Had a friend who was a masseuse. She told me they are taught in massage therapy school how to make it go down. It involved an elbow at a specific pressure point if I remember correctly
My dad took me for a massage in Indonesia when I was 15. The lady I had was pretty and in her 20s. It was my first and last professional massage of my life. Starting face down I spent the whole time, which felt like an eternity, thinking of nothing else but trying mentally will my 15 year old rager back in its cage before the inevitable flip to face up.
I had a massage where she used a LOT of pressure (like, I was legit wondering how much pressure it takes to break ribs), but I decided to roll with it and see how things went. The next day, I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. The day after that, I felt better than I ever have in my adult life before or since, omfg.
When I got my last massage, she asked how hard she should go on me. I told her I wanted her to treat it like a prize fight. Those hard deep massages are tough at first, but once your muscles are jello its worth it
Oh, immediately. Tell us what you're experiencing and what you don't like. You should be experiencing intensity, where the body wants you to pay attention because things are being shifted around, but it is an overall positive sensation. Pain is the body telling you tissue damage is occurring and make it stop as soon as possible. Of your massage therapist is going so deep they're causing tissue damage or are going over some area of the anatomy that is particularly sensitive speak up!
It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. It is a perfectly natural response and does not need to be addressed. It will pass and nothing needs to be said. We are taught to just ignore it.
Honestly I don't even care about the other ones. This is my biggest concern. Especially if you have a hot masseuse which has only happened a few times and I was flexing my toes the entire time trying to keep it down because I remember reading online that it's supposed to work.
This was me not a massage but a hot doctor examining my balls, it was covered in Jelly stuff as she used a device to scan through my balls and moved it frequently to reach for different angles.
I fell asleep during my massage a couple of months ago. I woke up after a while and immediately began stressing over whether being asleep is perceived as rude or as a compliment.
Last two times I got a regular massage, I fell asleep. Both times it was couples massages for my wife and I, I wasn’t necessarily tired going in, but just passed out.
This would be a great one for my boyfriend. I can't imagine how it would feel if the oils or whatever used was too thin and you left with bald patches.
Yeah, that was my thought too. Especially for the last point "Is it almost over". I'm usually disappointed because I slept through half of the massage, never mind waiting for it to end haha
I'm incredibly uncomfortable with strangers touching me, is getting a massage a common thing for you people? Everyone here seems to be speaking from experience
See this is why I don't go to massage places....I'm always afraid it's going to be the wrong sort of place, and I'll be like, "I'd like a massage...." And the police burst in and say, "THIS IS A RAID!" And then there's people running all over, and now I'm lying flat on my face getting handcuffed, saying, "I just wanted a backrub!"
In most states a massage therapist needs to be licensed. You can look up a massage therapists license on your state’s medical board’s website. Just search “license lookup” in your state.
I mean… I start massage therapy next week for a car accident I was in. My biggest anxiety is it being some hairy fat guy (because when I set up my appointment that’s about all I saw.) or that it simply won’t work as needed.
I'm a Licensed Massage Therapist. While I can't promise you your therapist won't be a big hairy fella, I can tell you, from my experience, that with any professional, trained therapist, your nervousness should ease considerably within a few minutes. We are trained to help you relax. Hope it goes well and you get some therapeutic relief from your massages!
I struggle to breathe when in close proximity to people I don't know (some weird kind of anxiety that kicked in a year or two ago) so a massage would be an absolute nightmare.
I don't know if this would work for you with your anxiety but from experience on both sides of the table it might be of benefit to you to focus on breathing, 4 seconds in, 4 seconds out. A lot of my clients had similar issues, sometimes they wouldn't even notice that they had stopped breathing, just a reminder and a little tutorial would be enough to promote the relaxation response.
Definitely making enough noise. Face down bring your knee up... KNUCKLE to the kidney. YELP!! fold your arm like this WHILE I ELBOW DROP YOUR SHOULDER! I look up and she's SNAPPING INTO A SLIM JIM!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!
I wouldn't know. My main... i wouldn't call it anxiety rather confusion, is "I don't like my wife stroking my body, why would I ever pay a stranger to put me through the experience of being touched?"
thé first time i went to get a massage the guy who was supposed to massage me made a comment about my weight beforehand. i wasn’t able to relax after that i was so embarrassed. i made a complaint years after when i realised what he did was so unprofessional but he had left at that moment and nothing was to be done about it. speak up if it happens to you!
