What's a tell-tale sign two people are having a secret sexual relationship with each other?

  1. I was at a BBQ with dozens of people. A young ridiculously beautiful married couple was there. The wife was pregnant. They brought their short, squat, funnyman roommate with them. At some point funny man and pregnant wife are on opposite sides of the kitchen and I caught a glance between them - no more than a blink of an eye. It was the only interaction they had all night. In that instant I have never been more sure two people were fucking. Told my girlfriend, "Those two are smashing", she told me to stop being a creep.

  2. Our CEO coming into a meeting to grab something from the QA/RA lady's purse was one a few of us saw once.

  3. They get awkward if you come up to them when they are together. I just want coffee and you’re standing in front of the machine and I didn’t think anything was going on until you got all awkward. You’re allowed to be friends and stand here and talk.

  4. Kind of like what Joey in Friends reasoned. If there is chemistry on stage, chances are no chemistry in real life. If they are awkward on stage, chances are they are having sex in real life.

  5. Their orbits are smaller around each other. Without meaning to, they will change their personal space requirements with the other. They'll think they're normal distance away, but won't be. Also, they'll move around each other too easily (like in small spaces) without the awkward missteps the rest of us make.

  6. Yeah if I needed to get past my coworker (who I was sleeping with) I'd just touch him or push him a little bit even if there was enough space, definitely didn't do that with anyone else

  7. This happened to me. I started my first ever job and by the end of the day the coworker assigned to train me had added me on Facebook and was chatting. Within the week we were seeing eachother. Another coworker was in the same sports club as me and he was consoling a drunken friend having relationship problems. He kept telling her 'don't worry you can always talk to me if you have problems or need to vent' and then he says 'that applies to you too' (he was a gent like that) and I just said as a joke 'I need to be seeing someone for that' and he said 'you're seeing (coworker)' completely deadpan. I thought we were subtle. We had no reason to hide it either, we were just awkward. Turns out they all knew and our boss was deliberately pairing us up on shifts to help him out. Fun fact was the original coworker who was meant to train me was the club friend who was so hungover on the day he couldn't manage it.

  8. This is so funny to me. I used to work at fast food place. Me and the night shift manager reeeeeally liked each other and we’d low key flirt when shifts overlapped. I’d go “check my schedule” when he happened to be there. “Accidentally” touch. Some looks and flirty back and forths. I’d bring him energy drinks. That went on a year. Then we ACTUALLY got together and sort of ignored each other at work.. as you point out, a silly thing.. we flirted more before we got together. He gave me his company jacket to wear (it was cold, I was in drive, and I wasn’t allowed to wear a non company jacket which I didn’t have) and EVERYONE side eyed me that day saying he never lent his jacket to anybody... that was BEFORE we were together though! Once we were, we started acting like nothing was going on. The charade didn’t last long at all though. I had a coworker come up and say, “I heard you and Night Manager were at the park yesterday shooting hoops together.” Im laughing awkwardly and like WHAT? WHERED YOU HEAR THAT? He gives me that knowing smile… and then we went ahead and just announced it lol it clearly wasn’t secret. Everyone was happy for us and absolutely no one was shocked. The store manager wasn’t for sure. We remained not being overly flirty at work but we’d tell each other hi/bye and he’d meet me for lunch. I guess once we were together we were trying to act like work totally wasn’t effected and keep work/relationship more separate. But before we were together we flirted (in what we thought was a subtle way) everytime we saw each other with no thought. Weird how that works. It’s like our image mattered more after it was real. We ended up married so that workplace romance worked out. You’re spot on though. I’m reading this thread just to see if me and my husband were doing any of the “tells” in the replies. and yeah… looks like we were!

  9. I was dating a coworker and while we thought we were super subtle, every single person knew what was up.

  10. When your SO brings someone up way too much in the beginning then mysteriously stops talking about them at all, even when the situation potentially calls for it.

  11. My ex wife did this with her "friend." She'd literally gush about the dumb bastard 24/7. She'd tell me stories of stuff that happened to him at work, as if I'd give a fuck. I always suspected she was cheating with him but I was naive and trusted her. But she slowly and methodically increased his presence in our lives until I couldn't take it anymore and my mind broke. After that they just stopped hiding it.

