I'd just start sprinting without saying a word to anyone. I wonder how far the president could get before the secret service would be able to stop you.
This is making me giggle pretty good just thinking about a Secret Service agent on the roof or something watching the President run down the driveway through the gate and down the street. Followed by increasingly panicked agents.
So fun story. When I worked at Camp David, there was a trail off camp called the “scene of the crimes”. This was because when George W was in office, he likes to mountain bike. Whenever he would bike, the secret service would also have bikes to follow him and what not. So this dude was fast. Like actually fast and the secret service agents often couldn’t catch up.
Side note: Dubya according to some buddies in the SS was one of the most elusive presidents as far as having him as your detail. He was in ridiculously good shape for his age and was like a child when it came to getting away from them. apparently he would just be chilling in his house and then bolt out of his garage on his bike and yell catch me if you can to his detail with a shit eating grin as they panicked and started to run after him.
I actually have an uncle who was a personal trainer at the White House for 15 years or so, and he told me a pretty interesting story about this tradition I had never heard of, where each President at some point will run a lap around the White House to see how fast they can do it, and compare their times to other Presidents. I think it started with Teddy Roosevelt, although not every President has taken part.
Michelle Obama tells a great story about her and the kids trying to escape the secret service to see the white house lit up after the gay marriage ruling (it had been a hard day on other fronts). The answer is not very far.
I bet he could make some real positive changes to my life while taking advantage of my relative youth and I would only destroy his presidency and marriage. It would be unfair to switch back after.
All you would see is weapon development projects🤷♂️ I’m guessing that most things that are extreme got moved to some black site when Area 51 rumors started to spread
Curiously, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias, as it fell, was, "Oh no, not again!" Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly *why* the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.
It's real alright, you'll head down to Cheyenne Mountain and behold upon the beauty of the Stargate. A brilliant idea strikes you as you learn about how the Stargate works. You grab your golf clubs and have them dial out to a random inhabited world. Then, as you are about to hit the ball, the Stargate is beamed away.
It is crazy that there is stuff that is TOO classified even for the president. There are people who have a higher classified status than anyone in the 3 branches of government.
They're pretty dope. My old boss had a 61 and a 64 Stingray both in 4 speed manual. I was a mechanic so I got to work on them and take them for a spin to "make sure it's ok"
There is already a bill to move to permanent daylight savings. It passed the Senate last year and several states, but I believe still has to go through the house. If everything goes as planned this spring will be the last time we change our clocks.
While we’re at it, I’d use the same executive order to kill the imperial system of measurements, the penny, and chargers/adapters that take up more than one slot on power strips
Yup. It’s crazy and sad how little most people in the thread know what the president can and cannot do. The president cannot make laws, he’s the head of the executive branch, not the legislative one. He can only enforce them and direct policy on how to implement the existing laws.
Go to a dealership, ask to drive a Bugatti and then don't come back. Yes I'm aware a salesman would be in the passenger seat with you. Take him with you while you start running errands, maybe go to the strip club, ask for lapdances but tell the girls secret service doesnt let you have any cash...
Are you original Joe living it up getting awoke in someone else’s body or are you some poor sod having to deal with being president while convincing yourself you’re in good health?
Probably the biggest drawback with this is that such a policy would have to be an amendment to the constitution, since the lower age limits are already specified there
I cannot eat ice cream without lactaid and a prayer. This just made me realize that I would absolutely take that as a opportunity to eat all the ice cream and cheesecake.
Hey Donny I’m willing to pardon ya but, I gotta write it out on the thing so it’s sure you are covered. Just let me know what you need a pardon for and I’ll do it as a favor since I know you are winning this in next.
OH MAN. If everyone thought he went "Dark Brandon" because he was slightly impolite that one time...Lord have mercy on everyone else's souls, because I'm about to openly and publicly roast every single mf politician that I can.
I'd just start sprinting without saying a word to anyone. I wonder how far the president could get before the secret service would be able to stop you.
This is making me giggle pretty good just thinking about a Secret Service agent on the roof or something watching the President run down the driveway through the gate and down the street. Followed by increasingly panicked agents.
