My fiancé won't have sex with me if I get the vaccine.

  1. Sounds like your fiancé has fallen down the Q hole. Would be a total dealbreaker for me. Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. There is no “investment” in a bad relationship. Don’t throw good years after bad

  2. This is one of the most important lessons to learn. Being together for X years does not make your relationship more valuable, it might make a breakup harder, but it does not help to make incompatible persons compatible all of a sudden. People often view breaking up as a kind of failure, but in reality it is often an improvement and far more likely to result in a net positive than investing more energy into a failed relationship that can't make you happy.

  3. The guy can't hold a job either. Dude was a loser before covid. I wouldn't marry anyone that gets fired all the time. Add the whack job Q stuff and he would be an ex-fiancé.

  4. That’s a long post by OP, I only read a wee bit of it. If OP wants children , she needs to find a new partner, because these 2 people are incapable of raising a child together

  5. Oof, I'm sorry to hear your story. Yes this is a sink cost fallacy. You've got more of the same and worse in your future if you stay together. While the vaccine pay is enough of a reason for me personally, honestly that bit about planning to move abroad and then he vetoed it last minute is all you need to know. You're suffocating under his authority

  6. Sure but also, it sounds like he always sucked. OP, you should dump this guy even if he recovers from the conspiracy theory stuff, he will still be a selfish parasite.

  7. What about future kids getting vaccinated? And then when you have your future divorce will he stand in the way of proper medical care of the children if he has sat in their healthcare? You gotta play this tape through to the end OP.

  8. Oh my god OP, your Heart is way to good. Pleased, leave him. He doesnt respect you, he isnt putting the work in either, your relationship, nor his job situation. He is going nuts and it will only become worse over time. If He further adapts the way of thinking when it comes to their partners like his family, you would be in for a wild ride I can tell you that much.

  9. I agree. The length and detail of your post shows your attentiveness to every detail. I think he doesn’t appreciate you and how much you think about him and your future.

  10. Yeah, I know she didn't really go into detail much on it but I really don't see the trade off or really much of any benefit in this guy. What is OP even getting out of this as a positive? It's not like he sounds nice but for 1 thing, this is basically a massive list of terrible details. Crazy beliefs restricting your activities, no job and no willingness to compromise on why that happens (realize you're not sharing responsibility in the relationship), not willing to see a therapist or get help even you ask, misogynist family background and seemingly adopted traits, she's stated she's actually scared of him which you presumably don't want in a relationship, and the total lack of respect (he doesn't care what she thinks, he will always be right). I mean the fact that he tanked her move would likely be a deal breaker to me; he forced you to put in all this work and build yourself up, just to last minute turn patriarch and pull a stop to everything? I'm sorry but that shouldn't be his decision to make. He had half a year to say something, voice alternatives, try and find a middle ground, or at least make the cancelation easier. Instead he sat back privileged with not needing to care but make all the important decisions. How does he think he's earned that right? In my opinion he seems to think he's entitled to it, that he is the final arbiter in her life simply by being him (probably thinks it's because he's the man)

  11. I am not sure what YOU would be jeopardizing in this relationship that is so clearly one-sided. You know, deep down, what you need to do. Listen to those instincts and cut out this dead weight. Free yourself from this dysfunctional dynamic. Even without the Q tendencies that he is exhibiting, what positive traits does he bring to this relationship? Even more important, it sounds like his anger is escalating. Don't invest MORE of your time, energy and tears on this man!!

  12. He’s seriously seriously mentally ill. Sounds like it’s progressing. You can go to Montreal without him. He doesn’t sound safe at all. His panic attacks, widening distance from reality… You’re allowing his paranoia, possibly psychosis, to control your life and future. I’m so sorry this is happening, it must be so confusing and heartbreaking, but you HAVE to take care of yourself - especially in light of your health issues. You probably know that stress is bad for illness. And I’m really worried about your safety. People who have fallen down this rabbit hole, when they feel threatened justify committing violence to - in their minds - protect themselves. You cannot save him. Save yourself. Good luck.

  13. Not to mention the blatant financial abuse in this relationship. I see an emotional, financial abuser that is slowly working his way up to physical abuse. op join us over at

  14. You might think "should I throw 11yrs away?" But actually look at it from the otherside - do you want to commit another 40years?