  12. Right?? I'm looking at a lot of these responses about glancing at each other and laughing, dawdling near each other's desks, casually getting up and walking out of the room a couple of minutes apart (to secretly meet in the break room and gossip while eating snacks) and thinking, "I do this with my friends all the time"

  13. I work in HR and someone dropped an anonymous tip once that a member of senior management was sleeping with a female subordinate. So IT gave me access to their emails… and I swear to god, the moment I read “I can still smell you on my fingers”, I immediately wanted to quit HR.

  14. Someone I am loosely acquainted with told me his job in IT sees a lot of "surprising" things done on work devices so not surprised to hear this happened!

  15. I work in IT. Once I had to search the entire email system for an Official Information request. The phrase I was searching for happened to be contained in an email that was very....spicy, between two married (not to each other) colleagues, one very senior and one very junior. But because the email started out discussing the subject in question, I just sent the whole lot onto the manager dealing with the request.

  16. A bunch of us used to hang out on a Teamspeak server to play games. One day we were chatting when the server admin just blurted out: "So [guy] and [girl], you two have the same IP address today. You fucking?"

  17. Something similar is how we found out our foreman was having relations with one of his subordinates. Snapchat map had them both at the same cottage property at 5am

  18. Oh man. I was the first to figure out a co-worker relationship when I noticed her logged in from his static IP one morning back in the day of ISDN lines.

  19. If you know them before it they’ll stop flirting as much as they had been prior to it. They make sure they don’t leave a place together but linger around long enough to know when the other is leaving. They look at each other when something funny or bad happens.

  20. Yeah I figured out a coworker was sleeping with a (married) regular at an old job because of the glances. One day she was there, he walked in, they made eye contact with each other and quickly broke it off before greeting each other a moment later.

  21. They start using each other’s speech mannerisms. Like one of them always replies to something you say to them with, “Is that right?”, and then you hear your wife saying it all the time after you get back from a week long work trip.

  22. I’ve caught people because they didn’t follow one another on social media to try to avoid suspicion, but they both posted that they were at the same place and similar photos, and despite not posting about one another, it was obvious. They didn’t know what the other was posting because they didn’t follow one another lmfao which ultimately lead to the downfall of their discretion.

  23. The little conversational clues. Like when two people glance knowingly at each other frequently, or have friendly little side whispers because they have their own thing going on apart from the group. And they hover near each other to be physically close. All those little examples of intimacy that is only between them.

  24. Sometimes you can tell by the way they casually (appropriately) touch each other in public. Certain things are awkward until you cross that line.

  25. At a place I worked at about 25 years ago, female coworker dropped her screwdriver and our boss picked it up and stuck it in her pocket. Later that day my buddy says "She did not flinch or look away from what she was doing when his hand went to her pocket - his hand has been in that pocket before".

  26. The thing that has gotten myself and others busted is a change in affect/relationship at the office. In the lead up to dating a coworker there is usually flirty behavior between the two people. Not inappropriate, but it has a certain energy. When you start dating a coworker and the two of you want to keep it quiet I have noticed some people (myself included) will outclever themselves and tone down their at work behavior. Well, that's a change and changes in behavior makes something more noticeable. We thought we were being super spies about it and I got my wake up call, literally. There was a work emergency and her boss (we worked in different departments) called my phone and asked if she as there because he couldn't get ahold of her. I was all, "why are you asking me?" and his response was, "Relax, everyone knows. You're not exactly subtle. Now is she there because I need her to call so and so." It was as I said a fucking wake up call that the people you're with every day notice shit.

  27. I had a job where I think my manager and my supervisor were secretly fucking for a short period of times. They would flirt in a joking way. Then one night me and a few other coworkers finished up our work and couldn’t get them to come out of the office to let us out of the building. Eventually they did and they both looked like they were fucking.. years later now I am working with one of the people that were there that night and he said that from where they were working in relation to the office they were locked in it sounds like they were banging on the Walls or moving furniture.

  28. I would agree, I would also say when you see a person make a movement to touch the other and stop themselves as they become conscious of their environment. Making a movement to fix the other's clothes (like flipped collar) or fix their hair, but stop themselves mid movement as they realise it's not what 'friends' do.

