AITA For refusing to let my stepbrother and his family live with me, when I have a huge house, he is offering rent, and they have nowhere else safe to go?

  1. NTA. They offered you a “sizeable” rent but they are being evicted and no one else will rent to them. They would move in and would probably never pay rent to you either.

  2. And don't think the bullying wouldn't start up again once Ben is entrenched in your house. He has zero respect for your feelings and would have zero respect for your boundaries.

  3. I really don’t see why their mother and Nick aren’t an option either. They are clearly fAmiLY and should make it work.

  4. Exactly!! And him saying "we were just kids" when OP mention his bullying is concerning. At 16 you're not a kid anymore, you understand very well the implications of cruelty towards a 10 years old... IMO he's excusing himself way too easily and it could mean that he still can have this kind of behavior. Don't accept, OP!

  5. Exactly. Plus Ben only reached out when he needed something. He’s bullying OP again - under the guise of helping his own kid. Well, who helped OP? Her grandparents who left her a safe home. OP, you need to tell Ben to call mommy dearest and daddy up and have them take him in. This is in no way your problem or concern.

  6. This - also he was 16 when he came into your life OP - that is way old enough to know not to bully a 10 year old girl. This has red flags all over it.

  7. The fact that he lies about bullying you and was kick out means he’s super dishonest and possibly is a criminal, he could likely rob you blind.

  8. It’s emotionally manipulative is what it is. They’re preying on OP’s trauma by invoking a child whose life she’s not even involved in.

  9. Also you are NOT responsible for his daughter. Her parents are. You don’t just get evicted for no reason and it’s even this bad that NO ONE else is willing to take them in. This is THEIR fault, not yours. THEY have to make sure that their child is safe and even if it’s not something he did and let’s say his daughter did, it’s the PARENTS responsibility to raise her right and make sure she doesn’t idk wreck part of the building or plays with fire or whatever. Do not let people tell you that his daughter is your responsibility, she’s not. She’s THEIR responsibility. So definitely NTA.

  10. NTA, for these reasons. Your stepbrother isn’t taking responsibility for his actions. You don’t know him: you haven’t had a decent/significant conversation with him as adults. He and his family should live with your mom and stepdad.

  11. NTA. You should also consider, if he becomes your tenant, how difficult it will be to evict him, if things ho sideways and he doesn’t want to move.

  12. This. He's shown he doesn't have genuine familial feelings for OP, and he has a history of being a bad tenant.

  13. I think, going off on how he abused his own kid sister and feels no remorse over it, it's likely he is still an abuser- towards his wife and kids now. This would explain the eviction, and being unable to rent- in the US at least- because when you are convicted of a domestic, particularly involving vandalism/property destruction, even a misdeamor-level one, you often have to put that on rental applications, or it comes up on a backround check by landlords.

  14. Came here to say this. He will refuse to pay rent, and then refuse to leave, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she left for work or a trip and found the locks changed when she got home.

  15. NTA, and this seems strange. If he can really pay significant rent, he can find another place. I doubt he would really pay you

  16. Exactly. Some landlords will even disregard the credit check if the security deposit is big enough. I don't think you'll be able to get them out again if you take them in. NTA OP

  17. Another thing for the "Think of the child" crowd; why does OP have to step in and play Superman when the child's own father wasn't thinking of her future when he let his actions as a tenant effect their living arrangements?

  18. NTA...only reason he is contacting u is because he needs something from u. Paybacks a b!t$h. Maybe him and ur mom and stepfather can help out. Not to mention u still have all these unresolved issues that u tried to sort out and he didn't , and those emotions would be rushing back to u. Considering thier lack of options u know once they move in they are never leaving. And the nerve of him telling YOU who would stay in what room. Look, u know them moving in is not an option, but u are a nice and caring person so u have a little guilt in saying no. Bullys and users prey on strong

  19. NTA. NOPE. Not at all. There is a reason he is getting evicted. And once you get him and his family in there, you would not be able to get him out. Nope. Anyone who is worried about him can move them in their house or donate money for a hotel. Not your problem.

