My mom told me the guy I’m seeing is “too hot” for me and she’s “positive” he’s seeing many woman because I’m “too fat” to score him

  1. I know I commented before, but I went through 10 therapists in high school. Anytime they questioned my mom, she fired them and pushed us girls to another. She wanted them to say we were the problem and shame us. The second they questioned her they were fired. Some people cannot be fixed. If your mom refuses help or change, it’s time to move on

  2. And if you (OP) have had to deal with her all your life you probably would find a therapist helpful too. Sorry that you’re going through this, what an awful human being.

  3. Holy fuck that’s messed up and I’m so sorry your mom is that way. Please know that this is more of a reflection on her than it is you. Functional people will often times not be able to do the mental gymnastics that this complete and total narcissism brings; just know that the narcissist will use what they think is going to harm you for manipulation or their own perceived benefit, whether they acknowledge that or not.

  4. Thank you ❤️ I think I’ve done a decent job over the years to not let it fully get to me but it has affected my self esteem growing up. I’ve always faked my confidence until I would start believing me. Some days were harder than others

  5. Moms aren’t always all their cracked up to be. Don’t listen to a word she says. Find yourself an old folks home and find a new mom. It’s like an adoption agency for new parents.

  6. Hahahahahha I used to work once a week in a old peoples home and it was honestly the best. May take a trip down there again soon and pick me out a new momma

  7. I guess many years ago was an exaggeration. About 6 years ago we dated for a year, he got a good job offer out of state so we mutually broke up on good terms. Just roughly 10 months ago he decided to move back here and we immediately hit it off again

  8. I would record her saying those things and set it as her rigntone so she can her the awful things she says every time she gets a call. Or find some way to have her hear herself repeatedly. I would hate to hear myself be hateful over and over but maybe it's cause I'm an average respectful human being.

  9. Sounds like she’s behaving with covert narcissism. I know the feeling and it’s really tough to deal with criticism like that frequently. Comments like that aren’t based in reality but just another way to tear you down and make you feel self-conscious; I think it’s great to trust yourself over what your mom might try to get you to think!

  10. Your mom is a toxic shithead. The less you deal with her, the better off you'll be. I cut my toxic mother out of my life 10 years ago and it's been absolutely refreshing.

  11. That’s assuring to hear. As dumb as it sounds I still worry about her and get nervous when I go no contact for too long. I wish I could just disappear from her without looking back

  12. Your mom is a loser. Sorry. Mine is too. What I’ve learned from dealing with people like that is this - the more response you give them the more they’ll tangle you up in their ugliness. If you give her the response she deserves, it’s just righteous fuel to her, while you, you’ve been feeling wrapped up in bad vibes all week. Don’t try to prove her wrong or argue, it’s just giving her new ammo. You’ve got to do emotional judo, swat her aside and let her wear herself out. Give her nothing. (They call it “gray rocking”)

  13. I’ve been getting better at doing that and not feeding into it. I typically just tell her she’s dumb and walk away. I try not to let her see that she gets to me

  14. I didn’t read more than the title to know this is all about her and her insecurities. Whatever else you add to say was decoration on this conclusion. The appropriate emotional response I think is pity. Your mum could be objectively the “hottest” woman on Earth, but there’s no way someone who projects their own insecurities to make the world seem uglier, could never be attractive to me.

  15. Just as a random logic point, if he was as shallow as she's saying, why would he be using the "fat chick" for sex and not the "pretty girls"? (Please understand I'm just trying to use that bat shit crazy's words)

  16. “A complete fucking pinecone” I absolutely love this hahahaha. Yeah when I actually sit and think about it I know everything she’s saying is just dumb stuff to try and hurt me but fuck man. Shit she says leaves me staring at myself in the mirror for hours crying at how I look sometimes

  17. I'm a pretty butch bisexual, also on the heavier side, and I have heard so many flavours of "you should be more X to make your partner happy" that I wanna explode.

