What is a subtle sign someone isn’t a good person?

  1. Once had a live in ex that went off on me for buying everything on our shopping list. I thought he would be excited. Instead he accused me of only doing it to rub it in his face that I "wear the pants" and can provide more than he could. And said I made him feel like a loser and it was shitty of me to have bought the things we needed.

  2. I worked with a woman like this. She was the only one in the room allowed to be successful. Fucking toxic.

  3. Actually cut a friend out of my life over this. Out of the 5 of us in our friend group him and I were the last ones living with our parents. When I bought my first place he got pissed off and started lamenting the fact that he would be the only one living at home still.

  4. This is the basis for a good LPT: When finding someone to mentor you in something, try to get someone who's already had significant success in the subject. They will be much less likely to later envy your success than a less accomplished mentor will.

  5. Passively aggressively insulting you in front of a group of people in such a way that you can’t say anything back without looking like you’re the emotional one even though you know that they intentionally insulted you to disrespect you.

  6. My new go-to phrase for this is to laugh and say “yea that is a bit weird/embarrassing that I do that/am like that… is there a reason you have brought it up in this particular moment?”

  7. this. i hate this. my dad does this, or he’ll dish it out, but throw a fit and threaten you if you give it back, there’s no winning.

  8. They have a habit of talking bad about other people behind their backs and spreading gossip and rumor. You can tell a lot about a person by observing how they talk about their peers behind their back. When a person occasionally vents by talking bad about someone (like their boss, or classmate) because of some unpleasant experience, that's okay. We all do it. But when a person habitually talks shit about people behind their back, that's a big red flag.

  9. Literally everyone at my fire department. Its like constantly working in a high school locker room filled with drama. Im over it, I just sit by myself all day everyday now. Now they talk about me.💁‍♂️ Fuck em.

  10. My mother was outwardly the sweetest angel and behind closed doors never had a nice thing to say about almost anyone.

  11. To jump on this, I respect people more if they’re willing to say things directly to someone’s face. I may not like them because they’re a bit of a dick, but at least they’re not a two faced dick.

  12. Sounds like my father. It's honestly kind of shocking to overhear his work calls, as he'll go from talking to someone and acting like he likes and respects them to trash talking them the second the call ends.

  13. My friend fits this description, and the most obvious external signs are: whatever he does, sees, has, or knows, are OBVIOUSLY the only correct thing to do, see, have or know. It never crosses his mind to consider the idea that maybe, he isn't a one-person microcosm of The Way Things Are.

  14. The electricity bill shot up and my brother was blaming it on my dad using his iPad mini, but not his PC set up with two monitors, studio lights, boom mic, and the new electric scooter he got.

  15. Yes! Have been thinking about this a lot lately. I used to be stuck interacting with a girl who weaponized the secrets of everyone around here - she lived for collecting other people’s traumas and discussing them with 3rd parties over drinks lol.

  16. First time I met my neighbor, she instantly told me all the dirt about her supposed best friend in the neighborhood, plus she was not so subtly pouting about "why does everyone wanna hang out with them?" (meaning her supposed bff and bff's husband.) "Everyone thinks they're so cool but like, they're not." First hang out, I kid you not. Then she got very upset months later when I stopped hanging out with her full stop and wondered why we weren't besties. Cuz you trashed your supposed bff within minutes of meeting me?? Pass.

  17. I know a guy who just randomly, and unwarranted, will tell me private info about other people in his life and some of it is very personal. I actually get embarrassed for the people that this doofus goes around telling everybody about.

  18. Had a coworker, who I was not friends with outside of work, but who was "close friends" with another coworker, tell me something intensely personal about her friend. She followed it up with "she told me in confidence so don't tell anyone this because I'm not supposed to tell anyone." I said "then why are you telling me?"

  19. This is a great answer. Believe it or not there are people who avoid gossiping and rumor mongering, but they’re few and far between

  20. Littering. It's not a violent act or anything, but it does indicate a lack of respect that usually carries into other aspects of the person's life.