  15. Not just that you CAN do better, but that you DESERVE better. Everyone deserves a devoted partner that fights for them, but you have to fight for yourself too. Don’t people-please yourself into the ground. No one’s self-worth is worth trading in your own for, even if you love them. You’re worth being cared for too.

  16. You HAVE to get out of this relationship before it drives you into an early grave. He is not thinking of your health, only his asinine beliefs. He is willing to sacrifice your life for his misinformation. This alone makes me feel like it’s not worth salvaging the relationship. Save yourself.

  17. I came here looking for this post. His behavior is mentally and emotionally abusive, and it’s continuing to deteriorate. He is probably suffering from depression and it appears it’s contributing to a growing dependence on alcohol.

  18. So many people have posted to this sub with sad stories about their marriages and families being ripped apart because their spouses became Q cultists. You are lucky to be getting a preview before it ruins your life.

  19. Wow, that is a lot. I think you know the answer here but are suffering the "sunk cost" fallacy of having already "put in 11 years." Flip that on its head; yes you "already" invested 11 years into creating a lifelong bond.....BUT if things never change...never "get better" are you comfortable committing the next 50 years of your life to this same misery?

  20. A man/woman who makes no income and isn’t committed to working, can’t keep a job but promises millions in future-crypto-money is a red flag. Like a new version of someone who says they “hustle” for cash, rather than working (usually living with parents, unemployed, substance abusers) who are too lazy to just get a damn job.

  21. The crypto stuff might be the saddest bit in all of this. He missed the bubble by a couple years, and it's never coming back IMO

  22. You are in an abusive relationship and leaving will be the hardest but best thing. Consider seeking out a counselor, 11 years is a lot to unpack and you’ll need support. You don’t owe him anything. I wish you the best.

  23. Run fast, run far. I left an abusive (and your bf is abusive) ex after almost 10 years together, and aye, it was difficult but I dread to think where I'd be now if I'd just stayed with him as it was the easy option. Go. Soon as

  24. He is abusive. He is a leech. He is an idiot. He shows you no love, compassion or understanding. He is literally sucking the life out of you.

  25. You said it better than I did. It’s a huge problem that he has brainwashed her into accepting a double standard. Their relationship sounds so unequal. Why is she expected to support both of them? Why is it okay for him not to work? Why is she offering him a place to live rent free?

  26. To me it sounds like you have already gone above and beyond to make things work. I guess the real question and the only thing that matters is does being with this person despite everything still make you happy? Only you know the answer to that🤷🏻‍♂️

  27. I’m sorry that life has taught you to expect so little and to work so hard to be rejected over and over again by the one you love. This is severely dysfunctional and you are taking all the punches while he coasts free from consequences.

  28. Why can't I find women who will just give me loads of cash? Every woman Ive ever been with has been poor as a church mouse.

  29. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Would you want to raise kids with this person? You don’t have to. Don’t waste another year living like this.

  30. You’re in an abusive relationship. You owe it to yourself to get out. By staying you are enabling him. The yelling, the irrational thinking, the inability to hold a job - is that really what you want for yourself and your future? You have done what you can. Cut your losses and move on. And stop apologising for taking care of yourself, for choosing yourself and your own happiness. Stop making excuses for him. He’s a loser. An angry, unemployed, irrational loser. Why on earth would you even WANT to have sex with someone like that? You can do so much better.

  31. Ignoring everything else (and wow there's like a million reasons to leave this guy) if his plan for your financial future is gambling on crypto, run. He sounds like an entitled man-baby.

  32. Jeopardize 11 years? How about do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone susceptible to conspiracy theories. There always will be more of them to latch on to.

  33. You don't actually like or respect each other, you just can't tell because you're so deeply invested. In a couple of years, after you've recovered from the grief, you'll see all the red flags you missed.

  34. Run. Leave now. He’s gone off the deep end. Any life you have with him will be a nightmare of conspiracies, paranoia, and control.

  35. You know what you have to do, you just don’t fully want to admit it to yourself yet. You need to end this completely and find someone who actually respects you and doesn’t expect you to put yourself in danger just to be able to have sex with him. You will never see eye to eye on this, and this is probably just the tip of the iceberg with his beliefs.

  36. This is a perfect opportunity to part ways. You can enjoy being single and eventually finding someone healthy and stable.

