Friend is a pedophile

  1. I've talked to abusers before (my own) and read alot about this sort of thing usually if they tell you they kinda in a weird way want to be caught because they know they have a problem. Not just pedophiles but rapists too.

  2. This is a good and valuable point. Besides the near 100% certainty that the guy has absolutely done more than what he drunkenly confessed to, the man clearly knows it will go further than it has. He is confessing for a reason.

  3. My first memory as a child (4) was giving a blow job to someone I was told to “trust”. The abuse was ongoing through my teens by multiple family members and family friends. My perception on sex was so messed up through my 30’s and still have a hard time with someone even touching me. Raped, molested, and broken for a very long time. I beg you, my childhood me begs of you to please say something and stop the cycle. No one should have to go through that because someone has an urge and cannot control it.

  4. I’m sorry that happened to you. I have a 6 year old. Is there anything you wish someone asked or said that could’ve helped you ask for or get help ? My greatest fear is this and her fearing she can’t tell me

  5. So sorry. Happend to me as well. Older neighbor kid. No one knows the shit it creates in your head. At 45 I’m still working through it.

  6. I’m so sorry this happened to you, my dear. It happened in my family too. Hope you can heal. I’m sending you a lot of love ❣️

  7. Pedophiles do not change. They are not treatable. They will never be cured. If your friend has child porn, he is evil. Plain and simple. He is watching children get raped. Report him and NEVER let him be alone with a child.

  8. My heart breaks for you. I wish you the best of everything that life has to offer. Please don’t give up on love, though. Just go slowly…💜🙏🏻

  9. If you had kids, would you let him around them? If the answer is no you know what to do. Personally with the info you have, my answer would be a resounding f*** no

  10. Sadly, many people knowingly leave their kids with pedos. It’s concerning to me that his immediate response isn’t to call the authorities, so I’m genuinely concerned he wouldn’t see an issue with leaving a kid with him. “He said he never would, so….”

  11. Piggybacking on the top comment to say, report him. If you can protect even one child it is worth it. No matter what “precautions” he claims to be taking, pedophilia is a disease with no cure and the victims will be traumatized for life. He is already participating in the victimization of children by possessing child pornography. Turn him in.

  12. Please report him💔 my life was ruined, by a family friend my parents thought they could trust. That could be him…. With some family that he is close with, and he will get close to their little girls. Please do something.

  13. I am sorry that the person who SHOULD have been trustworthy, turned out to be a monster. I hope OP sees your comment and calls the police ASAP.

  14. My adult son, a mean drunk, confessed a couple years ago to having watched CP for the past ten years, since he was a teenager. I called the police; all I could think about was THOSE kids, not my own, as I was violently sexually abused by an adult son of my babysitter at ages three and four and I know what it does. It DOES ruin your life. I posted here on reddit about it and got really reamed for calling the police. It's interesting that this OP is getting the opposite response.

  15. Also recommend him to seek professional help. Pedophilia isn't a sexual orientation, it's a serious mental illness that likely happens to people who were sexually abused as children themselves as well.

  16. I agree, the person saying that won’t do anything d doesn’t mean much… it takes one time for them to ruim someone’s lives if they are simply curious. It took one time one I was 8 by a family friend from church that my parents trusted to leave me alone. They are monsters, all of them i some things for me, doesn’t get pardon this is one of them.

  17. Its so weird to me when people use that argument. Like the people who purchase and watch it are the REASON the videos and photos exist. The fact he didn’t produce it means nothing, he is part of the reason it exists. It wouldn’t exist if there wasn’t a market

  18. Right? He doesn't want to report the guy and destroy his life, but the guy is actively participating in destroying the lives of little girls.

  19. Exactly, the only one destroying his life is him, what if he ever had an opportunity to act on those impulses, do you think he has the restraint not to do it ??

  20. Knowing about the video and not doing anything is also harming children. OP do the right thing man, please. Restore a little faith in humanity

  21. Personally the report would have happened as soon as I left his side. I'm worried he'll ruin lives. I'm sorry someone you love is sick but get him off the streets. Save as many children as you can. It's awful enough he was able to find that crap on the internet.