  21. I feel the same way about a number of things people do when driving, specifically using your turn signal. The use of your signal lets other drivers (and sometimes pedestrians) know your intent - allowing them to better anticipate your actions. Not using it indicates you are only thinking about yourself...which is probably how you live the rest of your life.

  22. Completely agree. My brother and I were driving somewhere and he took the wrapper off a sandwich and was about to throw it out of the window. I asked him not to do that. He didn’t quite understand why I was being such a stickler about it. I told him that littering is an act of disrespect to the environment and everyone around.

  23. My best friend's girlfriend threw trash out of her truck when she was driving around. Said she had always done that since she was a kid. It was, in fact, reflective of her character, as we all found out later.

  24. This is the best one on here, its such a small thing in the grand scheme of things but it does say a lot about a person.

  25. Had a friend once leave their trash on the table of a cafeteria. Told him to pick it up and he said that it's the janitors job to pick it up and that he's providing work for them. It really pissed me off because my mom is a janitor/cleaner.

  26. You are right, but I'd like to point out that there's also a possibility of an abusive childhood. Sometimes I still lie for no reason and it's very much because I spent my entire childhood doing it. I'm working on it, but man, it's like my mouth moves faster than my brain.

  27. This. My ex came across as the ‘nicest’ person ever. Soft spoken, never wanting to offend anyone, ignoring problems bc he was non confrontational, friends with ‘everyone’…..you know the type.

  28. So this is something ive struggled with but on the abuse side. I was raised where everything I did was up for questioning and if its reasoning didnt meet my moms standards and expectations, it ended poorly for me in any multitude of ways. This lead me to being a very good liar and having a bit of a silver tongue because id get so mentally terrified of lash back that my best defense was to simply make sure I was never in a position to be questioned. Its put me in such a bind that I dont know who I am as a person and I struggle to make any meaningful connections because up until I moved out I was subservient to someone who wanted modeling clay but got a child.

  29. I used to magnify everything I did when I was younger because I was seeking validation so much. I started to recognize the pattern in my late teen/early 20's and god damn it was hard to adjust.

  30. Worked with a guy who would do this all the time. One time he said something on a conference call regarding someone and then said “I’m just joking.” The person who was the target of said “joke” replied “No you’re not.” And there was a good 3 seconds of awkward silence before that call carried on.

  31. i can't be around people like this. As soon as they start displaying this behavior I'm immediately gone. I've been around this way too much and I have too much self respect to put myself through that again

  32. I had a former high school friend come over not too long ago, and the entire time she was poking fun at my clothes, my weight, the video games I was playing, the music I was playing. The first time I was thinking okay whatever, she’s always been kinda snooty, but eventually I got tired of it and told her off. Shit like that is just so unnecessary.

  33. I also came here to say that the biggest sign is someone who doesn't understand the difference between joking/humor and bullying. Saying or doing something that you know will hurt someone else, because you think that hurting someone else is funny, just means you're a douchebag.

  34. Had a friend like that, I ignored that behavior until I noticed how toxic he was to his very vulnerable girlfriend after a few drinks (with me there, that's saying something). Told her that if he treats her like that more often she might be better off leaving him, and kinda ghosted him myself.

  35. Ong. I’ve seen people on tiktok getting upset bc their love language is touch, but someone else doesn’t. To the “I’m asking nicely, give me what I want.” Audio. It makes me mad.

  36. "I was iffy about them kicking kittens, mocking orphans, and taking dumps on random people's lawns, but it was the Santa-slapping that convinced me there was a problem."

  37. Happens every single time this question gets posted. "When they treat service people like shit". Mf that is not a sign that they're a shitty person. That's just them being a shitty person.

  38. I know I’m like dying over here reading these. I guess the subtlety of the word subtle went right over everyone’s heads

  39. "Not a lot of people notice this, but if you see someone committing senseless violence, it's a sign they might not be a good person."

  40. I think these things usually start out small. I ignored a coworker lying to me on the first day. I thought it was a misunderstanding. It was innocuous and inconsequential.

