I finally snapped on my covid-denier dad. Still havnt heard back (over a week)

  1. Yeah he’s definitely waiting for this to blow over so he can go back to sending memes. If you’re lucky you might get a “well I guess if I’m such a bad father maybe I should stop talking to you”

  2. Yeah "If you're feeling bad about what I'm saying, good, it's a sign that you still have a conscience in there somewhere."

  3. Fuck… you’re right. Here I thought I really stuck it to him but he got me in the end, and that’s when he stopped replying. He always does this, and always fall for it, but I really thought I hadn’t this time 🤦‍♀️

  4. I think he's reacting way better than most. He's acknowledged her feelings, even if he is generally a POS. He clearly can't apologize for his actions directly but he still gave an apology. I'm not saying he's great but I don't think this is the worst response at the end.

  5. God why does every fucking abusive parent act like they can’t fucking remember? It gets under my skin so goddamn much because it’s not original in the slightest, plus just a horrible argument to respond with. Yet. Every. Fucking. Time. It’s like this.

  6. Because for the child it's a traumatic event, and for the abuser it's just another Tuesday that isn't memorable, or they're lying about not remembering and are gaslighting the victim.

  7. The amount of amnesia this man has at his prior abuse. You still give him a chance and he still acts like nothing was his fault. Insane.

  8. It's not amnesia. It's gaslighting. He's pretending it didn't happen to fuck with them. He can't be the victim if he remembers.

  9. All abusive parents are this way in my experience. There's so much that my parents conveniently "don't remember" or call me a liar about. There will never be real acknowledgement.

  10. Omg, and I only told him a few stories. I have hundreds. If he was forced to sit and listen to me recount all the things he did, he’d probably have a fucking heart attack, if this tiny tidbit of my childhood was “a lot to process” 🙄

  11. It’s amazing how the roughest, most abusive people can’t take even hearing about their actions, all while still expecting peace and access.

  12. Oh, he didn’t slap me over Lavalife, the slap was in front of one of his gfs to make him seem tough (she had a horrible son and wanted a man who could handle “bad behaviour”. Except my “bad behaviour” was telling her son not to talk to his mother that way (can’t remember what he called her). Boom, slapped, because “it wasn’t my place to scold him”?

  13. Hate to see it as well, abusing the words of a man who more than likely would be calling out this bullshit today.

  14. It’s really hard because (and I know this is the abuse cliche) when he’s being normal he’s awesome. He’s weird, goofy, fun to be around. He can be so great. Fuck, I made a tiktok with him in it once and it got over 5 million views with people calling him the best dad and a national treasure. It’s like there’s 2 completely different sides to him and I’m just clinging onto the hope that I can squash out that other side :(

  15. It's understandable that you want your discussions about these events mediated by a therapist. Your father is so deep in his denial that he has convinced himself that he has no memory of any such behavior. Even if drugs and alcohol were involved, he'd still have some recollection of the events. The silence is likely related to him being unable to speak about his behavior and choosing to remain in denial.

  16. I don’t know. My father was addicted to pills and alcohol and he doesn’t remember a lot from that time. He definitely doesn’t remember things in detail like I do. His brain is fucked.

  17. Sometimes I wonder if they really don’t remember because their narcissism is at such a level that their brain literally erases every bad thing they’ve ever done

  18. My theory is that they're always working hard to forget, so they get really annoyed when you interrupt that process.

  19. I am gonna disagree with the other comments and say they don't remember because they don't process the information to begin with.

  20. It’s not that they don’t remember, it’s that they remember it differently. They probably think their behaviour was perfectly justified and appropriate.

  21. My father threw my sister out last year, when confronted about it he claims that he did not, that they already talked about her moving out in the past and that it was a mutual agreement.

