Everyone wants a 'crazy' girl until she experiences actual symptoms of mental illness.

  1. I don't know if my 2 cents will help, but anyone looking for a "crazy girl" isn't really looking for a partner, you get me? A fetish like that, it's the same as going for emo/goth/whatever, just because. You'll get that crazy intense passion and romance - love bombing, but as soon as they see the BPD & anxiety and other issues, poof! Gone like the wind as you say.

  2. As someone who dated a girl with bipolar disorder, BPD and possibly more, it can be really difficult to gauge how much you can actually take. You think you can handle it, but eventually you get worn down. Being late to every single event, or not being able to follow through with plans; being criticized for not doing enough to help; countless fights and arguments over seemingly innocuous things or poorly worded statements; when they take their bad day out on you just because you’re the only one around; when they’re medicated when you first meet, but stop taking their meds partway through the relationship, etc. (not saying you do all these things, but just speaking from my own experience).

  3. I was the girl with bipolar disorder and more, It's definitely not easy. And you're right. Ik we deserve to love and to be love but we have to accept that we're not easy to deal. I decided to stay away from relationships for a while. When you feel so desperately to be in one, most of the time (I'm not saying this is the case of OP) it's because we don't feel fine with ourselves and we need other people to make us feel okay.

  4. it’s especially difficult to navigate when both people in the relationship are mentally ill & they end up triggering one another.

  5. This post clicked for me as someone who dated a person with similar disorders. No matter how much you care and how much you do if the person is endlessly telling you that you don't care and constantly changing how they feel about you sometimes multiple times per day it really destroys your mental health.

  6. Someone damaged can be frankly exhausting , it takes a special kind of person and a lot of love to be able to manage that for a long time because if it isn’t some quick fling they need to think “can I handle 50 years of this”

  7. Not everyone is well capable to work with someone’s diagnosed or undiagnosed disability. The key is to learn yourself self and work on yourself to be the best version of yourself that makes you happy. Communicate what the territory of dating you is like if you’re serious about the relation.

  8. I'm very upfront about my diagnosis and what that looks like, they either A) lie to me that they want to accept that about me and continue dating or B) delude themselves into thinking they can deal with it until they realise they can't.

  9. I assure you that not everyone want a "crazy" girl. If you go for people who fetishise you, you shouldn't be surprised when they treat you like an object. As a former "crazy emo boi" I learned the hard way that it's not worth getting into relationships while you're still working on yourself.

  10. I'm going to be working on myself forever. I have chronic, treatment resistant depression and complex PTSD. There's never going to be a day where I wake up 100% mentally healthy. That doesn't mean I deserve to be alone forever. I have a lot to offer beyond my mental illness.

  11. While I totally empathize with you, and can relate to a lot of what you’ve said, you also might want to consider the type of guys you’re attracting by leading with this stuff. When users see someone eager and vulnerable, they swoop in for the fun of the new experience and then dip once they get what they wanted. Keep your heart safe.

  12. I mean, if I don't lead with it people will be traumatised. I get overwhelmed and cry very easily, for example, and if someone doesn't know I have PTSD they'll think it's their fault.

  13. This was key for me. I had some bad relationships because I attracted to people who liked that I was vulnerable, who didn't stress about my issues because they didn't really care.

  14. That's true but what about those of us who are in therapy weekly, on multiple meds, and still have breakdowns? Mind you, the people in my life know that I could be much much worse. But I'm still not Normal, and it scares people.

  15. I think people end up feeling "in-over-their head" when they realize how much might be required of them. They go into it feeling good and useful about being able to be the "knight in shining armor". They give a lot in the beginning because the relationship is fun and exciting, but over time they realize that they haven't put in place boundaries for their own wellbeing. And it's easier to call it quits than to establish healthy boundaries at that point because they, whether they realized it or not, went into it thinking they could be the solution. Even in established relationships, boundaries are still necessary. I know that i can't be everything for my wife. There's work i need to do, and there's work she needs to do. I can still care for, support, and be there for her in ways she needs while also making sure that i can remain healthy. Boundaries are a hard thing in general, and tolerating other's distress when you learn you cant fix it is also very hard. But that boundary work is something they need to work on. It could be something that maybe you need to walk people through when getting into romantic relationship waters. Let them know they need to take care of themselves too.

