My mother thinks I should be at her beck and call even though she has never met my fiancé and judges him and says I only think of myself.

  1. you don't have to explain why you're busy, or what you're doing. "No, I can't" is enough. She seems like she's asking you to justify your lack of availability so she can decide if it's vailid or not. She doesn't get to railroad you into doing what she wants- if she wants to have a respectful relationship with you. You get to decide how much of your energy you donate to her.

  2. I fully agree with this comment. It was the first thing that came to mind. It is not a criticism of OP, as they stood their ground, but boundaries can be improved on so that conversations don't spiral down into having to justify yourself and argue. "No, I can't. Please give me a 48 hour notice if you need me so I can assess if I can make time". And "If you want my help, you are setting yourself up for disappointment by communicating it in the last moment and causing me to feel burdened, when this could be circumvented with timely notice". Sometimes you just have to be downright specific as fuck, and yep, even with your parents. Learning to set boundaries and express clearly what you expect from people in general tends to improve exponentially with transforming our parent-child dysfunctionalities into adult-adult functionalities. I speak from my own experience. After I managed my dad, I could manage anyone. "I would love to help you with your wedding, but you still have to respect my time".

  3. It's the daughter's wedding that the mother wants help with the daughter that is bitching about not wanting to go see your mother the mother's doing all the work for her freaking wedding

  4. I'm not saying she is right in her treatment of you but is it just pre wedding craziness or is she like this on time? I know lots of people go a little overboard for lack of a better term when they're getting ready for their wedding

  5. We gotta throw away the whole mom. She uninvited you from her wedding because you are being a responsible pet owner and taking care of your own needs. Instead of going to listen to her talk about how special/expensive her wedding is going to be. Or confirming how great and special all her choices are.

  6. So the dad can pay for the wedding and the mother can do all the work for her wedding but when the mother asked for the daughter to come help with her own wedding plans the daughter then is even more of a bitch and uninvites the mom who's doing all the fucking work you guys don't even know the whole story

  7. Firstly well done for sticking by your boundaries - make sure you keep them firm and hopefully your Mam will stop acting so much like a child.

  8. Allow yourself to see this message as a great triumph for you, but see if as your last. Don't let her bait you into explaining yourself. You're a grown ass woman and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone, especially not some self-important shrew like your mother.

  9. I would lose it at "answer me!" Nope, no way, that gets no response at all - ever. Who does she think she is?! My time is my own.

  10. Hasn’t met your fiancé but is willing to help you with the wedding? and then threatens the planning and your dress? Ya she wants control, you gotta stop giving her that.

  11. Good thing this was just one phrase with a lot of interpretations, you've never met them, and have no idea what their relationship is like. Nor is this a relationship sub 😊 OP didn't ask for your view about their relationship!

  12. You’d have to understand our relationship and us. It’s not dangerous in anyway. But am I codependent on him, ya damn right I am.

  13. Ooof, no point in explaining yourself to people like this. They don’t live in our reality. They use other’s kindness and her own lack of shame to get attention

  14. Well I would say if she's planning your wedding and your fiance's wedding then you should be helping her if she's doing all the fucking work you better be helping her

  15. Uh nah. If you would’ve read through the comments, you’d see that it my mothers wedding not mine. Why are you so illiterate?

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