AITA for telling my fiancé that I don’t want his daughter in my life?

  1. INFO: How does your fiancé propose disciplining her for what she did and addressing you not feeling safe around her as a consequence of her actions?

  2. I have had this allergy since I was 12 and know how to handle it so nobody actually have seen me have an attack. He probably thought I was “exaggerating” my condition as well and didn’t think what she did was that serious. He wasn’t home when this happened and only saw pictures of how I was swollen. And the state his son was in (he was scared if how I looked)

  3. 15 year olds are dumb and do dumb things; I agree the more important thing is how fiance reacts. Could you obtain a discharge summary from the hospital and show it to him, or a doctor's letter saying there must be no kiwi in the house because it represents a significant risk to your and your baby's health? If he doesn't accept that, that would be very concerning.

  4. Also, considering what that 15yo did to op, I wouldn’t be shocked if she’d ever try this kind of thing on the baby of it has allergies too.

  5. NTA. The kid could have killed you and your unborn baby. It’s too soon now to move in together if she is going to be staying. She needs a lot of therapy before she is trusted again around you and your new baby.

  6. Exactly. What the daughter did was horrible. She may have truly thought that OP was lying, but this is NOT OK. She could have easily hurt OP and her unborn child.

  7. Yes and who knows if she will try again or try with the new baby if they have allergies and gets more attention

  8. Looks like OP is British and also posted in the UK legal advice sub (I actually saw this there first) and so it looks like she might be looking into this (or at least what the UK precedent is) - probably not quite attempted manslaughter according to that sub, but could definitely be considered assault or attempting poisoning.

  9. Adding to this, I think it would be perfectly reasonable to take fiancé to a consult with a criminal attorney. Not with the intention to sue or pursue charges, but to drill the gravity and legal consequences of something like this into fiancé’s head. His daughter committed a criminal act. Yes, she needs psychiatric evaluation, but that’s an after the fact response based on incredibly poor judgement on a malicious act.

  10. As someone with a life threatening allergy that has had people test it out because they “didn’t believe it was that serious”, thank you!! This is dangerous and criminal, and these people don’t learn, they think it’s a one-time thing or minimize the reaction. She and the wanted baby that she is carrying could have died and neither dad or the brat seem to care!

  11. Right?! Imagine if OP had a nut allergy and the girl gave her sandwich with some peanut butter to test her, wtf? Seriousness of allergies is usually pushed into children from young age precisely because there might be other kids around at school/kindergarten who have them. This was completely premeditated. I would not be comfortable being around that person (kid or not) ever again.

  12. I scrolled way to far to read a comment like this, what the daughter did is attempted murder in a lot of places. Like WTF.

  13. NTA but you can’t expect him to cut his child out of his life. Obviously, she needs help and is struggling with her parents divorce. I wouldn’t move in with him because who knows what she would do. Based on his reaction, I’d end the relationship and focus on being co-parents.

  14. That's what I'm thinking. Like, what if the baby died because of her actions? You don't fuck with people's allergens.

  15. NTA. Your fiancé needs to understand the gravity of the situation. His daughter could have killed you and your unborn baby. He is not reacting enough.

  16. NTA this is bad. Your fiancé's daughter is extremely troubled, truly disturbing behaviour. She actively tried to seriously harm you. Your fiance and his former partner have raised a child that does not take other people's medical conditions seriously; her parents have to take a large share of responsibility for raising someone like that. They also do not seem to care at all that you or your baby could have died. Honestly, bin this man as soon as possible and do not move in with them. I don't mean this spitefully, but I'm sorry that you're having a baby with this man.

  17. NTA. This can be attempted murder. People have been charged with it. I would not feel safe around this person. What if your baby also has allergies? Will the daughter try this with your baby too?

  18. NTA. My mums allergic to kiwi and we just never had it in the house growing up 🤷🏼‍♀️ his daughter is cruel and vindictive and put both yours and your babies lives at risk and I would reconsider the living situation.

  19. This is what I'm confused about. I love kiwi but it's not like I have it often. How is it difficult to just not have it in the house?

