AITA for not letting my brother's girlfriend into the house to see him?

  1. That was my thoughts are that ESH except the brother and likely the girlfriend. Unless she drove drunk, or purposely hit another car, or some other equally awful think happened, then there’s no excuse for this! You poor brother is being treated like a grounded child while he’s injured! His life is turned upside down and his family is acting like he’s 12-years-old! Shame on all of you!! if/When he improves, depending on his injuries, or is able to live more independently he may just cut away from all of you. Is that what you want???

  2. This is ABUSE. ABUSE of a vulnerable person. I hope that the GF sees this and reports it to the police. This is a nightmare scenario. Your brother is being ABUSED and you are supporting it!

  3. YTA. Your brother is 25 years old!! Your mother has no right to stop him from contacting his girlfriend. YOUR MOTHER IS HOLDING YOUR BROTHER HOSTAGE, AND YOU'RE HELPING HER.

  4. And do you really want to take from your brother his relationship through what he's going through??? Like her being there could make his life so much happier and you're just okay with denying him that???

  5. I totally agree (my fist thought) except: This is assuming the brother is capable of expressing his wants. Everyone knows the likelihood she will stick around if he is paraplegic or unable to communicate is low. However, if mom is censoring the calls to someone who could receive/ understand them then I would not blame the GF if she busted in the door and stomped down the hall to talk to him and confirmed the BF wanted a lawyer to give him his freedom back.

  6. YTA. SO MUCH. You both are. He’s 25 years old. You are isolating him from his life. Your mother cannot ‘FORBID’ him to see anyone. You are both literally abusing a dependent adult, and that is a crime in all fifty states, I believe. Shame shame SHAME on you.

  7. I hope Mom enjoys the time she has with her son while he is recovering because after her Misery act, if he ever gets away he'll go no contact.

  8. This story honestly reminds me of Blanche Monnier, that French lady whose mother and brother locked her up in a room after she wanted to marry someone they didn’t approve of.

  9. Seriously. I'd be the one taking care of my bf because he's a grown ass adult and can make his own decisions about whether or not an accident is my fault and if he should still have a relationship with me. It doesn't sound like the brother is unable to express his wishes if he has said he wants to see his girlfriend. Mom is seriously overstepping. The brother is an adult.

  10. I agree with you, but OP is demonstrating all the signs of someone who is a victim of abuse. He's afraid to cross his mom because of what she'll do to him if he tries to stand up to her. Methinks this abuse has been going on their entire lives, it didn't just start with the accident.

  11. Yes seriously what the actual fuck?? Like he’s a grown ass adult, he can make decisions for himself and right now people are ignoring what HE wants when he’s not even in the position to defend himself…

  12. I'll also add that they're abusing the girlfriend as well. I cannot even fathom what she is going through. This is a terrible situation made horrifying by his mom and worse by OP.

  13. You guys fucking suck your brother is 25 and now disabled and trapped with you guys and you won't let him see her? If he loves her enough to forgive her and miss her that's what counts. Not what you guys want

  14. Does she even need forgiveness? All we know is that she was driving. That means absolutely nothing as far as fault. For all we know she's taking the blame for a freak landslide or any number of other possibilities

  15. Your brother is being held prisoner by your mom. She has taken away his ability to contact the outside world. I'd call the police. This is criminal.

  16. Exactly. This is a grown man. OP’s family is abusing him by not letting him contact people from the outside world.

  17. YTA. You are actually a huge asshole. If your brother wants to see hi girlfriend your mother’s opinion should mean nothing. You are now helping your mother hold your brother hostage. Congratulations, when you brother gets out of there he won’t forget that you’d rather keep him from seeing his girlfriend, who he worries about and misses, instead of standing up to your mother. For his sake, I hope he finds a way to get out soon

  18. You didn't mention...but did he suffer any sort of brain injury or is he unconscious? You also didn't mention whether your brother wants to see her...why not? I understand that it's your mother's home...but it also sounds like a modern day version of the movie 'Misery' where your Mom has become overly controlling.

  19. YTA - and your mom is even a bigger asshole. Your brother is a 25-year-old man. He gets to decide who he sees and who he doesn't. Blaming the driver, in what has been ruled an accident, will not magically make your brother better. It may make him more depressed. Supporting your mother's actions does not make you the dutiful son, it makes you almost as big of an asshole as she is.

  20. It almost sounds like all 3 were in that accident....brother and his girlfriend were hurt, but OP has clearly lost his balls when dealing with his Mommy.

