Told My BF I was considering sw.

  1. Sorry OP, but yes, this was something you should have told him before you got to the point of placing an ad. I understand that you are in a desperate circumstance, there’s nothing wrong with exploring sex work as an option and it’s the reason many many people have found financial security. But it’s dangerous, criminalized, and stigmatized, and rightly or not most people in a monogamous dynamic will see it as a violation of the relationship terms.

  2. I know. I didn't see it at the time, based on the simple idea that I was going to tell him as soon as my fact finding pursuit was accomplished. I now know how much I disregarded his input, feelings, and trust. What's more is I didn't give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm hoping it's still salvageable but he is not convinced that I didn't see anyone. I didn't. I never would have without discussing it. Hence why I told him yesterday.

  3. General rule of thumb, if you are thinking of entering any kind of SW with a partner, it needs to be discussed with your partner. I understand that you're in a tight financial spot, but honestly, SW costs a lot of money in the beginning if you don't already have everything for it.

  4. What you are looking for here is closure for the breakup, but we cannot give you that, only he can. Perhaps you are leaving out some details and that's fine, but it sounds like he didn't lose his temper over it and yall didnt have a big fight or something - he just ended it peacefully and frankly that is good enough closure.

  5. I can’t really blame the guy. If my partner did that to me it would be absolutely over and there would be no coming back from that or saving the relationship.

  6. Why didn’t you ask him to help you out? Do you know he has the money? I was homeless and living in a tent and asked everyone I could for help before I turned to sex work so I am just wondering why you chose sex work as your first option and he was wondering the same.

  7. Please be careful. It’s not as simple as putting an ad up. Are you screening? Make sure you have some sort of mentor. Or friend. I really think you should talk to your bf before just putting an ad up

  8. Why do y’all think sex workers are just rolling in the dough right now? Have you ignored all the posts about things being super slow right now?? This is not the business to get in right now if you need quick cash. Keep your jobs and ask for a raise

  9. How did this conversation not come on? I told my girlfriend as soon as i even started thinking about getting a part time job. How do you not tell him you are thinking about a new job. And even more important a sex job? Or that you start making an ad.

  10. Yeah that doesn't float well. I have always made my SO know that if she ever needed Financial support, I am the primary source for that always. It should have never gotten to the point where you posted the ad unless you knew he couldn't help. Everyone has different situations and we all know it's tough but I wish you the best of luck.

  11. You could've asked him to do videos with you on pornhub or onlyfans. Still sex work and you'd stay true to each other. I would've dumped you in this situation.

  12. Obviously we don’t know the full scope of your relationship but reading your post this sounds like an opportunity for you both to have a more open conversation about your vulnerabilities and could bring you closer together if you’re both willing to do the emotional work. Putting the will you, won’t you of SW aside, it reads like his concerns are more about why didn’t you feel comfortable coming to him in the first place. To me this reads as him feeling upset that you didn’t feel like you could come to him for help before doing something a large majority of people view as “bad” and now that you’ve started the conversation you both have the chance to unpack that. It makes sense that he might have been shocked and initially needed to walk away to have some time to think, but if you love him him and want to try to fix the relationship I’d, pause or take down my ad, tell him You love him and that he can take some time but when/ if he’s ready that you want to talk and try to not only repair but advance your relationship. It sounds fixable to me- and sex work may or may not be the right choice for you, but is an aside to what’s happening here. Personally I can understand your reasoning for not sharing at first, and if you were my partner I’d forgive you and try to work it out. Sending good vibes your way. I hope everything works out for you and him and that together you find a solution to your financial struggles- whether it involves sex work or not. Xxxx

  13. Update: My man is the bees knees. Sure he made me sweat. I panicked and was heart broken for a couple days. Met for a drink last night and it turned into sleeping at his place, in his arms. We aren't talking about it yet. Seems like he needed some time and space. I didn't provide that respite very well. Blew up his phone for a day and a half. Oops. Fingers crossed. We may just make it outta here intact. Thank you everyone for your thoughts- especially the kind ones. You guys rock. You wrote thoughtfully. You took real time out of your day to help me through this... Thank you.. Truly.. And to the majority of opinions that chastised me, thank you too. I deserved a bit of (stranger)fueled vitriol. To the couple of people who told me to go fuck myself; hope yall have a real good day too. You need it. Besos!

  14. You should have told him simply because you should be telling your partner about life changes especially if they can affect him too (physical health and whatnot)

  15. To be fair, I was always going to tell him. I told him hours after it went up. Once I saw the response and saw it actually up on line. I never risked his physical health, but I most certainly risked his mental health.

  16. Sorry to say but he’s the wrong guy for you Luv. The right guy wouldn’t sit there and watch you struggle working 3 jobs, you wouldn’t have to ask for his help. And would support you in what every you decide to do. So probably a blessing in disguise’s. Bet of luck to you!

  17. agreed! it makes no logical sense to be struggling if you’re in a relationship w a man. if he truly loved her he would’ve never even let the situation get this bad.

  18. You’re working 3 jobs, picking up extra shifts, plus you have a child… and dating a man who is watching you do all of this and knowingly does not help you?

  19. My child comes first. Always. I have 50/ 50 custody. I am unable to keep this particular roof over our heads. 300 for an hour v 300 for a day was well within the realm of possibility until it came time to let him in on my secret fact finding endeavors. As for his reaction, and his contributions, he has been generous with his time, with his emotional support, love, laughter, everything. He was offering his home for a month or two in between. He is a fun, intelligent, uniquely irresistible (I mean, I can't get enough of him- never felt like this) man. I should have spoken to him beforehand; not after. Plain and simple.

