AITA Daughter dumps dad on wedding day

  1. This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.

  2. I don’t understand what do you want from this woman? She is 30 years old, she clearly doesn’t want a close relationship with your husband or you, she has made this clear countless times. What are you proving and to whom?

  3. I think what she wants is the acknowledgment that they treated this child well and for her to turn around and treat them so poorly is very hurtful and wanted the world to know the truth. I mean to lie to your father about who's walking you down the aisle if you really thought solid in your choice you would have told him. Friends and other family on her fiance side not even knowing she has a sister?? That's really strange I mean it's one thing to have issue with your parents but you kept your sister a secret there's bigger issues here and I feel like if they had treated her badly they probably wouldn't have got on social media but I think just the opposite was true and I think they were right to do that. Also, if they really had treated her so badly she wouldn't have been so angry about her stepmother doing just that

  4. This. Also, I don't believe for a minute that OP is telling the whole story. Her narrative seems highly calculated to paint the stepdaughter as the villain, and I would bet actual money that we would be getting a very different version of events if the stepdaughter were here to tell her side.

  5. Yes. I’m also guessing that OP is purposely omitting important details on this one. Typically children (adult or not) are inclined to give their bio parents the benefit of the doubt.

  6. What you wrote plus the ending with her claiming the daughter works for "the company that owns Instagram" ... Facebook/Meta? ... and deleted the Instagram account had me coughing bullshit bullshit

  7. This may come as a shock, but your estranged step daughter's wedding is not about you. It feels like a lot of important details have been left out to paint a very specific picture. YTA.

  8. There are far too many people on here that make this comment, "their wedding isn't about you." No, but common courtesy and decency don't go out the window over a wedding. You're the asshole for trying to place the daughter's messed up behavior on OP and her husband.

  9. Yta. This is not your problem/issue. As a long term step parent, i get that it hurts. I also get that you may have put in a lot & have a lot of emotions invested. But its still not your place, still not your business. Your job is to be there to smooth it over between them if/when possible. To love & guide without trying to parent or butt in. I completely understand exactly what you are going through (sounds exactly like our situation) but it wasnt your place & she isnt a child, shes a grown woman. Not only can her viewpoint be 100% different from yours & still be true, why is it so important for you to make sure all these ppl you dont even really know, see your pov?

  10. "isn't about you" is not an excuse to treat some one else like garbage. You shouldn't try to use it as one. the daughter went out of the way to be rude and exclude half her family. OP has the right to be upset

  11. Yes I also feel like there were details left out. I wonder if OP was an affair partner or something else happened to strain the relationship.

  12. YTA. I could drive a truck through the holes in this story. You don’t just go from “we were such a happy family, look at the receipts!” to “we found out unexpectedly that she doesn’t even tell people we exist and she clearly did not want us on the wedding photos.”

  13. To look into parental alienation. This is when one parent uses their clout or influence over a child to alienate them from the other parent. Done several guys that were this happened to with their ex wives or girlfriends. They've done everything in their power to keep the child away from them. The people that I know have no history of abuse. Children make excellent pawns. This is incredibly quite common. In many courts are still biased towards women. This is actually a huge problem in the military.

  14. Rejected parents forums are usually where narcissists gather. The posts usually involve stories how their children were horrible, but omit any details that allow an objective observer to fully understand the situation. Whereas the children of narcissistic abusers are able to fully document the mean behaviors of parents throughout their lives. The OP is that type of narcissist and an AH because the post is looking for empathy rather than providing details.

  15. I'm laughing how the stepdaughter works for Instagram and deleted OP's account. It seems like that upset OP more than the other things she tossed into this word salad.

  16. I got the impression the stepdads real name is teddy and she was typing too fast and missed the word dad to complete the sentence.

  17. Exactly!! I would’ve been OUT of this woman was anywhere near my own father. I don’t blame OP’s stepdaughter at all.

  18. YTA for posting photos intended to humiliate and punish your husband's daughter because you didn't like how she planned her wedding.