  22. Am I misreading his comments? I feel he never really said that OP just interpreted it? He could've been saying it but I didn't get that sense

  23. Last week I my dad said something about how he was supportive all my life. I chuckled a little and was like sure you were. He gets all defensive asks what I mean? I’m like look we’re having a good time we don’t need to talk about this. He was like No tell me. I was like okay. I told him how he was never there for any events and some of that was I didn’t want him there. Why son? Cause you beat people up. “I only beat up pinheads!” Yeah dad and after 4 beers everyone is a pinhead. Oh, it not my fault that might is right and I have the might. Sure dad.

  24. The “Good.” Is what really got me :( like he remembered that night and felt zero remorse for it, felt glad that I remembered the trauma, like I deserved it. That one word hurt so much.

  25. Good for you for standing up for yourself. My mother ‘doesn’t remember’ anything either. It’s convenient. She doesn’t remember things from childhood, and she doesn’t remember things she did a week ago. But yet, when she has a story to tell, it’s 100% her version and her memory is infallible.

  26. Yeah I know the feeling mine is trying to fake dementia. So she does not have to remember. Still insists that last month she did not call me and tell me she wished one of my kids died so I would know how it felt. Classy ladies let me tell you.

  27. Hey Op, I would be very very careful going forward. I’m glad you got this all off your chest but he’s already using that language where narcs detach themselves from what happened. He will act sorry but he’s not sorry for what ‘he’ did to you. He’s sorry you feel this way about ‘him’. It’s not the same thing but he will use words to make you think it is.

  28. Good for you. These are the words I’ve been trying to tell my mom for a while. I hope you don’t mind if I save some of these to memorize for later.

  29. George Carlin would have laughed at Qanon. These conservatives talk about questioning everything, yet never seem to question Q

  30. They’ve never even questioned anything the Republican Party has done, ever (they have a completely fantastical view of the past 50 years or more. To them, newt Gingrich wasn’t fucking an Employee while being married when he went after bill Clinton for fucking while married. They now act as if the information about the lies used to start Bush’s War wasn’t available when we entered. It was, and I refused to vote for him, and my parents hit me and shoved me and locked me in my room and took my keys over it, but clearly that was the right thing to do because nothing they do can be a mistake)- why would they question Q-anon. These are very broken people who have to be proud of things they didn’t do- so they tell themselves they were the best dads and mommies ever and that they are unrivaled patriots for voting Republican. They can’t see anything they’ve done as something that was wrong to do, or they lie and say they didn’t ever do it if they can’t pretend it’s somehow moral. Their entire moral and ethical system revolves around who performed an action, not what the action was. If they or their people did it, it’s perfect and wholly (unless one of their people questions them- then their whole “love you to The moon and back” schtick flies right out the window, breaking it and anyone in its other on the way.

  31. Lmfaooooooo YOOOO this motherfucker really said “you really think I did all that to you” that has my blood BOILING! Two weeks ago I decided to ask my mom some things. Like why she’s always talking shit about me and why the fuck does she do it within earshot of me. One thing led to another and she practically told me I was crazy for telling her exactly why I don’t trust or talk to her about fucking shit. How can they just fucking call you crazy for shit THEY did to you? That’s insane.

  32. My father also remembers it differently and he tells us it wasn’t that bad. Even though he never abused us, the kids, he was physically fighting with the rest of the world.

  33. Both my parents seem to have a memory problem when it comes to why I don’t trust them. Like geez idk mom maybe if you didn’t throw me outside in the snow in the winter with no shoes or socks and no jacket in shorts and t shirt just for not being able to focus on school I would trust you more. And my dad conveniently forgets how he would tell me I was going to hell all the time and beat me when I acted up or questioned him.

  34. Holy shit, as someone from that area in Canada, thank you for confronting him about those insane beliefs. In this area we’re so surrounded by crazy people when it comes to Covid and hating the government etc that it’s so important for family to confront people like this when they are a danger to others.

  35. Your dad is a narcissist, my FIL is exactly like this, same conversation style, same technique. There is supposed to be a way to hack these ppl. I’m trying to learn how right now.

