Men of Reddit, What are women not ready to hear?

  1. Diamonds are a huge scam and a waste of money, and expecting your man to drop tens of thousands of dollars on an engagement and/or wedding ring EACH is vain and selfish as fuck.

  2. This morning I informed my wife that our daughter’s car needs new brakes and has a leaky power steering pump. She was not ready to hear that.

  3. This will get lost, but I don't control whether my penis is hard. Sometimes my brain is very happy looking at you and my dick doesn't work. It's a penis, it's not a divine judge of your hotness. Stop getting mad/crying when it doesn't happen. It makes both of us feel like shit and neither of us deserve it.

  4. You know, in general I have horrible self esteem. But seeing a post like this makes me feel better about myself BECAUSE I know exactly that and I can't believe some women would actually throw a fit over something like that. Especially if you try to explain it and they don't believe you. It's the same as if I explain to you how much a period hurts and you would say I was lying. You don't have a uterus, you can't say if it does or doesn't. Same goes for your dick and us women without dicks

  5. I would say more women need to hear this. As a woman myself, I’ve never been told this explicitly and I never threw a fit because I understood that there may be more going on than just me. But that does not mean I wasn’t feeling insecure about it. You want to assume that it was just the long day, just the stress, he wasn’t in the mood, etc. But it also pushes our panic buttons, if it isn’t about his feelings towards you, if you haven’t gained weight, if there isn’t somebody else… And (to be honest) I would say that it is also kinda influenced by porn, where everything works every single time, no biggie (and yes, we know that pills may be involved, as you all know that fake orgasms are probably involved). It would really help many girls to know that :)

  6. As a dude with occasional performance anxiety, nothing makes it worse than when a woman takes it as a personal insult.

  7. Jesus this comment gives me flashbacks. Had an ex who would freak out whenever there was a, uh, misfire. At one point she proposed we watch porn together, then accused me of getting harder for the pornstar than for her. That night ended with her yelling at me and then leaving the apartment. Pretty normal intimate encounter with her.

  8. If you start talking about your problems we need to know if you want us to just listen or if you want advice. If something is wrong or broken my first instinct is to try and help/fix it

  9. I grew up with 2 brothers. I learned very early on to state it upfront. "I need your help." Or "I don't want help, just listen." Sometimes they have an answer when I don't want it so they say, "Ok, so can you listen now?" This is their way of asking if I'm receptive to hearing the way they see it. Sometimes I say yes. Sometimes I say no. Sometimes (if I'm being really honest) I say yes when really it's no, but I just have to know. But I have forfeited my right to argue. Those are some of our Siblings Rules.

  10. When I was married, I eventually stopped getting ready and waiting for an hour. I'd prep, and then go back to doing my thing until, "aren't you ready yet?"

  11. This right here. Sometimes cuddling and shit gets me up even if I'm not thinking about sex. My ex called it "affection errection." Baffled as to how she came up with that, but it's exactly what it is.

  12. I have been dropping hints for 10+ years about her buying me flowers, subtle hints like, "I'd really like it if you bought me flowers". Nope still never happened. I buy her flowers on average every fortnight. Nobody has ever bought me flowers. I love flowers goddammit.

  13. My wife took me to a great Italian restaurant tonight, one that we've been to before and love. I almost couldn't believe when she told me that she was making reservations and taking me there. In fact, I can't even remember the last time a woman said something like that to me.

  14. For real! I hit the jackpot with my current girlfriend. Just today she surprised me with some matching bracelets she bought for us and then took me out to dinner at a fairly nice restaurant. She's also been the only girlfriend of mine (actually come to think of it, the only person) to ever get me flowers. Without a doubt this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.

  15. Every outfit she wears looks great, I really don't have strong feelings about which one if I'm being given a choice. They're all great. She looks great. Let's get going so we don't miss the opener.

  16. Protip: saying 'fine' sounds disinterested, which is a blow to the ego when she's put a lot of time into trying to look good. What you intend may be "There's nothing wrong with how you look", but how it comes across is "You look ok I guess, whatever, can we go now?"