  19. YTA, there's more to the story than you're letting on. She is allowed to have whoever she wants walk her down the aisle and he in her life, and you get absolutely no say in it. Posting just to be petty and not out of love shows where your priorities really were on her wedding day

  20. It doesn’t even say mom and stepdad walked her down the aisle. It says they walked her down the sidewalk. The post is silent about whether she walked down the aisle alone or escorted.

  21. This sounds like a fair assessment. Imo it's more of an ESH though, bc while all you say is true, the pictures and the caption themselves were innocuous, and the stepdaughter used her job/"position of power" to get OP's account deleted. To me that crosses bigger moral boundaries than the pettiness OP participated in.

  22. INFO: What were you hoping to accomplish with the IG account and adding all her friends? Like what was the end goal of "proving" her father had been in her life?

  23. YTA why are you posting this? This is not your daughter, this is not your situation and you are bitter af. Maybe try to mind your own business and let this girl live her own life far away from your drama!

  24. I don’t know, OP and her husband gave A and their other daughter the same amount of money for their weddings. If I helped pay for a wedding and the bride intentionally sent the car 2hrs late, so we weren’t in the pictures, I’d be pissed about it.

  25. She was getting a lot of stuff from her mom, one time she was over the things she did to get back to mom scared us. Mom did not see anything wrong with the behavior and we did not want to mess with the child’s mind more than it was getting. I think she did some of the actions to hurt her dad FOR her mom

  26. So instead of going to court and showing the very clear parental alienation that was going.on he just let a 12 year old decide. She's 30, this is a pretty clear f-you. Let it go. She's likely done with all of you, she's past the age where kids figure out who their parents really are and if she doesn't see her mother for what she is by now she never will

  27. YTA. I wholeheartedly understand why you were upset but taking personal & family problems to social media will never resolve the situation. Airing dirty laundry in public is just ick.

  28. I was thinking I was replying but, can see how it look like arguing at some points. Thank you for your communication and we have left things alone completely with her.

  29. YTA. She's an adult, she's entitled to make her choice regardless of what you think about it. You're being petty and spiteful and I assume this would be a pattern of behaviour not a one off (because honestly it's never a one off)

  30. A grown adult would have talked to her father about what she wanted and why rather than to shock all of us on the day of

  31. ESH except your husband. Daughter and her mother suck for clearly being willing to take your husband’s money and string y’all along and probably not tell him about who was walking her down the aisle until he saw it so he wouldn’t say anything.

  32. It may have made it worse but, he is a kind soul and did not deserve that disrespect. He would never stand up for himself he just took the hurt and shuts down.

  33. YTA, it is sad for her real dad, but she obviously chose her step dad over him. It’s her wedding and her choice. I find it horrible she did that, but it is her choice. No need to be petty about it.

  34. YTA and a liar. She literally could not have deleted your account. The system would detect it and she’d be immediately fired. Meta does a lot of evil shit, but they don’t fuck around with employee access to data of people they know.

  35. YTA. I understand that it stings for you and your husband that you’re not as involved in A’s life as you want to be. But your reaction is way too much and you’re making things more difficult than they need to be.

  36. We are fine just being in her life somewhat but, the disrespect of not even talking to her dad and get hit at the wedding was hurtful. But, we did consider her part of our family and the pictures show that ! We tried to give her space while keeping her in our family.

  37. Yes, YTA because this is none of your business. This isn’t your kid. And you effectively nuked your husband’s relationship with his daughter. Don’t go seeking out trouble and adding her friends to your Facebook. Either play nice or avoid her, but don’t play games. I’m guessing your a senior citizen at this point so you are far, far too old for these shenanigans.

  38. YTA. Trying to prove anything over Instagram never ends well, and her snub at the wedding should have made it clear how she felt. I get that you want to defend your husband's honor, but this really isn't your fight, it's between him and his daughter. If he wasn't going online to prove he was an involved dad then you shouldn't have either.