  20. You need to put yourself first. What is more important, your relationship with this boyfriend or your self-preservation? You come first, and so does your safety and financial stability

  21. You'll attract someone naturally who will accept you for who you are if you look hard enough. Each decision we make comes with consequences. Don't feel so bad about this situation, accept what has happened and try to have positive energy going forward. Positive energy will attract more positive events, while keeping in a negative/depressed state will only attract more of that in your life.

  22. As a dude who works three jobs to support a big family, I wouldnt have been angry about this. The world is pretty fucking rough. All you did was explore possibilities for getting through it a bit easier. I feel like it's a bit privileged to automatically say you were in the wrong when you didnt even try to actually go through with it before discussing with the bf. Sometimes we have to get creative to survive.

  23. Fuck that. Your life, your body. He doesn’t own you. You probably should have talked to him earlier, but that’s just childish if he’s willing to walk just because you were contemplating doing sw… man child.

  24. Tbh if she has a kid ,is working multiple, escorts on the side and still can’t make a living wage then her boyfriend dodged a bullet. She’s going to be a financial burden on him for the rest of his life. Also he then has to raise another man’s baby. There’s plenty of fish in the sea, he can find something better.

  25. I personally couldn't imagine what kind of mindset leads to someone abandoning a relationship over sex work that came about from financial desperation. I mean, would they rather their partner lose everything? Be homeless? Or are they pissed that they missed an opportunity for their partner to become dependent on them for survival?

  26. I agree, obviously our position is not popular. 🤔 I think if she had actually met with a client without talking about it, that could be dicey, but I think OP has every right to explore whatever she wants in her mind and even to take logical steps to see how comfortable she feels doing it. And I’m pretty much monogamous in theory. lol

  27. I think you're being downvoted because it sounds like you don't understand why OP would risk her relationship for sw at first. Upon more careful reading, I see that you mean you don't understand the bf for leaving a woman who had to turn to sw for survival.

  28. On the contrary. I think you should go for it! It sucks you lost your boyfriend but it’s not like he was helping you get out of the situation anyways. I will tell you as a sex worker I’ve never made more money in my life! It’s been amazing not having to work three jobs anymore or struggle. The feeling of not having to tell my son no we can’t get that because mommy doesn’t have any money is The best feeling in the world. I make an a matter of hours what it used to take me two weeks to make at a day job. These gentlemen take you to nice dinners and buy you expensive gifts. I say go for it!

  29. I know. I didn't see it as such at the time of posting the ad. I very much do now. I always planned on telling him. And I did just after it went Live But too little too late...

  30. It wasn't a first option. I dont ask for help. I am stubborn and independent and I figured I could cameo in sw for a week. Not ask this man I am wildly in love with to loan me 2k. I don't know. I really don't know. We haven't officially broken up. But it doesn't look good.

  31. You’ll sleep with strangers for cash but you can’t ask the man that you’re already fucking and madly in love with to help you with 2k to keep a roof over your head?!

  32. At least you told him At the start instead of when its up and running but for him to just walk seems like his lose for something so small . I'd say if youre still thinking about doing it you're going to struggle to find a partner as you can see, it takes a confident secure guy to be there. When I started I told my partner and see was fine with especially when I explained how it was helping me through some demons. Good luck if you decide to try this community is very forthcoming and helpful

  33. The grass is always greener. I was in a similar situation this year and made an ad myself before going to my partner. My anxiety is terrible so the odds I’d go through with it are very low but I still made the ad and approached him after. He didn’t care at all and for some reason it broke my heart. Not a “babe don’t do that to yourself we’ll figure this out” or anything. Just chuckled about it and went back to playing the game. I hope everything works out for you and you get whatever closure you’re currently looking for. You’ll get through this

  34. No, you didn’t post identifying information but I’ve removed a couple of your posts already for being really, really inappropriate. I’d hoped you’d get the idea, but apparently not. Stop being such a creeper, dude. (See post history)

  35. What you did is fine. You told him before anything happened and he got upset because it wasn't perfect enough for him. You did not cheat on him. You didn't even interact with anyone. You're fine.

  36. I don’t think you’re wrong, also, I don’t think you have to get approval from anyone to live your life. Working 3 jobs and barely getting by is no way to live. Oh, and you could offer cuddle therapy also. When I got back from Iraq I was pretty messed up. Saw an ad on Craigslist for cuddle therapy. I used to go once a week for a 90 minute session.

  37. If OP is in a monogamous relationship and her BF thinks that she's only sleeping with him, it's horrible for her to sleep with someone else whether she's being paid or not. I feel like he was way too quick with his decision and that he could have tried to be more understanding, but lying to your partner is a recipe for disaster

  38. If your boyfriend doesnt help you dump him, only a loser would see his gal suffer and not step up and be a man. Do whats beneficial for you only. Believe me plenty of fish in the sea and its better to cry in a yacht then in a broken down ass apt for a loser just saying

  39. Sounds to me like OP wasn’t letting her BF know she was struggling, by her own replies. You can’t help someone that doesn’t know you’re in trouble. Even the original post says he doesn’t understand why she didn’t ask him for help. Everyone hating on this guy for not helping her but sounds like that was her own fault.

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