  20. I’m pretty sure this would actually be considered attempted murder if the allergy is severe enough which it definitely seems to be

  21. Let me tell you I was all ready to say you were in the wrong from the title alone, but having actually read this NTA.

  22. Same. Title prepped me to be YTA but reading through, she’s definitely NTA. Step-daughter is 15 and immature so I don’t think she’s evil per se but definitely old enough to understand to take allergies seriously. I also think OP handled it well saying “I don’t feel comfortable moving” as opposed to “me or your daughter” which to me would have made everyone the AH.

  23. NTA. This little girl could have just caused you to miscarry or worse kill you. I’d want to be as far away from her as possible.

  24. YWBTA for banning her from your home, but not for putting your foot down that she cannot visit without some extra safety measures in place (including therapy for the child). It sounds like you really dislike this child and y’all could benefit from family counseling before going any further.

  25. I think the best option is what OP is suggesting. She and her fiancé don’t move in together. That way OP’s home (and coming child) is always protected from her future step daughter/potential murderer.

  26. I mean, that kid did try to give her anaphylaxis, which could've caused serious harm to both OP and her baby. I think she's justified in any dislike she has towards the daughter.

  27. You can't except your bf to not let his kid live with him. 15f has issues long before you showed up. Her parents broke up and that hurts. However, no one has seemed to point out to 15f that if you died, she'd be in big trouble.

  28. Lots of teens parents break up and most of them don't intentionally put the new bf/gf in life threats danger. At 15, you're smart enough to know that she'd be in "big trouble" if op died.

  29. My parents were separated for seven years before they finally divorced and I cannot tell you how much there was never any talk of reconciliation. Divorce can be an absolute nightmare and there are lots of reasons to delay it -- I don't think we can really read much into that.

  30. I will never understand people who force a blended family on kids when they're not on board. All that's going to lead to is an extremely difficult home life for everyone involved.

  31. This is what I came here to say! Also: I get the distinct whiff that OP is not telling us the whole story. She seems to have made little attempt to empathise w and build a rship with a young girl who is clearly hurting.

  32. i’m curious as to why the women and or men in this group always choose to continue the relationship knowing the other person’s kids don’t like you

  33. same, and it's not even just that - it's usually that the partner lets shit slide for so long until something this drastic happens and bc the parent never punished them before why would they now? it never works

  34. It absolutely doesn’t work, but I do understand the motivation. Sometimes you just really love a person and children don’t rule the world, especially after a certain age.

  35. ESH. You guys having a child when you can’t even manage the existing children and your relationship makes you both A’s. 15 is because you don’t mess with allergies.

  36. ESH how much has the fiancé talked to his daughter about you and the relationship? How much have both of her parents talked to her about the divorce? I always do find it a bit shady when someone meets someone else and all of a sudden decide to actually divorce. That said, that’s his child and he shouldn’t be moving in with you without her. What did your fiancé say about the kiwi situation? Sounds like he’s the problem here.

  37. Bottom line OP- you choose to have a partner who shares custody of his kids. Ether you accept that the children WILL be around. And will be hard, or you get out. She’ll NEVER stop being his kid, but the damage that would occur if she were cast aside, would only solidify her poor behavior. I’d suggest both you having a serious talk, and talk to her. How else will you get through raising the kid your pregnant with?

  38. This should have more upvotes. Regardless of the daughters sociopathic behavior, the damage that would be caused by forcing her to be separated from her father is life-altering. This kind of story reminds me of my stepdad and my brother. My brother is forever emotionally and mentally damaged by my stepdad forcing my mom to choose between him or my brother. It’s fucked.

  39. AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read

  40. Why are you assuming it was the dad holding up the divorce and not the mom? OP didn’t say anything about the circumstances. You’ve jumped to conclusions there.

  41. NTA OP. Keep your place and don't move in with fiancé. But if the subject comes up as to why you refuse, don't phase it like you did "I told him because I don’t want to have F15 in my home", tell him instead that his daughter "Tried to kill you and your unborn baby. That she broke any trust that you may have had to the point that you fear that she may one day succeed in killing you or the baby". If your fiancé have a problem with this and your legitimate fear, then you need to let him go too.