  22. Someone else eventually will report the friend and it’ll probably be revealed that OP knew and hid it for their friend. If not reporting for the children’s sake, OP should consider their own selfish reasons too…

  23. I believe it is called “child sexual abuse material” now instead of porn. Which I strongly support because calling it porn fails to accurately frame the scale of the abuse and crime that is happening when that material is distributed and viewed (and which is traumatizing for the crime and forensics investigators).

  24. You’re 100% correct. Just because he hasn’t physically harmed a child, doesn’t make him a Non-Offending Pedo as having CP is contributing to the harm and abuse of children. You need to report this. Tell family. Friends. Police. There are specialised therapists out there that can help him, but from my experience (ex friend admitted the same to me) a therapist will not take him on if he is still offending. You definitely need to report this ASAP to the police. My ex friend is currently in prison, and even though I did report it, it sadly didn’t stop him doing what he did. He was late twenties too.

  25. Shouldn't be here asking questions at all. When you hear someone is in possession of child porn, you report it. Immediately. You don't come online to ask whether you should or not, you just do it. The fact that OP probably still hasn't reported it is gross.

  26. Had a family member who was reported by another family members psychologist. Cops took all phones and computers. He fled and committed suicide days later.

  27. It's a horrible decision he has to make to ruin the guy's life and possibly have him on suicide watch but on the other hand, every day OP waits to report him, even if he has time to abuse just one kid, that's already one chilhood ruined and lifelong trauma inflicted. OP cannot afford hesitation here

  28. I was in a similar situation with a childhood friend years ago. It killed me to do it, but I had to report him. You must do the same.

  29. OP, children had to be sexually assaulted for the CP he has to even exist. He has harmed children. The children in those photos and videos are real and they have been harmed. And he got sexual gratification from seeing them harmed. Please report this person.

  30. This may be fanciful of me, but imagine if OP could explain it to his friend like this and his friend turned himself in with the intentions of exposing others in the ring and doing penance for his role in it all?

  31. He owns child porn and you know about it. Report him. You’re at this point an accomplice because you know about it. Save yourself and other innocent kids by reporting.

  32. You are in one of those horrible no-win situations. At the end of the day, you are the one that has to live with yourself - either a little girl gets her life ruined, or if he does. I wish you great wisdom.

  33. Who cares if it destroys his life? The children in those videos had their life destroyed at such a young age and it’s not even their fault

  34. Imagine the little girl he eventually hurts finds out there was an adult who knew about this, but did nothing…

  35. I was on board until you mentioned that he has CP in his possession. I firmly believe that non-offending pedophiles should not be immediately prosecuted, and should be given the chance to better themselves. However, if he has CP, whether he took the videos or not, it means children are being harmed regardless. It means he gave money to people who actively harm children. Call the cops, make sure he can't harm anyone else. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I hooked up with a guy I used to work with a couple times (never had sex, just made out), and one day he stopped coming to work. Claimed he was in jail for a parole violation, which he never talked much about his charges which is already a red flag. Come to find out he was in jail cuz his PO found CP on his computer. Kinda feel like shit that I made out with a pedo, but what can you do.

  36. I’m sad I had to scroll so far for this. I was listening to a podcast lately that made me really stop and think hard about pedophilia- that it’s so deeply stigmatised that people who are genuinely distraught by it often can’t get help even from therapists… they’ll often turn to online forums just to feel less alone, then there’s the sense of community and the slippery slope of an echo chamber and often things escalate from there. Or some kill themselves or just go full hermit.. it’s sad. If it’s less stigmatised just to simply have those inclinations and then get help, that’s preferable. I say this as a csa survivor…

  37. This take is way too underrated imo. Turning in someone you have a relationship with is a much easier action to take when you remember it’s them that made the decisions to get where they are at.

  38. Yes! People need to be saying this to OP. The friend made his choices! Reporting someone for committing a crime doesn't make you responsible for what happens after! He is an adult, making his own choices. Choices with consequences.

  39. Possessing it is harming children. Call the police. If he wanted help he could have found a therapist that specifically helps people like this cause they do exist instead he choose to harm children even if he didn’t physically touch one.

  40. Report him. Someone I considered a close friend and even vacationed with just got arrested for pedophilic behavior. Even possessing those types of videos is harmful and disgusting behavior.

  41. Report him. If you sit idly by and do nothing after he's confessed this, you're just as guilty as he is. You're condoning it and by keeping his secret, you're enabling him.

