AITA for giving my stepson a 20 minute time limit to return my car before I phone the police?

  1. The comment about doctor money makes me think that it isn’t just the son that’s entitled…. I think Dale was digging for gold, if you know what I mean.

  2. My biggest take away too. I follow the sub for occasional glimpses into other peoples dilemmas but the comments are a shit show half the time. Sometimes I’m floored at others reactions and often overreactions to other peoples lives. It’s also why I love Reddit….I’ve always been a people watcher 🤷‍♀️

  3. The strange thing is, if hes a gold digger he's an incredible incompetent one. He was engaged, if he was after her money he was on the homerun. Just punish the kid for stealing the car and he could have continued pulling the wool over OOP eyes.

  4. No hes teaching his son it's okay to be disrespectful to women, not just people. When the mom and future stepmom agree on something that the dad and some don't, it's probably misogyny at it heart. It's good for OOP to dump his ass, though I hope she stays friends with the mom, she seems like an okay friend, though she should have warned her about the dad.

  5. I don't understand why anyone would have told op she could have ruined Rex's life by reporting the car stolen. The kid broke the law and could have been responsible for people dying. Dale seems like he hasn't matured since Rex was born. What a total gold digger. I'm so glad his ex and mum sided with op

  6. The best part for me was how great his mum and his son’s mum were - absolutely not tolerating any of his shit and telling him he was being a dickhead. You have to wonder where he gets the entitlement from as it doesn’t sound like any of the women in his life would have encouraged it.

  7. Given that dale is a dipshit, makes me wonder why dales ex would think its a good idea to introduce him to someone like OP

  8. It might be he got used to being the fun parent who allows anything to try to get in the childs good graces after not being there for the earliest years. He does no one any favors with that approach though.

  9. Seriously! It sounds like Dale has a lot of strong, levelheaded, and bright women around him. Why is he such a muppet?! The son was an idiot but he’s a teenager, there’s still hope. Dale doesn’t have any excuse to suck that hard

  10. i love how his son fucks up, but he somehow makes it all about him. wonder where all the entitlement comes from

  11. Honestly disappointing that he's such a loser. That sounds like a great family to marry into, they don't fuck around

  12. Waaaah waaaah waaah someone hurt his teeny tiny feel feels. Good grief. It should tell him something when ALL the women in his life are telling him he’s being a shit person and a shittier parent.

  13. Whhhaaaaaaaat the fuck Dale? How did he turn this into his problem??? Like homie went from 0-100 in a second, his son was the one entirely in the wrong, why didn’t he just support his fiancé????

  14. Right?! I mean...OOP hadn't even punished her stepson! Telling him to come home now or else isn't a punishment any more than me telling the cat to stop stropping the sofa is a punishment. "You can't continue to commit a crime" is just...stopping them.

  15. Lol. Imagine your fiancée, WHO IS A MEDICAL DOCTOR ON CALL, allows your child, WHO STOLE HER CAR AFTER ASKING AND BEING DENIED, WHILE HE HAD ACCESS TO HIS MOTHER’S CAR, the option to return the car instead of going straight to calling the fuzz.

  16. This would be a definite end to a relationship for me too. I’m sitting at home right now also on call, which means I’ll be up checking my phone all night also. We don’t get called in if things are going well. We get called in when we have multiple critical admissions, and have to be there within an hour. I’ve had coworkers lose their jobs for not being there within an hour. She handled this a lot better than I would’ve. Thankfully she won’t have to worry about this happening ever again. She dodged two human shaped bullets!

  17. whenever that kid got over his grounding, i hope his only wheels was the city bus or that 'lame and embarrassing' station wagon.

  18. After your fiance, mother of your child, and MOTHER all say you are way wrong how can you still go think you are right to the degree Dale did? I've seen a ton of posts where everyone thinks someone is wrong, but their mother supports them, and because they are a momma's boy they remain delusion, and I've seen a ton of posts where the mom hands them their ass and then they apologize. I've never seen a post where everyone says they are wrong, and then they double down.

  19. A certainly awful marriage. Dale was trying to hide his true colors until he had her bound to him legally. Then he could really start to mooch off of her.

  20. It's awesome that Rex's mom was actually helpful here. Kid has a good chance at turning out okay with a mom who won't take his shit but also seems fair.

  21. So Dale was projecting his issues about how he wasn't involved with Rex until the child was 6, and is trying to clear his sins by... Being entitled with OOP's things and DOUBLES DOWN when confronted???