I just picture like when your dog starts avoiding you and runs when you try to stop them.
So fun story. When I worked at Camp David, there was a trail off camp called the “scene of the crimes”. This was because when George W was in office, he likes to mountain bike. Whenever he would bike, the secret service would also have bikes to follow him and what not. So this dude was fast. Like actually fast and the secret service agents often couldn’t catch up.
Side note: Dubya according to some buddies in the SS was one of the most elusive presidents as far as having him as your detail. He was in ridiculously good shape for his age and was like a child when it came to getting away from them. apparently he would just be chilling in his house and then bolt out of his garage on his bike and yell catch me if you can to his detail with a shit eating grin as they panicked and started to run after him.
I think you’re overestimating your ability to sprint in your newfound body.
I actually have an uncle who was a personal trainer at the White House for 15 years or so, and he told me a pretty interesting story about this tradition I had never heard of, where each President at some point will run a lap around the White House to see how fast they can do it, and compare their times to other Presidents. I think it started with Teddy Roosevelt, although not every President has taken part.
Michelle Obama tells a great story about her and the kids trying to escape the secret service to see the white house lit up after the gay marriage ruling (it had been a hard day on other fronts). The answer is not very far.
Truman show vibes
I just read that Calvin Coolridge totally pranked the SS that way. Secret Service, not the Nazis.
Sounds like an Onion piece
They should make a video game about this. See how far you could get each time
Nice try Joe…
You mean buzzfeed
Wonder if Joe Biden woke up in my body
I would probably call my old phone to see what happened
He did, malarkey is down 10% in your house.
Joe : IM FUCKING YOUNG AGAIN LETS GOOOOOOOO
A Freaky Friday plot
Oh hell.
Kimi Joe Na Wa
I bet he could make some real positive changes to my life while taking advantage of my relative youth and I would only destroy his presidency and marriage. It would be unfair to switch back after.
Thanks for that nightmare fuel, DancingFlame321
Whatever it is i bet it hurts and makes an awful noise.
Yup, welcome to old age.
Yeah you’re gonna wanna get outta be reeeeaaaal slow at that age.
go to area 51
All you would see is weapon development projects🤷♂️ I’m guessing that most things that are extreme got moved to some black site when Area 51 rumors started to spread
Then some FBI agent messes it up and you find yourself at Area 15 in Las Vegas, having a blast at OmegaMart
Naruto run around the place
*Not again”
Curiously, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias, as it fell, was, "Oh no, not again!" Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly *why* the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.
Ha! Alllll
Oh boy!
Oh, boy...
I always go to pee after waking up
Now imagine that with a 79 year old’s prostate
See if the Stargate program is real.
What if Stargate was allowed to air because it could be used to discredit anyone who found out about the Wormhole X-treme program?
It's real alright, you'll head down to Cheyenne Mountain and behold upon the beauty of the Stargate. A brilliant idea strikes you as you learn about how the Stargate works. You grab your golf clubs and have them dial out to a random inhabited world. Then, as you are about to hit the ball, the Stargate is beamed away.
Sorry Mr president we’re not at liberty to tell you.
SG-1 was just real life's version of Wormhole X-Treme
Indeed.
It is crazy that there is stuff that is TOO classified even for the president. There are people who have a higher classified status than anyone in the 3 branches of government.
On this note, executive order mandating another season of Firefly
It’s absolutely complete bull shit. If the CIA had that ability the last thing they would ever do is tell everyone about it.
"accidentally" leak the Ghislaine Maxwell list
Any% jail run glitchless
Rip some donuts in my Corvette while the secret service scrambles to keep up.
in my mind I thought you meant ravage a box of donuts lol
Actually it's a white Trans Am. It was even in the
Wait, I thought American presidents weren't allowed to drive on the open road. So you'd just do circles of the White House?
Big Diamond Joe energy
Blasting Panama the whole time and yelling "Tell those boys at the Onion that Diamond Joe is back!"
Fun Fact: If you're the president, you are NOT allowed to drive your own vehicles outside of the Whitehouse or your private property.
