1. How long have you been together? The first 6 months, AP and I went haaaard and I got addicted badly to that dopamine hit everytime I saw his message. I would stay up way past my usual bedtime to chat with him because he's a night owl. I'd procrastinate on work to chat during the day.

  2. Baby, cutie, chica...kid and kiddo with others in the past, but she's not partial to those. We like girlfriend / boyfriend to others.

  3. If your looking for an affair and then want to say someone snuck into your honey hole - I’m not so sure I can believe that.

  4. This is a good analogy. If you continue to have problems hiring the wrong people, then might there be something wrong with the way you are doing things? The common denominator is you. I help small business owners with their hiring process and many times, the reflection point is... within. Are you being upfront about what they should expect once they get the job? Like really upfront? Including the personalities and the grind they'll have to face?

  5. I have 3 married lovers who use their own cell phone and I have their number, not on some app on the phone. One guy’s wife has late stage Alzheimer’s disease so she wouldn’t know what is going on. But the other 2 have wives that I believe are intelligent.

  6. This is another reason I use an app vs regular text. I'm terrified of sending something to the wrong person/group. I know AP's number and he knows mine. I just insist on keeping my affair life separate from my real life.

  7. I mean this when I say this: I’m happily married. However, I attribute part of that to the fact that I’ve always had a flirty, married male friend+ on the side who strokes my ego a bit, staves off boredom, and meets some emotional needs. I theorize that the addition of a friend+ causes me to be a more confident wife, who still feels sexy, and who doesn’t require my husband to fulfill all my needs. It releases me from demanding perfection from my husband because I’m reckoned with the fact that I’m far from perfect. I’ve been married 15 years and have been unfaithful in my marriage with a handful of what I’ll call a One Hot Night, one-off make-outs or hookups with friends. I’ve had 2-3 long distance emotional affairs. I don’t carry much (if any) guilt about it. I have good and hot sex at home in a fulfilling marriage and my dalliances play a part in that.

  8. You may not have lost weight l, but you have toned your body and built myscle even if you dont see it in the mirror (I didn't!).

  9. I was very much all about the romance and buildup to sex, rather than sex itself. The chase was so much sweeter than the actual act. I tended to get bored once I got the guy so ONS and short term sex only arrangements worked fine for me.

  10. Well, the only thing that maybe comes to mind is that if the AP is doing all the initiating (text first, call first, etc) they may start to think you’re not really into it?

  11. This! When you're above average looking to the point men say they're intimidated to hit on you, you have to be a bit of a pursuer. Most men are starved for attention and compliments. Giving them a bit of both (when you're genuinely into him) goes a long way. Don't be disingenuous, but do make them feel wanted.

  12. I'll add another con: as a single person, being with a cake eater might get trying. You'll have a lot more time and he just won't. You'll want to go away and do things with him and 90% of the time, he won't be able to. Not to mention the lack of public association might get old for you.

  13. You posted about a month ago about finding out AP was straying onto AM, and something about preparing for the end of the relationship. I only bring this up for context in this current dilemma. Is this a new AP, or the same one? If new, it sounds like maybe it’s a good chance to “DTR” and/or discuss boundaries and expectations and the like. If it’s the same AP that has already proven he’ll stray on you, it seems unreasonable for him to turn around and tell YOU what you can / can’t do, especially when its (on paper at least) just a family vacation minus your SO.

  14. Or he is projecting and doesn't believe OP will be "faithful" because he wasn't. Sounds like possessiveness (of the jealous kind) to me.

  15. It sounds to me like you've made up your mind and want to apologize to her. You're seeking validation from the internet, which you're not getting. I do agree with another poster - the apology is more for you to feel better and get it off your chest (as most apologies are), not for her.

  16. 100% is not hahaha. I'm in the opposite situation. We both work professional jobs. she does however make around hmm 35% more than me. But that was last couple years.

  17. I don't understand how people can sit by and let someone do all the work. When SO cooks (which is 95% of the time), I almost always clean the kitchen after. It's basic courtesy. AP does the cooking and the cleaning (and clearly you do too) while his SO watches TV. I find it so rude.

  18. Whoo! Better you than me. Being told to cum is a MAJOR record scratch buzzkill

  19. It's in the voice/tone more than the command. It must be done right and very few can.

  20. Dichotomous living and feeling torn between worlds. I feel like I am never fully present, always spinning in my head. Checking my phone. I was unable to get past the sense of duality so I ended my affair and lost my best friend a few days ago.

  21. I feel this hard! I don't know how much longer I can continue living in these two worlds, but the thought of leaving either is unthinkable.

  22. I hear you on the equal caffeine footing. I feel that way about alcohol. Don't invite me for a drink if you don't drink.

  23. I don't feel guilty about fucking another man because the way I see it, I love my husband, but he isn't giving me the sex I want (though we still have sex). He knows this; we have talked about my kinks and he can't get onboard. I could tell him where I'm going and what I'm doing, but that would hurt him and I don't want to do that. So I go about my business 1-2x a week and the rest of the time, I try to be as good a wife and mother as possible.

  24. I only just discovered incognito mode on Google maps! Life changing!! I just keep it on incognito all the time now.

  25. This is interesting and sort of echoes a relationship long ago. Many many many years ago I was seeing a married woman. I was single at the time. It wasn’t a long relationship maybe 3-4 months. We had a very intense sexual connection. We did talk about her marriage and one of things she told me was what you said.

  26. Thank you. To be honest, I haven't talked to him about this yet because I feel it would be like a kick in the nuts. He really does fill my cup with so much and I feel this is so insignificant and shallow sounding even to me (clearly most think so!).

  27. I think this is one area of affairland where men have a strong advantage. I was really into the idea of a fellow woman AP (I’m a bi woman) and it was impossible for me to find when I was looking. Most of what I found were couples looking for unicorns, which I wasn’t interested in while I was married. A lot of men I talked to, however, seemed to constantly have other men offering hookups.

  28. I'll second this. I've been searching for a female AP (bi woman here too) for months now and I'm surprised how hard it's been. The best is couples who want a unicorn but "don't play separately" themselves. The hypocrisy drives me crazy.

  29. My past AP of multiple years, had a second child with his wife while we were together. They couldn’t conceive naturally for any of their children. They went through fertility treatments. It was amazing to “share” the experience with him while his family expanded. He loved his wife deeply and I always knew this. We also shared love. It was beautiful to see his happiness in expanding his family, hear of the milestones, the news of learning the sex of the baby, etc. When the baby was born, I was amongst the first to know. It truly depends on the affair and those involved.

  30. You'll get down voted for this because people here have a very narrow view of what is "acceptable" behavior. What they don't acknowledge is that there are a million reasons why people have affairs; it's not always because of an unhappy marriage. We can be in love with 2 people for wholly different reasons. And conceiving a child with one of those people doesn't make you love the other any less, or vice versa. Good for you for being there for exAP!

  31. Depending on what his routine/behavior was prior to your affair, he may not view it as a risk. If he was always texting or fiddling on his phone before, what he is doing now would seem completely normal and not raise any red flags. The behavior itself generally isn't the is the change that usually piques suspicions.

  32. This. I have family all over the world, so texting is not an eyebrow raiser for SO, even at odd hours.

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