  22. this stood out to me too. one reasons he's a shit parent now is probably cos he was absent for so long and just wants his kid to like him instead of, you know... be a parent

  23. I’m surprised OOP didn’t notice given she’s a salaried doctor at 34. She absolutely burned through university, and you don’t just do that with hard work. It takes intelligence.

  24. Without a doubt, Dale was banking on marrying the rich doctor and living the high life on her dime. I'm so glad his little shit of a son stole the car so OP could see this side of her fiance before it was too late.

  25. I have found that people's kids often give me an insight on how their parents think about me. They are less inhibited, or have fewer reasons to hide their feelings.

  26. I would walk by my grown man child's room and go tsk tsk, shake my head in disappointment, and mumble where did I go wrong everyday

  27. What's amazing about this is how many chances her fiance had to not be a complete loser. He had an ex who was an excellent parent to their kid, a mother who expected accountability, and a fiance who was top shelf. And he just kept digging that hole deeper and deeper.

  28. if this isn't proof that women can't cure toxic masculinity, idk what is. those males have three incredibly mature and caring women in their immediate family and still can't get a clue that THEY themselves are the problem.

  29. Dale. Can’t say sorry. Always right. Only sees things from his own perspective. This is the worst, she’s lucky to have gotten out before she had kids or any real things to split up. They’d be in court forever.

  30. "he was disappointed that I posted and now everyone who knows will think he's a joke and a bad father."

  31. That’s the thing. OP rarely gets called in but if she does get a call, someone’s life is on the line. Meaning it’s not cool for a 16 year old to take her car to go to the mall with his friends. The 20 minutes she gave him to get back could have cost someone their life.

  32. And regardless of how a post makes him look, it's basically anonymous. Imagine being so upset about your reputation amongst internet strangers when you're not even identified. The guy is so self absorbed to think he matters to anyone that read the post

  33. Right! Imagine the messy lawsuit of someone’s family suing for wrongful death and then that lawsuit gets expanded on to teenage boy who took car and had been told no. Literally his life would be over legally and financially before even finishing high school

  34. My family member is a surgeon and when he’s on call it means emergency situation and the patient WILL die if he doesn’t get in. I hope Dale and every commenter who gave OOP a hard time won’t ever be on the patient side if this kind of garbage happens to their doctor.

  35. Grew up with both parents in the medical field. Lots of night shifts meaning we had to stay quiet during the day to let parent sleep, celebrating Christmas and birthdays on different days because someone needs to make sure people don't die just because it's a holiday, and understanding that "on call" doesn't mean just because they're home they can actually do something that day.

  36. The death is the worst part, but on top of that the Doctor will almost certainly lose their licence, and be facing a lawsuit, in addition to probably having a mountain of student debt.

  37. I can see why the ex is an ex, his parenting is atrocious and only hurting his son long term by creating a monster.

  38. And I can't say what the relationship with OOP and Dale's ex normally is, but to have a situation where the stepmom threatens to get the police involved on step kid for what could be felony charges, and bio mom immediately says "that's the right choice" is probably pretty rare.

  39. I am so happy this person had her ex's mom and ex wife in her corner. The entitlement from both the boys was astonishing.

  40. going by the ages of the ex and the ex's ex (14/15 when the kid was born respectively) plus him not being in the kid's life for the first six years, I'm thinking the ex was never married to the mother of his son

  41. This is another post where I think OOP will look back in a few months and realize there were more red flags that were subtle and therefore easy to shrug off.

  42. this dumbass thinks taking/stealing someone's car isn't a big deal? yikes. wasn't even a punishment, just an idiot kid getting told the possible result of his actions.

  43. Holy crap. It sounds like this father-son duo specializes in asking forgiveness instead of permission. I wouldn't want to marry that either!

  44. I am not a doctor, and you shouldn't have to be on call to demand someone not literally steal your vehicle. Teenagers are shit drivers and I wouldn't let one drive my shitty Chevy Cruze.

  45. I hope all three of these women become besties and a permanent thorn in Dale’s side 😂 I love all three of them and that kid is lucky to have them in his life to offset his spineless and entitled father.

  46. Oooooof! This dude refusing to take accountability no matter how many people pointed out what an asshole he was being is truly sad.

  47. The trash took itself out. Rex stole her car full stop. And the fact that he was willing to double down on it not being a big deal was and should have been a huge deal breaker.

  48. If Rex had gotten into an accident, not being on the insurance, I guarantee you "my son" would have turned into "our son" real fuckin' quick.