  21. YTA and so is your mom. Your family is basically holding him hostage and refusing to let him have the visitors he wants. If he recovers enough to move out, don't expect to ever see or hear from him again.

  22. YTA - this is classic caregiver abuse. You better hope and pray she doesn’t go to the police about you. If your brother wants to see her you and your mom have not right to block it.

  23. From the edit, which says his brother wants to see his girlfriend, I’d say YTA. OP you should be backing up your brother here and for goodness sake lend him your phone so he can talk the poor girl. Your mother's acting irrationally and your brother, an adult, should be sticking up for himself. If he can’t due to injuries, you should. That’s what good brothers do.

  24. YTA AND THIS CAREGIVER ABUSE. You guys are isolating and controlling him because he is dependent on you. Your mom is the worst but you are enabling her.

  25. INFO: is your brother now disabled to the point where he can’t / won’t be able to care for himself? Or is he disabled due to a recovery period?

  26. YTA, nobody should be policing who a 25 year old adult has for a visitor. Your mom sounds a bit abusive. Has anyone bothered to ask your brother whether or not he wants to see her?

  27. INFO: Is your brother unable to make decisions for himself anymore or did the disability affect that ability as well?

  28. OP is definitely an AH, mom is an AH. But I also find it concerning that a 21 year old can’t see how wrong this is.

  29. If your mother is keeping her 25 year old son from contacting his friends, that is called imprisonment, and it is illegal. You should call adult protective services on behalf of your brother.

  30. Your 25 year old, ADULT brother wants to see her. So yes, YTA. I understand her mama bear reaction, but if it was truly an accident and not drunk driving or texting while driving or something, it could have just as easily been HIM behind the wheel. You need to help your mom get past her anger and do what's best for your brother. Letting him make his own decisions about who he sees would be a start.

  31. YTA here OP, but not nearly as much as your mom. The only person whose wishes matter regarding her visiting is your brother's, and no one else's. Your mom is in the wrong here, and you are as well for backing her, rather than your disabled brother.

  32. ESH meaning you and your mother for holding your brother hostage and preventing him -against his will- from seeing his own girlfriend. Just because he's disabled now doesn't mean your mother gets to control every aspect of his life. He's still an adult.

  33. YTA, but not as much as your mom. You and your brother are both fully grown adults and if he wants to see the GF and doesn't blame her, he should be able to.

  34. YTA. Your brother wants to see his girlfriend. He's being held hostage by your mother and you are standing by and allowing your brother to be treated like this. Your mother's taking advantage.

  35. YTA, seriously?? your brother is 25 years old, an ADULT. your mom has no say in whether or not your brothers gf can see him. your whole post was about what your mom wants and you only mentioned what your brother wants at the end when it’s literally about him.

  36. Put yourself in his position, you have an accident, your mom blames your girlfriend even though it was ruled an accident and you want to see your girlfriend and your mom forbids you from it.

  37. What a horrible situation! You brother, an adult, is being prevented from seeing his girlfriend? Your mother is beyond cruel. I think you are low-key an AH but since it is her house, I suppose you have to follow her rules.

  38. Maybe you should ask your brother what he wants instead of letting your mom control the entire situation. Based on this situation your mom sounds controlling

  39. Your mother is an abuser and YOU ARE ENABLING HER. You are just as guilty. I hope your brother's friends find a way to get him away from you people and never look back.

  40. YTA. This isn’t about what your mother wants it’s about what your brother wants. He absolutely has the right to talk to his girlfriend or to see his girlfriend. This is abuse.

  41. YTA. You and your mother are abusing your disabled brother. He is an adult. He gets to pick who he communicates with. I hope the court intervenes to stop you from continuing to disrespect his agency.

  42. This is literally abuse, you need to stand up to your mother! And if you can’t get her to stop this nonsense then you need to involve whatever government agency can force her to treat him better. If you won’t, then I hope GF involves the police.

  43. YTA + your mom. Not once did you stop to say I asked my brother what HE wants. It’s his life that got shaken up and now he’s subject to your mothers comeplte mid placement of grief. You are being a coward and not doing what’s right. Maybe your brother wants to see her it’s not fair that he’s subject to your mothers desires and clearly it was not the girlfriends fault. If your brother was driving the shoe would be on the opposite foot and it would be a shame if someone treated him the way your mom treats the girlfriend. I think you’re an asshole for not advocating for your freaking brother of all people. Also, I feel like your mom is baorderline abusing him with his disability and you’re allowing it to happen so I have no qualms for calling you and your mom AHs

  44. No, He did. He stated that the brother wants to see the girlfriend, which makes this situation worse because they KNOW what he wants, but are 100% ignoring it because....