Thai massages are the best ones, at least until they get to the part where they try to bend you backwards. No matter how much they try I simply don't bend that way.
I just want them not to talk to me but I also they might find that rude so I dont ask lol. I want to pretend no one is seeing me naked and touching me and its just a good thing that is happening that no one else is involved in.
What about pitching a tent?
"it moved Jerry!! It moved!!!"
Had a friend who was a masseuse. She told me they are taught in massage therapy school how to make it go down. It involved an elbow at a specific pressure point if I remember correctly
My dad took me for a massage in Indonesia when I was 15. The lady I had was pretty and in her 20s. It was my first and last professional massage of my life. Starting face down I spent the whole time, which felt like an eternity, thinking of nothing else but trying mentally will my 15 year old rager back in its cage before the inevitable flip to face up.
Or farting
Yep. That would be my #1
I've never had a professional massage most due to this. I guess it'd depend on the person giving the massage.
Mine are, don’t fart and I hope I don’t smell bad. I take a shower before massages every time but I still think it every time
My husband who is a massage therapist said most North Americans smell like sour milk or cream when they get a massage.
This is nonsense. Why is there no "I hope I don't fart" option?
"Clench But don't clench so hard you keagle yourself to an erection"
This. I came here to say this. Also, I'm a massage therapist of 16+ years.
The word "massage", turned around, even contains "gas".
Or "i hope i don't cough" when covid was still pretty new
No, stop it boner, not now!
Can't spell "massages" without me ass gas.
You are Reading my mind
My nose won't stop itching. And everyone knows you're not allowed to move during a massage
This is why I no longer get massages. They become painful and agonizing as I attempt to hold gas in from my relaxed body.
This. This is exactly why I'm in my 30's and haven't tried a massage.
Ditto
Came here to say the same
I haven’t booked one as I’m terrified I’ll leak breast milk all over the table
Yo I really came here to say this. Last time I got a massage that was the ONLY thing on my mind.
Yup! Came here to say exactly that.
That one comes up during blowjobs.....
That’s my one and only anxiety with a massage
mine is 90% how long can I endure the pain before asking dude to lighten up?!
I had a massage where she used a LOT of pressure (like, I was legit wondering how much pressure it takes to break ribs), but I decided to roll with it and see how things went. The next day, I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. The day after that, I felt better than I ever have in my adult life before or since, omfg.
I don't think any therapist would complain about being asked to put in less work.
When I got my last massage, she asked how hard she should go on me. I told her I wanted her to treat it like a prize fight. Those hard deep massages are tough at first, but once your muscles are jello its worth it
Oh, immediately. Tell us what you're experiencing and what you don't like. You should be experiencing intensity, where the body wants you to pay attention because things are being shifted around, but it is an overall positive sensation. Pain is the body telling you tissue damage is occurring and make it stop as soon as possible. Of your massage therapist is going so deep they're causing tissue damage or are going over some area of the anatomy that is particularly sensitive speak up!
Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner. Don't get a boner.
I also prefer that the massage practitioner not get a boner.
It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. It is a perfectly natural response and does not need to be addressed. It will pass and nothing needs to be said. We are taught to just ignore it.
Honestly I don't even care about the other ones. This is my biggest concern. Especially if you have a hot masseuse which has only happened a few times and I was flexing my toes the entire time trying to keep it down because I remember reading online that it's supposed to work.
This was me not a massage but a hot doctor examining my balls, it was covered in Jelly stuff as she used a device to scan through my balls and moved it frequently to reach for different angles.
Penis, "thinking about me just makes me harder!"
Mine is "did I just fall asleep?"
I fell asleep during my massage a couple of months ago. I woke up after a while and immediately began stressing over whether being asleep is perceived as rude or as a compliment.
Last two times I got a regular massage, I fell asleep. Both times it was couples massages for my wife and I, I wasn’t necessarily tired going in, but just passed out.
I wouldnt be able to fall asleep without being terrified i ripped ass in my sleep.
So what helped better long run, regular massage or physical therapy massage?
Wait, Enya music? I only get the pillar men music when I go for massages.
pleasenobonerpleasenobonerpleasenoboner....
The more you think about it....
Wheres the am i too hairy one?