  37. Omg. Your health is so bad that you haven't been able to have social in person interaction for 3yrs and are still the main breadwinner.

  38. Oh my. You deserve so much better! I would be single for the rest of my life instead of staying with someone so obviously incompatible and seemingly insane.

  39. Girl, I'm dizzy already just reading this. You guys aren't even married and look at all the problems you have. Yes, it's 11 years , but 11 years is still less than the rest of your life. You have already had to carry him financially for 11 years and Now add all the Q stupidity. RUN

  40. Just get the vaccine. If he doesnt like it, he can kick rocks. Dont endanger yourself for someone elses stupid conspiracy bullshit

  41. please run, there's a good chance he'll continue to get worse and you will become less and less safe

  42. You need to think about your future. Endless red flags between him and his family. You aren’t crazy and he has gone down a terrible rabbit hole.

  43. Great point about the family. This guy isn’t going to think anything he is doing is wrong. Sounds as if the whole family is misogynistic.

  44. About the crypto part, if he hasn’t gotten in on it early on (7yrs ago) and that too into Bitcoin only there is no money to be made anymore. If he thinks he is entering the space now invest in some random coins and become a millionaire he is delusional and doesn’t understand the space.

  45. It seems like you know what you need to do. I know the “break up” advice comes thick and fast on reddit but I mean … what would it take for him to change to be the person he needs to be in order for it to be a reciprocal relationship?

  46. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who values his misguided delusion (and that's what it is, about the vaccine) over your very life?

  47. " he has anger problems when drinking" this alone should be enough to reconsider the whole relationship but you won't. You've fallen for the sunk- cost fallacy of this relationship.

  48. Do NOT MARRY this TURD! Imagine what life is like if you do get married and you are LEGALLY bound to this man, his debt, etc.

  49. You need to leave. Can you imagine the rest of your life with someone like this ? He’s getting worse, so it’ll be this madness times ten. Imagine having a child grow up in this environment ?

  50. Do yourself a favor. Leave. Find someone sane. It’s never going to get better. I am so much happier after my divorce from my ex-wife who believes all this crap.

  51. It sounds like unfortunately your fiancée has untreated mental health issues. If he is unable/unwilling to acknowledge them and seek treatment or consult a psychologist, can’t see this ending well?

  52. OP, you sound so smart and resourceful. Leave this guy and meet yourself. I have a feeling you will really enjoy your own company and will feel sorry it took you so long to find it. Get your vaccine TODAY in order to show him your resolve and get this separation started. Start investing all this time and patience on YOURSELF starting now. Go out and find friends that will support you and a man that truly deserves you.

  53. You’re not an asshole. You need a break from this person. You need 6-12 months apart and good therapy and then you need to make the decision if you want to stay with this person.

  54. Get the shot and just don't tell him. Honestly it takes seconds and it's not like they tattoo it on your arm after they do it. There's literally no way he will know unless you tell him.

  55. My first response was going to be, just get it and don't tell him, your life could literally depend on it with your health issues. But, then I read the rest of the post and it sounds like this clown has more red flags than a carnival tent. Get out. I don't know you, but can tell just from reading this, you deserve much better.

  56. Sister, I'm going to give you some tough love. You're barely thirty, you have a whole life ahead of you, don't throw it away for a jobless, conspiracy loving, abusive ass who makes no effort to better himself. You said it yourself, he only wants to stay with you because he has gotten comfortable and wants you to continue supporting and taking care of him. Basically he wants a mommy, but in a more socially acceptable way. He even withholds affection when you have a different opinion. Move out and cut him loose. He will not get better

  57. Get out of that relationship now before it becomes a lot more expensive to leave him. Every paragraph of this post is a parade of red flags.

  58. Hello OP, I’m from Quebec and I live the exact same experience as you at the moment. I’m (45m) and she is 42f and won’t have sex with me either because I’m vaccinated. She is using the exact same stuff that your boyfriend. The whole cabale of conspiracies bull sh it.

  59. OP, you need to be able to trust your husband’s judgment. When you’re married, this is a person who will be responsible for caring for your children and making medical decisions for you if you are unable. You don’t need to agree on everything, but you need to know his mind is fundamentally sound.