  45. Soft YTA. Your mother is the real AH here. Your brother is an adult and should be able to decide if he wants to see his gf. I understand you were just trying to uphold your mother's rules and avoid trouble for yourself but at 21 you are also old enough to think critically about wrong and right and to take a stand against your mother's controlling behavior. Help your brother see his gf.

  46. YTA but especially your mom for treating your physically but not mentally disabled brother like a child. This is abuse, plain and simple. A grown 25-yo man can see whomever the fuck he wants.

  47. YTA and so is your mother, you're exerting your control over him because he's disabled, he's and adult and if he as an adult wants to see his girlfriend he should be allowed too and frankly she sounds better for him than you or your mum do, did he have any choice when it came to having you two put in charge of his care or did your mum just assume

  48. YTA. Y'all are horrible. I hope your brother recovers enough so that he can get away from you guys and never see you again.

  49. Wow, I am so so sorry your brother had to go through this, and now he gas to live with people that don’t even respect him as the adult he is. I hope he gets better soon and can go on his own so you people don’t keep him away from his own life and choices.

  50. Yta sounds like you mother is abusing her power, he's disabled s now she treats him like a child ignores his wishes. Sound alike she heading fast down the track to abuse and you are helping her.

  51. Your brother is 25 and wants to see her. Your mother is TA and a big huge one at that. Obviously she has control issues and you should have let her see your adult brother.

  52. YTA. Your mom should have no say in this. I understand she’s upset her son was in an accident but she is making it worse. Especially if your brother WANTS to see her. You’re an adult man, be one and help your brother or stand up to your mom.

  53. Yta. What your mother is doing is abuse, and you are enabling her. Your family needs to have a come to Jesus chat with adult protective services. People who are physically disabled still have legal and moral rights that do not allow w for being kept a prisoner in their parents home.

  54. If he’s home bound and does not have access to the phone, OP and his mom are committing the crime of involuntary confinement

  55. I think ESH (except GF and brother). Your brother is an adult who wants to see his girlfriend. Your mom is almost holding him hostage at this point, accidents happen and there’s no evidence that his gf purposefully tried to hurt him. If your brother had been in a car accident and your mom was driving, would she ban herself from seeing him? Probably not.

  56. OP, does your brother want to be there or does he want to be at his gf's place/their place, and is your mom preventing that? Because in the second case, you might be part of a crime that is being committed right here.

  57. YTA hopefully she calls APS isolating a disabled person is abuse. Just because your brother is disabled doesn’t mean your mother gets to control him.

  58. You and your mom are both YTA, your brother wants to see his gf, if hes trapped in the house and isnt allowed to have friends over that's emotional abuse. Now is when your brother really needs his friends in his life. He isnt a criminal in prison, you both need to stop treating him like one. If this is the way your mom treats her disabled son he needs to get out and into a care home where he will be allowed to see his friends and wont be treated like a prisoner. Your poor brother, he needs a lawyer to help him get out of this abusive home.

  59. YTA, and your mom is worse. These are not your decisions to make, it’s not your life. Your mom needs some serious help, that is some incredibly controlling behavior, and you are assisting her. You are a grown person, so is your brother. I hope for both of your sake, that one day you don’t have to live your life under someone like that

  60. I understand your mother needs someone to blame but she is TA for controlling your adult brother and you. YNTA for following her rules and getting in the middle, but your mother needs to stop blaming the girlfriend. It may even help your brother's recovery to see her. The added stress your mother is putting on him is no help.

  61. I have a feeling his body might currently be stopping him tbh. I don't really see why he would remain there otherwise tbh.

  62. You say you don't want to get involved, but by not letting her in, you did get involved. You took your mom's side despite knowing it was not what your adult brother wished.

  63. YTA So you're conspiring in the abusive treatment your mother is giving to your brother, while he is in no position to oppose her. He is, in effect, a prisoner in her house and she has decided to trap him in an infantilising situation where he has no agency. She is able to do that partly because you are sitting on the sidelines watching this happen and participating in no way to help him escape this kidnapping. You are so much the asshole I'm glad you're not my sibling.

  64. I don't want to call you an A H because if you are living with your mom you made a valid point you don't want to deal with her wrath that being said if your mom wrote this should would be the AH.

  65. YTA. Your brother is an adult and your moms “rule” is cruel and unfair. Don’t uphold cruel and unfair rules, like, ever. In life.