This would be a great one for my boyfriend. I can't imagine how it would feel if the oils or whatever used was too thin and you left with bald patches.
Ahh, where is “…I need to FART so badly it’s not even funny!!” on this list?!
"how do I avoid an erection"! And "Why is she smiling"?
Her brain: "Heh, this person's kneecap kind of looks like among us"
Massages feel so good to me that I just want to fall asleep. I would be too relaxed to get hard I think.
Yeah, that was my thought too. Especially for the last point "Is it almost over". I'm usually disappointed because I slept through half of the massage, never mind waiting for it to end haha
Have you ever had your inner tights massaged? That's where it gets tricky for me. I had few close encounters from that area alone.
“What if this results in another lawsuit?”
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Just offer her a horse.
¡,¿Another?!
Do you play quarterback for the Browns?
This is bunk, no reference to accidental flatulence or spontaneous arousal which are clearly 1a and 1b on peoples list of worries.
This was not written by a penis-having person.
Pretty sure the main worry for guys isn’t listed
Boner... Everytime
There also needs to be an option for "I said I wanted a deep massage but I'm almost in tears, should I say something"
Why would you be making noise?
How else would they know you cam
Just start cawing like a crow
I sigh a whole lot. Long deep sighs.
Because massages can hurt like hell.
You clearly aren't someone that suffers with back pain 😅
Because it feels good to get yourself be massaged?
If this is how you experience a massage you are 100% missing the point...
These people don't know how to relax man. They're thinking too much.
And I still fall asleep during that pain. Don't know why or how. It cracks my MT up though.
I'm incredibly uncomfortable with strangers touching me, is getting a massage a common thing for you people? Everyone here seems to be speaking from experience
theres also that weird moment when masseuse does happy ending and puts a finger up your bum
I know you’re not kidding.
Just one? You’re getting ripped off.
Weird? I’m hoping for it.
See this is why I don't go to massage places....I'm always afraid it's going to be the wrong sort of place, and I'll be like, "I'd like a massage...." And the police burst in and say, "THIS IS A RAID!" And then there's people running all over, and now I'm lying flat on my face getting handcuffed, saying, "I just wanted a backrub!"
In most states a massage therapist needs to be licensed. You can look up a massage therapists license on your state’s medical board’s website. Just search “license lookup” in your state.
Getting a massage from a dude and....
Hi George
For me, this is less an anxiety and more an ambition
Why is farting not on there? That was mine 100%
"did she brush up against it on purpose?"
Fun fact: the chart when seeing an escort is identical.
I was a massage therapist for years.
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Now you know.
Anxiety:)
What if he gives you a kiss on the arse when he's finished? Just left of the cleftal horizon say.
My arse is not a canvas! I will not stop until those lips are behind bars!
How did they leave out. “Oh no Im about to fart”
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Hopefully you told bro to knock that shit off.
Forgot about "please don't have to let me pee half way thru...."
no boners no farts no boners no farts no boners no farts
I was scrolling on by this post and in my scroll I thought the title was "Biggest anxieties during a massacre"
That is freaking hilarious, I started laughing so hard when I read this I was crying 🤣. Thx for the 😂!!!
“How the fuck was that an hour”
I mean… I start massage therapy next week for a car accident I was in. My biggest anxiety is it being some hairy fat guy (because when I set up my appointment that’s about all I saw.) or that it simply won’t work as needed.
I'm a Licensed Massage Therapist. While I can't promise you your therapist won't be a big hairy fella, I can tell you, from my experience, that with any professional, trained therapist, your nervousness should ease considerably within a few minutes. We are trained to help you relax. Hope it goes well and you get some therapeutic relief from your massages!
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“It moved”
I think it just moved
I struggle to breathe when in close proximity to people I don't know (some weird kind of anxiety that kicked in a year or two ago) so a massage would be an absolute nightmare.
I don't know if this would work for you with your anxiety but from experience on both sides of the table it might be of benefit to you to focus on breathing, 4 seconds in, 4 seconds out. A lot of my clients had similar issues, sometimes they wouldn't even notice that they had stopped breathing, just a reminder and a little tutorial would be enough to promote the relaxation response.
"Don't fart, don't fart, don't fart,"
Definitely making enough noise. Face down bring your knee up... KNUCKLE to the kidney. YELP!! fold your arm like this WHILE I ELBOW DROP YOUR SHOULDER! I look up and she's SNAPPING INTO A SLIM JIM!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!