  18. You need a therapist. You need to set boundaries with your mom (and possibly go no contact, considering how abusive her behavior is). I am so incredibly sorry that you are being treated this way. I’m a fat girl with a slimmer fiancé, and I have no doubts that he is into me and not seeing 7 other women for sex. If you are confident in your relationship, and have no real reason to feel otherwise, that’s all that matters. Wishing you lots of love and kindness. But seriously… therapist and boundaries away from mom, stat. You deserve it.

  19. Thank you so much for your kindness! Yeah ultimately I’m confident in my relationship in the sense that I trust him and know he’s with me for me and obviously finds me attractive. Her words more so have been damaging on my relationship with myself. She’s made it hard for me to love me.

  20. Next time your mother tells you you'll die alone, tell her she's up first, because her toxic behavior will drive away all of her children, who will feel relief when she dies alone in a nursing home.

  21. I am so sorry. I know what this feels to some extent like and it hurts so much when it comes from your own parents who are supposed to love you unconditionally. When I was a kid people told my dad I looked just like him and he said “don’t remind me. I’m never going to get rid of this one.” Meaning he would never “marry me off” because I was so ugly in his eyes. My first fiancé was from another country and my parents told me he was obviously using me for a green card because there was no way he could ever love me. Our engagement ended amicably and when I met and became engaged to my current husband, my parents told him that he should leave me and “trade me in for a younger, thinner model” like I was a broken down car or something. I was 28.

  22. Holy shit I’m so sorry. Parents are so shitty. I’m sure you’re beautiful on the inside and out and I hope you and your husband are very happy together.

  23. I'm getting major jealous vibes. usually when I hear about mothers who talk to their daughters this way, I see the daughter looking beautiful and that's all I gotta know.

  24. "Mom, the ugliness you perceive on my outside will forever be overshadowed by the ugliness you have on your inside. I only hope that you can resolve your own unhappiness before you die. Goodbye."

  25. Thank you! I’ve told her a few times that the way she speaks to me is disgusting but it’s always through tears and she thinks I’m just sensitive. I’ve never really stood my ground and told her off in a confident way

  26. Is your mom divorced? She sounds like someone who didn’t realize longevity in a relationship comes from so much more than a number on the scale. When you marry someone, when you choose to grow old together, your body isn’t going to stay whatever it looked like and neither is his. But when you really find you love someone that attraction is so overwhelming, they will love every extra pound wrinkle and scar. Your body has gotten you through a lot up to this point. Cherish it as is and don’t let anyone even your own mother make you feel any less worthy for it.

  27. You know you don’t have to talk to your mom. I’m sure in some sick and twisted way she thinks she’s helping you but none of this seems helpful. I might try some limits like if you say this I won’t be talking to you anymore. Then follow through. She only keeps doing it because she believes she can and is justified. Good luck in your relationship.

  28. My mother used to do this. After I moved out I got up the 320 lbs. My mom would constantly talk about my weight/make comments on whether I lost or not. She even made a similar comment saying I needed to lose weight or would never find a husband. One day I looked her in the eyes and said if she ever commented on my weight again she wouldn't be seeing me again. I met and married my husband at 300lbs. She has never commented on my weight since, even after I finally lost a significant amount of weight.

  29. I’m so sorry you went through the same thing. I need to just do that and put my foot down with her. Let her know to leave me alone or I’ll cut her off. Thank you for the advice!

  30. Wow you're mom's probably a warped toxic person and for that I am sorry but you shouldn't stand for that. Quite frankly, fuck her. Don't let her get into your head. Toxic parents are NOT entitled to being in their adult child's lives. Break that cycle and stand up for yourself. Also you aren't too fat. You're beautiful, I don't give a fuck what size you are. You're a human. You have beauty until you ACT ugly. Your mom on the other hand sounds ugly as fuck.

