What's a dead giveaway that someone is not a good person?

  1. This is actually a pretty good indicator of a person with some kind of personality disorder like narcissistic. The clue you are looking for is that nothing is ever their fault. Unless it's really good, then of course it was all them.

  2. I can’t believe this doesn’t have more votes! Never having any part in any matter. I work with someone like this right now and it’s tough to take.

  3. It should be noted that these people sometime attempt to find a loophole around this by taking responsibility for things that aren't actually flaws, or conversely by making exaggerated and insincere gestures of taking responsibility in a ploy to elicit sympathy ("Clearly I'm the worst person in the world and everything is my fault!").

  4. I think this goes hand in hand with not taking accountability … NO SELF AWARENESS. & how do you get those people to acknowledge their faults to begin positive change? 🆘

  5. I work with a guy who's closing in on 70 years old. Easily 90% of the conversation I've had with him over the years is shitting on (really over the top, too)everyone that isn't me, and he's quite friendly to me, especially if he needs something. I can't remember if I overheard him, or if someone told me, but I know for sure he shits on me the same way when I'm not there.

  6. I've been practicing talking people up behind their back. If I don't have something positive to say, I just say as little as possible

  7. I guess a subtle one is them treating you differently in public vs how they treat you privately. These can both go either way.

  8. I've been having this issue with a "friend". Nice one on one, will help out when he can, but absolutely trashes me in front of others, especially women.

  9. I have an ex who pretty much wouldn't acknowledge me in public but treated me very well in private. Was very sweet, kind, loving, all that. But I basically didn't exist once we left the house or got out of the car. Still can't figure that one out.

  10. People who are always trying to manipulate a situation from the smallest things to the bigger issues. It is exhausting to be around them.

  11. My youngest sis does this. I told my mom years ago that i refuse to visit home for extended periods of time because she always starts a chaotic fight out of nothing then I'm trapped there for a week or two while everyone is in a bad mood because of her attitude. I will never stay longer than 3 to 4 days anymore.

  12. My mom used to do that all the damn time. Whenever I got in trouble when I was a kid, my mom would always blow the situation completely out of proportion and find any way she could to turn it into an hour long lecture about how I’m negatively impacting her reputation as a parent and I need to be a better kid.

  13. How someone treats another person based on their job title. Anyone who treats a server, maid, garbage person, etc like crap is just telling the world how much a piece they are.

  14. As a truck driver I get looked down upon by some. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me because of how much I get paid. I don’t have a college degree and I make a decent chunk of change. I feel like I made a good decision and nobody is going to take that from me. When it does bother me is when I’m accused of being stupid. I get the whole thought process of why were looked down on, I don’t however get why some think we’re all stupid. The trucking industry has just as many idiots as any other industry but we aren’t defined by them. The reason they’re so obvious as opposed to other industries, is because they’re driving huge trucks.

  15. Yeah I just had someone judging me for being a customer service rep. I mean, who you gonna call when you need that bill sorted out? But it made me feel bad for a minute.

  16. Treating people well only if they can benefit from them in some way. If they treat you well, but treat random people like shit, they aren't good people. And they'll treat you like shit too if you ever stop being of use to them.

  17. Some shitty people will treat you nice without expecting anything from you just because you are one of them, they won't treat people whom they don't consider one of them nice though.

  18. My version of this is…you can tell alot about a person by how they treat the wait staff. It may not be exactly the point you are trying to make, but thats my take on it.

  19. A complete lack of compassion, unless it's about themselves. Putting people down for fun. Never accepting responsibility for shitty behavior. Everything is always about them. Everything. Even if you're going through something difficult, suddenly they've been through the same thing, but worse. Even when they're being "generous" it's for public display and not from a genuine place. Sulking and throwing fits to get their way.

  20. As someone worried i talk about myself too much (lol doing it now), when its "always about me" do you mean like ignoring other peoples stories or heart to hearts? Whenever i chat and it gets deep if i can relate i often try to say a similar expierence if applicable to show i have an idea of how theyre feeling but its coming more from the intent to show i sympathize with friends. Is that what people mean when they say "all about themselves" as a bad trait?

  21. A former friend was a habitual liar. I thought he had a mental disorder or something because of it. Or he thought he needed to impress me with his lies so we could be friends. Then one day he told me he’s such a good liar and he’s gotten so many things in life because he lies.