  36. I just tested positive on the final day of a work trip (first time getting COVID). It’s horrendous. Now I’m stuck on the other side of the country paying thousands of dollars and hotel fees, delivery fees, etc. I’m out of clean clothes and out of my antidepressants. Walked to and from the ER in the pouring rain yesterday to avoid spreading it to a taxi driver. I know this isn’t nearly as bad as others have experienced, my partner lost multiple family members to this disease, but this is horrendous. I’m young and healthy but have never been this sick in my life. You’re dad is welcome over any time, I’ll happily pass this hell onto him.

  37. Please do not go to therapy with your abuser. All it will do is give him more ammunition to abuse you with.

  38. This is my father to a tee. But I don't even have the emotional energy to do what you did and call him out. Go you!

  39. It’s called toxic amnesia. My mother has it. Haven’t spoken to that monster in over 4 years. Good riddance! She will never change (at least I’d put money on it).

  40. No it’s called gaslighting. Text book. Thing happens caused by person. Person denies that happened and attempts to make you disbelieve your own recollection and sanity.

  41. From one Albertan with a terrible father to another, I am so sorry for his shit. I’ve wanted to stand up to my father for so long, so I’m proud of you for it. I hope it gets better.

  42. Don’t be scared of his reactions, he’s a child throwing a tantrum, shit’s gonna be said but in the end it’s just empty threats, by admitting you were scared of his reactions you immediately lost control of the situation.

  43. Fuck. I hadn’t even thought of that at the time… he does that every single time, and I always fall for it, and this time I thought I hadn’t but I totally did…

  44. I like that he says “that sounds so horrible!” As if he wasn’t actively living through those situations with you as they happened

  45. Gonna do this with my mom when I move back out, for now it’s just dealing with it so I don’t have to get yelled at every day

  46. I commend you for actually wanting to go to therapy with this man. There's no way I would bother talking to him again. You could have been a lot meaner about it all. I thought you were nice. This guy has some serious issues and I can tell he's never actually been corrected or put in his place.

  47. Oh man my dad isn’t as bad as the later texts but he uses that same avoidance technique with everything we disagree on. It’s so fucking infuriating

  48. I am saddened to read you’ve gone through this.. for your sake, I hope your father considers therapy so you can both work through some things.. but you seem to be alright by yourself without him? I can relate, my father has hated me since I was a child. My junkie sibling too.. Because his oldest is his favourite. Always has been, always will be. He’s never hit me though. He wouldn’t have been game. He still hates me now.. and the junkie sibling abuses me all the time asking why I speak politely to the old man…? To try and keep some peace, that’s the only reason why.

  49. My mom also gaslights me over how terribly she treated me and tries to tell me that I’m remembering wrong. I don’t think the scar on the inside of my upper lip is a “wrong memory”, I don’t think my nose suddenly becoming sensitive after being hit directly in the nose by my mother is a “wrong memory”, I don’t think me flinching anytime anyone raises their hand to fast or moves towards me too quickly is a “wrong memory”.

  50. Exactly. Just block this guy. This won't get any better and - I promise - he will never understand. Ever.

  51. I can't express how strong and kind you are. I don't know if I'd be able to talk so calmly and with such understanding... let alone try and rebuild a relationship. You're an amazing person and you're going to do amazing things

  52. When I was 25, I finally confronted my father about his abuse and he told me that I was lying, non of it happened and I needed to “find Jesus”.

  53. At first my brain skipped over "just" so I was confused on how someone would question what they read if they weren't taught how to read

  54. Fuck me...I feel like I just read my own conversations with my father. That man beat me for years, let his wife (one of them, there were seven...cause he was a cheat) sexually abuse me and let his friends (including but not limited to the preacher of our church) mentally abuse me.

  55. Oh my god, that is so much absolute torture to go through. I guess I’m lucky in that I didn’t really get physically abused, or thrown out of the house, or a lot of other things tons of abusive parents do. As far as abusive parents go, I definitely had an easier time. I think if my dad was THAT bad or ever beat me (I don’t count the one slap every once in a while, I mean beat beat) he’d be dead to me too

  56. Don't keep trying to win with your dad. You will always lose. It sucks. I had to go no contact with my birth mom because she could never accept responsibility for her choices that led to us being in foster care. I had to go no contact with my entire adopted family because they are fundamentalist Christian and conveniently don't remember how they chose to respond to my autism and adhd with "breaking" me. They can easily recall details from my autism melt downs, but can't fucking put it together that they constantly had me in situations that overwhelmed me. Then there was also some sexual abuse.