  42. Im sorry are you really asking if Y T A after someone literally ignored your medical issue and then triggered it? Ma’am you got basically poisoned in your own home by someone old enough to know allergies can kill and you ask AITA? For almost getting murdered bc you’re dating someone?

  43. OP clarified in comments that she just wants to continue how they are now: not moving in together, with two places.

  44. The husband and daughters are a pair. If you don’t like the daughter, don’t marry the dad. Even if she doesn’t live with you, she’ll be in his/your lives

  45. Unpopular, but ESH. Your fiancé sucks for not properly communicating with his daughter as well as punishing her accordingly. Daughter is obviously an asshole for trying to kill you, even if she didn’t think you’d have this reaction. And you’re the asshole for marrying into this. OP, she’s always gonna be his daughter and will always be in his life, specially now that she’s a minor, you can’t ask her dad to simply not be around even after that very VERY awful mistake, really think about what you really want and realistically if you can actually live with F15 because she WILL be around for at least a few years.

  46. NTA. Postpone the wedding. Do not move in together. See where it goes from there. See what he does to help his daughter. You focus on taking care of your baby. Maybe at some point, you can move past this. But you need time to think, and he needs time to figure out how to help his daughter (presumably with his ex). You are obviously not in a position to be unbiased (which is totally reasonable).

  47. NTA. Unfortunately a breakup may be your only option. She knew you had a life threatening allergy and decided to test you. What’s to stop her from doing it again when she’s throwing a tantrum. If you stay with him, you’ll have to watch your back around her and that heightened anxiety isn’t worth it.

  48. after reading posts/comments.... 4 years and still didnt realize nothing would change? still wanting to be with him and yet live in separate homes? and you're bringing a new born into this cluster fuck... YTA for that

  49. She’s his child. If he picks you over her, he’s TA. Would that make him the kind of father you would want for your unborn child? And yes, YTA for thinking that “he should fix his family on his own” when you are planning to marry him. If you really love him, then it shouldn’t be his family or your family, it should be one family that you share

  50. ESH. the kid was obviously wrong. And she was obviously testing her boundaries because she doesn’t like that her dad is starting a new family. But you are also being an AH here. Your fiancé shouldn’t have to choose between his daughter and you. That’s his kid. Expecting him to cut her out of your shared life is cruel and unrealistic.

  51. ESH. This kid sees you taking her father away from her. Not as in "away from her mother/old family dynamic" (I mean maybe but your fiancé and his ex aren't getting back together) but as in trying to take her father for yourself. She probably sees you as an interloper between her father and herself and/or her brother.

  52. NTA. You have to put your own health and safety first. I wouldn't trust leaving an infant around the 15 y/o at all. I don't really know how you move past someone attempting to kill you via an allergy, but I don't think I could ever. You should postpone and probably call off the engagement. How can you be married to someone when your life and your child's are at risk from his teenage kid? Focus on co-parenting, and for gods sake go to court to get it arranged. Treat this as seriously as it deserves to be.

  53. ESH- When you are with a parent, their children are a package deal. He cannot abandon his daughter no matter what. That’s the deal.

  54. NTA. She may be 15 and a dumb kid but his inability to discipline her or see that she is dangerously hostile is problem. You can't be near that.

  55. ESH. You should not have gotten pregnant with his child if you didn’t like his existing children. Your fiancé is also an AH because of how he’s dealing with you and his kids. The 15 year old is also an AH because of the food thing (but this is again a common thing for people with severe food allergies, so many people don’t believe it so they set up these dumb and life threatening tests)- how she’s acted otherwise is not unique to teenagers whose parents end up with a new partner. Instead of working through that with counselling, you and your fiancé go and get pregnant and make plans to move kids in, who clearly are not happy. It’s a disaster in the making. Family counselling would be the best way forward because you would be the biggest AH to insist that one of your fiancé’s kids not live with you.