  31. This is absolutely toxic, personally i cut my toxic homophobic mother out of my life 10 years ago, it hurt, it killed me, but i became a much better person and finally found help and therapy to cope properly with all the abuse, physical and mental.

  32. Buy her a gift card for vaginal rejuvenation. Also, some butt bleach or whatever it is. Tell her you got enough so she can use it on both areas that poop (she's your mom, so...) comes out of. As a bonus, when she starts to retort, tell her you don't have time because you're about to have some mind-blowing sex. Then, go and have some mind-blowing sex (this part is not optional, but is definitely still a bonus.)

  33. Boundaries time. This does not mean you force your mom to change her behaviour, because you can't. It means you change your behaviour. For example, when she starts verbally abusing you, calling you fat and ugly and not worthy of love, you walk away or hang up the phone. If she can't be kind to you, then she should not get to talk to you.

  34. My mother was the same exact way. People who treat their children like that are straight up pieces of shit and insanely narcissistic. I do not speak to my mother and she does not speak to me. My life is immensely better now. Fuck your mom, I am not slim and I barely workout and I've had some hot ass boyfriends who are like body builders. My partner right now is fine as fuck. It doesn't matter! They are into us because they do think we are hot and also have amazing personalities on top of that! Not everyone is shallow and only dates purely on looks Jesus Christ..

  35. Hey- i just wanted to say a parent saying this is FUCKED up and im so so sorry that’s something you even have to deal with. my mother is similar where she thinks it’s appropriate to give unsolicited comments on my weight/appearance and i’ve developed thick skin but it definitely gives me self esteem issues knowing my MOM is judging me. she reeks of bitterness and insecurity, so i’ve learned that a lot of things she says is to make herself feel better.

  36. Oh hun, I suggest going LC or NC with her. Minimally, I'd start setting a boundary with her when she brought stuff up like that to say, "I'm not talking about xxx with you because you continually utilize it to insult me."

  37. I have a toxic mom too. She told me my husband slept with women before me and therefore would cheat. My sister married the perfect Catholic man with a big family and no previous girlfriends. According to my mom- he was manipulative and made my sister to disown her for his family. My older sister’s ex was a cheater who tried to kidnap her to keep her away from family. Best thing I ever did was start calling her out on her bull shit and let her know she has no power over me. I actually find the stories she tells of my and my husband to my family hilarious and my family loves sharing her stories knowing how I feel.

  38. Your mother is an incredibly toxic person, and she's using you as her emotional punching bag. This is very very bad.

  39. Holy shit I'm so sorry. What your mom is saying is reprehensible and you don't have to listen to it. She doesn't deserve a single second of your time if that's how she's going to spend it. You're beautiful and I hope you can find the strength to truly cut her out of your life. She does not deserve you.

  40. I am sorry. Your mom is horrible. I am overweight. I have an adorable and attractive husband of 10 years. Some people just like you. And put your mom on an information diet. If you don't go no contact already.

  41. Rather than take my whole honeymoon, I brought my fit, chaming and handsome new husband home to take care of my mother because she had surgery a week after my wedding.

  42. Any reason you don’t just cut her out of your life? She is abusive. You aren’t obligated to take abuse from anyone, including people you’re related to.

  43. Not to repeat what these other comments are saying, but yes, your mom is a shit head and she's got some seriously fucked up perspective. Don't shoulder the burden of her hang ups. Disengage for your own mental health.

  44. I love this whole response. Thank you! And yeah I was waaay thinner when I first dated him. We only split because he got a really good job offer out of state. That lasted a few years and he found another great job back here and we immediately rekindled when he came back and surprise, I put on a lot of weight after quarantine and surprise again, he still thinks I’m hot.

