My girlfriend (18F) yells at me (22M) all day. What should I do?

  1. You’re gonna have to just be honest with her. From my pov she obviously wants to spend more meaningful time with you and she doesn’t feel valued in the relationship

  2. I like her, but I just can't stand her yelling at me when I'm playing on computer or watching cycling or football. I will try to speak with her about this, saying that I enjoy doing stuff together, but that she also has to give me space for other things I like...

  3. I don't really know man. She rings the bell and I just open it. I really should have that conversation with her, even though my problem isn't that she comes over. It's more like she comes over and starts complaining and yelling pretty fast. Also, she won't be happy if I tell her not to come.

  4. It sounds like you have her over and barely acknowledge her. Try actually talking to her and not watching tv or gaming for once while she’s over. Or maybe ask her what she wants to watch. Basically just, actually interact with her. Because that’s what she’s saying she’s upset about. And there’s only two ways she’ll stop talking about it. 1. if the problem she’s communicating is fixed, or 2. If she gives up on trying to communicate her feelings, which means she has given up on you and your relationship. These are the options

  5. I understand this, but the thing is that she is coming literally every day and there was a cycling competition going on the past 3 weeks. So like, what could she expect me to do? If I ask her what she wants to watch, she will force me to watch Love Island or Married at first sight. Other thing is that she could try to communicate more peacefully, I never scream, but she keeps yelling at me and I hate it.

  6. Sounds like you both only care about yourselves here. She shouldn’t yell but probably doesn’t know how to vent frustration. And you… well…. Wouldn’t be able to even stand someone like you for a second. My husband simply doesn’t even watch or do what I don’t like when I’m around. Even gaming, we do it together OR I give him alone hours while I do something else. But if I want to be with him and we watch TV, we will agree on something and he will BE there. He pays attention. You’re mad because “it was the one important race” omg I would absolutely send the door shut and never bloody come back. I have been with my man for 13 years so don’t think I’m just an ass. It just makes me so mad because this is such a terrible clueless thing to do. First step, talk to her

  7. I can't really disagree with what you said here, but I also have my hobbies and it was actually an important race. I can see why she doesn't like when I'm watching it, since it's a Sport that actually is not that easy to understand, so she probably just feels like she's there doing nothing for hours, but I never complain about the stuff she likes. We have to talk and try to solve our differences somehow.

  8. She may need to work on communicative skills, but it is very apparent that she is simply trying to communicate a basic need and is fed up and exhausted with you not hearing that and only seeing her as complaining. If you really don't want to break up, consider couples therapy to learn how to communicate both of your needs (her need for quality time and yours for personal time.)

  9. I'm a bit disappointed that the comment about the age gap here isn't higher up. I think that is a very important distinction that has to be made. Just to recap... this 4 year age gap is huge. She's just out of high school and you're just out of college/been working for a few years now. Totally different stages of life and goals/expectations. And potentially maturity levels.

  10. I graduated recently. Not working yet, but planning to start soon. Meanwhile, I applied for a master's degree also. She will be starting college this month.

  11. When’s the last time you genuinely spent time with her? Without her nagging or begging you to ? Take her out somewhere this week, and if you’re on a budget tell her that you want her to come over while you cook dinner and watch a movie

  12. Last monday we went to an exhibition at a nearby museum, since it was rest day from Cycling competition. I'll try that, even though I'm not really a good cook, but I can ask my mom to help me.

  13. As orher comments have pointed out, yeah you need to be willing to compromise and spend time with her the way she'd like to sometimes.

  14. Ffs. She isn't coming to your place to just yell at you. She's coming to your place to spend QUALITY TIME with her bf. It's a love language. Watching cycling, playing CS:GO is NOT quality time for her, especially if those are not shared interests, which they aren't. People will yell when they feel as if they aren't HEARD and SEEN.

  15. Thanks for the advice. I'll talk with her tomorrow and try to address all the important issues. I'm also planning to invite her out so we have a dinner or something. I really want to be more committed and make her actually feel better, so she doesn't feel the need to yell at me trying to make me understand her feelings.

  16. Saw your comment about movies. Okay, and…? Do y’all go on dates? Do you get dressed up and go to dinner? Do you go for hikes? Do you hold her hand on the street and show her off? Go on trips? Other mini dates? This sounds like you guys are cohabitating, not in a relationship.

  17. came all prepared to tell you to break up, but it really sounds like she's right. Video games aren't a priority in life, people are.

  18. She is literally screaming for your attention. Maybe set days to spend time with her with no other distractions, and set days to game and watch tv and do whatever you like alone too.

  19. Kind of shocked at everyone here is looking for the fault in OP and completely ignoring the fact that his girlfriend is frequently screaming at him. I have no doubt that OP could handle the relationship better as well by spending more time with her and maybe putting the cycling tournament aside and recording it for later or something, but that in no way excuses the screaming, especially since according to OP she is not compromising at all.