  39. "So my husband let her decide if she wanted to come over or not when it was our time. He did everything he could to stay in her life"

  40. YTA. You are not her mother. She didn't chose you as a parent. She doesn't even like you and your family. I can most definetly tell why, to be honest. You make a scene like that at a wedding because your husband can not speak for himself? Stop calling her your family, she is not. She didnt want you in the family pictures, do you want her to write it out for you?

  41. I get you were hurt, but what you did was throw gasoline on the fire. What is your plan if she goes no contact and never speaks to your husband again because of what you did? What do you plan to do if this made it worse for your husband? What possible positive outcome did you think would happen from your actions? You didn’t think this through, you only made this worse and unfortunately your husband is the one that truly suffers from your actions. YTA

  42. YTA. Your husband wasn’t really there for her and it sounds like you did a lot of interfering. That behavior comes home to roost and you had no right to post pics of her without her consent. Grow up.

  43. ESH, though I have far more sympathy for you than for your stepdaughter. She CHOSE to lie and be hurtful to your family.

  44. He was in her life as much as his ex wife would allow by law and that was it! We had to fight in court to get visitation confirmed since she would just not be home times we were to see “A”… her dad did not want to hurt or push her. He is a great father

  45. Only comment on pictures was kids are growing up fast! That was all.. I didn’t even tag her in the pictures . Only family trip pictures or graduation pictures

  46. YTA. She is 30 years old. She can choose whether she wants a relationship with her birth father or not. Being petty and vindictive on social media to humiliate and shame her will only drive her away/validate her decision to not have a relationship.

  47. NTA if she really works for a company that owns Instagram then you need to call the company and file a complaint about an employee abusing their privileges. They would easily be able to see if it’s true.

  48. This!!!! The major internet companies of the type that one falls into tend to have strict "hands off" off rules about even looking at the accounts of friends and family in backend systems.

  49. YTA. “We have records of calling the police”…well that must have been great for her to deal with when she was younger, dad and step mom calling the police because her mom showed up an hour early for pick up. And she calls her step father Teddy - HOW HORRIFYING. The car picked you up 2 hours late because she didn’t want you anywhere near the pictures. She had her mom and step dad walk her because she didn’t want her father by her side. You’re a grown ass woman who posted pictures on Instagram and then “added all her friends” to prove to them that you and her dad were part of her life. Stop. No matter what this poor kid does I’m sure you have an issue with it.

  50. Yta. It is incredibly bizarre to post photos of an adult as a child and add all their friends on social media. She wouldn’t need to work for that company to have it deleted either, adults can make removal requests for posts and accounts like yours. You need to leave this person alone and stop trying to manage your husbands family affairs because you’re making it worse

  51. YTA but please know that (assuming you’re not hiding any important context or sinister details) I have been in your exact position.

  52. YTA. Sure, alienation happens with parents. But from your actions now it’s also easy to infer that you were not the level headed, welcoming step parent that you think you’ve portrayed yourself as. If this is how you act on her wedding day then what were you like when she was a child? Even in this story where you’re trying to represent yourself well you sound out of control & self absorbed.

  53. ESH. I get the impression that there is something we are not being told, but it also seems like mom actively worked to build a wedge between bio dad and daughter. I’m pretty confused if she never told anyone that her dad or sister existed, and they had no part in the wedding, and she put a lot of effort into making sure they were not in photos, why bother even inviting them at all?

  54. I think you need to take a step back and let your husband handle the relationship with his daughter. You did nothing to make things better. You are antagonizing, nothing more. YTA.

  55. ESH, leaning towards YTA. You’re a stepmother, not her mother. Focus on your child and allow this woman who wants nothing to do with you to live her own life.

  56. This post is about validating OP’s perception of what happened. What it comes down to is your husband let a child decide if they were going to have a relationship and then thought he could buy his way back into her life as an adult. Being that you all didn’t have a good relationship with step-daughter you shouldn’t be surprised no one knew she had a sister. What was she to say? I have a half sissy I don’t know and find it hard to even consider a sister?