  45. Thank you! Fortunately my partner is the sweetest person alive and has never once made me feel bad about myself. I wish my mom could change but I know it’s not likely. She’s been like this for as long as I can remember

  46. lots of fit guys love a thicc woman. sorry that your moms time in the sun is done, or sorry she couldn’t have pulled a fit hot guy in her prime, but you should be feeling yourself rn lol. my mom was the same way about my body as a little girl and now that i’m 30 just denies denies denies she ever body shamed me lol

  47. My mom said garbage like that for the first 15 years of my marriage. My husband has had some jobs where he never knows what time he's getting off work, and she would insist that he must be out cheating. I used to fall for her head games, even though when he got home after 12 or 14 hours on the truck, he smelled so ripe I don't think anyone would have wanted to bump uglies with him. (He's not a dirty person, but that many hours on a truck with a broken air conditioner and windows that didn't roll down and wearing body armor made him very smelly.)

  48. Don't get me wrong I love my mom and she's been good to me. But I was struggling with suicide and depression when I was 16 and also had my first crush on an older guy I worked with. My mom literally told me that no guy would ever want me because of my depression. Six years later and it still makes me cry. I also blame my low self esteem on that moment because the depressions never going away and part of me will always think I'm unworthy of whoever I'm with because of it

  49. Hey OP - as someone else with a toxic mom I want to give you some love. Those are harsh words to here from someone who is supposed to love us unconditionally and support us. Take time to take care of yourself and grieve that happening.

  50. My ex's mom told her earlier on that she'd never get into a college that when she applied she got waitlisted for. She had no help with applications from her parents. If they had helped her in any way she probably would've gotten in. Parents can really suck.

  51. Get away from your mother right now. You are a beautiful person, worthy of love. The man you’re with is with you because of who you are. I’m so sorry you have such a terrible mother who says such horrible things to you. Please do not listen to her and stay far away. YOU are beautiful, special, and worthy.

  52. I’m so sorry you’re in that situation with her. Her immaturity is at a dangerous level to your psychological safety. She’s coming at you from a place of jealousy. Reach out to the kind people in your life to keep you grounded in reality. Trust yourself. Don’t let her in. You were smart to walk away when she started talking to you like that.

  53. Why do people continue to interact with shitty ass family members like this? My mom told me that if she ever became like her mom, to just drop her and not ever look back. She doesn't want me to go through what she did with her mom. And my parents kept me at a good arms distance when I was using. They would basically only talk to me when I was in treatment. It doesn't matter if someone is family, NO ONE deserves to treat you like that and you should tell them to fuck right off and never come back into your life.

  54. Your guy may be hot to you, but not my cup of tea, you may be hot to him, but not those your mom envies. It doesn't matter who the guy is as you mentioned, she tries to knock you down regardless, she's got issues and is trying to boost her own ego by hurting you in your good times.

  55. Holy fuck, your mom sounds toxic. Don't believe a thing she says about your body - she's projecting her issues on to you. Her self worth might be tied to her looks. The older she gets the more she thinks the more shes worthless - she needs THERAPY!!!!!!!

  56. If you're not able to cut her out just yet, start laughing hysterically at her comments and say "Oh mom you're hilarious! You're just such a card! So witty!" etc. etc. until she is confused enough to stop.

  57. Your mom is a narcissist and your successful landing of a hottie triggers her insecurity. She doesn’t know how to exist in a world where she’s wrong so she‘s made up a bunch of bullshit to help quell how inadequate she feels. If you need proof, think of a place you’d like to go eat at, and the next time your mom starts that bullshit again - walk out on her; literally in the middle of her sentence, just peace out.

  58. Seriously, how does a person hear those things come out of their mouth and think "Yeah, that's a reasonable thing to say to my child. I'm a fine parent."? It's not acceptable to say to anyone, but it's especially painful to hear something so ugly from our parents who are supposed to love us more than anyone.

  59. Holy crap yeah I definitely still hear her words in my head. I will never understand how a mother could be so cruel. I feel for you and I’m sorry your mom was also mean to you. I hope you are better now

  60. Are you seeing a therapist? Mine really helped with setting boundaries. Your mother sounds like my own. I was forced to go low contact and I honestly wish I had done it earlier.