  56. Why would you even consider staying with him after he condones her behavior? Unless she genuinely, sincerely apologizes, there’s nothing to talk about here.

  57. Honestly ESH, him moreso though. Why did you continue a relationship with someone who's child hates you? It's one thing if the kid is an adult, but he's still responsible for her

  58. You’re not the asshole for the kiwi thing, but the way you talk about your fiancés kids and ex wife does make you the asshole. You need to realize that whether they were separated or not does not matter - you were the catalyst in 15yo’s parents’ divorce. You are the other woman. Not sure if anyone has looked into counseling for these kids, but they need it, and you need a reality check. Everything except the kiwi incident is a perfectly normal way for a 15yo to react to her father divorcing her mother so he can marry and start a new family with some random woman. You all need therapy lol.

  59. I don't think you're an asshole for reasonably fearing for your life. I was a lazy teenager once too. It almost cost me my life. I learned back then that people who are allergic to kiwi (like me) can also be allergic to bananas, avocado, and latex. It's the latex that causes the allergies. Funnily enough I can eat a bit of kiwi if someone else peels it and washes it and washed their hands with little to no reaction.

  60. ESH. She is obviously way put of line but it's not acceptable to expect anyone to alter their custody agreement. You guys should have gone to family therapy and worked this out far before you got pregnant. Just because you love someone doesn't mean your lives are compatible.

  61. NTA. I read the title and assumed you were the "A" but then saw that she tried to kill you and the baby. You need to file a police report. Not to get her in trouble, but just to have a record in case things don't work out or if she does anything else in the future that would put your child at risk again.

  62. ESH. The daughter sucks, she did something that could have killed you. She needs punishment and therapy.

  63. Um, she tried to kill you. I wouldn't want her to be near me either. Also FYI, with that allergy, you will also want to avoid bananas, avocado and latex. Those are closely related allergens.

  64. Uh....I dunno. She was absolutely in the wrong for what she did. She could have really hurt you and the baby. Definitely needs a hefty punishment. As far as the kid goes....you said when you met they'd been separated for years....where they living apart? Were they still intimate, sowing a united parental unit in front of the kids? She was 11, at the time, all she saw was you taking her daddy away, especially since he didn't ask for a divorce until yall had been seeing eachother long enough to get engaged. In her mind, there was still hope that mama and daddy would get back together and to her, you did cause the divorce (which is why you never get involved with a married man, even if separated). Have yall sat down and tried to talk to 15 yr old about her feelings and how to cope?

  65. You can’t just expect him to get another arrangement for his daughter that is still a minor. Although what she did was wrong, what’s important is how your fiancé plans on disciplining her so that it never happens again. But to be frank, you knew what you were signing up for in a way by being with a man who already has children. It comes with its own set of complications.

  66. That is a life threatening allergy that could have killed you and your baby. This would be enough to call off the relationship since he wasn't as concerned as he should have been AND she did it intentionally.

  67. NTA However, I don’t think F15 was trying to kill you. Sometimes at 15 they look like adults, but they are Not. Their brains are not done developing. The brain is still developing into the 20’s. The part they are missing is foreseeing the consequences of their actions. I see parents as What were you thinking? Well the answer is they were not thinking.

  68. ESH, who starts a relationship with someone who isnt divorced or who hasnt started a divorce. He sucks for not punishing his daughter properly, she sucks for pulling this stunt.

  69. I think what needs to happen is the fiance needs to discipline his daughter for what could have happened. You need to also talk to her about this and how serious the consequences could have been. Getting rid of a child is not the answer, what if your next partner said that to you about your baby that's on the way? Sorry, get rid of your baby, it's too inconvenient. Kids do stupid things and they need to learn from them. Not be kicked out. Kids are a forever commitment, no matter how hard it gets.

  70. NTA file charges. Use the police record to limit the father to supervised visitation at least until the little attempted-murderer is out of the house. The man is garbage and you don’t deserve to be stuck with that for the rest of your life.