  17. My cousin once said to my friend who told me I looked "fine" that if a woman asks if she looks OK you should never say "fine" and instead use a word like "beautiful" or something. I thought it was good advice.

  18. Exactly, as much I love spending time with her, I have my own hobbies, interests and friends that also need to have my attention from time to time, I can’t just be expected to spend every Friday night at your moms.

  19. That was especially apparent to me when I started working 9-5. For the first few weeks my girlfriend would want to spend every evening with me because I wasn’t around during the day anymore. I’m a very independent person so having basically no personal time got draining very quickly. After a couple of weeks I had to tell her “I love you but I’ve not had a moment to myself in weeks and I just need a few nights where we’re not together.” Thankfully she was understanding and supportive. I know plenty of codependent people who are perfectly content to be attached at their partners hip but I just can’t do it.

  20. Just had this conversation after her asking for 2 years if I have noticed, finally said yes I do but it’s fine…. Surprisingly I survived

  21. Thank you for finally just saying it! I'm not looking for a lie, I know my body got a little bigger but pretending it didn't doesn't make me feel any better. I'm just glad you're still attracted to me

  22. That's actually pretty damn insightful. It does get to be tiring to be expected to be the initiator in romantic situations, can lead to burnout as well if it's one sided for too long.

  23. And even if someone did a gender-swapped one where the woman pursued the man we wouldn't like it because we'd think "yeah like fuck that's ever gonna happen".

  24. To that point — I am not my parents; I had mostly cut down my experiences with them to holidays. You wanted to see them more. Don't blame me when they're shitty, I had already found a great solution to that problem.

  25. Hanging out with my friends without you (her) is healthy, and same goes for her hanging out with her friends. It's good for your mental health.

  26. its not even a "i do things i dont want you to know about". It's often just a form of recharge or reassessment of yourself or your feelings. Or maybe some hobbies you enjoy far more with certain people, than others.

  27. I just straight up tell people, weather I'm with one person or a group, if no one picks anything, I'm picking. And its ALWAYS going to be Chinese. I'm one of those people that could eat one meal for an entire month. So always wanting Chinese food is A-Ok with me. And if you disagree, then you better have another option in mind.

  28. We're literally taught not to chase. Not chasing is safe and the only risk is losing a date. Chasing is creepy and the risk is getting the reputation of being a creep. Fuck that.

  29. Absolutely... " Dated" a girl that I've met at my cousin's wedding. We managed to go on one date, couple phone calls and we're texting daily. This was over a period of three months. At some point I just stopped texting back.

  30. This. One woman told me she likes to be chased. I said cool I'm 38, have fun with that and moved on. That might have been fun for some in high school but not all of us peaked in high school.

  31. Yeah, absolutely. It could be fun, but really, no. I'll lose interest. I'd rather be alone than chasing a girl who's playing hard to get

  32. And me feeling different about a topic than you do isn't me undermining your emotions, I'm just feeling my emotions! That doesn't need to subtract from how you feel at all!

  33. Sometimes if my girlfriend says something demeaning about herself, I tell her to shut up, because I don't like people saying bad things about my girlfriend, and she smiles. Helps break her out of negative mindsets with a lot of love and a dash of comedy

  34. It is true. But I find letting her know at least once a day is healthy. She appreciates it, and all it costs me is one inhalation of oxygen I was going to take anyways. And just a couple of seconds that I want to spend with her anyway.

  35. This hits home really hard. I’m always complimenting my wife, and it’s taken 20 years of marriage for her to start giving them to me too. The only reason why it didn’t become a bigger deal for me is that I understood early on that the only compliments given in her family were either backhanded or manipulative. So my poor wife wasn’t really able to receive my compliments for most of our marriage too.

