I think my inability not to do this when anyone mentions the World Health Organisation contributed significantly to the dissolution of my first marriage.
IBM handed out desk signs that said "THINK" as an employee inspiration. I have one left by an IBM rep at a site I worked at. The plastic frames were the same colors as the mainfraime exterior panels - mostly IBM blue, some red, and some yellow. The "THIMK" came later, along with the "THINK" that didn't fit inside the frame (like the often seen "think ahead" that didn't fit in it's frame. This was in the era of the 370 mainframes.
Mitch Hedberg, pretending to do the normal meet-and-greet ending to a set: "if you want to talk to me after the show, I'll be.... fuckin' surprised." Two simple words at the end turn it from nothing into something hilarious.
No words does seem like it would be shortest. My dog has been gassy lately and keeps startling himself while sitting on tile. I laugh harder at that than most jokes.
It’s not the fart itself that is comical. It’s when you realize that the sound is due to your ass cheeks flapping in the wind…that’s what makes it hilarious!
| PLAN |
That would make an hilarious knuckle tattoo...
I remember this one!
No Ragrets
I know how big letters should be!
When anyone mentions the World Health Organization I ask, "WHO?"
I'm talking about the United Nations Organization World Health Organization
I think my inability not to do this when anyone mentions the World Health Organisation contributed significantly to the dissolution of my first marriage.
Oblig
Dyslexics untie!
Did you hear about the Dyslexic agnostic with insomnia? Lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog
DNA stands for "National Dyslexic Association"
I have sexdaily.. I mean Lydia Sex.. Uhh dyslexia
Always a relevant XKCD
My dyslexic ass reading this wrong…….
A dyslexic walked into a bra.
This subthread is absolutely priceless; I haven't heard 90% of those dyslexic jokes and I'm rolling.
I understand they've cured a found for dyslexia
Mooning? Lunacy!
I am trying so hard to stifle my laughter. This one got me.
This is two words in my language, I don't know how to best render it into English, but here we go: “a cross-eyed cyclops!”
You could do it in English but it requires medical terminology. Strabismic Cyclops. I’m sure that is funny to me and about 8 other people out there.
What context is it used in? I think it's translates very well in English, retaining the humour.
This works in spanish on multiple levels! Hope you don't mind cause I'm stealing it! Thank you!!
Is that an insult? How’s it said in your language?
Singlehandedly ambidextrous
An iffy runner-up might be the 60's inspirational plaque on the wall at IBM which read :
In a similar vein, an IBM bathroom had a THINK sign above the sink. Someone added a sign saying THOAP above the soap dispenser.
Did not expect Cheems to write the captions for IBM
I use to work in an office that had a "think" plaque in the bathroom above the sinks. Someone put a label on the soap dispensers "thoap"
IBM handed out desk signs that said "THINK" as an employee inspiration. I have one left by an IBM rep at a site I worked at. The plastic frames were the same colors as the mainfraime exterior panels - mostly IBM blue, some red, and some yellow. The "THIMK" came later, along with the "THINK" that didn't fit inside the frame (like the often seen "think ahead" that didn't fit in it's frame. This was in the era of the 370 mainframes.
And poof read
I don't get it
HODL. Same-Same
Engineer: There's no "I'm" in "Think", sir
I once made a wood plaque reading THIͶK!
One of Simon Munnery's...
Mitch Hedberg, pretending to do the normal meet-and-greet ending to a set: "if you want to talk to me after the show, I'll be.... fuckin' surprised." Two simple words at the end turn it from nothing into something hilarious.
Not quite the shortest, but my favorite short one is a poem:
My fav short poem is Fleas
Sliding Down the Flag Pole by Dick Burns
"No!" - Marcel Marceau, Silent Movie
"What did he say?" "I don't know, I don't speak French"
Underrated joke!
Throughout all of history?
It'd definitely be a joke if I saw you arguing with a fart.
The ancient Sumarians thought it was funny.
No words does seem like it would be shortest. My dog has been gassy lately and keeps startling himself while sitting on tile. I laugh harder at that than most jokes.
There even exist
It’s not the fart itself that is comical. It’s when you realize that the sound is due to your ass cheeks flapping in the wind…that’s what makes it hilarious!
At the right time it can definitely be a joke
Time and place make a fart a joke, unless you are spot on, the it's suddenly an emergency.
While it has the fewest words, a good telling of this joke isn’t particularly short.
I've always thought that Sybil Fawlty said this line. Maybe they both said it? If so, who said it first?
Have been checking but without success. I heard both but heard Miss Piggy first so assumed (quite possibly incorrectly) that she was first.
Most muppets jokes are pulled from elsewhere or are a play off another joke
Wasn't it the cocky dude with the hairy chest?
A baby seal walks into a club
A man walks into a bar. Bonk!
That's what i told the zookeeper but they didn't believe me and banned me for life.
Perchance.
You can't just say perchance.
is this a Phil Jamesson mario essay reference
Dyslexics Untie!
Velcro. What a rip off.
