towards anyone, but is not all about the whole sex thing. It's a whole spectrum and by the sounds of it you might be similar to my roomate, just bi instead of pan.

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