  66. YTA, with conditions. I'll grant your mom's house, her rules - but she's being an immensely childish AH herself. I'd let you off the hook for just following orders, but you say your brother wants to see his girlfriend.

  67. YTA. Clearly you don't have any morals or a backbone. Your poor brother, trapped in a house with a batshit mother and a brother who just doesn't fucking care.

  68. YTA and your mom is even worse. He’s not a child and you admitted your mom is acting “off her rocker” but aren’t doing anything to protect your brother.

  69. INFO: Did your brother want to see her? If he did, YTA. Your mum is abusing your brother by restricting contact like this. It’s cruel.

  70. YTA and so is your mother. It was an accident for fucks sake. Your mom is treating your adult brother like a child, which is honestly disgusting. He has a right to see his girlfriend. Your mom has no right in banning her from contacting him or vice versa. This is absolutely insane to me.

  71. The second I heard “My brother wants to see her but mom forbade him from that.” You and your mom became an instant YTA. He’s 25 and a grown adult. He can decide who he wants to see. Stop treating hia as if he was grounded for sneaking out to a party. I can kinda see why you’d want to respect your moms wishes as to not get in the middle of things, but the fact you’re actively barring gf from the house puts you on your moms overbearing and controlling side too. You aren’t being a neutral party. Do the right thing and allow them to talk to one another LIKE GROWN ADULTS.

  72. I don’t believe your the asshole OP. I have no idea what kind of financial situation you are in and seems like your mother is being mentally (potentially physically) abuse. Your mother is the problem and a complete asshole. Seems like your in a lose-lose situation no matter what you do. If you have means to get you and your brother out of the situation please do so but I won’t call you an asshole because your a victim of your mother too.

  73. YTA and so is your mom. He’s an adult and she doesn’t get a say so. He can find outside support and leave the house your mother is apparently holding him hostage in. She sounds unhinged and I hope he gets out fast.

  74. You and your mom are both AHs. This is so messed up. He wants to see her and your mom is refusing. He's an adult. Does he have access to a phone? Can he call for help? He is disabled and it sounds like he is being held against his will from your story. Your mom doesn't sound like she is all there. YTA for not putting a stop to your mom's insane behavior.

  75. INFO: Does your brother have mental disabilities now? Is he capable of making his own decisions? If so, you and your mom have nothing to say about who we interacts with. If his disabilities are purely physical, let him decide.

  76. YTA. Be your brothers advocate not help and enable his jailer. Jesus. I hope he eventually gets away from both of you abusers. He needs familiarity and you think cutting him off from his pre accident life is ok because mommy says so.?The words I have for you will get me banned from this sub. Do better.

  77. This is a tricky situation. Your brother is an adult and disabled but in what capacity? Is he capable of making adult decisions? If so then he needs to stand up to his mother and tell her it was an accident and his girlfriend is not at fault and stop blaming her and let her in the house to see him. If this continues to be a problem then maybe it should come down to someone else being his caretaker and not his mom

  78. YTA and your mother is advising your brother. He’s being kept prisoner. And his GF is being driven into depression. Surely you see how ridiculous your mother is being?

  79. YTA. And your mother. Hopefully someone will get ahold of APS for your brother. He's a grown adult and has rights. Clearly living with his overbearing mother isn't the right situation for him. What else is she going to get mad about and decide what's best for him?

  80. YTA your ADULT brother wants to see her, how would you feel if the situation was reversed? If I was your brother I would be leaving as soon as I was able to and I wouldn’t see either of you again. How dare your mum keep him away from his girlfriend when he clearly needs the support right now and isn’t getting it from your mother keeping him locked up.

  81. INFO: Is he mentally disabled too now or „just“ physically? Also: What does your brother want? If you went against HIS wishes YTA, if you didn’t, you‘re not.

  82. How disabled is your brother? Is he bed bound? Can he be independent in the future? In all honesty it sounds like your mother is keeping him prisoner. He is 25 years old and has rights. Your mother is being abusive by isolating him.

  83. Your brother is a grown man and should be able to see who he wants, even if he's dependent on you all at the moment.

  84. YTA. Your brother is a prisoner in this house. I hope someone can get him out of there ASAP. There have to be solutions that don't include your mother, who needs some mental health counseling.

  85. Very tough but i have to say slightly YTA. Your mom is way more of the asshole, but you are also being one by not helping out your brother, who does want to see his GF. I wouldn't blame you or berate you for doing what you did but you are helping in keeping your brother a prisoner somewhat.

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