  20. NTA. Not your circus or monkeys. And of course there are other safe places for them to live, they have just rejected those places for whatever reason.

  21. NTA. Tell the people who are telling you to think of Adeline to take them in. Ppl are so quick to use children as the excuse in situations like this. Well “ok great thank you for volunteering I’ll let Ben know.”

  22. NTA. Please, please, please do not let Ben and his family move into your house. He made you feel unsafe and bullied as a child and has never made any effort to apologize to you for his actions. Even if you had a decent but distant relationship with him, you would still be in the right to refuse to rent to him. It's your house; you get to decide who you want living with you. Just say "No. It won't work for me for you to move in with your family." Repeat if necessary. You don't owe him an explanation or apology.

  23. Sure an innocent child shouldn't be punished, but aren't you innocent too? Should his victim, aka you, be punished and hurt again because the abuser fucked up his own life? HELL NO. there are millions of innocent people who have problems and no one blames you for not taking them in, why is this different? He's not your family he made that clear, he won't be grateful or helpful, he will probably ruin your life and house. Sucks for the kid but just like all the other not your own children, it's NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY

  24. Nta and this ♤. I will add that since he doesn't think he did anything wrong by bullying you he will continue/get worse so for your own mental health DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO MOVE IN no matter what.

  25. NTA. He has no remorse for how he treated you but wants to use you now? Let your mother and step father bail out their special child. It would be a huge mistake to let this person in your home.

  26. NTA. He has made it abundantly clear he doesn’t consider you family. Only that he wants something from you does he now contact you. Make no mistake he has not changed this would be a toxic living environment for you. Protect your own inner child from this, or it will be a living hell for you. Not to mention there is a reason why no landlord wants him; something is seriously amiss here and you don’t want to deal with it.

  27. INFO the reason you aren’t taking him in isn’t because of the past. Could it be because of your future? He treated you poorly for years, and doesn’t seem to be apologetic at all. He only reached out because of his needs not yours.

  28. Imagine living with this man….this stranger/bully who you haven’t even spoken to in two years. Is that what you truly want? To feel ashamed in your own home? No, you are NTA…and they are just posers for seeking you out to use you.

  29. NTA, block Ben and don't look back. He's obviously continued his pattern of being a shitty person throughout his life if no one will rent to him.

  30. Amen. I’m tired of the “think of the children” mentality. Do you know who should think of Adeline? Her parents.

  31. NTA. Don’t do it. You need to do what’s best for your own mental health, and living with a former abuser who is unapologetic would not be good for you. Stay strong.

  32. NTA, looks like someone is finally about to discover that actions have consequences. Ben, Nick and your mother regularly showed you that they don't consider you as family and Ben has only contacted you because he wants something. Stay strong and enjoy the house that the two people who loved you the most gave to you.

  33. NTA I honestly don't understand how he feels entitled to ask you for help. Abuse is abuse no matter if it was in the past.... You can forgive if you feel like it or not but that has nothing to do with having him back in your life because renting would be like opening him a new door to your life. If you are doing well, I don't see why let the "wolf" in - there's a reason why he can't get a place to live, try to find out why-. One option, thinking about your niece who has nothing to do with it, could be for her to live with you for a while until they find a safe place to live.

  34. NTA. Regardless of how he treated you as a child, you are under no obligation to rent your home out to anyone, even if a child is involved. You have every right to say no, and you have every right to not forgive your stepbrother for how he treated you. It doesn’t matter if it was years ago or everyone involved was very young, if he refuses to even acknowledge he hurt you, you owe him nothing.

  35. You have to consider he's getting evicted for a reason, he can't get a decent place for a reason, he won't take accountability for hurting you, and how long will he actually hold up paying this great rent?