  16. This is a good comment. So many people with a savior complex think of themselves as the good and stable one who's going to fix a broken person, when the reality is that everyone's broken in their own ways, and that to be in a relationship you need to communicate and grow together.

  17. I do think a big part of this is people not knowing to have boundaries, and being unable to tolerate my distress when they can't just fix the situation, yes. That's a good insight.

  18. Another "receiving side" story here. I've been married to a woman with a mental illness for 15 years, and I wouldn't give her up for the world.

  19. I understand. Cause same. Haha fuck ! Sometimes I just decide to accept the fact that I am never going to have a deeply fulfilling relationship because of my fucking brain. But that is also depressing. So.

  20. Sorry so long, yeah I really get it. It makes me really sad to think about tbh but I try to pretend it doesn't bother me irl.

  21. i think i might end up being in the same situation as you 🥲 how have you coped with the loneliness? or watching other people in happy relationships?

  22. This hit way too close to home aha. Guys love me so much until I show my mentally ill side which is also me and they can't handle that. I work on myself so much it makes me sick how much introspection I have to do. I never asked to be this way and if I could press a button and be normal I absolutely would. But this is me. I sometimes wonder if relationships are even worth it because either I have to repress that side of me all together (which makes it come out in different ways) or deal with apologizing and feeling bad about myself every time I have a breakdown because they just dont get it. There's some people that find the perfect supportive partner and I have no idea how. I'll deal with anything from anyone because I get how shitty it feels to be rejected for things beyond your control but they'll turn around and say I'm too much.

  23. This felt like i was reading my dairy lol. And OP, it will get better so please don't give up working on yourself. Healing takes time, lots of time. You will lose a lot of people along the way and it will get hard, very hard but please keep holding on. You will also have LOTS of weak moments, moments where you'll bounce back right to the starting line and feel like you wasted months of your progress. Incase that happens, don't beat yourself up. You're only human and we all have our weak moments. Just start again and again until you know you're back on track.

  24. Girl, thank you for sharing yourself. You're so brave. Your text was so relatable in multiple layers. How many women do I have on my mind to who this applies... Thank you for putting the un-mentionable into words. Maybe you need someone who also has PTSD, or at least shares some struggles. You are putting so much pressure on the men (?) that are there for you. Once they realize that you don't just "like" them but that you're desperate for them and feel completely lost if they leave you, they don't feel special anymore. You need to make them feel like they have to "hunt" and deserve you vs. feel like you are desperate. It's not really in your control and I know that the most aware person with this problem wouldn't be able to solve it. I've been there. I'm so sorry

  25. I think a big part of this is how normally "mental illness" has become through social media. With influencers and what not saying they have these things but never showing the down sides of it then it doesn't seem like that big of a deal.

  26. People fail to realize that although we may treat our illness, there is no cure for it. Lithium doesn't make this shit magically disappear. I've told my husband many times from the beginning: "I'm not social media crazy, I AM REAL LIFE CRAZY" He loves all of me and I am so lucky.

  27. As someone who has BPD, depression, anxiety, cPTSD, ADHD, AND possibly autism; Dating is a pain in the ass. No one wants what I literally tell them they're getting into. You put everything into words perfectly about what it's like dating with mental illness and/or neurodivergency. I hope you find someone worthwhile who will help you and love you even in your dark times. You do deserve someone who will be there and who will cheer you on while you change and grow.

  28. Someone once wrote an essay called something like “I’m not your manic pixie dream girl”. It resonated a lot with me. I think you’re spot on. That was years before my adhd and then autism dx. I hear you. It sucks to always be too much and never enough. It hurts to be used and discarded. I hear you.

  29. What!? No, who told you that? Emotional disorders, mental instability are not sexy or cute. I don't care how well she looks poor mental health is a deal breaker

  30. And it should be… unfortunately mental health issues are a lot romanticized in tv shows and movies. Then you have some dumb people who think it’s fancy/ not a big deal/ attractive because they’ve seen it on tv, and believe they’re somehow a psychologist/ psychiatrist themselves

  31. A lot of people romanticize mental illness. Take for example: A tik tok page posted a story of a redditor where his ex tried to kill him and stalked him for a long time, a concerning amount were girls and boys saying "Girl boss" or "Need me a girl like her". They dismiss what mental illness is.

  32. This is the way. I think OP is describing boys overloaded with T and too horny to think rationally, not men. Ain't no man got time for that bullshit.