  61. Your mother is just awful. Please stop talking to her, she is trying to hurt you with hot buttons she installed herself. Your ex/again bf is with you because you have something that enthralls him. She’s melting with jealousy because you arent the pathetic desperate weakling she tried to force you to become so she’s lashing out. What a terrible person.

  62. give her a reason to be so fucking defensive around you, fr that shit is bogus and a grown ass woman should learn that there are consequences for being so rude to anybody and not just family. im feeling petty so i would attack her relationship/s. i totally think reducing contact would be the healthier long term action to take though.

  63. Is this a cultural thing because I cant fathom this at any level! Who is this horrible towrds their child? WTF is wrong with parents??

  64. Yeah it’s the worst and it was always just to me and never my sisters. I wasn’t girly enough for her, didn’t dress up enough, she thought it was weird I didn’t care about makeup and high heels and boys when I was 10. When my grandparents would babysit me she would beg them not to feed me so much because she didn’t want me getting any fatter than I already was. Mind you, I was not that overweight. I was chubby sure, but she often made me feel like a beluga whale

  65. Your mother is a horrible person. I hope you're able to be rid of her for the sake of your sanity and well-being. Such people never change and when the errors of their ways are pointed out to them they try to blame some external factor like "stress" or even you. I'm glad you have a partner who loves you.

  66. Therapy. self help books. “How to win friends and influence people”, and arghhhh I forgot the other one. I read each like twice. It helped me so much with my panic attacks at work and a little bit with dealing with my own mother. Not the same as yours but similar - she laughed when she discovered I was cutting, said that I was at fault for being molested at 4 years old, called me fat when I was actually underweight.

  67. I understand it must be hard to cut your mom off, I’m sure you have your reasons. But please realize that your mom does not care about you and goes out of her way to put you down. Please seek a therapist, someone you can confide in. You need to move on and heal without her in your life. She will be the cause of many issues and you don’t need that.

  68. Damn is your mom my dad? Cause she sounds like my dad. He always tried to pass it off as ‘constructive criticisms’ but he never told my thin younger sister that.

  69. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Growing up my mom would always make comments about my sister and me being "too big", and that we needed to work out more to attract the kind of guy we wanted to date (someone fit and good-looking I guess.) We are both a little curvy, I wear 10-12 and she wears 16-18. We're both married to guys who are fit, good-looking and love us for who we are. Don't let her get you down!

  70. Dear god. Go grey rock, and get away from her. That's not a mother. She gave birth to you and that's it. I don't want to hurt your feelings but what she said is rubbish so take it out and shove it in a can where it belongs. She doesn't determine your outcome. I'm sorry, I don't know what to say to make it better other than what she said is wrong on more levels than one.

  71. I just want to let you know, your mom is crazy. If she is attacking you like this, there’s some type of jealousy that underlines all this. Let me guess, your dad loves you best? Your grandparents loved you more than her? You don’t need her for anything? You’re smarter than her and make more money than her?

  72. Just goes to show that you are a BETTER PERSON than she is and for your mental health you should really go NC! You do NOT deserve the vile crap she spews!!!

  73. Wow, mom of the year that woman. This made cry, honestly. Your mom is, and I’m really sorry to say it, a horrible person, not a horrible mother, a horrible person.

  74. Thank you ❤️❤️ I fortunately do have a great support system it’s just things like this I don’t like talking about to them. It’s embarrassing so I keep it to myself

  75. Wow. That is so awful and I’m thinking about what means about HER and how she sees the world. When she says things like that, she’s just telling on herself. She must be so deeply insecure and uncomfortable with her body and have some really harmful thoughts about herself, which she is projecting onto you. And they have NOTHING to do with you. What a sad life for her and I’m so sorry you have had to deal with her :( I am glad for you and your bf though, i hope he treats you well 💕

  76. You shouldn't have to put up with this kind of abuse. My mom was hard on my sister and me, I think because she was jealous of us or something. She dissed my sister for being 'pear shaped'. The truth was that my sister had a little more in that department than my mom did, and mom was sort of envious.

