And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, “O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.” And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chulapas. And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.”
Well, it got so that every piss-ant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. Then one day, I was just walking down the street when I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it, mister!" I spun around... and there I was, face to face with a six-year old kid. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass! So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle... and I've been there ever since.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak from the valley of darkness, for he is truly my brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children.
“imagine you’re a deah, you’re prancin’ along, you get thirsty, you spot a little brook, you put ya little deah lips down to the cool cleah water, …BAM. a fuckin bullet rips off part of ya head. ya brains are lyin on the ground in little bloody pieces. now i ask ya. would you give a fuck what kinda pants the son of a bitch who shot you was wearing?!”
I know, we’ll turn him into a flea, a harmless little flea. And then we’ll put that flea in a box, put that box inside of another box and then I’ll mail that box to myself and then when it arrives I’ll smash it with a hammer!
Four combos extra bacon on the side, two chili cheese samplers, a basket of liver and onion rings, a catch of the day and a steak cut in the shape of a trout
Airplane!
I just want to tell you both good luck we're all counting on you.
We have clearance, Clarence.
I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue.
Surely you can't be serious?
The hell I don’t!
“The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the red zone.”
Dr Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can, this woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Do you like gladiator movies?
I like my coffee black. Like my men (says the 6 year old girl)
Chump don' wan' no help, chump don' get da help!
“What is it we had for dinner tonight?”
Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
"She turned me into a Newt...
"'Tis but a scratch!"
"Bring out your Dead!"
“I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!”
“Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?”
« We want….A SHRUBBERY »
“There are some who call me…Tim?”
Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!
“I told him we’ve already got one.”
What, is your quest?
Come and and see the violence inherent in the system! Help help I'm being repressed!
What's the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Every chance I get, I always tell someone.
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, “O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.” And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large chulapas. And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.”
"Then you will find the mightiest tree in the forest and cut it down... with.... A HERRING!"
The Princess Bride
Recently went to watch Princess Bride at a theatre. Obviously everyone was a hardcore fan, chuckling at lines we’ve all heard 100 times.
inconceivable!
Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
“You seem a decent fellow, I hate to kill you” “You seem a decent fellow, I hate to die”
Mean Girls
On October 3rd, has asked me what day it is...
Danny Devito I love your work!!!
WE SHOULD TOTALLY JUST STAB CEASAR!!!
Get in loser we’re going shopping!
I’m sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes and Noble.
When trying to figure out how much you can quote from mean girls...The limit does not exist!
I CAN'T go to taco bell I'm on an all carb diet, oh my God Karen, you're so stOOpid
Is butter a carb?
You guys need anything ? Some snacks ? A condom ??
Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.
Omg you can't just ask people why they are white
On Wednesdays we wear pink!
your mom’s chest hair!
That's so fetch
It's like I have ESPN or something.
I love your bracelet
I was so pleased when I was able to say “You smell like a baby prostitute.” I was prom dressed shopping and my friend tried Paris Hilton’s perfume
OP I've got a big lesbian crush on you
That’s why her hair’s so big, it’s full of secrets
Blazing Saddles
Someone needs to go back and get a shitload of dimes!
S’cuse me while I whip this out…
Mongo only pawn, in game of life.
This is unbelievable that only a few would say this, I thought everyone has quoted this movie more than almost any other. I am old.
You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the New West. You know...morons.
Well, it got so that every piss-ant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. Then one day, I was just walking down the street when I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it, mister!" I spun around... and there I was, face to face with a six-year old kid. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass! So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle... and I've been there ever since.
Dodgeball
Always remember the five D's of dodgeball. Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge.
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If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Pulp fiction
This some serious gourmet shit
English, motherfucker, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!
WHAT AINT NO COUNTRY I EVER HEARD OF
What does Marsellus Wallace look like?
I'm pretty fucking far from okay
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak from the valley of darkness, for he is truly my brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children.
Zeds dead baby, Zeds dead.
You know what they call a quarter-pounder with cheese in Paris?
Office Space
No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.
A-a-and and and if they take my swingline stapler i'll-i'll'll set the building on fire
I Was Told That I Could Listen To The Radio At A Reasonable Volume, From Nine To Eleven.
“Two chicks at the same time”
"Corporate accounts payable Nina speaking, just a mome-ent!"
One of my favourite sayings is to quietly mumble
Happy Gilmore
Are you too good for your home???!
I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!
You suck… Jackass!
You’re gonna die, clown!
Somebody's closer . . . !
Shrek
"Shrek and Donkey on a big whirlwind adventure!" Donkey
“Well she’s married to the Muffin Man.” “The Muffin Man?!” “THE MUFFIN MAN!” “She’s married to the Muffin Man…”
"Layers! Ogres have layers!"
That’ll do Donkey, that’ll do.
Do you think maybe he’s compensating for something?
“I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.”
Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!
“Some of you may die, but that is a risk I am willing to take”
Don't you point those dirty green sausages at me!