  36. as a 28 yo woman pretty much all of my peers agree with this. i get why men would be hesitant to get something else because it’s still obv the standard but alternative jewels are a lot more in style these days, diamonds are seen as kind of basic and people are more aware of how fucked ip the whole industry is. obviously depends on the circles though, but when i was in college like 5 years ago people already thought it was kinda trashy or whatever to blow money on blood diamonds

  37. Yup. Lab grown are better for many reasons, as at least they're ethical, but there are so many better pretty rocks out there.

  38. Have been "um I have a boyfriend"'ed(?) when I worked retail, I just asked for the behind the counter liquor inventory list, like damn. :(

  39. As the comedian Billy Connolly once said “if every man you meet is awful, maybe it’s you with the problem. It’s you . . . you’re an arsehole magnet.“

  40. It really is. How could she think it's mine when nowhere on my body I've hair that's even half as long as the ones I pull out of the drain?

  41. It’s also your that’s wrapped around the vacuum so thick the brushes on the roller don’t touch the floor anymore. We don’t need a new vacuum. You just have to flip it upside down and cut all the hair out.

  42. If your type in guys is “athletic” it comes with the territory that you actually have to be prepared to do athletic things with us.

  43. My fiance said he'd still be with me as long as I was a human for at least an hour a day. So he obviously has a limit on the amount of time I can be a worm and he'd still love me.

  44. Just because I'm ugly doesn't mean I'm a creep. Too many women have insulted me talking to their friends. Most of the time loud enough that I can hear it. Just keep your thoughts to yourself. We have feelings too. If you're one of those women who openly insult people for fun, know that you might be responsible for someone's suicide.

  45. I once was ordering food from a food truck, and after ordering I stood nearby and scrolled on my phone while waiting for my food, and all I could hear were a couple of girls talking about how creepy it was that I was there

  46. The worst example of this I've ever seen was a kid I went to high school with who'd been through a car accident as a baby and had a slight facial deformity as a result. Girls he'd literally never spoken to in his life would see him pass by and say all sorts of horrible shit about him, like how he was some sort of creep or sexual predator, and all their friends would chime in and join the dogpile.

  47. I agree with this. As a women I was not aware of how normal this is in some groups until I witnessed it firsthand. I used to work at a retail store and my fiance needed a job so I encouraged him to apply at my store. We decided not to tell people (except the managers) right away that we were dating because it's not really anyone's business.

  48. Fuck people like that. I am considered attractive. My ex boyfriend was not. One night an acquaintance asked me why I was with him and how I could do better.

  49. I honestly think when my crush found out how I felt about her when I was 13 and her response was “Ew” is the reason why I’ve never put myself out there. I’m aware I have below average looks but still hurts to hear it

  50. Try something: actually take the time to explain your train of thought step by step. Every time I do it it buys me a couple months of not being asked lol

  51. You are not good at sex just because you let me do it to you. I am not a masseuse and you are not a customer. Meet me halfway.

  52. Unfortunately a lot of girls grow up understanding sex as something that happens to them rather than something they participate in. Like it’s been studied years ago. And honestly is kinda terrifying to think about.

  53. I've slowly been building my gf's confidence up and getting her to take the lead every once in a while. It's awesome, I'm not the one doing everything, and she's figuring out that she enjoys it more if she controls the variables for a bit

  54. Women really do need to hear that. A lot of us grew up being taught that women don't naturally enjoy sex and it is something that we let men do to us out of marital duties so we can have children, and a woman who enjoys sex is a whore & sinner and a man does not want a woman like that. I feel for all my sisters out there still going through life with the brainwashing that they need to psyche themselves into shutting down and not feeling anything during sex in an effort to be god honoring, and you're "manly" if you're a woman that masturbates or enjoys sex

  55. I think a lot of people don’t understand that a furnace has two settings: on and off, and turning the thermostat to 90 will not heat the house any quicker that turning it up to 72.

  56. OMG my wife will never figure out that our car's air conditioner isn't supposed to be constantly adjusted from frozen to boiling. You set the temp somewhere close to room temp and fucking leave it alone to do it's magic.