Play laser tag with the secret service and break my knees
Technically they're not your knees.
Go back to sleep, and hope I wake back up as me.
Never mind the stress, I don’t want to suddenly be 50 years older!
We need more people like this.
"where's the president?"
Pop to the toilet. All old men need to do that!
Young ones too. First things first.
Learn about aliens
If aliens were real, do we seriously believe that Trump would have kept his mouth shut about it?
Exactly the first thing I’d ask about
Ayy lmao where dem aliens at
Well, I've always wanted to drive a vintage Corvette.
They're pretty dope. My old boss had a 61 and a 64 Stingray both in 4 speed manual. I was a mechanic so I got to work on them and take them for a spin to "make sure it's ok"
Declassify the Kennedy documents finally
“Wow…Oswald actually acted alone. However, JFK and MLK Eieffel Tower’d Marilyn Monroe while RFK watched. We have both tapes.”
Crank call Putin
Hello, may I speak to Peter Gozinya?
"Hey, hey, Vladimir. Is your refrigerator running? ...what a coincidence, so are all the men in your country!"
You trying to get us nuked?
Order 200 pizzas to be sent to Putin's place with a note saying "Yummy in your tummy ❤️ V. Zelenskyy" just to make Putin super paranoid.
Send Obama a text asking if he wants to meet up for ice cream later.
You wanna go bowling, cousin?
Eat some chocolate chocolate chip
This. I would 100% try to hangout with Obama.
“Let’s meet for ice cream.”
On a TUESDAY?!
Playing hide n seek at the White House
With the grandkids!
Okay but that actually sounds fun
Post to Twitter.
I think this would be better:
I'd subtly embrace Dark Brandon memes.
I always found that line funny because they stole it from the Ridley Scott movie "White Squall". It's so weird.
Eat some chocolate chocolate chip
Grant US citizenship and give a large sum of money to my usual self, and hope I change back.
The most honest response on here.
I’d do the same thing to my friend who got their ass kicked back to New Zealand
I'd do the same to myself for about 80 million
Be happy I woke up.
Every day is a gift
Get rid of the asshole destroying the USPS.
Certainly you’re referring to Louis DeJoy. Read on for your disgust/enjoyment:
Unfortunately, as he is a non-political appointee, he does not serve at the pleasure of the President, and can't be fired by the Administration.
Probably lots of screaming.
Can an executive order permanently remove daylight savings time?
There is already a bill to move to permanent daylight savings. It passed the Senate last year and several states, but I believe still has to go through the house. If everything goes as planned this spring will be the last time we change our clocks.
You can do anything you want until it gets challenged.
While we’re at it, I’d use the same executive order to kill the imperial system of measurements, the penny, and chargers/adapters that take up more than one slot on power strips
Enjoy financial stability for a day
Scream uncontrollably once I notice what's going on.
Yeah... Turning into a very old man when I was a young woman the day before would be quite disorienting.
Eat snickers, I'm not myself when I'm hungry.
Nice ad
I don’t have a gold but please accept this upvote good sir
HailCorporate
Definitely not masturbate.
More for me then
But like... You'd take a peek right? Out of curiosity?
ITT: People thinking the president can do WAY more than he actually can.
I think the order of things has changed in the last 11 hours... It's now mostly about peeing, eating ice cream, aliens and sexual activity.
I mean maybe the thread is different for you, but most of the responses I've seen fall into three categories.
Yup. It’s crazy and sad how little most people in the thread know what the president can and cannot do. The president cannot make laws, he’s the head of the executive branch, not the legislative one. He can only enforce them and direct policy on how to implement the existing laws.
See how many stores will let me walk in and just take things until I'm either stopped or stood up to in any real way.
[удалено]
Go to a dealership, ask to drive a Bugatti and then don't come back. Yes I'm aware a salesman would be in the passenger seat with you. Take him with you while you start running errands, maybe go to the strip club, ask for lapdances but tell the girls secret service doesnt let you have any cash...
Conan? is that you?
Take a stroll out to the beach with a waffle cone in hand. Make the secret service dudes check under the waves for terrorists as I chuckle to myself.