  33. I have never once sought out a crazy women. Back when I was single I was looking for a woman that wasn't crazy or unemployed and that's what I ended up with.

  34. I'm not sure what types of men you hang around, but they cant be the well adjusted, mature, "got their shit together" types. At the first sign of crazy I and everyone I know runs. Theres always that one man whore in the freind group that waits to see if the sex is worth it, but the majority of men run far and fast at the first sign of crazy.

  35. Why would anyone want to get serious with someone who has this much baggage? It sounds exhausting and relationships are hard enough without such drama. Why don’t you work on fixing yourself first, and then try to have a relationship, because I think it’s super reckless to date when you have so much self improvement to do.

  36. I've been working on fixing myself since I was 16. I've done every type of therapy I can afford, I've tried all the categories of antidepressants, I've been to hospital.

  37. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeesh. I had to wear blast goggles just to behold all the self-awareness in this post. If only we were all capable of being honest about ourselves like that.

  38. I feel this so strongly. My husband has gone through the journey with me of getting medicated for bipolar and adjusting over and over. Among other mental illnesses I have. But when the mental illnesses show, it's like he doesn't want to be a part of my life sometimes :( I know he loves me but he doesn't understand at all

  39. I understand this, it speaks to me. I am so sorry that you feel this way right now. It's not a fun place to be. I don't know if this could apply to you, but I feel incredibly secure with my partner now. He did not grow up with chaos, he does not have any of the problems I have. He is caring and we enjoy exploring the world together. We're always laughing, and he holds me when I cry and calms me down when I lose my mind over issues that are on a similar scale to the ones you described. However, he forgets to eat a lot, and I make sure he eats by finding ways to feed him when I can.

  40. OP, everything you said sounds like me. from the sex, the happy times, the depression, the anxiety and overstimulation. it almost felt like i was writing this when i read your post. i always feel like a lot to my partners as well. i also have a chronic illness which classifies me as disabled. i don’t know what else to tell you other than i see you, i hear you, and most importantly that i understand you

  41. My girlfriend has had 2 manic episodes since we've been together, like checked out and wasn't herself for a week. It's hard to deal with in the moment but when you realize that it's not them it's kinda easy to let things go because it's not them. I wouldn't trade her for the world though

  42. I grew up abused. My parents continue to be manipulative and controlling at times. My sister definitely had it worse and has been alienated. I definitely relate to having trauma and needing to work on yourself. I've pushed a lot of people away and needed years to get to where I am today. Your struggles are your own, but I can at least relate to an extent.

  43. As someone with bipolar, ptsd anxsitey and other shit.... Trust me when I say it's possible to find your person. I did. He supports me through everything he knows how to help me when I have a manic brake down, a panic attack or just depressed af. He helps me to get better. If I have a brake down once I'm OK he tells me he will go to my next Tharpist appointment with me to help talk it out.

  44. You sound quite similar to my girlfriend from what I can tell, mental illness definitely isn’t pretty I suffer from it myself too but a mental illness doesn’t define exactly who we are, and if guys can’t see that you don’t deserve them anyway

  45. This really speaks to me. Not only do I have a diagnosed mental illness, I have PTSD from losing my first husband in a car accident. My husband understands and, as long as I don't abuse it, he doesn't mind taking time out of his day to reassure me that he is still alive.

  46. My cousin used to say, “I can’t help it, I’ve always loved wild women.” Then one day he was on the phone when his wife walked in from the bedroom and shot him in the gut with a shotgun, killing him.

  47. It took me a long time to find the right person, but it turns out that that person had a very strong family background that set the foundation for their acceptance & non-judgmental behavior toward all the stuff you just described (including the mother-induced panic attacks). I have total faith you will find your own person, it just might take a little while. The silver lining is that these men are telling you the truth when they say they aren’t yet in a place to handle the place you’re in now (which means you’re on the right track and not picking men who are exploiting your issues). I think us traumatized folks tend to underestimate how strong we actually are, and feel surprised when people who are well-loved don’t know how to handle being exposed to the toxic things that have impacted us so deeply. The thing is, they’re actually right—having to hide from a parent is really toxic and awful, and my own partner’s shock and distain at my family’s gross dynamics is what ultimately led me to drawing boundaries and creating positive change in my own life. Now, I’m so stable it’s downright dull, in all the right ways. I think you’ll get there too!! Keep moving forward, keep being honest, you’re heading in a good direction.