  20. Glad I'm not the only one thinking this although I'm also not surprised when if you Google "my gf yells at me" it links to counseling where they try to blame it all on you vs when you Google "my bf yells at me" it lists sites to report abuse and the domestic abuse hotline which is a blatant double standard

  21. Sounds like she has no respect. Not for you or herself. Next time, tell her if she cant talk to you like a civil person, she needs to go. Your done with her tantrums. If she wants to discuss something, use her big girl voice

  22. She hasn't much patience for her, but also complains when I'm watching cycling saying like "you always watch that crap". But to be honest, my mom is working most times, so she doesn't have any strong opinion about her.

  23. If it's your place, you have both the right and the responsibility to set the tone for the environment you want. If someone is yelling, it's perfectly proper to say "please keep your voice down."

  24. I can see there's blame on both sides.. sounds like you don't spend as much time and attention on her when she's over as you should be. Try including her in your activities or if she doesn't enjoy your activities find something you can enjoy equally.. on the other side she's in the wrong too. She shouldn't act like that to you it's wrong. She should talk to you and express how she feels. Not be a bitch a bout it all. So yeah there's problems on both sides of this.. when you bring this up with her admit your wrong in this to her and then mention how you feel she should just talk to you about this rather than shout.. Oh yeah and don't call her a bitch like I worded it in this message lol that's not good

  25. You both sound like assholes. Her for yelling at you and you for playing videogames and watching TV instead of spending time with her when she visits you.

  26. Has she explained to you calmly or sat you down to talk about her problems? And are her problems justified? Do you spend quality time with your girlfriend or just spend your shared time focusing on videogames and TV?

  27. Well, seems you both were made for each other. You watch TV and play games for hours and give your gf no attention and she‘s handling it like a 5yo child who didn‘t get any candy.

  28. I don’t agree with the yelling because it will never solve anything, it sounds like she is trying to get your attention by lashing out. Next time she comes over why not trying asking her why she is always yelling because it sounds like she is frustrated. I think this would show that you’re ready to listen, and it’ll help calm her down. Maybe you guys should set up boundaries and times for when you actually spend time together. Because from the sounds of it she comes over whenever when you rather being doing things alone. Explain that you need your time and that you’ll make time for her. If she doesn’t accept that then you both need to figure out what you both want. Also imo 18 and 22 is a still a little different in maturity so she could be wanting different things in a relationship then you.

  29. It sounds like she wants more of you attention and it getting frustrated that your looking at a screen.

  30. At your age, why is this even a question? Dump her and move on. Young people should never settle for somebody who isn’t right- you’ve still got plenty of time to keep looking, but the longer you stay in bad relationships the less time you have.

  31. Jesus dump this girl. I’m a woman and I’m tired just reading the description. No way she’s that hot, dude.

  32. You are right. Making the question in that way really shows how poorly I've been dealing with this situation, even though in my defense the fact that she comes without telling me before doesn't really help.

  33. You're playing videos games is better than you being out somewhere getting into trouble. Instead you are somewhere she knows you're at and in a safe place. So her argument is moot. Gaming is a hobby, much like anything else. Her yelling and making comments about gaming not looking like an adult is toxic behavior. It's possible she is not confident in herself that she needs to point out the flaws in others to feel better about herself. If she doesn't like the things you do and is not accepting with who you are then she might just be one of the types that feels the need to be in any relationship to avoid working on herself. It's a mentality thing.

  34. Maybe she’s about to be on her period. stop watching the weirdos on bikes and get her flowers. Go on a date once a week if you really like her and want her to be in your life. She just wants quality time maybe instead of taking up the tv with something just for you, you could find something YOU BOTH enjoy watching on the television and get a game you can play together.

  35. It might be an awful approach but the quickest. Just ask her what she'd like you to do. Approach her, ask her "Hey, I'm trying to make more time with you, how would you like our schedule to look like?". She'll feel like you're "finally listening", and you'll also get a good look on what she actually wants, detail and all. Set boundaries though, makes sure the timetable can fit all your important activities, and try to add some of her suggestions from time to time.

  36. Idk maybe you should get off the couch for an hour and do something with her outside. Seems like you want the nagging to stop but aren’t willing to spend more time with her, also, why are you dating a fresh-out-of-highschooler anyways? You’re 22.

  37. I’ve never been in a relationship before but it really seems like you don’t spend enough time with your girlfriend and prioritize your interests over your love life, if you keep this going your relationship is gonna end soon and you’ll have nobody to blame but yourself, mostly because your the only one who’s able to change the path on how it’s going right now

  38. She's possibly depressed or anxious about something or some other significant cause of these emotions and she doesn't know how to deal with them. I'm guessing all of her complaints about your behavior are small annoyances that have been magnified due to whatever she's dealing with and that's how she's able to loose some steam.

  39. If she has a set of keys she’s using to get in, change your locks. If you open the door for her block the doorway and immediately ask “are you just here to yell at me or do you actually want to spend time with me?” and depending on if her response is negative, close and lock the door and do not answer it.

  40. Yeah, putting it in those terms, it def doesn't sound good from my part. However, yelling at me all the time isn't for sure the best way to express her issues. I can say I would understand it better and react better if she could talk about it without yelling/attacking me constantly.

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