New Dad. Struggling with the Crying

  1. Loads of good advice here so just adding another comment for solidarity and support. Sounds like your a great dad, I found the night time crying tough too as I always did the final feed.

  2. Congratulations mate! I found with my first boy that if I put on some music I liked, could be anything really just at an appropriate volume, it helped calm him down :) Works even better if it was something you’d listen to regularly while baby was in the womb, familiar sounds that your baby heard whilst inside remind them of the comfort of still being in the womb and does help calm them a lot of the time. Like the other guy said, don’t feel guilty for needing a break, it’s better to take a short break for yourself to relax and recharge! :)

  3. I'll try more music. I know they are tolerant of sounds and even find it comforting. I just also read that white noise is better. Based on how many people actually suggest music, I think I need to give it a shot more for soothing and not just when awake and sharing with baby.

  4. First off congrats! If you find yourself getting super frustrated, it’s not a sin to let the baby cry for a bit and give yourself a few minutes to chill.

  5. Baby shark! Used it for my nephew, but completely forgot about it. Thanks for the tip! I need to try more music.

  6. Be strong. You have solved the first problem of understanding that crying is a natural response to the world being really confusing.

  7. The sling seems to be a common thing. The one we have is for 8lbs and up so he could very well be at that now! Wife reallt wants to wait until then per manufacture's recommendation (I agree). I'm hoping it is a game changer.

  8. It sounds like you’re being a great partner. You need to take care of your own mental health too, otherwise you’ll burn out and won’t be able to give what you want to your child and partner. Don’t feel guilty about it, just try and find a balance. You have to fill your cup. As far as the crying goes, we tried everything over the years with our three, and you never know. Certain music or white noise might work for one kid but not another. I slept in a chair with a baby on my chest often, that calmed them. Walking them, bouncing, putting them in the stroller and rolling back and forth even in the house. A cool sponge bath. You never know. I used to sing Springsteen songs to them, and I have a terrible voice, but they liked it. Or they went to sleep to avoid it. As far as perspective, my first was a girl, and she was not responsive when she was born. She was silent and still, and the NICU squad crashed the room. I stopped breathing myself and froze with terror. After a minute, her cry broke the panicked quiet and I almost passed out. Ever since I had to wait for that cry, my kids’ crying just didn’t stress me out. Still exhausting as anything, but I spent a minute looking into the abyss, so the crying is a good thing now.

  9. I hear you. We had a traumatic birth experience and once I heard him cry, I was so relieved. I am also a nurse and think about my confused very sick patients. There's moments that hearing them scream or try to pull off their equipment is reassuring because they are still active and fighting. When I no longer hear them, I worry. So I do prefer to hear the cry. Even after settling baby, I think to myself "hearing them cry is reassuring that they're okay in many ways"

  10. Thank you. I think I'm pretty good at being supportive cast and I love that role. Second guessing everything has been my perpetual state of being since he was born haha. Learning is tough!

  11. hey man, some of the best advice i heard when i was at this point was to go easy on yourself. there is lots of attention on the stresses the mother goes through, and rightly so, but that encouragement is often not so forthcoming for the dad. remember, however much your little one cries, as long as you can be there for them with love then you're doing a fantastic job. that is the main thing. you won't always be able to stop them crying, but that's not your fault. when you find something that catches their attention, whatever it is (my son loved being under the leaves on the tree outside our house) use it whenever you can. i'd also recommend music...experiment with different genres and something will bring them back to a smile. enjoy the ride...it goes so damn fast.

  12. Dude! My kid loves being under a tree. It's like 92 degrees out this week and we have modquitos in the evening so I haven't been able to use that tool.

  13. Dude. This is 100% normal feeling you and your partner aren't weird. Some babies have a harder time and all babies will go through stages. For me, I have a hard time with noise. My wife got me a bunch of these Loop ear plugs they reduce sound but don't stop you from talking or hearing. A 20% reduction in volume makes a huge difference. Get a few sets and give some to your wife.

  14. Time and patience! You will get through this, your baby will grow faster than you think, and there are some rewards waiting that will erase the sleepless frustrating nights. I was you in 2020, btw. And don’t feel guilty, just do your best. Mommies were equiped for some stuff, daddies for other. You are OK 👍🏻

  15. We started bottle feeding too to get him familiar and I think it's helped. It added a tool to my kit of things to be able to calm him on my own. I'm thankful to be able to help mom and soothe baby. Now if only I could also lactate...

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