  48. It’s not your fault. I’ve experienced this as well with the whole being 100% upfront and them not believing me about how bad things get. It’s so frustrating and heartbreaking.

  49. You sound similar to my girlfriend. I hope it’s some reassurance that you will find someone who can accept you for you are you. Don’t waste time worrying over people who don’t.

  50. Yeah I know some dudes like that. Some were even my own friends. They all want the “good” things that come with it like the usually high sex drive and clingy was when it benefits them but everything else that they don’t realize till later on they have a problem with. I keep telling them don’t fuck crazy but they do it anyway and the thing is it’s a lose lose. The girl just gets even more added trauma because of some asshole who was using her and the dude is dealing with someone who is literally mentally unwell in a relationship. No one wins here and people need to know that.

  51. Just in general, lots of people romanticize mental illness until they actually witness some forms of it and make harsh judgements. Or that it's cool to have mental illness pretending they're OCD because they can't stand picture frames being crooked or some shit

  52. Official petition to be your boyfriend - when both people are mentally ill and have mental baggage I'm sure it'll work out well enough :)

  53. you NEED to be a whole, complete person before you enter into a relationship with another. otherwise it will be doomed to failure. your partner cannot and should not be your therapist. if what you are doing now ("meds") isn't working (and it usually doesn't), maybe you should try something else. i went off all that junk years ago and it was the best decision of my life. the drug companies would love to keep you on them forever. your whole post basically makes me think you have intense unresolved issues, perhaps related to your own mother. whats going on with you and her?

  54. i completely understand this. i have bpd and i try really hard to be more than my mental illness. i journal and i definitely acknowledge my shortcomings and try and work around them. but it’s really hard. anxious attachment is really challenging. and no one seems up for the challenge. they like having sex with you and being casual. but anything that is serious is not worth the time.

  55. I'm right there with you. I'm starting to have boundaries (I only have sex with people who care about me and like me as a person) and then I just don't get laid.

  56. I get this completely and I felt the same way before my current relationship. I have borderline bipolar disorder, PTSD, and anxiety. I manage all of it well due to countless years in therapy, but I have my moments.

  57. I feel kinda scared I don't truly deserve love, your last sentence in your post warms my heart but, I have outbursts where I say really mean things at times, even to those I love deeply. I honestly feel like I'm toxic and bad. Does someone like me deserve love?

  58. Yes, yes, yes!! You have lost control of yourself when you are at that point. It is not a sign of poor character.. Giving a shit about the effect you have on others: a sign of GOOD character ❤️

  59. They might think they can handle it until they see just how severe you’re issues are. That’s not their fault. You’re not entitled to affections just because you said you have PTSD in the beginning. Their allowed to see how much support you need and realize they can’t handle such a one sided relationship

  60. I understand a bit of what you’re going through!!! I haven’t had any luck in the relationship game(single forever) but I have had panic attacks and I still have anxiety and I am on meds too!!!!

  61. I let my ex know what was up with me. I told him straight up, Im mentally ill and although i’m working on it, this and this and this I tend to do. At first he was cool with it and it then became a problem. I never tried reiterate “i told you so from the beginning” because that just feels plain mean. But, eventually, it became far too much and on top of school, work and my own mental health declining, I ended it.

  62. As a man who dates a so called crazy girl the thing that matters to me is that she’s constantly trying to improve herself, when she has an episode we work through it together. All hope is not lost my friend.

  63. Not everyone wants to be with the crazy girl. I.E. me. The crazy girl went crazy and beat the ever living shit out of me till I was unconscious in public. When I woke up cops were pointing there guns at me because crazy girl was telling the cops lies. I learnt my lesson. No matter how good the sex is or how close the bond I needed a stable girl. Sorry crazy girl I have moved on. I hope you can find everything you need in life.

  64. I actually feel like you get it in a way. It's not meant to be mean. You don't have to wait to date again but you should know that you in that state would exhaust most potential partners. People will leave you over and over again and instead of getting through that heartbreak over and over again, you could just stay out of it.

  65. I can imagine how you feel, guys like crazy girls, it’s easy enough to make them dependent on you, provide the emotional support and be there for them and then reap the rewards at the end of the night, but there are also guys who truly care about you and are not just there for the crazy sex. I think if you want to “test” them even though tests are a 🚩you could go vanilla on them the first couple of times and then slowly ramp it up if they are down. Guys who are there for the crazy ain’t gonna stay around, guys who are there for you will, ofc you might scare them off if you start ramping it up, they might be really into vanilla too. Good luck tho, I imagine it’s very hard but in the end I’m sure you’ll find the one.