  42. Turn him in for the CSAM. That’s not a victimless crime. If he ever offends, your report will make sure that it is taken more seriously. You can and should protect children from the likelihood that he’s weak.

  43. Go down to the station and say exactly what you said here.... he is no longer your friend. If he is brave enough to tell another person... hes brave enough to escalate. Everyone thought my "cousin" was just a little weird till I found out the hard way at age 8. He was 35.

  44. I’m so glad you said this. Him even admitting it to a friend is an escalation. Him owing child abuse images is an escalation. This man is escalating and on the verge of offending if he hasn’t already. (And owning those images is its own form of offending for sure)

  45. You should report him. Even if you “destroy” his life, he deserves it. Even if he said he would never touch or harm a child you never know if thats true. Like, what if he does in secret?? Please please PLEASE report him.

  46. If you report him, you'll save multiple children but he (one person) will go to prison. If you don't report him, countless children will be harmed, and you don't even have a guarantee he won't go to jail as he most likely will be caught owning child abuse material / hurting a kid. That's a situation where you have to put feelings aside to save the biggest number of people. Please don't wait too long.

  47. Those videos hurt children. Please call the cops OP. This may be hard for you but this is the right thing to do.

  48. PLEASE report him... Better you "ruin" his life (ie give him the chance to get help) before he actually ruins the life of an innocent child.

  49. Someone who truly never wanted to hurt a child wouldn't be in posession of child sexual abuse material. You need to report him. If it "destroys his life," that's a consequence of his own decisions - unlike children whose lives are ruined by people like him. It really sucks to find out someone you cared about is not who you thought they were, but please do the right thing.

  50. Child porn doesn’t exist. Porn is the depiction of sex. Children can’t consent to sex, so what he is watching is the rape and assault of children. That’s not child porn; that’s child abuse images and videos.

  51. So, in my college days, I did a what initially started as satire turned serious research paper on fetishistes. While socially and morally a mental illness, scientifically, it is a fetish. And one disturbing factor in this regard is that a fetish can't be initially controlled, it is something in grained into a person either from trauma or generically inherited. However, comma, just like any other person out there, you can learn to control these "urges" and suppress them (like a gay guy can go to a men's dressing room and not try to make a move on any guy in there) or keep them in context (like a girl into bondage doesn't get turned on being arrested by police because it means they are in true trouble bs the "trouble" in bed)

  52. Report him NOW. You aren't destroying his life, he's destroyed his own life by contributing to the abuse and re-victimization of all of those young, innocent girls. It doesn't matter that he said he would "never touch or harm a child", because a) he's already harming a child through his actions and b), there is a 100% chance that if he's not stopped now, he will one day start touching children. If you had a young daughter, would you want him around her despite knowing how much of a vile monster he is? Would you still be concerned about "destroying" his life? I certainly hope not. As far as I'm concerned, pedophiles do not deserve any amount of empathy or kindness because they are actual monsters walking around in human skin. The only option for dealing with a pedophile is the nuclear option: spreading the word to everyone they know and more importantly, to the proper authorities.

  53. Ur a even better person because a good amount of pedophiles take advantage of thier own family even thier own kids. Children are everywhere and they need to be protected from as many sickos as possible, please listen to ur humanity

  54. Please report them. If he has children, those kids won't be safe. If he has family or friends who have young children, those kids are not safe. Not to mention he possesses media in which kids that aren't safe are shown. Please report him.

  55. Being a pedophile doesn't make you a criminal. But having child pornography does. If I was you and he was my friend I'd talk to him and ask him to delete all of that stuff and go seek counseling. I'd give him the chance to improve before reporting him.

  56. He’s married even though he’s attracted to little girls exclusively because he will probably have children and abuse them if nothing gets in between his course of action. You need to report him. Don’t be afraid about destroying his life when he supports the lives of children being harmed by possessing media of child abuse.

  57. “I want to report him but then I would probably destroy his life” his life deserves to be destroyed. By being quiet you are being complicit. This children in the pornographic material that he owns? Their lives are destroyed. Do the right thing.

  58. Children in those videos have been harmed. To watch child porn is to watch the active harming and damaging of a child.

