What would the consequences be if, without any provocation, where you are right now, you impulsively and immediately shout “I HAVE A PENIS!!” as loud as you can?

Absolutely nothing. I'm sitting in a parking lot in my car waiting for a DoorDash order to come in. It's the middle of the night. Nobody around to hear.

Might wanna check your backseat

In traffic in Brooklyn, would be totally appropriate

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Then do it bruh. Yell to your heart’s desire

My parents wake up, say “no you do not” and possibly smack me upside the head.

Not their favorite son?

Same lmfaoo 😭

I'd scare my cat.

Haha I was debating saying the same thing, my little dude is laying in the bed with me, and does not like loud noises

I'd scare my cat and confuse the actual fuck out of my husband. Some benefits to both though......

I’d scare that dudes cat too

I'd scare my dog

I was about to say I’m dog sitting, I would likely startle the dogs but no other consequences

They're right. I am the cat.

Same except dogs. The 2 sleeping at the foot of my bed would probably jump 5 feet in the air and the 3rd would come running from the other room and look at me with a giant head tilt, like wtf was that??

Love that this is at the top. I, too, would startle cats. On top of my sneeze 20 minutes ago, one might very well plot a Shawshank escape.

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Our roommate

“PrEEsennnnnt ARMS!”

oh my god they were roommates

Cartman: Suck my balls Ms. Chokesondick. Chokesondick: Present them....

My husband responded: “why? Just in general?”

My roommate just said "Whoo! Me too!" from his respective room lol

This inspired me to do it.

this made my night

Lol! Beautiful! Love it!

Nothing. I'm at home alone.

No you’re not, I’m in your walls

Wife would remove said penis as she just got my son to sleep.

Then you scream I NO LONGER POSSESS A PENIS

Similar story here. I'd wake one, if not both of the kids. Then there'd be serious hell to pay.

Idk why, but in my mind the first thing that came to mind was your wife detacting your penis like a banana from a bunch and putting it in a time-out corner lol

The nearest 4 blocks would go deaf from me mislabeling my genitals

that's a sentence I never thought I'd read ngl

brandnewsentence

Tried it. Husbad looks unimpressed and slightly confused, Baby (1,5years) went into her room, unimpressed too, and is now talking to the wall... no cconsequences i guess

What, do you not talk to walls?

I’m an elementary teacher on my lunch break in the staff lounge. So no. 🫠

Yeah, that would completely destroy your career. Wise move.

Several hours later, but now same for me.

I would scare the shit out of my sleeping husband, cause I would be shouting right in his ear. If he didn't jolt up and smack his head into my face from the shock, he would turn over in bed, ask me "what the fuck?" Which is fair. Then he'd call me an idiot when I explained why I did it, and go back to sleep grumbling and probably wondering why he married me 🤷‍♀️

Not sure that I could ever bring myself to where my reddit handle with my SO. Might explain why I’m getting divorced though.

This would be me too!

Tag em!

Are u big spoon

I’d get thrown off this Disney cruise ship.

there ain’t nowhere to go but wet off one o’ those

sir, this a playground

Sir, this is an Arby’s

I'm on a train. The girl sitting beside me would probably move to a different car. Worse, its 11 pm so someone might think I'm drunk, or drugged.

Did you die?

Ok guys so i kinda cheated on this one.

Guys he just said he was at 11pm that means it’s anywhere from 5-7 am rn, ever think people might sleep (besides people woken up by I HAVE A PENIS)

you went to jail didnt you?

6 hours passed. You're in jail, aren't you dude? Big respect.

It's been 3hrs now?, we are curious mate..

Are you ok??

No, dont do it!

Dude, it's been 5 hours already. Are you still alive?

DUDE 6 HOURS

Looks like the girl had other ideas.

This is just the penis game with more words

Lmao I was looking for the penis game in here

I'm going to regret this.

My 8-yr-old daughter would run into my room laughing and say "Mama!? Did you just yell that you have a penis?"

Kids are precious. lol

That's just normal behavior for me

My wife would say, "I said I have a headache!"

As I am a 57F my much younger M roomie would be in his room thinking "WTF?"

dooooo itttttttt

Do it!!