  66. Fucking relatable. Being the "manic pixie dream girl" is cute for 2 hours in a movie, but living with PTSD and anxiety isn't fun quirky times in reality. My abandonment issues run deep. The best advice I can give you is to be single for a while. No bf/gf, no fwb, no fuckbuddies. The hypersexuality is part of the illness, it's a driving need to connect with another human and get that oxytocin, but the crash is hard and leaves you feeling disposable. It's better to learn to stand on your own.

  67. Keep fighting the good fight… years with BD has thought me to just take this hour as it comes fuck tomorrow and tonight when the struggle is to deal with now

  68. This is crazy relevent. You discribed exactly how I feel and my expercience. Except I pull back before they do, wich makes them confused. I always feel like I used them, although I tell them up front Im not relation ship material..

  69. You have more restraint than I do. I can't handle being used for sex anymore though, it's self harm at this point, I need at least FWB with someone I'm actually friends with

  70. This is hardcore relatable. Everything is cute and good till they realize that you aren’t bullshitting them on the fact of you being mentally ill as hell

  71. Don’t stick your dick in crazy is a common saying. Most people don’t want a crazy girlfriend. If they do then they’re crazy too.

  72. So what are you saying? It's not fair? What are you expecting? What is it you want? Stability? Who's perspective is wanting a crazy girl?

  73. That’s why no one gets in my pants before we know eachother better. I’m sorry, they don’t value your personality. I think they first should fall in love so that they cannot help themselves.

  74. I feel like I’m reading my own thoughts. This is just another of the shitty parts of having mental illness. This is why mental illness isn’t cute or a joke. We suffer in more ways than the illness itself and sometimes we hurt people when we wish more than anything that we wouldn’t. I hope you can find peace somehow, one day. I’m looking for it too.

  75. This is going to sound more jaded than I want but I'm guessing you're also hot. Alot of younger men try the "I'm so intuned with your quirkiness " to get the bag. I'm not going to say sorry like you're some basket case, as I'm far from completely stable, but I'm sorry for this repeatedly horrible situation you find yourself in. You will be happy!

  76. Jesus I could've written this. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this - I did too for a while. I'm finally with a wonderful, loving, supportive partner, but even then I feel like I should hide a lot of my illness to not stress him out or have him think I'm unstable. It's really hard. I see you and I feel you. You're not alone. You're valid and worthy of love. Just think of it as these dudes weeding themselves out. You don't deserve less.

  77. that's the thing. everyone is happy to deal with mental wellness like do yoga, meditation, listen to calming music etc hahaha. but when it comes to actual mental illness... no one wants that part of it :) hence I don't date

  78. I've actually just given up on relationships for this very reason. I find the older I get, that that choice is easier and easier. That and my meds tend to numb me in every way now so there's not much I could offer anyone in terms of a genuine emotional connection. As for sex, that's dead within, again thanks to meds. That being said, it's kind of forced me to take a wee bit more care of myself, which is also a bonus in some ways.

  79. Sometimes people don’t click. When you let them see you and not the carefully curated version of you that you present to people to be liked, many people will be turned off and leave. (That’s WHY we have those carefully curated versions, after all.). But that’s life, especially with a mental illness or three.

  80. I think I'm autistic, I don't curate myself very carefully at all. I can't lie very well or pretend to be something I'm not, people should get a pretty good idea of what I'm like from talking to me.

  81. It has nothing to do with you with that. If someone tells you who they are, believe them. They simply didn't believe u and then were soooo shocked with the “I'm too depressed to clean” progressed to shit like “I'm too depressed to brush my teeth or hair or wash myself” I've learned that it's very difficult for someone who has never exerienced any mental health issues to understand the depth and gravity of “I'm mentally ill”. I just want to reiterate that there is literally very few things you can do to avoid this. You are doing all that right. Obviously you're not perfect so I'm not saying you've never messed up in the relationship but understand that them not getting your mental health issues is a THEM issue not a YOU issue. Sending u much love from another fucked up mf ❤️

  82. As someone who is currently dating someone with PTSD, Trauma, Anxiety, and an eating disorder (ADHD diagnosis last month too ) while she finishes her Masters degree along with seeing her various Drs for her diagnoses.. All I can say is that it will unfortunately take time to find someone who understands and accepts you who you are. I'm not sure how old you are, but when I was 21 I didn't think I was ready to handle dating someone in a similar position as yours.