  22. This might not be the same, but I knew a couple who rented an RV for a trip and the RV had a no dogs rule. The owner got the RV back and there was damage of some sort (maybe chewing?). The owner tried to charge them a $500 fee or something to fix it and they got a lawyer and denied bringing their dog. The guy was telling this story as if the lady was being unreasonable. I still can’t look at them the same.

  23. Or their apology is them just listing out problems about other people. The classic "I'm sorry that you have a problem with my actions" instead of "I'm sorry I did something wrong"

  24. When I was in my early 20s (20 years ago) I had a boyfriend who lived in my childhood bedroom with me at my parent's home. No matter how much I bugged him, he refused to thank them for feeding and housing him. He said that saying thank you implied he didn't deserve it.

  25. My borderline narcissistic mom used to accuse me of this when I was a kid. She was consistently the one never taking any blame for anything, but when I'd call her out on it, this would be her retort: projecting her "nothing's ever my fault" behavior onto me.

  26. Currently dealing with a family member who is refusing to take ownership of their actions, and fuck me it causes devastation… own your mistakes people, and learn from them.

  27. Narcissism is always one of my go-to tests. Second chances are great and all, but honestly if you run into a true narcissist, fuckin run. It's truly not worth the time and stress of dealing with those horrible individuals. You don't need them in your life, you don't need to give them a chance. They are 100% a type of person you can pretty safely just completely disregard.

  28. I have a friend like this. He's a very weird combo of pretty giving/thoughtful consciously (goes out of his way to help people etc.) but kind of subconsciously narcissistic. I think due to upbringing he's narcissistic but fights it.

  29. I cut a lot of people off like that when I realized they only hit me up when they needed me. “Hey bro you still have your truck? Need some help moving something this weekend” nah you ain’t talked to me in 5 months go get a uhaul

  30. I have some friends like this. They really are good people, just a little self centered. Rather than volunteering help, they have to be asked. They've always helped me move, or take stuff to the dump recently. It's because I learned I need to ask them.

  31. Who else is just scrolling through answers to either find out if you’re a bad person…or looking for an excuse to call yourself a bad person.

  32. I've found it more effective to use these threads to identify poor behavior I have and try to change it so I won't continue to be a "bad person" and if I'm not a bad person, how I can be a better person. Also, it helps people recovering from/ dealing with abuse to identify abusive behaviors so they can better avoid them.

  33. If they are willing to gas light you. I have memory problems due to MS, and when someone is willing to bend your reality there is a huge moral issue happening.

  34. This is so infuriating to me. My best friend has MS and we had a coworker who thought it was funny when he forgot shit. It’s not fucking funny.

  35. Wow, very specific situation and extremely cruel. I can see why you would feel someone is morally corrupt. I hope there are enough good people around you to help filter that out

  36. Ah yes, the Shrödinger's douchebag- they decide if the offensive or rude thing they say is a joke based on the audience's response.

  37. When people say “it’s just a joke” after they say something obviously rude/hurtful to someone. Unfortunately my one married SAHM friend does this to many of her friends and family members, myself included. Her and her brother stopped speaking because her SIL finally had the lady balls to tell her she’s never liked her and she was sick and tired of all of her rude “it’s just a joke” crap. Once when my husband and I were at my so-called friends house for a get-together she yelled out and pointed, in front of everyone, saying I was her geriatric friend (I’m 4 years older than her). Everyone just looked at her and gave her a wtf look and some of her friends started giving her shit for it so she tried to back-peddle saying it was just a joke. I gave her a look of disgust and said “wow thanks…” My husband and her husband weren’t in the room when it happened and my husband said if he was there he would’ve told her to F off. Another time a bunch of our friends were together for a concert and she yelled out abruptly to me, in front of everyone, “you’re old!” I was talking to one of my husbands coworkers at the time and we both just gave each other a “wtf is her problem” look and ignored her. She wonders why we rarely, if ever, hang out with her. Her husband is awesome, always fun to be around, and is super nice. My husband says she’s only like that around me because my husband and I don’t have kids, I’m skinnier, and I look younger than her so she feels inadequate/threatened. I don’t care how she feels, it’s not an excuse to be allowed to treat someone with such disrespect.

  38. I had a friend like this. She was nice and seemed to like me. Took me quite some time to figure out the odd thing that was missing in our relationship. She couldn't be happy for me. Not even a little 'Yeah good for you!' or something like that. Just radio silence. We split ways

  39. My (unscientific) theory is that this comes from having parents who pit their kids against one another/other people. My mom always made everything a comparison and a competition between her daughters because she's like this. Especially me as the "smart," one- my older sister was supposed to be the beauty and my younger sister the artist, so I got the most obvious pressure.