  57. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read

  58. Seems like she didn’t even want you all at the wedding. Maybe time to give up since she is 30. Seems like the whole story isn’t being told.

  59. I really feel like there is more to this story that we are not seeing… I really don’t think this is enough to go off and I feel like this was a really emotionally driven post. I see why people are voting you YTA but also telling a car to get you 2 hours late (assuming you were meant to be there for first look) is petty.

  60. It's obvious the biological mother was manipulating the stepdaughter from an early age. The damage is done, as sad as it is there is not much you can do about it. I feel bad for the stepdaughters new husband, that dude probably has zero clue who he really married.

  61. YTA. You need to stop getting in your husband and his daughters business. You might find out that is why she stopped coming around and being involved. If your husband gave up on his rights for her, then he is partially to blame for the relationship failing. You getting in the middle of things will definitely not help at all. I have been there with my dad's ex-wife. She always thought I owed him something and should do what she wanted, guess who destroyed our relationship for years with her constant meddling. Posting pictures as a passive aggressive jab obviously didn't help nor was it warranted.

  62. Just a hunch, but my guess is that OP made life difficult for A to "choose" between one home or the other. Calling police when mom didn't let them have visitation, or came an hour early when they did have it. Mom having A call her Stepdad Teddy...huh? So what? Better than calling him a$$***e. A found more peace in mom and step-dads home, and was more comfortable in that setting. And the way step-mom chose to handle her "hurt feelings" but taking the battle to instagram, and included everyone under the sun in it? I don't think she's changed much over time.

  63. Stop trying to be in her life. If she wants you and your husband gone, spend your time and money on the child you have who does care about you. ESH.

  64. It’s complicated and I think the AH changed once you posted the pictures. It seems like your step daughter was manipulated by her real mom, who is likely the real AH in this situation. It seems like you posted the pictures as a way of defending your husband’s honor. I say don’t worry about it. You have your own daughter and your own life you created. It sucks that your husband had to be alienated like this.

  65. I want to be on your side, and I am, but I have to say, you were pushed and trying to defend your husband and your family and you’re not AN AH, but when pushed, YTA in this situation.

  66. YTA. This is so weird. Her wedding isn't about you, and you clearly wanted to cause drama. Also I'm confused-- you called the police when her mom was an hour early for visitation? Did I read that correctly? wtf?

  67. I just get the feeling here you worked hard to create a hostile environment and she doesn’t like you very much. And I think you just proved why with that Instagram account. That’s just petty and childish, and constantly calling the police when she was a child really didn’t help either. I can almost hear the tone of voice you used when you asked her who was walking her down the aisle, and I get the feeling you often ask pointed questions or make pointed remarks. It’s probably why she stopped coming as a kid. Kids aren’t stupid.

  68. YTA You went too far. Whatever hope there was for her and your husband to have a relationship you just threw away. There’s something missing.

  69. Contrary to the belief of their parents, children don't just estranged themselves from their parent for no good reason, and the likelihood of one estranged themselves at 16 and keeping that up into their 30s for no reason or because another parent vilified the estranged one is pretty miniscule. I don't know what your step daughter's relationship was actually like with your husband, from her perspective, not yours, but it obviously was pretty fucked up.

  70. Sorry but YTA. This is not your fight, you are the step-mother and you’ve chosen to make the whole situation much much worse. You handed the daughter absolute proof that you are an interfering witch.

  71. If his daughter doesn't want anything to do with him, that's his fault (and probably partly yours). Not the mums fault. Have a look at your own behaviour over the years instead of blaming everything on Mum. YTA.