  59. Really tough to do to a friend, and I can understand the argument that he can’t decide who he is attracted to. But having the videos is 100% illegal and highly highly wrong on every level. You should report it.

  60. He was testing the waters. Seeing what his friend will let him get away with and stay his friend. See if he could spin this and keep you. Take it as a wake up call. This is someone who KNOWS they are doing something wrong and is likely contemplating doing something else wrong (something he's likely classified as a bigger wrong). He is hoping either a) you'll be into it and he'll have an accomplice or at the least someone willing to validate his fucked up acts (an enabler), or b) you'll turn a blind eye and be silent (pass no judgement) while staying his friend. At most he deems you safe enough to confide in (he doesn't think you you would stand up to him and/or report him).

  61. Possessing the images/videos is a crime for exactly the reason you said. He consumes a product which incentives people to create it thus hurting children. Think of those poor children in the images/videos too. Theyve been abused and your friend is using heartless enough to see that and enjoy it.

  62. REPORT HIM IMMEDIATELY!! Every single one of those kids in those awful videos are being abused and by downloading it and having it, he is DIRECTLY contributing to their abuse - fuck that “at least I don’t lay hands on them” shit! They literally abuse kids for assholes like your friend! Report him.

  63. He may have told you because he wants someone else to report it to the authorities because he’s too much of a coward to do it himself. You know what you need to do, report him or you’re part of the problem.

  64. You'd destroy his life? He's destroying the lives of the children who are being abused for his pleasure. This is sick and you're sick if you do nothing about it. Sorry not sorry. He's victimizing children by downloading those images. Stop acting like CP is victimless.

  65. Being a pedophile is not in and of itself a bad thing as long as you never act on it. But your friend has acted on it. He has harmed children. He is directly causing harm to minors by creating demand for a product that should never have existed in the first place, but continues to exist and be produced because of people like him who buy/use it. Please, please, please report your friend. Maybe there is some hope for him, and he can get help and learn to control his urges, and be a better person in the future. But he is not controlling his urges right now, and you have a duty to protect the children that he has already contributed to victimizing/might victimize in the future. If you want to, you can tell him that you're not abandoning him, and that you will support him in getting help (if you mean it, of course,) but you need to report him either way. Please. Do the right thing.

  66. Do it. Ruin his life before he does it to a child’s life. Maybe more. Maybe he already has. It is true that there is no cure for pedophilia and unless he is seeing a therapist about this he may act on it if he is allowed the chance.

  67. Dude, call the cops and tell them what you know. HE WILL GRADUATE TO HARMING KIDS ESPECIALLY SINCE HE ALREADY HAS CP. Call the fucking cops, ask to speak to a detective, tell them they need to get his hard drives NOW. Those kids are fucking enslaved. Do this NOW. He is already destroying children’s lives by owning child porn, so why do you care about his life? What about all the little girls he is hurting? Don’t their lives matter? Answer me THAT.

  68. You have to report him. Yes, it will likely destroy his life but you could also be keeping the lives of several young girls from being destroyed. I’m sorry you’re in such a bad position but you have a moral obligation here.

  69. Ya my mom and all of her family did the same thing for her brother. Just you know trusted him and kept their opinions to themselves… And sure I was never touched by my uncle but I sure was touched a lot by his kids. There were multiple ways she abused me- her favorite being putting chapstick on me and “cleaning it off” for me. Even at 27 years old the only person who believes me is my sister who also had it done to her. Now none of my family will speak to me- I’m alone for speaking my truth. My life was ruined for speaking my truth…. And I didn’t even do anything wrong. I was the victim and I got exiled from my family. So ya. Maybe you should do the right thing un like my family and so many others.

  70. This happened to us. A family friend was found to have thousands of photos, videos etc on his devices. Police swooped when he used his credit card to direct a video in another country using a three year old girl. He was sentenced to 9 1/2 yrs in prison, as he was found guilty of also sexually assaulting and grooming a young girl over a period of years. This person had grown up with my sons and was like one of the family. It has been very difficult and traumatic for all concerned but even more so for the innocent victims, who will probably never be identified and will live with their trauma forever. Make that call, anonymously if you need to. Society needs to stamp this vile abuse, out.