  60. Hey there. I know you've gotten a lot of good advice, but I wanted to say straight out that this is abuse. I don't know where you are (I know you mentioned moving to Montreal), but in the US, we have

  61. Echoing everyone’s comments. But I do not know why you are obligated to let him live rent free and inflict him on your dad. And pay to set him up. That’s ridiculous. If he’s “the man” he needs to man up and get a job. But it’s sounding like he’s a man-baby.

  62. Q aside, why do you even want to be with a man that has provided next to nothing your entire relationship. He can’t and won’t hold a job, dropped out of school, thinks he will “mAkE iT bIg” in crypto, and is just generally pissing his life away.

  63. If you want a loving, stable adult relationship in your life, it's pretty clear this guy ain't it. He is incapable of it. He can't keep a job. He can't accept adult responsibilities. He is delusional. He is abusive and manipulative. He can't discuss things in a rational manner and come to a fair compromise. He is not a functional adult, he is three toddlers in a trench coat. Actually, three toddlers would probably be less work.

  64. You need to get out of this relationship, but you also need a safety plan in place. These people have a history of resorting to violence. You may need to basically hide from him, and certainly make sure you have people and finances to support you.

  65. It might be time to cut your losses and walk. I found out way too late that the person I thought was "The One" was not who I thought she was. We'd been together in one form or another since we were kids, and, well... I don't even know. Don't make my mistake. You're only 32. You've got so much time. Don't waste it on a guy that wants to control your life.

  66. Maybe I should have read your last paragraph... you definitely need to leave. You are his enabler and his emotional punching bag. You have justified his anger while drinking. You may not see it, but you are the victim of a toxic, abusive relationship and should have used that move moment as your escape. It's still not too late. You are questioning the time vested... that is irrelevant when you have to consider safety.

  67. You have never been in another relationship, so you have nothing to compare this to, and I know you have no reason to believe internet strangers but here goes: you two are incompatible life partners. The vaccine and crypto drama are just symptoms of a bigger issue. For the last decade, you have identified gaps in the way you manage your careers, education, health, budget, sex life and housing. And every single time, you have caved in, letting him get his way, no matter how unreasonable. You will never be happy, successful or at peace while your lives are tied together.

  68. I’m not reading all of that. But your bf is def qanon and you should leave him and live your life without a nutcase dictating what you do.

  69. I personally know people who have died from COVID. I had some chest complications few years back and get breathless quite quickly. I got COVID 3 times and each times it was truly painful but tolerable because I am vaccinated and boosted too in 2-3 months I will get boosted again. Each time I had vaccine my chest pains were drastically decreased. Get vaccinated OP no matter what...

  70. You know the answer. He needs to move in with his family and you with yours. You sound smart and hard working. Take time for yourself, get refocused and you'll attract someone that compliments you, not drain you. Don't waste another 11 years. You already see your future right now if you stay - the men in his life are abusers. You're still young and have a whole life ahead of you. Stay strong and follow your gut. You know what you need to do. You're strong and will get through it and in the future, you'll have a supportive partner and you'll look back thanking yourself for doing the hard thing and moving on. You've got much better things waiting for you in your future.

  71. Run away. Like right now. Forget the past, today and tomorrow are what's important. You won't be able to build a life with such a person, he will be an anchor on your happiness and success. This can't be negotiated, there is no getting through such people. You are still young, please don't ruin the rest of your life with a sociopath. Good luck, and best wishes.

  72. Don't marry someone who denies science. You will regret it and spend a lot of money on the divorce, IF you survive. Imagine him being in charge of your medical decisions in an emergency. No. Fucking. Way.

  73. It won’t get any better. You won’t feel like it, but staying with him is enabling. They don’t respond to logic or rationale because they don’t truly believe anyone else could believe differently than they do. You’re the enemy if you do.

  74. You know what the answer is. You know what you’ve got to do. This isn’t the way you want to live the rest of your life.

  75. I say this with love, this guy is a loser. Don't spend the rest of your life being his mommy. 11 years is a bit of time, yes, but you're still young and still have time to find someone who shares your values and will respect and love you the way you deserve.

  76. Posts like this make me want to scream because I know from seeing family members do it, that OP will probably stay with their completely worthless and abusive partner. I hate it, but it's the general trend I've seen.

  77. It hurts my heart that you are willing to put up with a relationship like this. You deserve a life that is so much better than the one you live. Please Please Please Please think hard about the kind of person you want to spend your life with. Just because you spent 11 years with someone doesn't mean you are tied to them forever no matter how they treat you.