  36. NTA You don't want him in your home, and that is ok. In fact it's understandable. Don't bother asking your friends what they think, they don't have to live your life. Who cares what anyone thinks? You do the right thing for you.

  37. NTA. If I walked backed into somebodies life expecting a handout I’d be laughed at. Karma bit him hard and the fact that he said what rooms they could stay in before you gave an answer shows he never changed.

  38. NTA. Especially if no other landlord is willing to rent to him and he's willing to pay a sizeable rent, he's obviously a high risk renter for some reason. It's unfortunate that he has children that are impacted by his bad choices but that is not your concern or fault. If you let him rent he could try and force squatters rights and become very hard to evict or remove when the time comes, you're better off not letting them stay imo. He's never apologized or even really admitted he mistreated you, don't let the abuse start again, you've come too far to get sucked back into their toxicity. Stay strong OP! We're rooting for you!

  39. NTA. He will continue to gaslight you & eventually try to take over your house. Don’t let your sympathy for his daughter make you take in your toxic step brother. The fact that he can’t even be an adult & apologize when he knows you’re his only hope & option says a lot about him. If your mom & his dad can’t help him that’s a him problem & not a you problem. Don’t disrupt your peace to help someone that wouldn’t help you if the shoe was on the other foot.

  40. NTA. Oh hell no. He knew at the time and at all times since that the conduct in question was unfair. Only when he exhausted all other avenues did he turn to cajole you to surrender 2/3 of your home when he needed it for himself. None of this is for you. His conduct then was bad and he believes it readily excused. That paradigm is still present and will not change. It will go back to what it was. Tell them no. You cannot take in every stray.

  41. NTA. Once he moves in you’ll have a very difficult time getting him out, because it’s obvious he’s still a bully. Something off here, though - if he has the money to offer you a sizable rent, he should be able to find another place to live, even if he was evicted. So one of two things is true here: either what he was evicted for was so bad that even cash won’t sway a prospective landlord to overlook it, or he’s lying about having the resources to pay a sizeable rent. Either way, bad idea to let him move in with you. Also - yes, his child is innocent, but that shouldn’t factor into your decision. She is HIS responsibility not yours. They aren’t family, he is just your childhood bully and tormentor. You owe him nothing.

  42. NTA. So many things could go wrong in an already tense and horrible relationship. It’s not on you to fix his problems for him, especially when he caused so many for you.

  43. NTA. The fact that he is being evicted under such circumstances that almost no one is willing to rent to him just means that the guy who was once a rotten child is now a rotten adult. What has changed is that you no longer are stuck being his victim.

  44. He is being evicted. That means that he did not pay rent and when asked to pay rent, he still refused and the landlord had to go to court and pay a lot of $$ to get him to leave.

  45. “Your dad married my mom ages ago, that’s so far in the past and we were just kids, why are you still caught up in the idea that you’re my brother?”

  46. NTA, you don't owe him anything. Keep on living your life, sorry about the loss of your grad parents btw.

  47. NTA. He isn't your family in any way from what you described and his wife and kid are nothing to you and you owe nothing to them. You might as well rent out room to a family of strangers on the street and they would be better tenants probably. Your mom and Nick can take them in. And I'm sure your paternal grandparents wouldn't want Ben anywhere near their house either.

  48. The moment you realise that you DO NOT need to explain your decision to other people is when you’ll be free from this sh!t .. You said no and that’s it no further discussion or talk about the topic and if anyone is trying to overstep their line just shut them with “non of your business” “it’s a personal matter” “I didn’t ask of outside opinions on this” “never asked what you think is right or wrong” 🤷🏻‍♀️

  49. NTA. Do not cave, whatever the reason. Your mental health will suffer if you let them move in. The fact that Ben still won’t apologize just shows how much he hasn’t changed.

  50. NTA. Ask yourself this, would he help you? Exactly, no. And your mom and stepfather aren’t helping him. Ben isn’t a good candidate and landlords aren’t renting to him. Why in the world are you inviting this discord into your home?!?!?