  71. First of all, you’re not going anything to destroy his life. So stop giving a shit about that. Law enforcement (Aka THE FEDS) will catch him anyway, so what’s the damn difference? The only one who is responsible for NOT throwing his life away, is him. So if you feel responsible for “ruining his life” you need to get that shit out of your head right now.

  72. Possessing those videos is a crime because IT DOES create a market for "those people". Your friend is causing child sexual abuse and sexual trafficking. This is a fact.

  73. Look, I get you don't want to destroy his life. But eventually, he will destroy the lives of children. He already has contributed simply by owning the pictures. Pedophiles escalate. It's sad, but true.

  74. Very sad situation. As someone with mental illnesses, OCD, autism, social anxiety, I am torn at what would be the right response. How about this:

  75. The fact that you even posted this instead of immediately reporting it to the proper authorities suggests that you’re not a mandated reporter. Even so, you need to understand that it is a felony to possess CSAM (a.k.a. “child pornography”) in the US or to even access it in Canada (where it’s also a crime to not report someone for possession/access of CSAM).

  76. If you have ever been exposed to the lives they destroy you wouldn't be hesitating to turn him in. IM NOT JOKING AT ALL. Tell the authorities! Tell the authorities! Tell the fucking authorities! TELL THE AUTHORITIES!! TELL THE AUTHORITIES!!!!!!

  77. I think it's important to note even though HE may not harm a child, the people producing the CP definitely are. I know there is unfortunately a huge market for CP, but if there wasn't a market for it (including your friend) there would likely not be nearly as many children being exploited to create this type of content. He is still involving himself in the sexual exploitation of children, whether he is the one who is physically harming them, or just supporting those who do.

  78. He has already hurt a child/children by even possessing and watching those videos! It’s only a matter of time until he actually does physically harm a child. Report him asap!

  79. Even if he isn't touching live children, children were abused to make the porn he is looking at. He's just as responsible.

  80. Dude if you don't report him in way that'll get him caught. He'll hurt a little girl one day. Part of that will be on you. They only way he'll seek out help is if he's gets court-mandated to do so.

  81. Who cares if it ruins his life. He’s already a paedophile, he’s doing a disgusting and disgraceful illegal thing so yes you should call the police and yes you should get him punished before it goes any further. And I think you should talk to his girlfriend for sure as she definitely deserves to know!!!

  82. I was going to support you, but the fact that he owns CP means he must be reported. It doesn't matter if he produced it, simply possessing it harms children. It wouldn't exist if there weren't a market for it. I'm sorry, but it has to be done. I hope he can find help somewhere.

  83. I had a friend confess in pretty much the same manner. I waited a year, then turned him in. A year felt long enough that he didn't link it to me, he thought he slipped up and got busted. This was roughly 6 or 7 years ago. He showed me photos I wish I could delete from my head. I believe he got 15 years.

  84. I’d report him, children were injured and abused to make those vids. He’s a disgusting human being. Then I’d close down that friendship quicker than u can say ‘he should be in prison’…

  85. Having images of children being sexually abused (I don't call it porn because it isn't, it's illegal sexual abuse of a child) makes him part of the pedophile community and he NEEDS to be reported. If he is still your friend then you are part of the problem. I know that may sound harsh but for each image he has, somebody was sexually abusing a child, someone's son, daughter, grandchild and so on. You don't know that in the near future, no matter how much he says he's not going to abuse a child, you don't know for sure he wouldn't and by not reporting him, you then become part of the abuse. NEVER protect a pedophile, they don't deserve to be protected but every child needs to be protected from them. Report him.

  86. I am in agreement with everyone here. The owning of child p*rn is a line crossed OP. That's how you know he needs to be reported to authorities.

  87. Ultimately you can worry about “ruining” his life. An adult man who has chosen to possess these images, or you can turn away from the countless innocent lives ruined because of people like him. Innocent children who don’t get a choice. It’s not CHILD PORNOGRAPHY. It’s proof of child ABUSE. Their lives are ruined through absolutely no fault of their own, by no decision made at their hands.

  88. My father’s best friend molested me and my sister as children. My dad didn’t believe his friend could do such a thing because he “looked him in the eye and he promised he would never touch a child”. A few years later he was in jail for having sex with a 12 y/o girl.

  89. In the US each image of CP is counted for charges, not as a whole. The reason being, just like you state, that even possessing CP creates a market for those sick a-holes.

