What would the consequences be if, without any provocation, where you are right now, you impulsively and immediately shout “I HAVE A PENIS!!” as loud as you can?

  1. Absolutely nothing. I'm sitting in a parking lot in my car waiting for a DoorDash order to come in. It's the middle of the night. Nobody around to hear.

  2. Haha I was debating saying the same thing, my little dude is laying in the bed with me, and does not like loud noises

  3. Same except dogs. The 2 sleeping at the foot of my bed would probably jump 5 feet in the air and the 3rd would come running from the other room and look at me with a giant head tilt, like wtf was that??

  4. Idk why, but in my mind the first thing that came to mind was your wife detacting your penis like a banana from a bunch and putting it in a time-out corner lol

  5. Tried it. Husbad looks unimpressed and slightly confused, Baby (1,5years) went into her room, unimpressed too, and is now talking to the wall... no cconsequences i guess

  6. I would scare the shit out of my sleeping husband, cause I would be shouting right in his ear. If he didn't jolt up and smack his head into my face from the shock, he would turn over in bed, ask me "what the fuck?" Which is fair. Then he'd call me an idiot when I explained why I did it, and go back to sleep grumbling and probably wondering why he married me 🤷‍♀️

  7. I'm on a train. The girl sitting beside me would probably move to a different car. Worse, its 11 pm so someone might think I'm drunk, or drugged.

  8. Guys he just said he was at 11pm that means it’s anywhere from 5-7 am rn, ever think people might sleep (besides people woken up by I HAVE A PENIS)

  9. My 8-yr-old daughter would run into my room laughing and say "Mama!? Did you just yell that you have a penis?"

  10. My 5-year-old would find it hilarious and proceed to teach the phrase to everyone at school the next day, making me the teachers' favorite parent, I'm sure.

  11. Wake up my wife and kids and get scolded for saying penis while my sons is home and he’s 8 and feels the need to google everything he hears

  12. Out of curiosity. Why is the word penis something you cant use around your son? In my family its not something we avoid saying. No judgement btw.

  13. Please make sure to never punish his googling. His curiosity will bring him far in his life. He will be able to learn a lot and be motivated to study.

  14. Men would congratulate me with a standing ovation and there will be penis-shaped cakes for everyone.

  15. Hey, it happens. Sometimes we guys simply don’t notice the penis on our dates, it’s such a common occurrence and really happens on a regular basis. Very unfortunate, of course I’m not saying we would stop what we’re doing even if we did but you get the idea.

  16. I’d wake my pregnant wife and my dog. Then neither would go back to sleep and I’d have to deal with hormones + her being super tired in the morning. Might not make it out alive

  17. I think most people on the bus would stare at me for a hot minute and then carry on with their lives. Someone might compliment me on being very female passing? (I do not in fact have a penis)

  18. My kids would probably wake up, and they would definitely be confused. I just spent about 20 minutes last night arguing with my 3 year old that I do not, in fact, have a penis.

  19. my asian mom would come into my room and slap the shit out of me and drag me down into the basement.

  20. My dogs would lose their shit because I’m screaming. My roommate would be thoroughly confused and my boyfriend would probably ask me to prove it. But all in all the biggest consequence would be three very excited Malinois that I would have to calm down.

  21. Airport security would maybe throw me out, certainly I would get some serious scrutiny by security, maybe someone would shout, “Me too!”

  22. My parents would wake up, they don't understand english, so i guess they would see if i'm ok, since i never shout, specially at night

  23. My brother and I would play a game at grocery stores where we would say penis ...but each time it had to be louder until the other person stopped or was to embarrassed..... Lol good times

  24. Would be weird. I’m at the hospital having a non-stress test that monitors the movement of the baby inside the uterus

  25. Well congratulations on your young one! And yes, shouting something having to do with genitals in that scenario would be very weird.

  26. Right now here in the meeting room? Probably nothing, the people I'm with have the mental ability of a drunken mollusk.

  27. Dog would probably open his eyes, look at me then spend the next 10 minutes standing up, circling in his bed, laying down, then standing up, circling in his bed, laying down and so on.

  28. I’m in my office alone as a secirity guard and no one is around me for meters. I could go outside right now and yell fuck as loud as i want

  29. as I'm very definitely female. people would want to know where I'd got it from, was the body dead when I removed it, if so who killed the donor of my new toy, if not weren't there some objections while I was removing it...

  30. I would wake my poor mother up and scare the cat. The cat's judgemental anyway, I can only imagine her reaction to my new gender identity issues

  31. My three young children would wake up. This would cause my partner to be extremely angry. I would most likely lose downstairs privileges for the short term future. I would potentially also be confined to the sofa for at least one long rest. By then I could potentially roll a persuasion check to resume physical contact and potential coitus however my charisma is low/

  32. My coworkers would look at me weird, but other than some mild embarrassment, nothing really. We'd laugh and move on. We talk about weird shit all the time.

  33. My wife and oldest son laughed, my dog just stared at me, my wife’s dog growled and my son’s dog didn’t even flinch.

  34. Depends where you say it.. an elementary school you might be a sex offender for life. A gay bar… well ur sex offended for the duration of the day.

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