  51. I would not let them move in, because reason one is the way you were treated growing up by him and two it sounds like he feels entitled to move in with you and might try to figure out a way to force you out of your home, it happened to a friend of mine he let his step sister that he had a tense relationship with move in with her kids and after a couple of months he was served with a restraining order barring him from his house, she had leveled false allegations against him, and after getting a lawyer he eventually got his house back and her out but in the meantime she had stolen or sold everything including the light fixtures.

  52. NTA. Forever NTA. Something happened, and I would bet dimes to dollars that whatever the something was, it's probably going to happen to you too, if you let him stay there. I feel for the daughter, but it's up to her parents to give her a safe and stable home, and not by guilting you and manipulating you into doing so.

  53. NTA. Guilt is never the way to go. Unless you are thrilled about maybe healing some of your past with your SB ( which I doubt because he doesn’t seem available) and thrilled about being there for your “niece”, don’t. If it was the right thing to do, it’d feel good.

  54. The really big thing to highlight here is what gets you kicked out of your last rental, and how bad was it that made it impossible to get another place.

  55. NTA - as much as I want to say go with your kind heart and think of your niece because it is family, if he will not even apologize for just even the wrongs “you perceived” when he is so clearly desperate for housing that says alot about his lack of character and willingness to take any accountability in the LC relationship between you two. If you let him move it, he will probably treat you the same way he did when you were kids 😔. Humble apology with promise he will give you the respect you deserve or no help seems to be a fair boundary to set with him.

  56. NTA and isn’t karma wonderful? Stay firm here - no one is obliged to assist their bully, under any circumstances. And even if you two were actually on good terms, he sounds like a horrific tenant risk. So - no. Don’t let him in.

  57. NTA - seems like there might be a reason no one wants him to live with them and you already know/lived through that as a kid. Don't - he has an option that doesn't hurt you in the process.

  58. Ben takes no accountability for any of his cruelty toward me and only says how “Even if it was that bad, we were just kids” or “Why are you still caught up on that? That was ages ago."

  59. NTA. If he’s a horrible tenant to strangers, he’ll walk all over you and treat you like his prior landlords. It’ll only be worse based on your history.

  60. Nta you are not obligated to help him. This man has made it clear that he does not see you as family so you dont have to treat him as such. Not to mention the bug ole red flag of such a messy eviction, he cant go anywhere. Just be prepared for no contact with this man

  61. NTA. Living with your bully/abuser would not be healthy for you. Since he takes no account of all the past abuse and bullying, there is no way you can trust him to treat you with respect. Once he is living in your house with his wife and daughter, you will have a very difficult time getting him out. Ben is clearly AH to you for his past behavior. The fact that you are not aware of the full story of his current crisis, the reasons he and his family are evicted; and the fact that Ben is unable to receive help from his own father (Nick) and your mom also indicate that Ben is not a safe, good person for you to live with. The actual details of his situation and your parents' refusal of help are very relevant and necessary to understanding who Ben is today. And for now it appears Ben is still shady, controlling and uncooperative. Steer clear!

  62. If I was in your situation... "How dare you tell me how I should feel about this. It may be in the past for you but it is not in the past for me. You are my toxic abuser and you are not welcome to live with me."

  63. Don’t let them in because they will never leave if they cannot rent a place. NTA at all. You deserve to preserve your mental health and happiness. Your home is your haven, and this would be chaos despite what he’s trying to sell you right now.

  64. NTA. Put your foot down and tell Ben to fuck off. He made his bed and he can lay in it. This is Karma biting him in the ass.

  65. NTA. Protect your peace & mental health. Block him and anyone else that tries to argue for him. Do you still speak To your mother? If you do she’s probably going to ask on his behalf. Even if he decides to take accountability now, it’s a little too late. It’s disingenuous.