  72. Yta how many different ways does she have to tell you she's not interested in her father. This isn't your place you're not her mother or father I appreciate that you in part sacrificed for her raising but she hasn't wavered in her contempt once. Maybe yall should take the message and leave her alone I'm sorry

  73. Clearly her bio dad isn't someone she considers her real dad. By all accounts her step father is her true father. Get over it

  74. INFO: to your best guess, what is the reason your 30 year old stepdaughter clearly wants to be low contact with her father and your family?

  75. With rich ppl I tend to find a lot or too little content missing. This is too little despite what you’ve posted. He didn’t have 50/50 custody from the start so…please explain that along with the other questioners of Reddit.

  76. YTA. Putting her on blast like that was totally unfair. Were you the reason her parents marriage broke up? (the side chick) if so... she is NEVER going to forgive you or play nice and I don't blame her for believing what her mom says because it's probably true. No matter how nice you both tried to be cannot make up for the fact that her father chose to break up his family with a stranger, and a moral-less stranger (you) chose to cheat with a married man. You continue to prove your lack of decency and morals with your continued actions. Adding her friends just to humiliate her is beyond the pale.

  77. Hmmmm.. I'm guessing English isn't the first language here and I'm just very confused by the whole post... so Asshole indeterminate I suppose?

  78. YTA She's your stepdaughter and you should have stayed out of this and let your husband handle his relationship with his daughter. Blowing her up on Instagram like that was 100% an asshole thing to do because it was not your place to get involved. Whether she wanted her dad at the wedding or not was between her and her dad. Whether he walked her down the aisle was particularly HER decision. I have a feeling that you are a major reason she wants nothing to do with her dad. You stick your nose where it doesn't belong and then do petty shit when you don't get your way just to blow things up... like posting all those pics on Instagram and adding all her friends. What exactly did you hope to accomplish with the Insta stunt? It sure as hell isn't going to heal your husband's relationship with her. If anything, you just put the last nail in the coffin between the 2. She's very likely to go zero contact for good now. Did you think all her friends would suddenly understand how wonderful you are? More likely they all see you for the self-centered asshole you are.

  79. INFO: You seem to imply that her mother was trying to push the dad out of her life. Is that the case? Did A ever give any reason why she didn't want to maintain a relationship with her father and doesn't talk about him to her friends? Did you ever clarify why the driver was late taking you to the wedding or why you all were excluded from photos? Why didn't you or your husband have a conversation with A about any of this instead of taking to social media? You seem to be glossing over details and leaving out important information that could lead to an accurate judgement.

  80. Jesus lady. I’m not sure where you got the idea that this wedding was about you, or your daughter, or your husband, but you’re mistaken. None of you were owed any kind of information about the wedding and you certainly don’t get a place in her, or anybody’s life just because you want it. She had chosen to allow you to exist on the periphery and made it clear she didn’t want you any closer, so that’s what you get. Money, attention, shitty behaviour-none if these things allow you to demand anything more. YTA

  81. I've read your posts and comments, and I believe you. My mother has worked as a family law paralegal my entire life, and I've heard similar stories about a parent alienating their children from the other parent. It's so unfortunate.

  82. Why did she bother inviting step-mom, dad and sister if she was going to be so passive-aggressive with the ill treatment? Late car, exclusion of family pictures and lying about who's walking her down the isle. That's just rude. And to stepmom and dad, take the hint. Sadly, she doesn't want to be a part of your family. Sometimes parents can try their best to do the right thing with their children but it doesn't mean that they will reciprocate.

  83. YTA!!! I was the bride in this exact bio-dad and stepmother bullied and harassed me for months, making me feel guilty for wanting my Dad (stepdad) to walk me down the aisle. So I caved on the morning of my wedding and my Dad (stepdad) graciously stepped aside.

  84. I think you made a bad situation worse. Could be she's in a codependent relationship with her mother and in order to function she simply goes with whatever her mother says. Could be she remembers the past very differently than you do because she was experiencing emotional turmoil at the time separate and apart from you. She's allowed to have her wedding day be exactly what she wants it to be. You have the right to feel hurt and disappointed but getting even with her by approaching her friends was not helpful in any way and was meant to be divisive. You owe her an apology.