  57. If you keep adding filters on your pictures you won’t be found if you get lost because you don’t look the same

  58. I understand like body dysmorphia, and just like a general lack of self confidence. But dude that shits gotta be more damaging. Like an alcoholic drinking as a way to cope with being an alcoholic, something I’ve had experience with. Also relatably, I know a few women personally who look absolutely nothing like any picture they post online, and it’s very jarring, especially when I haven’t seen them irl in a minute.

  59. Our truly favorite place to be is in our "nothing box" that dumb as look we have with glazed over eyes and blank expression into space. It's where we go to find peace and we are thinking of absolute nothing, we don't hear nothing, we don't feel nothing, we are just at peace with ourselves.

  60. When you ask "What are you thinking about?" And we say "Nothing" it's almost always the truth. We are very much capable of shutting off our minds and living in the moment.

  61. I'm a guy and I have an overactive mind. I'm constantly jumping from one thing to another in my head. So I'd technically be lying, but what I'm thinking about is likely something boring or that I'd rather not share if I said, "nothing"

  62. Yep. Men have a power saving mode. Additionally, there are some times when I was thinking about something so ludicrous that I don’t think it’s productive to share.

  63. Seriously, there's a big difference between walking away from a fight so you can cool down and talk more productively later, and walking away from a fight because you're pissed off and then not bringing it up again and being angry and stewing for days at a time.

  64. The majority of your friend groups from the outside look riddled with toxic positivity as a way to mask the male equivalent of just not talking about emotions, a lot of fake caring goes around but also a lot of real open caring which is good. When a woman is blatantly cruel to a man it's generally more accepted and they are capable of being straight up kinda creepy with no repercussions in any way and sometimes use that with their friends ignoring it entirely

  65. Wow, I'll have to look at my friend groups to see if this happens. Toxic positivity in opposition to not talking about feelings- that's wild. Thanks for the insight!

  66. The key to a lot of men, is that we want you to do things for us without us having to ask. To us, asking you for affection and romance feels like you’re doing it out of pity, not genuine love/thoughtfulness, and we’d rather forgo the affection than be pitied. We want you to love on us and romance us and be thoughtful to us because you want to do those things, not because we asked you to. We want a back rub, or a head rub or a neck scratch, or breakfast in bed just like you. Yes, we want you to give us a massage as foreplay sometimes. We want you to plan a vacation, or give us gifts, or bring us our favorite food, or come play video games and watch our favorite movies with us, or tell us how much you love us and compliment us, just as much as you. We want you to put the time in to think about what would make us happy, just like you expect us to. We want you to show us spontaneous affection because it shows us it’s organic, and that makes us feel valued because someone’s thinking of us on their own, not because we asked them to think of us. Often, we don’t fully know how to ask for affection and even if we do it can feel really uncomfortable, and we need you to meet us halfway.

  67. Just because you CAN do something, doesnt mean you SHOULD, especially if it comes to playing mind games, screaming, hitting, being deliberately cruel, etc.

  68. We can tell when your makeup is electronic and we know the reason you’re hiding your body from photos is because you’re fat. You don’t travel that much and you have no friends. Nobody wants to be a stepfather to 4 kids.

  69. I mean, a lot of girls seems think that mens think about sex everyday, that they want every hot woman in the street and those sorts of things.

  70. That sometimes she has dragon breath but I still kiss her because I fucking love her so much I'll deal with it. She'd probably never not think about it and it would make things awkward. We've been married for 15 yrs and I still love her like a fat kid loves cake.

  71. If you mock a guy for being short, or otherwise ‘short’, then we lose all sympathy for any comments that are aimed at you.

  72. Dresses with pockets are great and all but every straight woman needs to learn what every man and butch lesbian already knows: cargo pants are the true zenith of functionality when it comes to on person storage, and now they're even making women's cargo pants. Not men's cargo pants in "fancy colors" but actual tailored to fit women's cargo pants.

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