  66. NTA wait.... he was 6 years older than you! A teenager picking on a child. Wtf. Dude im petty as hell, I would have said "wow, it's funny how you turned out to be the failure and embarrassment of the family". Then cut contact with all of them, including you mother as they are trash people who don't deserve to be in your life.

  67. He’s needs to sort his own mess. He got away with a lot when you were a child. Remember you were just 4 years older his daughter when you were emotionally tormented by Ben and his dad - maybe your Mum and Nick can get the lease for Ben - but stay away from your abuser.

  68. NTA. Ben made his bed and now he has to lie in it. If there was any way for you to help Adeline though without helping Ben, (take her in) if you can I would do that but that is entirely up to you. You are no way obligated to support one of the idiots who bullied you your entire childhood. Although I am curious as to if he was your mother and Nick’s favorite kid, why aren’t they an option for him to go to? It seems a bit weird to me that they wouldn’t take him in since usually bad people attract each other. But yeah, while it sucks for him, this is just some long deserved karma coming to finally bite him in the ass.

  69. NTA. You are not responsible for him or his family. In a three bedroom house, they will basically take over. You would regret it and you owe him nothing.

  70. If you let him in, he will demonstrate absolutely no respect for you and will treat you like a doormat. Count on it. He still doesn't even think of apologizing for his behavior. He's still a bully, just bigger. Why would he not be able to get a rental if he can afford a 'sizeable' rent. It's fishy and once you let him in, you may not be able to get him out. Say. No. NTA

  71. DON"T DO IT. I've been in that situation (twice) and believe me, it will be a disaster. He'll " forget" to pay rent, he'll bully you again, you'll be miserable.

  72. if any of your family or family friends have ever had a key to your house change the locks now and consider a ring camera. I do not trust your mother and step father.

  73. A lot of people? Who? Maybe they want to step up and offer accommodations to someone who any sane landlord wouldn't?

  74. NTA, but stop telling people about this. None of them are going to know the dynamics as well as you do. You've made a decision. It's final.

  75. If you let them move in so many bad things could happen. They could leave big messes for you to clean up. They might expect you to be an unpaid babysitter. And since they got evicted, it's most likely due to failure to pay rent or other issues that make them problematic tenants. And you could go through hell trying to evict them if it gets really bad. But most importantly, this is your house and you are not obligated in any way to share it with your abuser. NTA

  76. Shady,even if he wasn’t an asshole its shady that no where else they are accepted and that they were evicted when he has money to give you? Red flag NTA

  77. Why is Adeline’s well-being and safety placed on you? If they are really concerned, let these people take in Ben and his family and don’t let them guilt you into letting them stay at your home. NTA

  78. NTA it's called his actions have lasting consequences and his and his wife's actions led them to be evicted. Not your circus and not your monkeys. Tell your mom and Nick to take in thier golden child

  79. NTA, a man who sees no wrong with his bullying and abusive ways grows up believing his actions aren’t wrong and remain that abusive person as an adult. Do not expose yourself to that again, there is absolutely a reason why he is being evicted. The fact he found a woman to love him and create life with him makes me wonder about her character as a person as well.

  80. NTA - Remember, once their in your house it’s hard to get them out. He hasn’t changed and the bullying will continue on another level. Find out why they being evicted? Do you know why you’re opted? Because you have a bigger house, more space or you don’t have any background information of his life.

  81. Nta. Make sure you have good locks and cameras. Because people do crazy stuff all the time. There aren't that many things that people can do that prevents them from getting ANY home. After the way that he treated you as a child it would not shock me if there was abuse towards his wife. If you asked he would probably just say that you were bringing up old s*** again. I would make sure that I have in writing, text message will do, that he is not welcome at your home for any rent. Then he can't break in and say you allowed them to move in.

  82. NTA- don’t let him move in. You will never be able to get him out again, and you don’t want to have to be stuck with you abuser.

