I'm about to have surgery to remove my left nut due to Testicular Cancer. What should my first line when I wake up be?

  1. Story time: working on a urology ward a young guy 23 years old had testicular cancer but very early stages, he done the right thing by getting checked early and was promised the surgery would only be on his right, but apparently there was more complications and they proceeded the surgery without telling him they were removing both of them, and when the doctors told him, he was absolutely horrified, I’m surprised he didn’t sue.

  2. When I had this exact same surgery some 20 years ago, they literally made me write on my inner thigh "this one" next to my left testicle. No joke.

  3. My stepmom who's a teacher just had a 13 pound tumor removed and named it after one of her students that was a nightmare. When she woke up the first thing she asked the doc was "Did you get Hunter out?" 😂

  4. when they let you out of bed lean heavily to one side. if you need to go anywhere start walking in circles.

  5. "Will i be able to play the piano?" And the doctor says "Yes!" And you say "Good because I didn't know how to play the piano before the surgery!"

  6. "For years I've been saying 'I'd give my left nut for that.' Do they deliver all that stuff or do I have to pick it up?"

  7. I had an eye doctor once tell me that his patient woke up from surgery and screamed "I can't see!". Then when he saw the doctor's expression he said "I was just kidding!". The doctor said he almost had a heart attack.

  8. Even if they know for certain what procedure you talked about and what they were supposed to do there's gonna be a moment of abject horror

  9. And that’s all i need! . . . My ball. . And this lamp. The lamp and the ball. That’s it! . . And this chair.

  10. I loved when a Phillies baseball play named John Kruk (sp?) came back to do a news conference, after having one removed for cancer, with a t-shirt that said “play nice or I’m going to take my ball and go home!”

  11. In fairness, if you have the wherewithal to form a cogent sentence following brain surgery, you’ve probably answered your own question.

  12. The last thing I said before going under for surgery was apparently pretty funny since the nurses laughed but I don't remember what it was. The first thing I said when I woke up was "HELP ME IM SCARED" and tried to pull my IV out. So not a great look but in hindsight it was a good time.

  13. "well we were prepping the patient as usual, and then right before he went under, he gave me this stern look right in my eyes, and said 'don't fuck up'. never in my 20 years of neurosurgery has a patient... i mean, he got in my head... so yeah, i think i fucked up."

  14. Genuine question, how did you find out you have testicular cancer? Because I think I might have something in my left nut, doesn't hurt or anything just something weird about it.

  15. So I'm not the only one here.... I got the same thing but like it doesn't grow, doesn't hurt, just kinda popped up one day and I was just like well ok I guess this is a thing

  16. Great question! I felt a lump and went to my family doctor to get it checked. Interestingly it is very often a painless lump, or so my doctor tells me. I would get it checked but I'm just an ignorant internet stranger. Good luck.

  17. I didn't get my lump checked out and then my ball grew double in size over a weekend. By the time it came out the ball had a 3.7 inch tumor in it. Last week marked 6 years since the surgery. I was way too late and cancer had spread to my left lung and up the lymph nodes in my abdomen. Don't be like me. Get it checked if you feel something. Chemo and the abdominal surgery were infinitely worse than the ball removal. One of my abdominal tumors was over 6 inches long.

  18. For me I had pain. But I went to the urologist, he felt me up, wasnt happy with what he saw, so he sent me for an ultrasound and CAT scan. CAT lit up like a Christmas tree and bloodwork confirmed it.

  19. As a Nurse that's worked in anaesthetics. Your first line will be some random stuff, that you'll keep repeating, until you come round properly. You won't remember but when you wake up and think oh I'm back from surgery you were actually awake before that you just won't remember it. So your second or even third line will be...

  20. Do you know if different levels of anaesthetics, if that's how you'd say it, have a different affect on that? I had a "flexible endoscopy" (a colonoscopy but not as deep, according to the doctor's explanation) and i just woke up really sleepy and tried going back to sleep.

  21. When I had my wisdom teeth removed I passed out as soon as they shot that shit into me, and the nurse lady said to me on my wellness check a week later that she has NEVER seen someone come out of anesthesia like I did. Apparently as soon as they thought I was coming to my eyes shot open, I didn't say a word and was trying to get onto my feet immediately and started walking towards the door. I remember everything from firmly planting my feet on the ground and after and the nurse scrambling after me trying to grab my arm to hold me steady.

  22. I was put fully under for surgery when I obliterated my elbow and was moved up to my room on 5th or 6th floor by the time I started to wake up.

  23. I remember waking up and screaming "help I'm scared" and trying to get away. Does that happen regularly? I also remember sounds but can't remember images. Like I remember my wife talking to me trying to calm me down and she tells me I looked at her with wide eyes and seemed terrified. But I don't remember seeing anything but darkness. Only hearing her voice.

  24. If you think you’re going to crack a joke as your first line upon waking from anesthesia I have bad news sir. It’s nut gonna happen.

  25. Took someone in for surgery once, and my first job when picking them up was to let their parents know that they were done and everything went ok. As soon as I saw them, they reminded me to tell their parents. Then again a few minutes later. And again. After the anesthetic wore off, they had no idea they'd remembered to ask once, much less several times.

  26. My mother used to tell my dad he could get another cat over her cold dead body... Then she neeemsed brain surgery to get tumors removed. The first thing she said to him after surgery was, "Meow."

  27. I like this one. Feels like it's out of an old movie played by a sarcastic cool guy. Like a Han Solo kind of character

  28. Had my right removed last year. It is a source of endless jokes you can have for the rest of your life. 1 year cancer free for me. Wish the same for you.

  29. Ask for the surgeon who removed it and say “Take good care of him, ok? I’ll be back for him after he finishes chemo”

  30. As someone who got diagnosed with TC at 17, I also thought about what I would say. I woke up and told the nurse I knew I shouldn’t have shoved my balls in that microwave. I had watched South Park the night before, you know, the episode where Randy gives himself cancer so he can smoke weed.

  31. I mean likely you are going to be too groggy to remember to make a joke- but you’ll have plenty of time to use them in the future.

  32. I had my right taken out about 5 years ago. After the operation, my mom was the first person I spoke to. She asked how I was feeling. I just said "pretty good" really high pitched.

  33. Best of luck! I went through the same procedure. I got a couple jokes in before I went under. Pretty hazy waking up so I don’t remember much then.

  34. You will still be fucked up from the anesthesia. I have a friend who came out of surgery and his first line was ranting about Ronald Reagan, which no one expected. Least of all him. This was in LA the nurses and transport staff were mostly immigrants or very young latinos and they were all like, "WHAT is with this guy!?" They did not get what he was on about at all, he was ranting as if Reagan was still prez. It was very funny even if he didn't think so when I told him.

  35. I once had back surgery and because all of the anesthetics and the breathing mask leaves a terrible taste in your mouth the first thing I said when I woke up is "what cat shit in my mouth"

  36. Hello my future one-nut brother! So when I lost lefty, my friends told me I missed out by not asking if I could keep it in a jar or something.

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