Am I abusive / Should I ask my ex if I am?

  1. Sounds like something I would have written. Turns out he was the abusive one, and was incredibly manipulative and an extreme gaslighter. It took me talking to a previous girl he dated and was emotionally abusive towards to actually accept this, but I still have so much trouble with it. I still have moments where I worry I have it all wrong and I was the problem, I still have so much self hatred and shame towards myself. I'm not saying this is necessarily the situation, but I want to offer my perspective.

  2. Reactive abuse is a thing and it's okay to realize where you went wrong but you need to forgive yourself. What matters is that you keep working on bettering yourself and healing from your childhood and don't contact him again. To me, it sounds like he emotionally abused u and u reacted the way most people who are being abused react. But if you really believe u were toxic and abusive then the best thing u can do for him is leave him alone.

  3. Thank you, I agree with you and think the same way. I am taking a hard look at my own mistakes and working on them now, but at the same time I guess I feel it was a little unfair that it was all pinned on me, because I feel like we were mutually toxic. I was wondering if I have the right to feel the way of if I'm just deflecting and splitting the blame. I'm sorry about your experience.

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