  71. ESH. The 15 year old AH tried to kill both you and your unborn baby. The 15 year old is not sorry and has had to face zero repercussions from her dad. Your AH fiancé doesn’t seem concerned about anything except what an AH he thinks you are for not wanting to live with him.

  72. you really should have figured out how to deal with this before you got pregnant. now you are having to force these relationships, and I see no winner in this situation.

  73. NtA, but your fiancé just showed you that his daughter committing attempted murder and getting caught is "lesson enough".

  74. ESH the 15yo for trying to give you an allergic reaction, your bf for ignoring the issues you have with his daughter, and you for wanting to remove your bf's daughters from your shared lives. I would suggest both personal and family therapy to try and work out your issues.

  75. ESH: your fiance's daughter for intentionally making you sick, your fiance for committing to a relationship with someone without working out a major conflict with his child who is still a minor and to whom he has ongoing obligations as a parent, and to a lesser extent you for getting involved with a man who has kids you are in conflict with... because even if that conflict is not actually your fault and just their perception, it's still a conflict that needs to be resolved but instead of pumping the brakes you got pregnant so now what? You're going to make your fiance chose between having his daughter in his life or your baby? Sorry this is harsh, but this situation is a mess you all created and it's not going to go away without everyone acknowledging that. Good luck.

  76. ESH. The 15-tear-old has to bounce between her mother’s home, her father’s home, and your home. Although her parents were separated, the divorce started directly because of your arrival. She’s a stressed-out kid who attacked you. Her father put her in the overall situation but is not dealing with her actions. You started a relationship with a married man with kids. Separated is not single.

  77. You mentioned that she said she was really sorry and she believed that you maybe exaggerating because you seem to be generally picky (from her words).

  78. Ahhhhh hahaha this comment section is hilarious. YTA for trying to separate a man and his daughter. All these parrots saying ‘NTA’ bc sHe cOuLd hAvE KiLLeD yOu are forgetting that this is a child ??? What she did is heinous and definitely deserves more punishment than her father is doling out but that’s a conversation between you and HIM , you refusing to live with her as a result is a gross ultimatum. And you phrased it ‘in f15 eyes I’m the reason’ well …. You said yourself you are the reason for the divorce because he wanted to propose to you … so you can’t act all stupid when she doesn’t like you. In the grand scheme of things , it has NOT been that long , and you sound way too comfortable trying to insert yourself into the relationship of this man and his children. Being pregnant yourself doesn’t make you any more important than them.

  79. Wait, his daughter intentionally gave you an allergic reaction which required a epi-pen injection and trip to the hospital and he thinks “she’s learned her lesson” WTF? F15 isn’t the only problem you have. I’d call off moving in together until she either gets right or she’s moves away. I was so ready to call YTA, but she risked your life, the baby and traumatized her little brother. NTA.

  80. Domestic relationships are always tough, I don’t think she minds killing the person she sees as a homewrecker. Might want to steer clear of the daughter.

  81. That girl would 100% try to kill your baby if she had the opportunity, DONT GIVE HER THE OPPORTUNITY, don't go live with your baby's daddy!! Think first on your health and your unborn baby!! NTA

  82. NTA, I’ll admit from the title I was ready to give a different verdict but when I got to what could be considered attempted murder…

  83. OP, you don't like your finance's daughter (you called her the idiot). She doesn't like you. Call off the moving in and engagement. Let them live their lives and you co-parent with your baby's dad. This isn't going to end well for anyone. BTW, YTA for how you talk about his daughter. She's no better for sending you to the hospital.