Honestly presidents have done weirder things with secret service agents. Like the time a president pissed on one.
Legalize public dueling and let nature solve everything
"How I made Americans overwhelmingly support the 2nd Amendment"
Washington has mutual combat. That's basically public dueling, just without weapons.
This happened to me two years ago and it’s been great so far. You see those muscles?
Are you original Joe living it up getting awoke in someone else’s body or are you some poor sod having to deal with being president while convincing yourself you’re in good health?
You dogface ponysoldier!
Probably eat a snack and then see what’s up with Area 51.
Take that old man dick out for a test drive!
Dr. Jill could get it.
I also choose Joe Biden’s wife.
I'm surprised and oddly disappointed. I would have thought 'Bang his wife.' would have been much higher on this list.
Declare war on the penguins
Pittsburgh or Antarctic?
I'm a woman normally, so helicopter dick.
Start grooving to Bo Burnham's song about me.
Immmmmm
“They’re really gonna make me vote for Joe Biden”
Eat some chocolate chocolate chip ice-cream
Onlyfans.
holy shit imagine how much people would pay to see americAS ass. thats a great idea
Yawn, then go back to bed. Damn, I'm old and tired
Stand up and shake the hand of an imaginary person 🤝🏻
How do I launch all the nukes? I want to test something 😏
Fulfill a campaign promise to the best of ability within the confines of the law.
Whatever that goal is, it’s being shot down by congress
“Fuck!”
Figure out how to pass a law to set a maximum age of 65 for any federal government position
Probably the biggest drawback with this is that such a policy would have to be an amendment to the constitution, since the lower age limits are already specified there
Yes may be hard though since it would have to go through all sides first.
Get out of bed.
fking panic because im not at all qualified to govern anyone
Call a State of the Union and roast Ted Cruz for an hour straight.
After that hour I request Greg Abbott please
Just Ted Cruz?
Check my aviators collection.
Go back to sleep
[удалено]
“Execute order no malarkey”
Eat an ice cream 🍦😎🇺🇸
I cannot eat ice cream without lactaid and a prayer. This just made me realize that I would absolutely take that as a opportunity to eat all the ice cream and cheesecake.
Chocolate chocolate chip!
Making it illegal to play Christmas music before December 1st.
Prank calling Trump.
Hey Donny I’m willing to pardon ya but, I gotta write it out on the thing so it’s sure you are covered. Just let me know what you need a pardon for and I’ll do it as a favor since I know you are winning this in next.
Have a heart attack because my weak old man body can't take the insane stress of an unexpected body swap
Executive order to give everyone a scoop of ice cream by the end of the day. Mobilize the military to do it.
Ask Obama what to do.
Take a piss. Get out of bed. Start my day.
OH MAN. If everyone thought he went "Dark Brandon" because he was slightly impolite that one time...Lord have mercy on everyone else's souls, because I'm about to openly and publicly roast every single mf politician that I can.
Fuck Jill Biden
Likely have a glass of metamucil.
Go back to sleep. I'd be too old for this crap.
Probably “Fuck, I’m gonna die soon”.
Take some heart medication probably
Play with Willow, Major, and Commander. Especially Willow. I love cats.
Better Immigration systems
I’d probably put on my slippers, then shuffle to the restroom and pee. After, I’d drink a glass of water and brush my teeth, maybe blow my nose.
My first thought would probably be the same as the thought he has every single morning. “Who the fuck am I ?”
Bathroom.
Fall up a flight of stairs
For like a really long time, after a while make eye contact with some journalists and whisper "I'm actually Jim Carrey."
The reverse Trudeau
If you ever want to know what it's like, buy some dress shoes with leather soles and walk up carpeted stairs.
Release them aliens
i do the... uhh.. you know... the thing
The thing with the thing? Or the other thing?
Look around in a confused haze and then tell everyone that I’m not joe Biden. People will just think I’m Joe Biden.
Go find ice cream!
find mitch mcconnell and push him down a well.
Open up a dojo.
Visit all those people who want to fuck me.
Pokémon tournament. Everyone participates.
Ask "are aliens real?"