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  84. NTA his parents should take him in. You can't treat people like crap and then expect them to help you

  85. NTA. His own life decisions are already having the heaviest impact on his daughter, not yours. You owe him nothing. You owe your mother nothing. Familial bonds mean nothing if there's no respect, support and love. These people have shown you none of that. Block him and tell everyone who's giving you grief over this to mind their own business, that they're more than welcome to help him if they're so concerned.

  86. There is a good reason stepbrother can not find a place that will rent to him. He has not changed. There is a chance he is worse now. NTA

  87. NTA. He’s going to move in and he will continue to treat you the same way. Also people telling you think of your nieces but you’re niece Adeline is his responsibility. He wasn’t worried about her while he was actively getting his family evicted. Don’t do it. Even if he has been a great brother you wouldn’t have any obligation to allow him and his family to move in. Why aren’t your mother and his bio dad an option? So why should you be?

  88. NTA. Do not allow his family to move in with you. You will never be able to kick them out if arguments occur. If I were you, I would block him or do not respond. You do not owe him anything. His circumstance is not on you. Do not be manipulated on how he says to think of his child, that is not your burden to carry. After all he has said and done to you he has the audacity to expect that you will take him in?!!!! I would not even responded to him the first time he communicated with you. Now that he needs help he gets to call you family the nerve if him!!! Do not be swayed to others saying to think of his daughter he is a terrible father for putting his family on this situation. Cut him off and do not respond ever.

  89. NTA Do not let them move in with you. They will never leave. Evicting them will become an expensive process for you. They were never family to you and they somehow only thought to reach out to you only when they needed something from you.

  90. Nta. I imagine no amount of money would make you feel safe living with someone who dismisses your feelings and refuses to apologize for the hurt he has caused. Why would you subject yourself to most likely more of the same to help someone who has probably created his own dire circumstances? I feel for your concern for his child but that is his responsibility and if he can afford to offer you rent he has more options than what he's saying. Just none as convienent as placing the blame and guilt for his problems at your feet if you don't bail him out

  91. NTA and I hope you stick to your decision because it is YOURS to make so dont let the family bully you into letting him live with you. You will be miserable and it would probably take and act of god to get him out of your house.

  92. NTA. Once you let someone in as a renter it can be near impossible to get them out without a court battle. Why put yourself through hell twice.

  93. NTA. I wouldn’t feel safe or comfortable with him in your home. He needs to fix his own problems. I would also go NC with any family that mistreated you.

  94. NTA. There is NO WAY it'll end well for you once they step foot inside your house. Please install camera so you can see whether they stop by and try to get in. Even if they come to your door with their luggage and a crying child DO NOT open the door! Call the police and get them off your property right away. Once they're in, they will not pay you a penny, they will not respect you nor your house. And they will NEVER leave, and probably try to kick you out. They will make your life a living hell.

  95. NTA, Adeline it’s not your responsibility and Ben refusing to acknowledge and take responsibility over his past actions it’s a sign he will be abusive with you again, don’t let anyone guilt trip you and don’t let him live with you

  96. NTA. Your mom and stepdad can help him out since they adore him so. He was mean to you for years and won’t even bother to talk about it with you. Don’t let them in, it won’t end well.

  97. Don't do it. You're only family now because he wants something. Don't bring this bully back into your life. Especially not into your safe space.

  98. NTA. The fact he isn't able to rent anywhere else is enough reason to say hell no. Sounds like there are very valid reasons no one wants him in their rental.

  99. NTA!! Don’t say yes. You’ve been abused enough by these people. Boundaries are so critically important to your mental health, and if you let these people live with you, it’s safe to assume there will be no boundaries. You might never be able to get them back out of your house. Stand your ground!

  100. Please don’t let them move in. You’re NTA for having boundaries with a man who hasn’t spoken to you in two years, won’t take responsibility for his bullying behaviour as a child and nowhere will accept him as a tenant.

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