  40. I would agree with you about 99%. Then there’s the 1%, like my extremely socially awkward friend. He’s a super nice guy, very intelligent. But he’s not one for showing much emotion to his friends, for example. I just had my bachelor party and I invited him because I wanted him to get out of his shell a little bit and have fun. Well, he came to my party (to my surprise). But out of all of my buddies, he’s the only one that didn’t say congrats to me. I know he likes me as a friend because he does talk to me and ask me about my day or at least shows interest in my life. I think he just struggles to show what he thinks could be vulnerability. It’s very odd, but I would say he’s a good person at heart.

  41. Or in a milder way, tell you to “stop complaining” when you vent to them, but expect you to listen to their venting when they do.

  42. Definitely! It is quite telling. I have witnessed on a few occasions how people like that will suddenly apologize because they "didn't know it was the boss/manager/supervisor.

  43. A lot of times they’ll straight up tell you. Anybody who gleefully tells you “I’m such an asshole” or “I’m such a bitch” is usually not joking, even if they say it while laughing.

  44. Men who are so into the bullshit "alpha and beta male" thing and women who are so proud of being 'bitches' pretty much are screaming out that they have no redeeming or interesting qualities.

  45. I literally have pointed this out multiple times that it’s weird to me when people say this like it’s a bragging right. I tell people all the time as sort of just an honest assessment of my behavior “hey I can kind of be a dick sometimes” but it’s basically acknowledging that I say or do things that might offend someone but that I don’t mean to and I don’t wear it as a badge of honor, and that I work very hard to try to be better about not being that way. Like I do not like that I act like that sometimes. People who tell you that they’re an asshole and they laugh about it or double down on it and say that other people are too sensitive, are usually unpleasant.

  46. This is so true. I don’t know how some people can think that being rude is a good quality, but a lot of people do. It’s like a ‘always put yourself first’ mentality

  47. This is a huge one for me. A lot of comments in this thread are subjective and circumstantial, but hurting innocent animals (and in my opinion, also elderly people) is extremely crooked and awful.

  48. This happened to me at a red light yesterday. Heard something clunk against my car. Fast food box stuffed with trash thrown out of the passenger side by the driver. Just chucked it against my car while stopped. I was furious, yelled and honked, she ignored me while grooving to music on her headphones. I hate people sometimes.

  49. Friend's ex boyfriend used to harass and abuse her dog. A stray foot every now and then as an excuse as to why he knocked the dog off her feet, squeezing her paws so hard that she would cry, pointing a gun and shoving it in her face like he was going to hit her with it.

  50. I dated a girl for about a year. We were both in college, and lived with our respective parents (cheaper than a dorm, yo). We didn’t go to each other’s homes often.

  51. I think this is the biggest indicator I've seen to be true about bad people. They have no empathy towards animals.

  52. They talk horribly about others. Everyone gossips but when you’re talking about someone’s weight, depression, family issues etc in a nasty way… you’re not a good person

  53. my mother does this and just makes negative comments about others like its normal and i just stay quiet hoping she gets the idea

  54. A former coworker if mine showed themself to be comepletely psychotic on her first day. The entire day everything seemed normal, then right at the end of the day she came into my office laughing hysterically because she had to show me a video. It was a video of a guy committing suicide by jumping off a water tower. She said "He bounced real good" with the most maniacal grin on her face. She didnt last long.

  55. The scariest part is not that she thought that the video was funny (which is disturbing enough) but she has no social awareness to know others might not find it funny. Oh, and not that others might not find it funny, but basically complete strangers with whom you (presumably) want to make a good first impression on might find it offensive.

  56. Most of these comments I'm like...okay that person is shallow, that person is kinda self-centered, everyone has a bad day....but this one...yeah...that's a psychopath.

  57. This is the comment I was looking for. It has been such a solid indicator of a person’s character in the past, that I will pay particular attention to how someone I am just getting to know will treat servers and waitstaff.

  58. When they are ALWAYS the victim, I put my guard up because I've known too many who rewrite their reality and deny their accountability.

  59. Hey you’re not alone. I have almost no family whatsoever. I talk to my mom only when she’s sober. That’s about the only family I talk to besides my son and my boyfriend.

  60. Bonus naughty points if they then lied about having stolen from you. At least if they told the truth they could be considered an honest thief lol

  61. I'd add the caveat of consistently not matching. Sometimes people have valid reasons and sometimes shit happens. But if this happens consistently I start to wonder.