  49. Wow. This escalated fast and yet it was such a satisfying ending. Kid fucked up but, you know, he is a kid. But Dale, oh Dale. He decided to fuck up not once (first Convo with OOP), not twice (ex), not thrice (his mom) , but 4, FOUR!!!, times. I'm sad for OOP who wasted 4 years with that guy.

  50. Man who are the morons that are defending a kid stealing a car? OOP is 100% correct and everyone else is delusional and enablers.

  51. Aita gets it right every time - some of the top comments were saying 'This is a relationship ending problem', and how 'life is too short to marry a shitty parent". They get right to the root of the issue every time, and yet often times posters in these situations don't want to see it.

  52. I wouldn’t say AITA gets it right every time. Sometimes the mob has its bias. But yeah after I finished reading that first post I was like I hope you mean ex fiancé. What a jerk. I see where the kid gets his entitlement from.

  53. That’s pretty much life. I know so many people, including myself who ignore excellent advice only to realize later they should have listened.

  54. But that's why it's helpful, I think. I know sometimes it feels like I'm talking to a wall when I'm giving my friends advice bc they either don't want to hear it, or they already know and won't admit it, or they're so far in the FOG they literally can't see a way out.

  55. The fact that the kid actually came home makes me thing he’s salvageable. But not with that father. OP did nothing wrong. Thank God she got out before his father could suck her dry

  56. As a medical administrator as soon as I saw "on-call doctor" I was like put that brat's head on a fucking pike.

  57. As someone who is on call medical I drive it into my wife’s head anytime she leaves me home with the kids for even just a little bit that she has to be prepared to drop everything and get home so I can get to work. You don’t mess around with medical on call because someone’s life could be ending if you don’t get there quick enough.

  58. If her responses were any indication, there's a lot of people who can't understand the basic concept of being on-call for a job, let alone one involving medical response. If you're on a standby status and you miss even a phone call and can't respond back immediately, let alone suddenly lose the ability to drive, that's your ass. That kid jeopardized not only her job, but possibly someone's life.

  59. There are a lot of factions over in aita. Some of the ones OOP would be on the wrong side of just for existing are the misogynists, the entitled teen brats, and the how dare you discipline my little shitstain contingent.

  60. Hmm posts where the SO "find" or "respond" to posts that are within a couple of hours is always skeptical to me.

  61. This one I'm a little less suspicious of, since AITA is a reasonably common thing to browse and this is not exactly a universal tale as old as time that could have happened to anyone.

  62. Honestly the way she writes is very in line with the doctors I work with - matter of fact, laconic, somewhat cranky.

  63. I love that Rex’s mom was not enabling Dale or Rex’s bullshit at all. I also love that Dale’s mom told him about himself. These women are the healthy ones in the situation. It seems like they were all on the same page when it came to Rex.

  64. Wow, I hope OOP and Dale's ex stay friends, she sounds like a stand-up guy - but Dale is a horribly entitled complete waste of space, and I'm glad OOP caught on before she got hitched to him. And it takes some self-confidence to have ALL the women in your life tell you you're wrong, and the entire internet tell you you're wrong, and still double down and claim you're right. 🤦‍♀️

  65. It just goes to show that even surrounded by women who have their heads screwed on straight (mom, ex and ex-fiance), he still isn't a decent person. Some people are just born mooches.

  66. Glad she dumped this loser. He could have come home, hat in hand, apologized and said he'd do better with his brat of a son, but no. He had to double down and play the victim.

  67. I can't imagine the moment he realizes how much he lost here. Probably sitting at the bar with a friend

  68. Sounds like a deadbeat dad who thinks the only thing he needs to do is buy his son anything he wants and turn a blind eye to bad behaviors.

  69. The “apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” saying applies here. Rex and Dale both need to grow up. Sounds like Dale was “marrying up”, and screwed it up and now has nothing.

  70. I can’t believe anyone in the comments was actually arguing with OOP after the very first post. She was on call and he stole her goddamned car, how terminally online do you need to be to not realize that is a serious problem?

  71. I read the top half of this and it made my face flush. As someone who delt with similar situations with my stepson.... I can tell you..... You absolutely aren't the asshole! You have boundaries. Boundaries are a normal, healthy part of human life. Your step son is acting this way because his dad has allowed this type of behavior.

  72. Dale, buddy, your son committed grand theft auto. You bet your fiancee-less ass if he'd done it to me, I'd have pressed charges right away.

  73. Even if she WASNT on call, it doesn’t matter. She had every right to call the police. I saw a post on here “my sister ruined mine and my family’s lives” because her and her boyfriend took the family care. She became paralyzed, the boy’s family sued her family and they were liable because it was their car. If something were to happen, she and her insurance could have been held liable.