  85. It's so clear. She doesn't want you nor her stepsis to be in the picture. And I can safely say she doesn't hate her father, but doesn't necessarily like you. You are dismissing major details about you and her. Maybe her father always sides with you whenever she rants? Or you got into a fight you thought was a small thing but a big issue for her? Undisclosed misunderstanding? Maybe she never wanted you as stepmother for reasons? As readers, we need two sides of the story. We can only assume. What you gave us is clearly biased on you pov.

  86. Wondering if the circumstances around the mom and dads breakup might have any part in this story. I understand she was 4 when they divorced but did the dad have an affair with his newer wife that was devastating to the mother. I may be way off but it seems that there is more to this than step mom is telling?

  87. I'm probably the same age as you. What I can tell from this post is that you are overly trying to be a victim. That victimness is coming from you, possibly husband, because you have been hurt from the daughter and just don't know what to do with your feelings. Plus she had some antics that were not all that great at her wedding that directly effected those feelings. So I get it.

  88. YTA. YOur weirdo photos of frozen moments tell her friends nothing about her life and her and her dads relationship. Him showing up to graduations doesn't make him a good dad - that's the bare fucking minimum OP. ...his proves nothing at all.

  89. Soft YTA because I think this is not your place to intervene. Your husband (and to some extent your daughter) should be the one to confront her about their relationship, and if they should still maintain it or cut ties with her. But as someone involved in her life, I feel your frustration and why you did it.

  90. I'm not entirely sure how I'm supposed to cast judgement one way or another on such an incoherent rant. It could be that the behaviour of your husband's ex and his daughter has been so callous and cruel over the years in spite of his efforts that you've exploded in an emotional rage. Or you could have embellished this story tenfold and character assassinated people you don't like for the reasonable choices they've made with their life.

  91. YTA for the misleading title and for posting what you did. But this is very confusingly formatted and it really seems like there's more going on here than you're saying.

  92. You have just nailed the entire life we have had to go through with his daughter. And yes he was everything he could be for her! Thank you someone who can see what I am feeling and going through!

  93. Why are you making this black and white and only giving two options? She either wanted to hurt him or hoped he’d leave early? Thought about maybe she just hoped he’d be there to support her? Maybe she just wanted them there? Have we considered the fact that maybe the daughter wasn’t in charge of getting their car times set up? Her father, despite being her blood, is not entitled to walking her down the isle. Sounds like her step father has been in her life for a long time as well and has probably been the main male figured in her teen and adult life. Regardless it’s completely and totally her choice, no one else’s. It’s a high possibility she wasn’t going to have anyone walk her down, but changed her mind. Which she’s allowed to do for HER wedding. I doubt this is as black and white and malicious as your comment and op depicts. I imagine that’s why her account was deleted and everyone reacted poorly to her tantrum on instagram. The WOMAN is 30. She owes no one, not even her parents, and explanation or relationship if she doesn’t want it.

  94. I completely agree. This was so spiteful for them to do, it feels purposeful. But def let her go

  95. NTA I had a long response ready, but the only thing that comes to mind is she brought this on herself. The moment she started lying to her friend circle and painting a different picture of her upbringing, she was in the wrong. The execution may have been a bit extreme, but I believe it was called for.

  96. I don’t think your an a*hole. I think you are furious, insulted, and heartbroken for your husband. This entire post makes me sad. I see your love for your husband and I am sure you have had a front row seat to his effort and heartache when it comes to his daughter.

  97. Having been in a similar situation to OP, I’m going with NTA. My ex-stepdaughter basically dumped her dad in favour of rich step-daddy and treated her dad like shit, and it was in all ways completely undeserved. She could not have asked for a better dad. I don’t doubt it’s caused OP’s husband immense pain, but you’re better off cutting all contact with her. Once the dust settled, I was actually surprised at how drama-free our lives were after we went NC with her.

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