  57. Don't do therapy with this crazy loon. Do your own, and live your own life. I hope you don't have any ties to him bc the less of him you see, the better. Imo.

  58. I don’t know… a lot of people have had way worse fathers. He never beat the shit out of me or kicked me out of the house. As far as abusive parents go, I got off easy. Doesn’t make it better but… I know so many have dealt with so much worse

  59. Breaking from family members is hard but necessary sometimes. Check out Daniel Mackler on YouTube. He’s an ex psychotherapist whose words have helped me break from my toxic family members. You don’t deserve that type of deflecting and gas lighting. He sounds like a total man child!

  60. I did the same thing while drunk. My dad denied it then thankfully my mom backed me up. He tried to make some initiative for counselling but frankly I'm not interested. I wouldn't know how that would go, my dad physically abused me as a kid can't imagine that goes down well in a shared therapy session. Why are you so tolerable towards him OP? I do not have any desire to improve my relationship with him and would like to understand why you would?. Frankly I hate him for what he did and put me through.

  61. He never beat me, I think if he beat me he would be dead to me. But there’s another side of him that I really love, and I want him in my life for that side of him. But I have so much resentment and unresolved trauma from the past that I feel I need him to take accountability for and properly apologize for. I know that will likely never happen.

  62. Ugh the part at the end… how old is your dad? My mom has memory problems too and I don’t doubt that she does genuinely not remember some of the things she did to me and my little sister that fucked us up during our childhoods but I also suspect she uses her memory issues as an excuse to not acknowledge them as well. It’s difficult, to say the least. 😞

  63. COVID deniers are just so … interesting? Lol. Like what do you think has been killing a million Americans these two and a half years? The wind? Have they never met a person who got COVID before?

  64. Reminds me of my covid-denier dad and step-dad. I joked around one time that I seriously found an article about Elon Musk putting nano machines in the Moderna vaccine to track our vitals and sell the data. My step-dad actually believed me. He thought I wasn't joking 💀💀💀

  65. I’m proud of you for how you’re handling this, but don’t forget that you’re the victim here. Not your father.

  66. I was scrolling through nodding along because the conversation felt really familiar. The “if it was so bad then why…” and “I don’t remember that” must be line that are taught a Bad Parenting School.

  67. He tried to passively avoid your (correct) covid debate bait. Instead of you taking the W you proceeded to out of the blue brutally angst dump on him; while he was still on the defensive backfoot from the first issue. Blending in your personal trauma with the fact that he doesn't want to talk about covid.

  68. Like the title says, I snapped. And no, he was the one who dropped the bait first with the quote. He made a dig at me to imply that I don’t question what I read and that he needs to “teach me”, while also infantilizing me with it being about a child. Even though, in all of our past discussion, he throws a fit the moment I break down the covid-denier propaganda he constantly sends me. He refuses to ever read the reports and data I send him, while blindly believing anything his media of choice posts without even the slightest effort of looking further into it. Yet I’m the one who doesn’t question what I read… then he tried playing the victim. Again. Like he always does. Me questioning him is equivalent to a physical attack, and I’m “kicking him in the teeth”. His smug, smarmy, self victimization is what made me snap because he’s an abuser, not a victim. He’s never been a victim. All he does is manipulate and abuse. So ya, fuckin sue me.

  69. I know it's off topic but your "life of an outdoor cat" is how your cat is going to die and i promise you that. The city isn't going to call you when they scoop his corpse off of the side of the road into a garbage bag.

  70. It’s not my cat, it’s not even his cat, and I completely agree with you. I would never let my cat be outdoors. This is a neighbours cat who is an outdoor cat and my dad unofficially “adopted” it and feeds it/let’s it come inside sometimes.

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