“I hope I don’t fart”…..you forgot that one
as a former massage therapist, we do not care what you look like or if you get fully naked, just get comfy and enjoy ^
I'm 35 and have never had a professional massage. Maybe I should give it a whirl sometime.
Made by someone who’s never gotten a massage
I’ve had countless massages, and I still think most of these things at some point through. Just the way some of our brains work.
Well,...the right "kind" of massage.
It moved
Where’s “it moved!”
Where is the "boner-bar"?
My first massage was worried about a boner, but I get some painful massages, has never been remotely a concern.
This is why it's best to just keep doing erotic massages, cuts out all the awkwardness.
Do I feel a fart brewing that I'm going to have to contain for the next hour instead of relaxing and enjoying my massage?
Also, "I hope I don't fart"
Worried I'd relax too much and fart.
I generally don't like being touched, so the whole thing would be my biggest anxiety during a massage.
No mention of unexpected gastrointestinal disturbances?
Chart fails without 'OMG am I about to fart?' and 'Crap, did she just smell that'?
Cumming to soon 😣
Nothing about a fart? Really?
What about a happy ending?
Ive always wondered if getting naked is mandatory or you can opt to get the massage with your clothes on.
“How do I stop this conversation? I just want to lay here and zone out…”
Farting, umm hello that’s by far the biggest concern
You forgot the number one worry for a male
Where’s “are they going to ask if I want a happy ending?”
"Will she offer me a happy ending?"
You forgot when you need to fart
Dont forget the happy ending anxiety
Do people get naked for massages? I've never done that. Am I the weird one?
What if “it” moved
I wouldn't know. My main... i wouldn't call it anxiety rather confusion, is "I don't like my wife stroking my body, why would I ever pay a stranger to put me through the experience of being touched?"
“How do I ask for a happy ending?”
You don’t. Usually they offer.
They left out, when she says, “40 more dollar”
I think it moved....
Needs an option for 'will police be called if I get a boner'
Does she think my boner is weird?
Awesome. Now do one for the Digital rectal exam (DRE).
What if the massue is a he? 🤔
...nothing about not popping a boner?
"Will she offer a happy ending?"
Should I ask for a happy ending?
“When will she touch Jr”
Wheres "Is she gonna touch it?"
Who tf has anxiety during a massage ? Only incels 🤓😂😂😂😂
Worried about getting an erection. And sure enough, she does.
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i fucking hate it here.
Mine would be would she jerk me off if I get hard or run away 😂😂😂
And there's that anxiety-induced question even post-massage: -does this place offer happy-ending? Should i ask ?
I am saving this to share with anyone who ever questions why I don't like getting massages (save for from someone I'm intimate with).
Dumb graphic. Plenty of male therapist like myself. So drop the "she".
Dude chill, it's just a daft reddit joke
How many happy endings have you given?
thé first time i went to get a massage the guy who was supposed to massage me made a comment about my weight beforehand. i wasn’t able to relax after that i was so embarrassed. i made a complaint years after when i realised what he did was so unprofessional but he had left at that moment and nothing was to be done about it. speak up if it happens to you!
Basically me having sex
I'd add...
Is a boner inappropriate?
I don’t worry about any of those, apart from the blue one
Thai massages are the best ones, at least until they get to the part where they try to bend you backwards. No matter how much they try I simply don't bend that way.
Trying to not get a boner when they're massaging your upper/inner thighs. It's not a sexual thing, more like it's increasing blood flow in that area
I just want them not to talk to me but I also they might find that rude so I dont ask lol. I want to pretend no one is seeing me naked and touching me and its just a good thing that is happening that no one else is involved in.
I would add "I hope they press hard enough" and "shit, did I fall asleep?"
Why is there no ' i hope she isn't a spy main?'
"Am I supposed to get naked?"
I hope I don't snore
I think the "am I making enough noise?" Part deserves more because I'm always afraid they think I may have fallen asleep
Um. Kinda forgot “please don’t pitch wood”
In my brain I just sing on repeat
Maybe massage is not for you? Perhaps they make an iron lung/massager?
Wtf is wrong with these people? My biggest worry is that I'll fall asleep and have to get woken up. 😁 Because I usually do.
Where is "What if I get a erecti oh boy here we go"