  84. Idk if there is an asshole here. Mostly because I find it hard to call a 15 year old an asshole, even though what she did was super asshole-ish. I don’t see how you think a relationship is going to work between you and this man if you hate his daughter…he should and probably will choose having a relationship with his daughter over having one with you. If the kid is willing to sincerely apologize and you can actually forgive her and work on the relationship that would be the best. If you know that can’t happen you should call off the wedding and start working on your custody arrangement. NAH

  85. EsH. She was very clearly in the wrong smearing kiwi everywhere. However, I am seriously racking my brain on how you can even think her not moving in is even in the cards. You decided to marry this person, you also take on the role as a parent to these kids. If you are unable or are unwilling, you should have NEVER gotten into this relationship or at least should have ended it when things weren't working out. You CANNOT separate a parent from their kid. Yeah she did wrong, but you are 100x more the asshole here

  86. Given that she could have killed you, doesn't like you and that your fiance "thinks" she learned her lesson, I feel your best option is not to live with her. NTA

  87. NTA - That's pretty sadistic on the 15 y/o's behalf. Even if I thought you were being extra, that wouldn't have been my first way of testing, because had you actually been allergic, you could die.

  88. NYA, but I would reconsider this engagement. He is severely underreactiong to his 15yo child purposely doing something to hurt you and his future child. You both could have died. Its good that she came clean, but she needs some therapy and consequences. The fact that he didnt believe you until she came clean is really bad.

  89. NTA At the very least you should start therapy with your fiance and his daughter. You need to talk through a lot of things, and she needs to sort through her issues with her parents' divorce before something worse happens due to it. Even if you leave him over this, she might go on to do something similar with the next woman he dates. If you want a solid future for this relationship, the difficulties with f15 need to be addressed seriously.

  90. This is very dangerous. Purposely trying to poison someone with something they are allergic to, she could be charged with attempted murder

  91. NTA, but because we're dealing with a vindictive idiot teenager here, I'd suggest that you continue to live separately for now, and keep moving in together as an option in the near-ish future IF 15f attends therapy, and/or you all have family therapy together.

  92. NTA: His daughter tried to kill you and his reasoning is your an AH for not wanting to move in with her at the house don’t blame you at all.

  93. NTA. Absolutely do not move in with him and his children. The 15F clearly needs help in dealing with her parents divorce. I sure hope you and your baby are okay. That had to be scary asf.

  94. This is hard. You’ve kind of glossed over it- but you did start dating before he was actually divorced, and you admit you are the reason he actually got divorced (which leads me to believe his wife and children probably thought there was a chance of reconciliation for their family) His daughter is a child and views YOU as the reason she now comes from a broken home- and now you’re pregnant and her dad is living with you. While this doesn’t excuse what she did- you have been a villain in her life for at least four years and you’ve probably also gotten some residual blame for her parents marital issues before then as you are the reason her dad ultimately left her mom. She acted like an angry child getting back at you- because that’s what she is. I don’t think “asshole” is the right word here- but I don’t think you or her dad have taken enough time to help the kids adjust to this situation that you two caused and they are just trying to adjust to. She should obviously be punished as this was a very dangerous thing she did- but she is also a child and likely didn’t realize how bad it would be. You cannot expect to have nothing to do with her- because you chose to be in a relationship with a married man who had two children; and those children are always going to be a part of the package.

  95. My son is allergic to peaches in the same way OP is allergic to kiwi. It’s insane the extra work you have to put into bringing home any produce. But it’s worth it to keep him safe. A year and a half ago we moved in with my boyfriend and his mother that lived with him. His mother hates me with a passion. No idea why but just hates me. She kept bringing peaches in the house and telling me it’s not a big deal. It got to the point where we would have to go shopping with her to make sure no peaches came home with her. (She doesn’t drive so that made it a little easier). She would still have stuff delivered from Walmart with peaches. My boyfriend finally told her she stops so she moves out. She did it again and he kicked her out. We’ve gone NC with her and it’s amazing. But she’s a 70 year old women not a 15 year old kid. Both are old enough to know better but it’s easier to go no contact with a 70 year old. I agree that you shouldn’t move in with him. His daughter needs therapy and the likely hood of your child being allergic to kiwi too is high because of your allergy. Have all visits at your house and make sure she washes her hands as soon as she comes in. Limit where she is allowed without an adult with her. If she wants to act like a child, treat her as such because she could kill your or your baby. Your boyfriend needs to step up and protect you and the baby. NTA

  96. BTA. You’re and asshole and She’s an asshole, but she’s also a 15 year old girl. You’re an Adult and need to accept that 15 year olds can be dicks to their own parents, let alone to a step mom. Either way, you need to step up or bounce. Be a good stepmom and she may learn to appreciate you and become an important person in your life. Either way, it’s on you to try to make the relationship or not, cause chances are, your the one who is going to have to put in the work.