  90. He won't do it...until he has the perfect opportunity and jumps on it and another little girl has to suffer. This dude is not your friend. He's a life destroyer. As soon as you see him for that, you can do what needs to be done.

  91. it isn’t a question about whether you want to report him, but being in possession of this knowledge makes you culpable in his crime if you do not report him. Possessing child porn is an act of abuse to those children in that porn. Do not support it

  92. I had the same thing happen to me except he didn’t tell me. He was caught and it was blasted on the news we were both 22 years old and went to high school together. He was one of my closest friends before I found this out. He was talking to a cop on some creepy perverted site on the dark web pretending to be a 15 year old boy. To meet for Sex. Honestly the best thing is to report him. He says he won’t act on it but he will. If an opportunity ever presents itself with him he will take it. I didn’t cry over the loss of my friend. I cried over the loss of who I thought he was. But who is is and who he claimed to be were two completely different people.

  93. Child porn is not victimless. Having those videos DOES create a market whereupon more children are preyed upon for more production. That's why its illegal and punished so harshly: It encourages the victimization of the most innocent members of our society. I appreciate that his attraction is not controllable and that he wouldn't choose it, but acting upon it in any way whether by indirect victimization video consumption or direct victimization is horrific. These children will be affected for the rest of their lives.

  94. In my state if you even suspect child abuse you are legally required to report it to authorities.

  95. He is hurting children by watching cp, not directly, but someone had to hurt and touch those children to make cp. Please report him. He is ruining his own life by doing thism

  96. Just because he said he hasn’t and “vowed” to you he would never doesn’t even mean he hasn’t already. If he has stooped to the point of owning/possessing Child P then he may have already. In my opinion he had to of done it already which drove him to seek out and download that content. He’s no friend to you he the worst type of thief there is. The type of thief that steals a child’s childhood, identity, etc. I’m speaking from personal experience. I have been hurt in many ways throughout life but my earliest memory is being in my crib standing hanging onto the rails and someone coming the room is dark and the door is half open with the hall light on. The person enters the room and I always remember how afraid I was but once the door closes it goes blank.

  97. As someone who was raped and being molested while filming me from ages 5 to 9 (along with my younger brother as our assailant didn't care about gender)

  98. OP, I think your friend wants to be stopped and/or caught. This is why you were told. You have a responsibility now to help stop him from hurting innocent children. Please be brave. Do the right thing. Good luck and thank you in advance. If you have a part in stopping him, you will be a hero.

  99. A fun 10 minute “harmless” interaction he has with a child could damage that child for life. Like me and all the other people commenting- don’t him the chance to do it. He will act on his “attraction” at some point… and the poor little girl he does this on will have to be in therapy for years if not the rest of their life. Don’t let him.

  100. I guess i would ask how he “made sure.” Cause thats some bs. I think him telling people about his “kink” is him slowly getting more comfortable with it. If he can talk about it openly who knows where his “boundaries” will expand to. You know what you have to do OP

  101. Please, Please report this person to the police, even if it is anonymously. Even the act of reporting makes a big difference because he will be investigated, the stuff (hopefully) found, and where the CP originated from will also be investigated and hopefully shut down. He has ruined his life by making the choices he has made. You can potentially save a lot of children by reporting.

  102. He has to be reported-if he hasn’t already he’ll sooner or later abuse, rape, molest, sodomise a child- you said it yourself, he has stuff if kids being abused, how long before he joins the ranks of those acting their impulses? You’ll be saving a lit of potential vics OP

  103. If you do not report this to the authorities and they discover that he has told you about this, you will be charged as an accessory to child pornography. The sentence is prison time and a lifelong sex offender registry.

  104. Your friend likes to watch babies/toddlers/young girls get raped & torchered & you’re dithering about what you should do?? Encourage him to hang himself the dirty nonce & you, hang your head in shame for even wondering if you should keep his dirty secret!!

  105. You don’t want to destroy his life? He did it to himself. You need to report him before he destroys a child’s life too. If you’re so concerned about your friendship then put in an anonymous tip.

  106. If he possesses those types of images he is already harming children. Please turn him in to protect children and give him a possibility of getting away from thinking having CP is an ok thing to have.

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