  78. You deserve so much better, for your mental health, safety, and sanity. Move without him and leave him, please. It will only get so much worse. You future will be so much more brighter without him.

  79. You’ve already wasted 11 years. Please wake up. This guy is bad news, and him being Q is just a small part of the issue. Read your own post - would you want ANY of your loved ones to feel how you do?

  80. It sounds like you feel some sort of obligation to his stability, when he clearly has no sort of obligation to yours. You might consider moving in with your mom for a while, and letting him figure out his own life without helping with free rent.

  81. Oof I’m sorry but the relationship is over. You can’t fix him but you can climb out of that hole and make a good life for yourself. Otherwise, this is actually your life and not just a distant memory.

  82. What are you really jeopardizing if you end it? A lifetime with an abusive partner? You will be happier without this man.

  83. Um what the fuck? Your "fiance" and I say that worse loosely, was a fucking idiot, mooch, and loser LONG before he fell down the Q trap. Seriously, why are you still even with him?

  84. He is deep down in the Q delusions. And I also see some signs that he is starting to drag you with him. This stuff is all nonsense. He has done no "research." He has watched youtube and tik tok videos, read some blogs or conspiracy sites. Research is reading studies on google scholar, not watching/reading some random guy online. There are too many people whose marriages have been torn apart by Q. It's time to leave.

  85. Oh my god. I’m sorry. All I see in this post is 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Even if he wasn’t warped by QAnon, he is not a good partner. Correction- he’s NOT a partner. He can’t hold down a job and mooches off you and yet he expects women to be in their place. Despite all you have done and sacrificed for him (new job, move to CA, etc.) he still thinks you’re not doing enough. He is being emotionally abusive and this alone without all the rest of this is reason to leave his sorry ass. He’s using the no sex thing to manipulate you. I would NOT be helping him buy anything. I’d be telling him to have a nice life. Don’t be taken by the sunken cost fallacy. You have your entire life ahead of you and a bright future. He’s an albatross weighing you down. Please chuck this loser in the trash where he belongs.

  86. You are a meal ticket…. You are also being a doormat. He doesn’t work, doesn’t cook, yells at you, didn’t propose, you bought your own ring, he forces his beliefs on you and now refuses to have sex with you unless you bow to his dictates. He wants to control you completely. This is an abusive relationship.

  87. You need to get into some therapy for yourself, because you are in an abusive relationship and need some help to work through that fact and hopefully extricate yourself. His vaccine and Q beliefs are not nearly the only problems.

  88. So, you asked if you should have kept listening when all this came to a head, instead of turning up the TV and ignoring him. Maybe this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but you should have stopped listening to him when he made you buy your own ring. If not then, when he proved he was incapable of holding job. This man is a mooch. The relationship is some kind of MadLibs Choose Your Own Adventure with no happy endings, but you’re filling in the blanks with all these happy plans of getting married, him getting an education and contributing and having this happy life together in Montreal…. But literally nothing that’s already written supports this. And then even when you talk about maybe leaving him, you’re planning his housing arrangements?? Stop it! You deserve better! Your family deserves better! Don’t let him mooch off your mom next! You can’t even eat a vegetable without this manchild having a temper tantrum?? Go live your life. Do not waste another second. Let him fend for himself and eat chicken nuggets and french fries while couch surfing if that’s what’s going to happen, but he is NOT your responsibility.

  89. I could only read half of the post, but please, read it as if you were an outsider and consider what advice you would give the person writing. I think you know that he does not respect you, and that is no way to have a decent relationship. Move to Montreal, take the job you lined up, your cousins sublet, be near your family there, and leave him behind with his crazy family. Some woman out there amazingly enough also thinks like he does and will be a better fit for him.

  90. I know you were together for such a long time, but leaving is probably the best option. I was with my Q ex for 5 years. It hurt a lot because he slowly descended into madness. But I realized one day he just wasn’t the person I had originally committed to. It did me harm to stay more than it did to leave. I hope you find the right answer and do what’s best for you.

  91. You don't have to live like this, surrounded by idiocy and arguments. If anything, you can't change him, you've been arguing forever. The only hope of a wake-up call for him is if you leave. Take care of yourself and be free.

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