  97. NTA but I think you need to consider what you’re doing. she’s 15 and 15 year olds do stupid shit. she should have consequences for this. but if this is a deal breaker for you, then maybe you need to reconsider your whole relationship with him because his daughter isn’t going anywhere. she will be in his life and if you want to be with him that means she’ll also be in your life.

  98. Sounds pretty typical to me. You are an interloper ruining her life. Not surprised she put you to the test. Yes, you are horribly allergic to both kiwi and future step-daughter. I think you could have handled everything in a better way.

  99. You have an opportunity to build bridges w f15 because she feels responsible for kiwi attack. That was a boneheaded thing for her to do, but it sounds exactly like normal 15yo behavior. Fiancé and kids come as a package.

  100. nta, op should run cause that kid just put oo in the emergency room that was malicious. her dad is downplaying the seriousness of her actions. anyone else would press scharges for assault and sue for the medical bills and the cost of a new epi pen. that's not a healthy relationship and her fiance will put his daughter 1st.

  101. Honestly, I think ESH. OP for “ruining a marriage” (obv this is extreme, but you did go after a man who was legally still married, regardless of separation you are an AH for this), daughter for trying to kill OP, and OP’s fiancé for not doing crap about it. Ya’ll suck, and maybe bringing another child into this mess wasn’t too wise considering you already have relationship problems and a poor relationship with your (soon to be) existing child. Don’t make this a “her or me” scenario, OP. This child needs therapy, and you’re not 100% innocent here, so maybe you and her father should go with her to some sort of family counseling.

  102. NTA - I really thought I was gonna call you a butthead. I read some of your replies and the post. She endangered your life and your babies life. Doesn’t matter if she “didn’t believe you”, you don’t risk death to someone.

  103. Conflicted on this one. You totally have the right to be upset/angry and not want to live with her. But, she’s a minor and he’s her dad. It’s kind of a package deal. I think the only solution is to live apart until either she is 18 or a better relationship is forged; that or break up. I think YTA if you essentially kicked her out from living with her dad. Warranted reasons or not, she’s his kid.

  104. Definitely NTA. She’s 15 so I have a hard time labelling it as attempted murder, but that could have been the result of her actions and your fiancé is downplaying this. Yes you are right to press pause on any major moves and set boundaries as your fiancé obviously can’t accept the seriousness of the situation. OP I hope you can work through this, but yikes…he needs a serious rethink of his priorities and parenting.

  105. I have to add that at 15 years old I would have been completely aware of what I was doing and what the consequences could be. This kid is psychotic. I am so sorry this is happening to you.

  106. NTA and, I mean, come on! She could have killed you and your baby and an apology is enough for him to get over it?

  107. I think you should look into pressing charges, and maybe a temporary restraining order for at least while your pregnant… your significant other and his child need to know how serious this is, and he needs to stop blowing it off…. What happens if the child hs the same alergy and sos decides to test it?

  108. NTA. Whether it was serious or not, she’d already been informed of your allergy and purposely triggered it. People have died from allergic reactions. What if you didn’t have your epi pen? What if you didn’t make it to the hospital in time? She would’ve killed you and the baby and then what? It’s perfectly reasonable to not want to be in the same space as her and not feel safe. She can say she’s sorry but no one knows her true intentions. She could try again and try to make it so you ingest it this time. Better safe than sorry.

  109. NTA for not wanting her around but you can’t ban his child from a shared home between the two of you. You need to put your foot down about getting this child into therapy and putting off moving in until you’re assured she won’t put your health at risk again. 15 is plenty old enough to understand allergies can be life threatening and the fact she wanted to test how life threatening your allergy was shows a severe lack of empathy. You have every right to be concerned for your safety around this child and keep your distance but you don’t have the right to force your fiancé to keep his distance.

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