When I was 17, my mom had my little brother. He was .... a surprise.
My Cousin Vinny
“imagine you’re a deah, you’re prancin’ along, you get thirsty, you spot a little brook, you put ya little deah lips down to the cool cleah water, …BAM. a fuckin bullet rips off part of ya head. ya brains are lyin on the ground in little bloody pieces. now i ask ya. would you give a fuck what kinda pants the son of a bitch who shot you was wearing?!”
Two yutes
Dazed and Confused
That's what I love about that movie. It gets older, the quotes stay the same age...
The Blues Brothers
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We're on a mission from god
Oh, we got both kinds, we got country and western!
Star Wars revenge of the sith so many iconic lines
It’s over Anakin I have the high ground
UNLIMITED POOOOOWWWWAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! proceeds to shock Nick Fury and throws him off the building
Zoolander
I became... bulimic.
What is this, a building for ants?
Is there more to life than being ridiculously good looking?
Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features doesn't mean that we still can't not die in a freak gasolinefight accident.
Hansel, He's so hot right now, Hansel.
Mer-MAN!
But why male models?
Uhh, earth to Matilda. I was at a day spa. Day. D-a-i-y-e.
Full Metal Jacket
"Who's the slimy little communist shit twinkletoed cocksucker who just signed his own death warrant?"
"How tall are you private"
“I want that head so sanitary and squared away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to walk in there and take a dump!”
You will not laugh. You will not cry. You will learn by the numbers. I will teach you.
Space Balls!!!!
What's the matter Colonel Sanders? Chicken??
No sir! I didn’t see you playing with your dolls again!
I'm your father's brothers nephews cousins former roommate!!
I bet she gives great helmet
God willing we’ll all meet again, in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money
May the Schwartz be with you!
Tropic thunder
I know who I am! I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude!
What do you mean, "you people"?
"where d'ya get those clothes? At the....toilet store?"
"60% of the time, it works every time."
Anchorman?
Boy, that escalated quickly!
"WHY THE FUCK WOULD IT BE BETWEEN THAT OR MUHAMMED?!"
talladega nights is super quotable. I can think of at least 6 off the top of my head
Don’t you put that evil on me Ricky Bobby!!
I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!
If you don't chew big red then fuck you
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HELP ME TOM CRUISE!! I still shout that one when I'm playing games.
The emperor's new groove
“For the last time, we did not order a giant trampoline” “You know, pal, you coulda told me that before I set it up”
No no, he's got a point.
“Is there anything on this menu that isn’t swimming in gravy?”
I quote this movie consistently.
“I’m sorry, but you’ve thrown off the emperor’s groove.”
“He’s doing his own theme music?”
I know, we’ll turn him into a flea, a harmless little flea. And then we’ll put that flea in a box, put that box inside of another box and then I’ll mail that box to myself and then when it arrives I’ll smash it with a hammer!
Four combos extra bacon on the side, two chili cheese samplers, a basket of liver and onion rings, a catch of the day and a steak cut in the shape of a trout
The peasant!!! At the diner!!
Squeak squeak squeak , squeak * elbows cat * squeakin 🙄
Any of the Austin Powers movies
One million dollars!! pinky thing
Mole! Bloody mole!! Not supposed to talk about the mole but there's the bloody mole!! Want to chop it up and make some gauc-a-MOLE!!
Yeahh babyy
Allow myself to introduce.... Myself
Super Troopers
Starting right Meow
YOU BOYS LIKE MEXICO?!
Superbad
Seth: "Enjoy your remaining years" Old woman: " I will"
McLovin? What are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?
Why the FUCK would it be between that and Mohammad??
“You don’t want these girls thinking we suck dick at fuckin pussy.”
You know when girls go "Oh man I got so shit faced last night, I shouldn't have fucked that guy" WE COULD BE THAT MISTAKE
'We shouldn't be cock-blocking McLovin, we should be guiding his cock.'
no youre not, mclovins never existed
“You look like a future pedophile in this photo”
You know Jimmy’s brother? You look exactly like Jimmy’s brother.
By the end of the summer, I’m gonna be the Iron Chef of pounding vaag!
Hot Fuzz
Narp!
Crusty Jugglers!
what if he’s fuck ugly?
Fascist
the greater good
Stepbrothers
Did we just become best friends?
Boats and hoes
DALE HAS A MAN-GINA
Im not going to call him dad. Not even if Theres a fire!
"I'm going to take a pillowcase, and fill it full of bars of soap, and beat the shit out of you."
Tombstone
“You’re so drunk you’re probably seeing double.”
I'm your huckleberry
None sense, I have not yet begun to defile myself.
Oh Johnny, I apologize. I forgot you were standing there. You may go now.
Why are you doing this Doc?
That's a helluva thing to say to me.
Young Frankenstein
"Put... ze candle... back!"
Heathers
Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw
The Incredibles
Princess bride