  62. To a point. If it's giving context like "ok, so just to be clear for what i'm about to say i don't believe this, but you gotta know the context to understand this next bit" then usually it's just giving context. Like the time I knocked out a lady outside a hotel. The context is she was trying to get in my pants and wouldn't take no for an answer, and was attempting to physically hold me against a wall and undo my belt.

  63. So this should be obvious but it's not. As a guy, don't trust another guy if he cheats on his spouse. If he'll betray the closest person to him, he doesn't care about his friends either, trust me

  64. I had a friend who I knew to be a good person casually mention he cheated on his wife while we were at a wedding. Laughed when he said it too as if looking for validation or assuming I was going to approve of it. It was awkward. I do think he regretted it but my opinion of him is forever changed.

  65. They cannot take criticism and think that they can do no wrong. If someone thinks that the whole world is against them without ever considering their own actions, then there is a problem.

  66. I not very good at taking criticism. It's not because I think I can do no wrong. It's actually quite the opposite. I think I mostly suck and I hate when others validate my own insecurities.

  67. Thinking that you always do stuff just to piss them off. When i was little (7 - 8 years) and was in school, i trip on the floor because it was wet (an asshole didnt put the wet floor sign) and i fall in a way that my frontal teeth took the damage, and they were destroyed. My mum to this day still believes i did it on purpose jusy to make her angry.

  68. They constantly state that they’re a good person and constantly brag about it. I get maybe talking about something kind you did for someone but if you’re constantly trying to prove to everyone that you’re a good person…. you’re probably not

  69. I have to say sometimes when I'm nervous in a conversion with a stranger I have noticed in many situations I have tolld a completely random story just to keep things from remaining quiet lol. The stories weren't very true lmao

  70. How they talk about their significant other/spouse/partner/whatever. If you talk shit about the person you supposedly love, you are a giant mountain of garbage.

  71. This is also a ridiculously difficult cycle to break out of. If you have problems with your significant other and you bitch to your family about them, your family will never treat them kindly even on the good days.

  72. This is also relevant with friends too if they’re shit talking anyone close, it’s usually a sign they’ll talk about you as well when you’re not around.

  73. They wrap themselves in virtue, constantly signaling to how they're so morally good, while doing not a damn thing for others. Really doing good requires sacrifice, not words!

  74. I can spot shit people usually like many examples given. I met many in my life but a truly bad, malignant person, only once and it took getting PTSD and threapy to survive them. They don't show anyone thing and by the time you see it, you're lucky to have survived and a victim. I wish truly bad people with no empathy, sympathy or any real emotions had an MO but they are very good at using people. I feel sorry for anyone who loves these people.

  75. I think overall the biggest tell for me is people who make lots of small lies or false statements. They can be bragging, or just obscuring truth enough to make something sound better, or any number of things tbh. And these aren't "white lies" these are just... reality denying things. Comments or statements that if you catch them are usually too small to be worth confronting. But there's a reason they will lie like that. They will escalate if you let them.

  76. I used to do this all the time, just say things in the way that made me sound the best. I became aware of myself doing it and tried to correct. I've recently divorced and moved back in with my mother, and realize where I got it from. That's kinda painful, realizing you were being not cool just cuz that's how you were raised.

  77. They are mean to animals or hate animals for no reason. I certainly understand allergies and that is a VERY good reason not to be around animals. I am talking about HATING animals. ALL animals for no reason.

  78. I stop going out in the desert to target practice with some people because they would shoot random animals and birds that came into view.

  79. They violate other people’s boundaries and refuse to respect them, even when repeatedly asked to. They wven laugh at the idea, like other people’s boundaries are absurd. Yet of course, they have their own they expect to be respected.

  80. When my partner and I were first dating, we went on a late night Wal-Mart run for the Xbox Live card they used (?) to sell. On our way back to the car, noticing the absolute abundance of scattered carts, we started talking shit about people like that. I said fuck it and asked if he wanted to help me put them away and without hesitation he said "hell yea, let's do it". We've been together for almost 7 years now :)

  81. Seeing as half of these comments are not actually describing bad people, I’m going to go ahead and say people who constantly judge others on the minor flaws in their character.

  82. That’s a very good observation! The women in the office is a great example of this. I don’t work in an office but I would feel like the woman was rude even if she has anxiety. I can understand how she feels. I personally would feel she didn’t want to talk to me because she thinks she is superior, thinks I’m dumb and insignificant. But, that’s not always the case as you implied. She could be anxious, fearful, and scared inside to talk to me more than I know.

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