  29. Princess Margaret’s secret relationship with her dad’s married equerry was outed when she casually picked something off his shirt.

  30. Interestingly, now husband offered to carpool with me because we do live close to each other, but I was fine using the company shuttle. I kind of thought that it was a inappropriate offer because I had a boyfriend that time so I did not agree with the arrangement. When my then boyfriend broke up with me for another girl, we re-opened this conversation about carpooling and things ended up in marriage so I guess carpooling is a big deal.

  31. If one person slips and mostly reacts to something funny or distinct to that individual, when the rest of the group isn't. And they might try to cover or restrain that emotion

  32. Had coworkers at a local mom and pop a few years back that would hold hands at work but let go as soon as someone else walked in the room. It was the unspoken secret of the store and the owner told us in no uncertain terms that we were never to discuss it.

  33. I have a pair of friends I play Destiny with. There is never a time one isn't on while the other is. And when I play with them, I feel like a 3rd wheel. They don't talk like couples do. They just make each other laugh the whole time. This had been going on for like, 6 months. One day they wanted to do a dungeon, so I hoped in the discord call and the first thing I said was "Ya'll fucking or what? Cause if not, you need to." They started busting up laughing and the guy said "Funny you say that, she just moved from across the country to move in with me." That was like, a year ago and they're still together.

  34. 100% this one. I know they bout to bone when my friend says for everyone to leave and that new girl doesn't move an inch

  35. I was the host in this situation once, and one of my friends just did not get the hint. His face was hilarious when he finally did get it.

  36. Yup. Guessed that my friend’s husband was cheating on her this way. He bartended and me and my husband would hang out at his bar until close. This woman was ALWAYS there with us, and one day (without us asking) he said something like “she’s just charging her phone before she leaves.” She was always still hanging out when we left. Sure enough, they were doing it.

  37. This is how I got caught. I was having a secret sexual relationship with my DnD friend and someone else in the group noticed I was always the last to leave

  38. These guys I work with( Bill and Jake) do this. They go out of their way to make it known they hate each other. TIL they are giving each other the business.

  39. Pay attention to who they look at when they laugh. It may not reveal a sexual relationship necessarily, but it’s such an innocent act that at the very least reveals that they want to ensure they are connected it that moment.

  40. From personal experience - was hooking up with a coworker and she'd bring her dog into the office. Her dog started sitting under my desk everyday and we were exposed

  41. I actually had the same thing with a co workers kid. Smiling at me and he said my name. Tried to casually play it off as we were friends.

  42. Reminds me of my story. Had a short relationship with a fellow student and she had a freaking huge Boxer. He was grumpy as hell when you got to know him but as soon as he found out that his lady likes you he was a big goofball.

  43. These two I used to work with, they got found out because a skunk sprayed outside the guys house real bad. The next day they came in to work separately and ignored each other as usual, but they both smelled like skunk. Then everyone knew, but they didn’t know we knew.

  44. A friend at work started secretly dating a co-worker and it was completely obvious because of the shift from the routine way they had always acted to one of almost strained professionalism when they interacted around others. Plus you'd catch things like the sidelong glances or weird excuses about why neither one could join everyone after work when they probably had plans together.

  45. yeah but that also happens when two people want to bang but aren't yet because they haven't realised they are into each other.

  46. They almost try too hard to hide it. Like if they go to an arcade with their coworkers they’ll play different games but right beside each other instead of just playing together. Or they’ll flirt with total strangers at the bar area. Or freak out if people think they’re flirting. Just stuff like that

  47. If you’re going through something to make you ask this, trust your gut. I had the gut feeling my ex wife was cheating, all the signs were there but I just thought she’d never do that and all the evidence was coincidental. My brain didn’t want to see it, so I put blinders on. Fast forward a couple of months, I found out she was, and my family all said I must be an idiot for not seeing what was right in front of me. Ask others opinions that you both know, they’ll tell you an unbiased opinion. Someone you can trust

  48. Similar situation. Your first initial gut reaction is usually correct. The hard part is accepting that somebody you love would betray you.