  77. ugh. i've meet women like this, and i've met men who prove them right. none of them are worth the misery they spread around like pigs rolling in mud. i'd say drop her and never look back.

  78. I feel you. My mom once told me someone she set me up with through a mutual friend didn't want to see me again because I'm too "plump." I was very confused because the date went really well, I thought, and because no one under 50 would use that word (I was also 26 at the time).

  79. On top of everything I read in this thread, who has not gained weight during covid? I know so many who have gained quite significantly, me included. It was a super stressful time, and it is not quite over. Maybe I will decide to reduce my weight some time in the future, but right now, I do not have the resources to dedicate to that and that is ok. Seriously, the prettiest woman I know is heartbroken because she gained like 10 kg, it happens to all of us.

  80. I don’t fully understand this from your perspective (I’m male, 30) but a recent partner of mine (female, 31) has a family that did something similar. I have learned a few things that I would like to share. Firstly, self-esteem is not influenced by external factors. Someone else’s opinion of you does not determine your worth. Your own self-esteem comes from an internal evaluation locus. Your mother’s mean-spiritedness is her problem and the great thing js that as adults, even though our brains are less plastic than they were when we were younger, are still pretty darn plastic. Through certain psychological tools, conversations, and becoming a historian of our own pasts, humans can actually overcome all kinds of mental health hurdles. Your Mother’s comments may come from a place of perhaps unprocessed emotion, which may have some knock-on effect like even jealousy. I’m not a psychologist but I’ve had my own thoughts and struggles and friends that I’ve tried to read up about things to help people. Bottom line is, this sounds like your mother’s problem and it actually doesn’t necessarily mean she even believes it herself. She might even think she’s being “cruel to be kind” but humans often do things through flawed reasoning. I think your mother would be happier if she worked through some things in “therapy”, whether that’s with a thoughtful friend or professional. Psychological traits can be inherited, perhaps morphing along the way, and it sounds like she’s passing on some kind of psychological glitch.

  81. So he's 34, you're 26 and you used to date years ago? Isnt anyone else disconcerted by the potentially very significant age gap when they first met? And of course the power balance implicit in such a divergence in maturityand age would also be brought to bear in their current "new" relationship

  82. I don't know whether you should stay with this boyfriend or not, but you should definitely get a new mother.

  83. Grey. Rock. Method. Not only will it protect your feelings, it will give her the treatment she deserves, and really piss her off. Look it up, it’s awesome.

  84. I hope you take her horrible feedback as serious as a random Reddit stranger. FUCK THAT. Congratulations 🎊. I hope he turns out to be a keeper !

  85. Your mom is wrong. But to screw with her, tell her how good you are in bed and tell her how he can’t get enough. She will stop prying into your dating life.

  86. That’s weird. Sometimes it seems like mother’s get jealous of their own daughters. Has anyone else experienced this? I recently started pointing it out to my mother when she criticizes me. I’ll say something casual like “you know mom, it’s not your life so really isn’t your place to judge” or “wow, that wasn’t a nice thing to say” She usually fumbles a bit then changes the subject. I take it as a small win.

  87. Okay you said you guys dated many years ago but you're 26 and he's 34. So purely out of curiosity, how many years ago was that?

  88. Oof. OP I hate your mom too. Pretty sure she hates herself more though and abusing you is a distraction from that. Cut her out. She’ll only get better if she has to deal with herself and how awful she is. Why in the world would she do that if you do it instead? Loves and hugs. You’re beautiful.

  89. Fat girls are attractive. Plenty of "hot guys" find "fat girls" attractive. I don't know what your body type is but it sounds like your mom is projecting 100%.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Author: admin