Dwarf shortage
Plus another Jimmy Carr joke, the slightly-longer “venison’s dear, isn’t it?”
25
Way better than 24!
"pretentious...moi?" is from
Fawlty Towers is so good
My first thought as well. I can hear Sybil's cackle in my head from seeing it so many times.
"Want the world's shortest joke?"
It goes without saying.
For mathematicians:
I've seen it better phrased as
I think you're taking it too far!
π=3
Not really a joke, just mildly cursed.
My brother had this shirt (applied math)...
PRCISION INSTRUMENTS, INC.
The Simpson’s joke “Brevity is…wit” clocks in a few characters fewer.
military intelligence
Two words combined that can't make sense
I think that's one's more of an oxymoron.
Came here to say this
Jimmy Carr has one: Dwarf Shortage
Didn't he also do "Venison's dear, isn't it?"
I don’t know any jokes, but I do know of a 2 word horror story: “carpeted bathroom”
Tis but a scratch.
Also followed by his next line.
Flesh wound...?
Narp?
Yarp!
Hag!
By the power of Grayskull!
Kevin Hart
Brad Williams
4 words. Tony Danza on O.J.:
*fewer
Your dick.
I knew it would be here but it took me forever to find it.
SMRT smart
Smrt means death in multiple slavic languages
When Dan Castellaneta was singing that as Homer Simpson he was actually trying to spell "smart" and had a genuine flub that they kept
QUALITY
Take my wife, Please!
3 word set up, 1 word punchline
I knew this joke for years, but never understood it until I actually saw it delivered in context.
C: Dos
I had a band in college called RUN CMD
Venison's dear.
Frau Blucher *neigh*
Qatar.
Jimmy Carr has/had two;
A Poem Concerning the Antiquity of Fleas Where the Title Is Longer Than the Poem
“Why do the crows keep saying my name?” thought Caw.
Dwarf shortage.
Dpd! Officer 2.5 reporting here. You know that word is illegal to say!
Can't believe no one mentioned this yet:
"Let them eat cake" is a solid effort.
The subject is short jokes, not jokes that make you shorter...
“No.” The only word spoken in Mel Brooks’ “Silent Movie,” by Marcel Marceau no less.
From the Flight of the Conchords song, Robots:
Doh!
A deer!
Me
Funny joke and one of the biggest oxymorons in the world: Microsoft works
Flat earth society - members all around the globe
Peccavi
Remains to be seen if glass coffins ever become popular.
Shortest conversation in history was between English Waitress and Spanish Patron.
OP
Coincidentally, history's biggest joke is OP's mom.
I reply with Jimmy Carr: Dwarf shortage.
Hey, don't talk down to dwarfs!
My penis.
Not sure whether this counts because the circumstances were important, but the Spartans saying if.
Her?
Is she funny or something?
Norm McDonald's Moth Joke.
funnier without the /s...
Or “Do not resufficate”
Strategery.
Masochist: "Hurt me."
the fact that my brain automatically read it in her voice made it that much better
Venison's dear isn't it
Definitely not that shortest but Homer Simpsons asking "Do I know what rhetorical means?" I always thought was a snappy lil joke.
Fuck me yourself, coward!
Balls
my cousin got bit by a gay guy… so we’ll see…
Fight violence!
"Lighght"
Pedantic? I?
One word joke from Weird Al’s classic UHF
The aristocrats
I'm gonna have to go with Terry Pratchet's no-worder:
WRONG LEVER!!!!!
Venison's deer isn't it.
A little.
Jimmy Carr made that two words shorter
Inconceivable!!
U
Gawr Gura: "a"
Microsoft Works.
What sound does an Airbus airliner do during landing?
As if
Two words… Deez nuts
Everybody knows Dave
Obligatory mention that this guy is a massive POS.
Whiteboards are remarkable.
Dwarf shortage
Dwarf Shortage
Luxury.
Incontheivable!!
Twitter
Updog
Yo' MAMA!
“Newsflash, fuckwads: I’m a good person.” - CrazynEx Girlfriend. Makes me laugh every time.
Joe Booger and the Five Nosepickers. You think it's music but it's not.
Dwarf shortage. Stationery store moves. Venison's dear isn't it? From Jimmy Carr (might not be original but it's where I heard them)
BLUCHER!!
More of a spoken joke: "Venison's dear, isn't it?"
In first grade there was this one kid who would laugh uncontrollably if you said the word “puddling” so I’m going to go with that one.
Have we had the newspaper headline:
There was an old comedian named Jack Benny. He used to tell his best joke with just a look, and it would make everyone roll! Look up Jack Benny.
Dwarf Shortage
What did one short man say to the other short man?
Dwarf shortage
Not sure this counts, but from my now, mostly forgotten, four years of Latin:
Poopy
It's only the punchline to a joke. The full joke was in S2E2 of Fawlty Towers, "The Psychiatrist".
Miss Piggy is an icon
You
Ur mom
This reminds me of time a friend said to me, "Wanna hear a joke?" "Sure." I said. He began...
Dwarf shortage
Fuck, it’s a daughter.