My 5-year-old would find it hilarious and proceed to teach the phrase to everyone at school the next day, making me the teachers' favorite parent, I'm sure.

Wake up my wife and kids and get scolded for saying penis while my sons is home and he’s 8 and feels the need to google everything he hears

Your 8 year old son doesn’t know what a penis is?

Wait until he looks in his pants, he's going to be shocked.

my son knew penis/vagina at age 1.

Out of curiosity. Why is the word penis something you cant use around your son? In my family its not something we avoid saying. No judgement btw.

he's right. I am the son

Please make sure to never punish his googling. His curiosity will bring him far in his life. He will be able to learn a lot and be motivated to study.

Men would congratulate me with a standing ovation and there will be penis-shaped cakes for everyone.

Everybody likes a good old penis-shape sweet.

Can I have your cake? 🥵

Do it! I want some cake!

The demons of the forest would have something to talk about

My wife would chuckle and ask, "Reddit?"

based wife

My mom would probably text me “Go the fuck to sleep”

My man would be very confused as to how he missed it the last 4 years... then I would put it in his butt.

Hey, it happens. Sometimes we guys simply don’t notice the penis on our dates, it’s such a common occurrence and really happens on a regular basis. Very unfortunate, of course I’m not saying we would stop what we’re doing even if we did but you get the idea.

Surprise buttsecks!

Tried. Woke up the wife. She was scared.

Why? Didn't she know you have one?

"Yes, I know, stop telling me" - my wife, probably.

I’d wake my pregnant wife and my dog. Then neither would go back to sleep and I’d have to deal with hormones + her being super tired in the morning. Might not make it out alive

..my father in law paused the TV, turned up his hearing aids, and yelled "What?!?"

Glad to give you a hand.

Wife is sleeping. Would get the shit beat out of me. 0/10 would not recommend.

So I just did that and we'll my wife threatened it saying not for much longer if I wake her again

This is a good one LOL

You would probably get arrested, for the simple crime of enjoying a succulent Chinese meal.

This is democracy manifest!

My uni prof will kick me out of class

I think most people on the bus would stare at me for a hot minute and then carry on with their lives. Someone might compliment me on being very female passing? (I do not in fact have a penis)

My younger brothers would laugh and my mom and grandma would say 'Oh come on, nobody needs to know that!! '

My kids would probably wake up, and they would definitely be confused. I just spent about 20 minutes last night arguing with my 3 year old that I do not, in fact, have a penis.

That poor kid would probably go nuclear.

my asian mom would come into my room and slap the shit out of me and drag me down into the basement.

Fr any Asian kid who chooses life will absolutely not do this ever.

I'd wake up my husband and he'd tell me to put the strap-on away and go to sleep.

OH FOR… LOL

My parents in the other room would yell back "WHAT??" and I'd say "NOTHING ITS FOR A GAME"

My dogs would lose their shit because I’m screaming. My roommate would be thoroughly confused and my boyfriend would probably ask me to prove it. But all in all the biggest consequence would be three very excited Malinois that I would have to calm down.

My dog would be alarmed.

Airport security would maybe throw me out, certainly I would get some serious scrutiny by security, maybe someone would shout, “Me too!”

The slugs would come

Then they would check if its true

My parents would wake up, they don't understand english, so i guess they would see if i'm ok, since i never shout, specially at night

Everyone would wake up and probably tell me to stfu

My brother and I would play a game at grocery stores where we would say penis ...but each time it had to be louder until the other person stopped or was to embarrassed..... Lol good times

My cat would continue to ignore me.

Would be weird. I’m at the hospital having a non-stress test that monitors the movement of the baby inside the uterus

Well congratulations on your young one! And yes, shouting something having to do with genitals in that scenario would be very weird.

Non, maybe my neighbor will give me a weird look tomorrow tho i doubt he could hear me.

My cat would come running and look around for the treatsnis's

my mom would wonder what dumb video I'm quoting

then i wouldn't be typing this comment

A man would walk out of my closet from the dark and shout back “show me!”

Wife is just staring at me.

We need an updated report sir

My roommate would yell "Me too" back probably.

The consequences will be very very severe. In fact life changing. I'm at a meeting with 100 people.

Funny look from a spouse. Maybe questions from a child.