  49. I always thought it was a pretty profound observation in Love Actually that Emma Thompson's character spotted that her lizard of a husband and that floozy made an effort not to react to each other.

  50. Staring. I was secretly seeing a guy in school. As far as everyone else was concerned we couldn’t stand each other.

  51. For sure considered sexual harassment in the workplace. Source: just watched an HR sexual harassment training video with David Schwimmer.

  52. My boss brought his skittish dog to the office who was nervous around everybody but his secretary who pretended to have never met the dog before. The dog loved her and was comfortable with her instantaneously, which the boss says the dog is never like that.

  53. Yeah, but some animals sometimes do that. The animal recognises some attribute of a total stranger all by itself, and the person may genuinely have never met it before.

  54. They exchange a speedy sly glance upon the mention of a sex act. Two co-workers did this during a game of never have I ever. Little did they know, I’d already caught them weeks before. It was fun watching how they responded to various comments. Surprisingly unsubtle once I knew.

  55. Usually it's somewhat obvious when it's co-workers. They just act a little off. I think because they straddle this line of being close but trying to act not close. So it presents low key awkward when things didn't used to be that way.

  56. I worked on a tv show and there were rumors that one of the married cast members was hooking up with this other hot blonde cast member. Wasn't sure if the rumors were true until I saw the stage/reunion show. When everyone walked on stage, they were the only two out of 16 that didn't hug. Totally fucked

  57. From the guy who dated a coworker in secret, watch the eyes. I realized, after a couple months, that anytime our staff meetings would start laughing, I was looking at her.

  58. Exactly this. I dated a coworker and that’s how our meetings were too. Id constantly catch him staring at me across the room, etc. That’s eventually how one of my coworkers caught on.

  59. This was how I realised my ex liked me. In a group situation or whatever, someone else would say something funny and we'd look at each other and laugh. Like wanting a moment to be a shared moment between us.

  60. I worked in a large office and there were always “secret” affairs going on. If one of the people left by the door the other would leave by the window!

  61. This thread makes me concerned that everyone in existence is in a secret sexual relationship..... Im kind of jealous :/ Th only thing fucking me is .y college assignments.

  62. At my workplace, when you know what's going on with two coworkers, you can tell by the way they interact physically. They almost walk into each other when they "close" talk, their hands brush each other's thighs or hands. and then there's the eye contact...call me crazy, but this is 25+ years of forensic study lol!

  63. My husband and I met at work, and the place we worked at didn't allow couples to work in the same area as a conflict of interest type thing, so we hid our relationship as best as we could so we wouldn't get moved.

  64. They accidentally send a company wide email sharing a picture from their vacation together in Sandals Jamaica.

  65. 3 different couples at work (all married to other people and cheating) and I knew all of them were hooking up. I mean, not just me, a lot of us did. Going to lunch together, doing the thing where they leave separately but together...scheduling offsite meetings at the same time...and mostly the way they looked at each other. Idc how good you think you are, it's hard to pretend you didn't just fuck 10 minutes before the afternoon meeting. Shockingly, all these people ended up leaving their spouses and marrying each other and it's been years, so far they're all still together. Anyway, we all see y'all 🤣

  66. Mrs. Krabappel and principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.

  67. Interesting, I’ve always said please and thank you in public and private with everyone I’ve ever dated. Maybe that’s why none of my relationships lasted until marriage!

  68. According to my friend she could tell I was having sex with my ex boyfriend cause we would try our hardest not to interact with each other. We had worked the same job so we wanted to keep it lowkey but it didn’t work.

  69. Tangentially-related story about my co-workers learning about my “secret relationship”. My spouse and I, who were long-term partners at the time, worked in an office at a university together. This was about a 400 ft2 room with 6 computers, so things were very tight. We managed to keep every single coworker totally oblivious for two years of our relationship by simply relating to one another like any other co-worker/professional. This was not required by the bosses. We just incidentally didn’t tell anyone and didn’t think about it. They figured it out finally when she bought me lunch like 3 times in 2 weeks for several weeks (a new habit we were in because of differing schedules). They just thought we were friends til they asked. We were honest and they were blown away by the fact that we had “hidden” it for all that time. It really wasn’t hard at all. We were just professionals (and complete nerds). 🤷‍♂️ Married for 9 years yesterday. 💍

  70. I caught my colleague giving a blowjob to another at the Xmas party. They were both in relationships at the time. I don’t know if that’s a tell-tale sign, but it sure was secretive.