  74. I love all the awesome women in this story and especially how they all came together and supported each other.

  75. I think OP would be better off living with the stepson’s mother and/or Dale’s mother. They seem to have their heads well screwed on.

  76. I'm baffled by the people who think she's wrong. It doesn't matter if she was on call or not: she said no to someone using her property. And, since her and her now ex weren't married, was the kid even on her insurance? What if something happened? No parent I know would have been ok with a kid taking a car without permission.

  77. ((hugs)) Op- In case you might see this someday? Dale was this same person all along- you just dodged a bullet by this incident unmasking him before the wedding. And trust me, he would have unmasked himself as the immature jerk he is after he was sure he had you hitched good and proper. This just triggered an early unveiling.

  78. Well I can see who the son is learning his entitled spoiled behavior from. I like that the mother and even ex who was around age as him when they had their son are not enabling that. I feel the OPP is fortunate to see who she was really with before they got married.

  79. yes he was 14 when Rex was born. Don't get hung up on this ... the fact he wasn't in Rex's life till age 6 was a huge red flag to me. He never mentioned it

  80. Hey Dale, please accept my extended middle finger to demonstrate the esteem I hold you in, along with the idiot commentator I got into it with before this update was posted who couldn't get it through his tiny little brain that keeping an on-call doctor away from the job risks lives.

  81. Give it a few days and reality setting in to Dale... He’s going to try love-bombing OP. Fortunately, she’s too smart to fall for that.

  82. If my kid took my car or someone else's car without asking, she would be grounded until she was at least 30. I cannot comprehend how anyone could think it was an okay thing to do.

  83. So stepson is a grand theft, and the father is more worried about not looking as a joke and bad father, while not caring about being a joke and a bad father in itself. What a pain in the ass the pair sounds like. OOP should have just reported the car as stolen (which it was) since the beginning.

  84. Should send Rex a fruit basket thanking him for finally showing OOP what an manchild his dad was. Also good on Rex's mom and grandma. At least there's an few adult in his life.

  85. This whole thing is so bad, they just skimmed over the brat stealing her car then saying she can’t do shit cuz she’s not his mom.

  86. I don't understand, she didn't punish his son? She told him to return her property or she would press charges. She informed his mother of the transgression and the mother punished him. OOP had nothing to do with "punishing" anyone. Dude is delusional if he thinks that her demanding he not steal her car is "punishment".

  87. Hey Dale, if you’re reading this, you suck!! Move in with your son, since you both have the sense and maturity of spoiled children. Good for OP for seeing through this facade before committing to a lifetime with this guy.

  88. One of the best things was a comment about being over the top to threaten to call the police and how this could "rUiN the BoY's FuTuRe". Yeah, no. Doesn't matter that someone could literally die because OOP can't drive to them to save them. Sucks I guess, but at least the son's future isn't ruined. /s

  89. I'm a retired nurse who was frequently on call. When you're on call you have to be at the hospital no later than 30minutes from when you were called in. It doesn't matter if you're actually called in. Your car must be available. The kid was wrong for taking her car when she told him no and REALLY wrong when he knew she was on call. Dale was an AH and Op dodged a bullet.

  90. Dale is a horrible father and a joke. His doctor gf didn't punish his son, she simply demanded her car back that he stole and threatened to call the police. That to me is good parenting.

  91. Dale has some awesome women in his life, it's a shame he's a prick who chases them away. I just love the "I'm gonna call my mummy, she'll be on my side" leading to "nope, she says I'm an AH too". Hopefully mum and grandma will have more of an influence on the kid than his dad.

  92. I see it's a bit crappy having a kid at 14 but Rex seems to have taken after his dick of a father doctoring is not a funnier easy job and being on call for anything, especially stuff upon which a human life could rest, is fucking hard and annoying because of the unknown incovinience and having to be ready for anything. How Rex thought it was ok to steal the car(ok yeah he's 16 and doesn't realise the importance) but then for daddy Dale to ALSO no realise how fucked up it was is a madness. Shame OOP post her relationship but she's deffo better off out of it. Dale may also, like some suggested, just be a spong/leech for the money.

  93. I wanna see the comments OOP was responding to having to defend herself, absolutely ridiculous that anyone could look at that situation and think "Yeah I side with Dale/The kid"

  94. I think the most damage my parents did to me (they are great, no parent is perfect) was when a family friend disciplined me (she’s a teacher) and I got my mom to tell her to back off. She did it and I learned that the only people that can hold me accountable were my parents, and I had ways to avoid their punishments.

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