  41. They are nice to a few people and an asshole to the rest. I've noticed that a lot of people find it easy to ignore someone being rude, mean or a general asshole to others just as long as that person is nice to them. Personally I think it's a matter of time until they also are on the receiving end of the bad behaviour.

  42. I used to have a business partner who acted like that. I once got into a disagreement with one of his long time friends over how shitty my partner treated everyone. "But he's nice to me and you." Sure, but that's not what counts. He was an asshole to everyone else, and he should have been judged by how he treated the people that didn't benefit him.

  43. People who will be like „I only judge people on my own experience“ I mean yeah there are a lot of rumors around certain people. But if ten people tell you someone can’t trusted in most cases you shouldn’t trust them.

  44. If you have someone that you know that talks trash about others... odds are very high that they are also talking trash about you to others.

  45. Their treatment of the weakest members of society including defenceless animals, the homeless and those in low service positions.

  46. Borrowing money and forgetting to / claims he already paid it back. Borrowing tools / clothing and breaking or ruining them. By this time you should cut all ties.

  47. Or if not money, when it's a matter of helping each other out or doing favors, if they "forget" whatever you have done for them if you ever ask for help. It becomes non-mutual because you help them, and they never feel that they owe you anything in return. They're takers

  48. Failing to return a grocery cart to the designated spot. Seems insignificant but it really speaks to a self centered state of mind, especially when they leave them blocking another parking spot. It’s the “it’s someone else’s problem” mentality.

  49. I worry I come across like this sometimes, I’ll listen to someone talk about themselves and once done. I’ll try to empathise with them and say something about myself or someone I know who had something similar

  50. They react negatively to others accomplishments. Ie: pointing out something negative about a person being praised.

  51. I smirk/laugh at inappropriate times and can rarely keep stories straight even when they are from my own life...but I've often described myself as the villain in most people's stories and even my own. Does that make me a bad person?

  52. I'll admit, this is something I have to continue to work on. It has been brought to my attention a couple times when I have unconsciously done it, and the scary thought to me is that I've probably done it many times more than for those which I've been called out. Recovering narcissist, Trying my best. Thank you for yet another reality check, I need to be better, which is why this thread caught my eye.

  53. Just so everyone knows, being rude to waitstaff and abusing animals isn't subtle and it's not really an unknown sign someone is shitty just as an aside.....

  54. These sorts of questions trip people up a lot because they aren’t as creative as they think the Majority of the time. If more people knew of the subtle less talked about signs of bad people. We would be friends with a lot less bad people to begin with I suppose.

  55. Having zero accountability and saying anything they can to get out of their bad actions. “I’m not wrong, you’re misinformed” — avoid this person if they are clearly wrong. Just, run!

  56. When you think they are really great people, responsible/kind/good, but then after a while you look back on situations and realise you had been duped and they are incredibly manipulative.

  57. In my experience, it usually starts out subtly, or in such small doses that you brush it off as a quirk or a momentary lapse of judgement because they are such nice people otherwise.

  58. I think what you are describing here is a person with extreme amounts of CHARISMA. Charismatic people are two ways. One, extremely likeable, and usually together with respect for others and well liked by their peers. The second is well liked with the INTENTION of manipulating the person they are with, WITH the aforementioned knowledge of themselves. Which is evil. I've had to deal with and recon with this same thing and it took me years to figure out WHY and HOW and that YES it can happen to me(and you) too. Good luck.

  59. It's crazy too, you don't realize it's going on till you get a chance to step back from the whole situation. It just shows you really have to be careful and be really picky with your trust. People like that are master manipulators.

  60. People who have never done anything wrong. If you’ve known a person for any amount of time and you’ve never heard them say “I’m an asshole, i fucked up..” they are probably a terrible person and will victimize you in ways you can’t imagine

  61. And on the flip side, if you screw up and apologize to them and they respond by bashing you and telling you all the ways you suck. Like, dude, I know I screwed up, I'm apologizing to you, you don't need to continue to beat me up for it. Especially if it was a fight or mutual disagreement and they could reciprocate by alologizing for their part in it, but choose to just dump on you instead.