  71. When you catch him butt-naked banging on the bathroom floor, counter, sofa, shower and on camera and he says in a somewhat thick accent “It wasn’t me.”

  72. Started talking with a friend group about circumcision, and started to speculate who in the group was or was not circumcised. I said “what about [friend’s name]?” And the girl in the group went “oh, he’s circumcised.” If that’s not a tell-tale sign, idk what is.

  73. If there was a foolproof way to know this, half of human drama / literature / movies / etc would have to be re-written.

  74. Glad this answer is here. All the behaviors in other comments can definitely be signs, but are by no means reliable or even widely applicable in a meaningful way.

  75. When you stand between them you feel like you are being cooked alive. I once sat between two colleagues who were obviously getting it on and man … felt like I was in an oven.

  76. Eye contact, side glances. Had a buddy of mine who was convinced that a coworker and I were hooking up. One morning he walked up to her and commented on how good she looked, and mentioned how great her haircut was… he immediately turned around to catch me glaring at him. The gig was up. Ended up marrying her.

  77. Hahaha I have a good one. My husband and I used to work in the same office and there was at least 100 people there. He was the cool guy who always had several women at his desk and I was the uptight ‘teachers pet’ type and the one or two times we smiled and said hi in front of others he was pulled away and told to stay away from me because I’d likely get him in trouble for not doing his work or that I wasn’t pretty enough for him. Anyways a year of dating and we decided to elope because while I’m not the prettiest girl I’m his other half and we enjoy each others company. Then I did all the paperwork and submitted the new name to corporate. When my email said his last name, he started getting tons of IMs and emails asking if he knew why I would go so far as to make my last name be like his since they didn’t even know we were friends let alone secretly dating then eloped, lol. Good times. More than a decade and some kids later, I love that man more than anything. He’s my sweetheart.

  78. Love this!! Our workplace didn’t know for over 2yrs…until someone had suspicions and looked up our property taxes to find our names under the same address.

  79. I think that men lower their voice when they're around someone they're sexually attracted to. Not sure if women's voices change in that situation though.

  80. They'll overcompensate to hide the relationship, usually by interacting like general acquaintances, even though there is already a publicly established degree of familiarity between the two (the old "Avoid what you like" strategy...)

  81. They talk about each other. A lot. This was how I knew my ex was cheating on me long before he ever confessed. He was suddenly talking about his female coworker frequently, and then it got to the point where he was "hanging out" with her after work for 4-5 hours. I called him out -- said he had to be fucking her. He got so defensive that he screamed bloody murder at me. 4 months after I broke up with him (this was a 7 year relationship we had) he confessed. Told him I already knew but thanks for the confirmation

  82. I was hooking up with the receptionist at my job. People started noticing that any where I went I’d walk by her. Just to say hi, just to walk by and see her or just to ask a dumb vague question. Etc etc. I went to grab lunch and brought her back something. Game over lol. Secret was out. That receptionist is my wife and I’d do it all over again the same way In a heart beat.

  83. When you’re partner goes over the top of how unattractive, uninteresting, cringy, weird, etc..the other person is.

  84. Butt prints… everywhere. We’re talking tables in the conference room, the xerox machine, pressed into wedding cakes, in high to reach places, etc.

  85. This guy in my German class in college and I started sleeping together. It wasn’t some huge secret but we weren’t dating or anything, so people didn’t really know us as an item, we didn’t talk about it, etc.

  86. I knew a girl who had the patent chin-down eyes-up pose she gave to guys she was sleeping with, it was always a dead giveaway.

  87. Mirroring body position, gestures, facial reactions. People do this in general, with those that they like and/or respect, but with couples it can happen a lot.

  88. They suddenly become very protective of one another's feelings in settings they normally wouldn't, or they tend to take insults the person their sleeping with, even if made in jest, as if they were personally insulted.

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