You wake up as Joe Biden, what’s your first move?

  1. I'd just start sprinting without saying a word to anyone. I wonder how far the president could get before the secret service would be able to stop you.

  2. This is making me giggle pretty good just thinking about a Secret Service agent on the roof or something watching the President run down the driveway through the gate and down the street. Followed by increasingly panicked agents.

  3. So fun story. When I worked at Camp David, there was a trail off camp called the “scene of the crimes”. This was because when George W was in office, he likes to mountain bike. Whenever he would bike, the secret service would also have bikes to follow him and what not. So this dude was fast. Like actually fast and the secret service agents often couldn’t catch up.

  4. Side note: Dubya according to some buddies in the SS was one of the most elusive presidents as far as having him as your detail. He was in ridiculously good shape for his age and was like a child when it came to getting away from them. apparently he would just be chilling in his house and then bolt out of his garage on his bike and yell catch me if you can to his detail with a shit eating grin as they panicked and started to run after him.

  5. I actually have an uncle who was a personal trainer at the White House for 15 years or so, and he told me a pretty interesting story about this tradition I had never heard of, where each President at some point will run a lap around the White House to see how fast they can do it, and compare their times to other Presidents. I think it started with Teddy Roosevelt, although not every President has taken part.

  6. Michelle Obama tells a great story about her and the kids trying to escape the secret service to see the white house lit up after the gay marriage ruling (it had been a hard day on other fronts). The answer is not very far.

  7. I bet he could make some real positive changes to my life while taking advantage of my relative youth and I would only destroy his presidency and marriage. It would be unfair to switch back after.

  8. All you would see is weapon development projects🤷‍♂️ I’m guessing that most things that are extreme got moved to some black site when Area 51 rumors started to spread

  9. Then some FBI agent messes it up and you find yourself at Area 15 in Las Vegas, having a blast at OmegaMart

  10. Curiously, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias, as it fell, was, "Oh no, not again!" Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly *why* the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.

  11. What if Stargate was allowed to air because it could be used to discredit anyone who found out about the Wormhole X-treme program?

  12. It's real alright, you'll head down to Cheyenne Mountain and behold upon the beauty of the Stargate. A brilliant idea strikes you as you learn about how the Stargate works. You grab your golf clubs and have them dial out to a random inhabited world. Then, as you are about to hit the ball, the Stargate is beamed away.

  13. It is crazy that there is stuff that is TOO classified even for the president. There are people who have a higher classified status than anyone in the 3 branches of government.

  14. They're pretty dope. My old boss had a 61 and a 64 Stingray both in 4 speed manual. I was a mechanic so I got to work on them and take them for a spin to "make sure it's ok"

  15. Order 200 pizzas to be sent to Putin's place with a note saying "Yummy in your tummy ❤️ V. Zelenskyy" just to make Putin super paranoid.

  16. I always found that line funny because they stole it from the Ridley Scott movie "White Squall". It's so weird.

  17. Unfortunately, as he is a non-political appointee, he does not serve at the pleasure of the President, and can't be fired by the Administration.

  18. There is already a bill to move to permanent daylight savings. It passed the Senate last year and several states, but I believe still has to go through the house. If everything goes as planned this spring will be the last time we change our clocks.

  19. While we’re at it, I’d use the same executive order to kill the imperial system of measurements, the penny, and chargers/adapters that take up more than one slot on power strips

  20. Yeah... Turning into a very old man when I was a young woman the day before would be quite disorienting.

  21. I think the order of things has changed in the last 11 hours... It's now mostly about peeing, eating ice cream, aliens and sexual activity.

  22. Yup. It’s crazy and sad how little most people in the thread know what the president can and cannot do. The president cannot make laws, he’s the head of the executive branch, not the legislative one. He can only enforce them and direct policy on how to implement the existing laws.

  23. See how many stores will let me walk in and just take things until I'm either stopped or stood up to in any real way.

  24. Go to a dealership, ask to drive a Bugatti and then don't come back. Yes I'm aware a salesman would be in the passenger seat with you. Take him with you while you start running errands, maybe go to the strip club, ask for lapdances but tell the girls secret service doesnt let you have any cash...

  25. Take a stroll out to the beach with a waffle cone in hand. Make the secret service dudes check under the waves for terrorists as I chuckle to myself.

  26. Are you original Joe living it up getting awoke in someone else’s body or are you some poor sod having to deal with being president while convincing yourself you’re in good health?

  27. I'm surprised and oddly disappointed. I would have thought 'Bang his wife.' would have been much higher on this list.

  28. Probably the biggest drawback with this is that such a policy would have to be an amendment to the constitution, since the lower age limits are already specified there

  29. I cannot eat ice cream without lactaid and a prayer. This just made me realize that I would absolutely take that as a opportunity to eat all the ice cream and cheesecake.

  30. Hey Donny I’m willing to pardon ya but, I gotta write it out on the thing so it’s sure you are covered. Just let me know what you need a pardon for and I’ll do it as a favor since I know you are winning this in next.

  31. OH MAN. If everyone thought he went "Dark Brandon" because he was slightly impolite that one time...Lord have mercy on everyone else's souls, because I'm about to openly and publicly roast every single mf politician that I can.

  32. I’d probably put on my slippers, then shuffle to the restroom and pee. After, I’d drink a glass of water and brush my teeth, maybe blow my nose.

  33. My first thought would probably be the same as the thought he has every single morning. “Who the fuck am I ?”

  34. For like a really long time, after a while make eye contact with some journalists and whisper "I'm actually Jim Carrey."

  35. Look around in a confused haze and then tell everyone that I’m not joe Biden. People will just think I’m Joe Biden.

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