  62. I had someone at my old job call in because his cat of 10 years passed away and people were mad because he called in.

  63. I know it's bad that I don't call my mum often enough, but I didn't think sex had anything to do with it. Until now.

  64. I've learned that when someone is claiming to be really "direct" or "blunt" or "honest" it is often a self justification for being controlling and rude.

  65. I really like this one! It’s the claim to be really direct, blunt, or honest…not actually being direct, blunt, or honest for me. I mean, I know some awesome people who are very blunt, often without realizing it bc it’s their natural style. The difference is that they feel remorse and apologize if they find out their bluntness caused someone else to feel needlessly uncomfortable.

  66. This is a good subtle one - as the post asked for. Not necessarily doing something outright rude or disrespectful, but failing to act like a good person when the opportunity presents itself.

  67. A lot of these are kind of blatant. To me a really subtle clue is when people are unable to be happy for others the moment things go wrong with their own life. Less obvious than people who fail to empathize with pain, and also less obvious than people who dismiss or minimize accomplishments, but ultimately indicative of the same empathy deficiency. Specifically in acquaintanceships and close friendships.

  68. You know my friend got married recently and at her hen do, she was retelling how her now- husband proposed to her. One of her friends (not a mate of mine) started butting in about how her fiance proposed to her on a tropical holiday.

  69. One time the girl I thought was my best friend, when my boyfriend and I broke up, said "I'm actually kind of glad y'all weren't perfect, it makes me feel better about my relationship issues." I was suicidal and needed someone by my side. I realized right then and there she was never around for me.

  70. I met a guy at a restaurant this weekend who had this awesome handi-custom Silverado. We saw him pull up and back into a spot, and the whole driver’s side of the cab lifted up gull wing-style, a platform under his chair slid out and lowered him down, and he had just a regular wheelchair, nobody with him or motorized chair, and rolls himself in and up to the table where he was meeting a pretty big party. My son kept asking questions about him, like why don’t his legs work and stuff like that, and I didn’t know, and after a while he turned around to look outside and made eye contact with my son, who waved and said “HIIIII!!!” across the restaurant. He waved and smiled, and I nodded to him, and my son wanted to go talk to him, so we did. Son asked him about his legs, and I told him his truck was awesome, and we talked about it for a minute, he told me it has hand controls for everything and it still has one seat in the back even with all the equipment, 4WD and a hydraulic trailer hitch so he can lower it, back up to a trailer and lift it to connect the ball before he gets out and hooks up the lights and chains. Said it’s a sweet setup, and his last truck just had a crane in the bed that lifted his chair out and swung it around by the driver’s door so he could get in and out. Anyway, after a minute of me gushing about how cool that setup is, he said he hopes nobody parks next to him because then he’ll have to wait until they leave to get in, and I realize he’s not in the handicap spot. I told him I didn’t notice anyone else obviously handicapped in there, and he said usually when it’s raining people think it’s ok to take those spots so they don’t get wet. And sure enough, when we walked out one of the spots was taken by a Land Rover with no handicapped plate or mirror tag. Just some horrible asshole who didn’t want to get slightly moist walking across a parking lot.

  71. The common denominator. They fall out with people all the time but it’s always the other persons fault or family members don’t talk to them but that’s not their fault because they’ve done nothing wrong. It’s never them, it’s always everyone else is out to get them or is unreasonable, yet they’re the only common denominator in all the situations with all these supposedly shitty people

  72. Making someone feel stupid for not knowing something instead of just explaining it… makes me wanna burn em alive :)

  73. TBF, I’ve been in some dumb rooms before. Though it typically had more to do with lack of effort by others than intelligence. In retrospect, I was probably the dumb one for trying, given the outcomes. I’m glad I work somewhere else now.

  74. When everything in their life is happening to them, as if they have no agency or control over their own consequences.

  75. Some languages and cultures don't use words like these much, resulting in it being a harder thing for some people than others.

  76. Someone mentioned subtle… so I’ll try to mention somethings I go by that might not be that obvious

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