  83. I feel this on a whole different level. I had a girlfriend of 8 months ghost me after my mom died (was a really fucked up circumstance). It was almost like once I stopped being the fun and encouraging boyfriend she had no use for me. We live in a self absorbed society now unfortunately. That means if you don't show people what they want to see in you they won't bother. Though I might just be jaded and cynical from all my past experiences

  84. Aww man I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. I was dating a fearful avoidant partner until last week. I've always been quite secure in my relationships and never had anxiety due to relationships. This dude sparked a fucking storm of anxiety in me. I had to finally let him know that I wanted more communication from him and boom. He freaked out and left me last week. It's a nightmare to be anxious in relationships. I'm so sorry for you. You deserve a stable, secure partner.

  85. Know exactly how you feel. I’m like you, tell them who I am and always get the same answer “awh I like you, I’m not going anywhere” to then never hear from them again.

  86. Heavy relate, although I must add in my own experience- my symptoms kept allowing me to pick the wrong people to spend my time with. My judgement was very clouded.

  87. It's easy to say it's no big deal when you haven't dealt with sever mental illness before. I can't fault them for realizing they can't do it and I can't fault you for being fed up with them. Shit all around:(

  88. I'm learning to mask, because some people will fully take advantage of you and drag you through the mud then you're not even protected because you're crazy or stupid.. and others get straight up scared or drained, and I get that if I can't handle some things no matter how long I've been exposed to them, how can I burden someone else with it too, they don't have the tools to help me manage, they are just going about their everyday life and want to be happy.. I don't know if this is healthy, but I am keeping a very long distance from anyone trying to get close so that I don't get the bad feeling again, I take however long to learn better coping skills to deal with life and once that's figured out, once I learn to love myself enough and be strong enough to not only open up but be ready if they hurt me, learn the correct way to establish boundaries and be a functioning adult, only then I should try relationships again.. being single helped me so much it allowed me to heal a bunch. I hope you're healing journey will go as smoothly as can be, remember it's not a straight line.

  89. You sound like my ex. She's awesome but I have too many of my own problems to be able to deal with her problems and my issues do her more harm than good.

  90. Some of us are especially built for this, I think. I work best when I have someone to care for, especially with mental illness.

  91. Did you just tell me my life story. I feel like I have a sibling I didn’t know about because you hit on the nail with several comments. I’m so happy to know I’m not the only person who feels like this

  92. I’m crazy too, and so is my guy, but we make it work somehow. It’s hella messy, but we’re still here. There’s hope, love. Just keep loving yourself and working on yourself and being your magical self, and things will align for you eventually. The “manic pixie dream girl” trope got a lot of dudes thinking they could handle our shit. Some of them can…but usually because they’re fucked in the head too.

  93. Did I write this? It’s so hard being manic-pixie-dream girled until they’re tired of it and take out their wrong assumptions on you. They love to use it against you and make you the bad guy when they just never actually saw “you” as YOU. I feel you OP

  94. So much empathy. It's all fun and games until a disassociative episodes and then "no, you're REALLY crazy, wtf?"

  95. You'll find your person, you'll give them everything they could ever want in a partner and they will never be able to understand why previous people in your life gave up on such an amazing person.

  96. I've been with my husband for 15 years. Everyone else but him and my mom have left me. I'm not good enough, or I'm too much, too weird, too broken, whatever it is, for everyone else. I guess I'm just not worth anyone else's time.

  97. I feel you, I see you. I went through this again and again too before I met my current partner. I was able to bare my soul and show him who I REALLY was- and he didn’t flinch. There have been times in this 9 years where I’ve burdened him with a seriously unfair amount of baggage and have been beyond exhausting and high maintenance because of my mental illness. At one point I went through some really dark things I just couldn’t handle better, bleeding my wounds all over him and everyone around me for a few years honestly in spite of my best efforts. Having his consistent, patient love has provided me with a strong security and foundation to increase my mental health and stability and life is the best its ever been.

  98. I thought I'd found my forever person, we moved in together, share a pet. She cheated on me with a 19 year old and then started dating him a week later.