I would probably startle the cat.

I'd probably scare my cat.

My wife would wake up, and I would indefinitely go to sleep.

Right now here in the meeting room? Probably nothing, the people I'm with have the mental ability of a drunken mollusk.

My wife would say, "I know, we used it to make some babies dummy" lol

Im at school waiting to get my books. Probably a bunch of people in my school stating to laugh

My wife would laugh and then go back to reading.

I'm at work. I work at a high school in Japan. The word Penis is the same in Japanese.

My roommates would come into my room concerned, mainly because i don't have one.

I think my workmate would dispute this, even though I'm male. We like to banter.

It would most likely wake up the sleeping child.

Oof. Let’s not do that.

I'd probably lose this teaching gig.

The teacher wouldn't be happy

I’d annoy myself with the sudden loud noise

My dog would wake up. My sister probably would, too.

My roommate would think I'm looking at a stupid meme or some shit. We say a lot of dumb shit for now reason

I would wake up my little dog and scare the shit out of him.

I’d probably scare my dog

Probably scare my cat

My dad would probably yell from upstairs “I know, go the fuck to sleep!”

My dogs would probably give me a dirty look for waking them up. Nobody else is here so it wouldn't matter.

My cats would jump.

Dog would probably open his eyes, look at me then spend the next 10 minutes standing up, circling in his bed, laying down, then standing up, circling in his bed, laying down and so on.

My husband would be surprised he never noticed

I’d probably scare the animals.

My dog would be so angry that I woke him up

I’m in my office alone as a secirity guard and no one is around me for meters. I could go outside right now and yell fuck as loud as i want

My cat would look at me weird, might wake up the dog

I'd wake the cats up. They'd glare at me and then go back to sleep.

My pets would look at me like "Human is screaming again... must hide."

I would startle my cat. Otherwise I'm home alone.

I might get kicked off the bus... maybe. It’s an Oregon bus.

My dog will look back at me then leave me to sleep in his bed letting me sleep alone

My cat may or may not look up from his slumber 🤣

Wife would be confused and my dogs would probably start barking.

Again?!

Prob my Parents thinking I'm going to go insane

My husband told me to stop yelling because he has to get up early. Hes not very happy right now.

One of my cats' ears twitched slightly. That's the only reaction I got.

My cat would probably stare at me for waking her up...or not.

I think I'd scare the cat.

as I'm very definitely female. people would want to know where I'd got it from, was the body dead when I removed it, if so who killed the donor of my new toy, if not weren't there some objections while I was removing it...

My cat would look at me like I've gone insane (which I have)

My neighbors would passive-aggressively slam their windows.

Gf would wake up and tell me I'd be living as if I didn't have one for a while.

I would wake my poor mother up and scare the cat. The cat's judgemental anyway, I can only imagine her reaction to my new gender identity issues

I'd probably frighten my cat and lose her as a snuggle buddy.

My puppy would wake up. So dire consequences….

I'm at work alone right now so nothing probably. But its a library so nothing can hide my shout when people walk by

My three young children would wake up. This would cause my partner to be extremely angry. I would most likely lose downstairs privileges for the short term future. I would potentially also be confined to the sofa for at least one long rest. By then I could potentially roll a persuasion check to resume physical contact and potential coitus however my charisma is low/

In this case you must be upset you didn't pick a bard

My coworkers would look at me weird, but other than some mild embarrassment, nothing really. We'd laugh and move on. We talk about weird shit all the time.

nothing since there's a zillion people in the main room here at school right now hahah

The blokes in the toilets at work would be surprised that’s for sure

Well, at least, you'd become popular

Both my cats would haul ass outta my room and rip apart my legs getting off my lap

I’d be fired for sexual harassment or something like that

My wife and oldest son laughed, my dog just stared at me, my wife’s dog growled and my son’s dog didn’t even flinch.

Depends where you say it.. an elementary school you might be a sex offender for life. A gay bar… well ur sex offended for the duration of the day.

Nothing. I am at a strip club right now in Florida. And I am a foot taller than the biggest bouncer.

I think my family would probably laugh.

My girlfriend would be confused I think. Let me try.

Doing it right now in front of my family.

I would wake up my family, and probably 4 other families too.