  99. I have a lot of issues. Married. Not once have I shared my journey with my husband. He knows I’m working on myself and that’s the extent that he needs to know. He too has issues (not as much as me but he ain’t perfect). I let him know when he’s crossed the line and give him space to work it out. If you want a long term relationship you need a growth mindset and not to bring your inner work and problems to the table constantly. Of course we argue but we don’t “dump” onto each other. There’s a difference. If you can’t hold your shit together long enough to attend a party or go out for coffee, then you’re simply not ready for a relationship. It’s simply not fair for the other person. If you do want a relationship, expect to find someone who is codependent or desperate/low self esteem as no healthy person wants to deal with a needy person nor should they have to.

  100. I’ve never been in a relationship but the pandemic has really exacerbated my anxious attachment and I went through a very traumatic work “Break-up” that’s definitely left some psychological scars. I am... longing for someone to be with, who can be supportive (as I want to be as well for them — I know that when I am supportive I feel stronger and better), but I’m always afraid that I’m too much. I totally agree with you. We need to be able to explore love and BE loved, but we also have to put the work in!

  101. Im currently with someone similar and it honestly hurts me thinking you suffer this. The repeated violations of trust and being left on a dime. I hope you find your forever, and hopefully they're willing to not only be patient but help you along your way to health.

  102. All I can say is, there are so many who understand this. No matter how many talks and warnings you give, they won’t listen or they don’t take you seriously. Then we go off the rails, break down or need support and they have their “oh shit moment” way too late. But I found someone, and it’s working. We are over a year now. It isn’t perfect, I self sabotage, I sh, and I hate what I put him through. I’m not proud of who I am nor when I am in a relationship, but he’a still here. It will happen, it took an embarrassing amount of douche bags and ghosting to get here.

  103. It’s profoundly weird to me that they stay through your episodes, but balk at you showing improvement or taking steps to heal. Like…I consider it a VERY attractive quality to show that you’re working on yourself, rather than defaulting on support from others. They run after that? Definitely strange, unless they are somehow obsessed with being a “savior.” In any case, it’s better you find out sooner than later.

  104. I felt this on such a personal level! No one ever believes me... I tell them I'm broken, working on it but broken.they don't believe it. They think I'm joking... im always too much.

  105. Bruh, this is me on so many different levels, and mine was even worse. I was emotionally abused as a child, verbally and physically abused as a student, emotionally abused by the one guy I was in love with, sexually taken advantage of by someone I really liked. Well, as you can guess, I am more messed up than I would like to admit, and my answer to everything is - Please leave me alone. It's exhausting at times, but get this - people like us feel a lot, fall in love deeper than others and get hurt the most. One of my exes neglected me and I was like, great- another guy who took advantage of me, and I began to date another dude, until bam - my ex hit me with 'I love you' and 'I can't live without you ' crap. He was there for my mental breakdown, and I thought maybe he changed, but really didn't, it was all manipulation. The dude I was dating at the time promised me the world and told me he loved me all the time, and said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and then - spoiler alert, he broke up with me. All men are the same when it comes to fucked up people like us - we are smart, funny, hot, beautiful people with a beautiful soul that had been crushed by the world around us. We are paranoid when it comes to romance and relationships because we are hurt so many times, that it feels like a complete waste of time and energy. After all these men, I realised the common thing among all of them is me. So I did the thing that made the most sense - I stopped having feelings for anyone, I stopped dating and I am currently on the path to healing. Nothing is gonna change unless you become better, and I suggest healing before giving your all. P.s: I am diagnosed with Anorexia nervosa, OCD, Depression and Panic disorder, so imagine the hell I go through by simply being in a relationship or dealing with break ups - they would usually feel like break up on steroids, which would hurt beyond imagination. Good luck on healing yourself, and good luck for your future.

  106. Dude same. Like pretty much exactly the same. It feels like the guys aren't really thinking it through what the hard times are like, and whether they can handle it. Get your hopes up just to prove that you were right all along; they couldn't handle it. At least that's how i see it

  107. It’s unfortunately not easy. And I say this as someone experiencing your side not the other side. I find in a new relationship I kind of subconsciously put on a show, I’m exciting, funny, nice to be around and think this will be the relationship that’s right and I’ll stay like that. Unfortunately mental illness doesn’t work like that and someone else can’t fix it.

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